Ye Olde Ugly Recaps

New recaps are on the new site

2008-09-26T23:12:00.001-04:00

And the new site is at http://uglyrecaps.blogspot.com.

No more Ugly Betty recaps

2008-09-22T00:04:00.000-04:00

I'm sufficiently peeved by ABC's censorship of an Emmy winner's comments that I'm discontinuing the Ugly Betty recaps. I don't see myself recapping or giving any support (insignificant though my support may be) to another ABC show as long as that network is owned by Disney.

I know I waffled about doing them anyway, but I still planned to go ahead and give the third season a chance. Now I feel as though this is the only kind of protest, however feeble, that I can make against ABC.

Mad Men Wins Best Drama Emmy!!!

2008-09-21T22:56:00.002-04:00

They also won a writing award for the first episode, "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes." Congratulations!

(I don't believe Ugly Betty or The Office won anything tonight, unfortunately.)

All new recaps on a new site, effective immediately

2008-09-21T00:06:00.002-04:00

Since I'm no longer doing Ugly Betty recaps, it seems silly to keep posting to this site.

It'd be easier just to move the whole site to a new URL, but that would screw up search engines and bookmarks.

I'll keep the existing recaps here, but all new stuff is going to a new site. I'll also be moving the Season 2 Mad Men recaps over there eventually so as not to break up the season.

Again, all recaps starting in the September 2008 season are at this new site.

No Mad Men this Sunday... too busy winning awards!

2008-09-19T20:37:00.000-04:00

Mad Men won four awards at the 2008 Creative Arts Emmy Awards last Saturday, for hairstyling, art direction, cinematography, and main titles.

They're up for a bunch more this Sunday night. If you'd rather watch a Mad Men rerun, they're showing "Three Sundays."

And there's a ton of behind-the-scenes videos for Mad Men at AMC's website.

Mad Men #21 (2.8), 9/14/08: Agitation

2008-09-15T01:10:00.002-04:00

Saturday morning.

Betty has an exhausting workout with her horse. Don is still lounging in bed when she gets home. She is feeling some stress about a party next week. An electrical outlet in the dining room needs to be replaced. He wants an electrician to do it; he joking suggests that Betty could do it (Betty is in no humor); finally he promises to do it.

Peggy arrives at Anita's with colored pencils for the boys and a Horatio Hornblower book for Gerry, who is in bed with a bad back again. (He had been hoping she'd find him a sequel to Moby Dick.) Anita says he cried at the chiropractor, so I guess he's hurtin' for real.

Father Gill drops in to see Gerry. He and Peggy make awkward small talk. He wants her to be more "involved" - he asks her to help with publicity for the CYO dance. The promotion for last year's event was a dud. The committee really wants kids to show up for this one.

Suddenly, it's Monday. Duck tells Harry that he now costs more than he makes. A Russian "agitator" scene in a TV movie led into a washing machine commercial spotlighting its special "agitator" - the client is mad and doesn't want to pay. Henry needs to read all the scripts to avoid this kinds of conflicts. The mad men aren't particularly supportive or sympathetic.

New client: Heineken. Duck warns Don that they want to compete in bars. Don thinks that a foreign beer will appeal to housewives and the home market. As a test, they should put it in some grocery stores in affluent areas and see what happens. Pete agrees. Duck's skeptical and warns that Heineken still needs to be convinced.

Duck says he's not sure he can make Don's party. Don says the party is more Roger's idea, because he wants them to meet with Crab Colson (the guy from the country club two weeks ago who was building a bomb shelter). Pete is curious, but they do not elaborate.

Meanwhile, back in the 'burbs, Betty gets annoyed with a wobbly formal dining room chair and smashes it up. The kids turn their attention from The Three Stooges to watch.

Harry asks Roger about expanding the TV department. There should be someone who reads the scripts full time. Roger turns him down. Harry thinks some accountant named Mitch is out to get him.

Fr. Gill calls Peggy. (Peggy answers her phone as Peggy's secretary, then waits and answers as herself.) There's a problem with the flyer for the dance. "A Night to Remember" is too sexy ("it sends the wrong message to the girls"). Peggy thinks she knows better, so he asks her to speak to "them" so they won't feel left out.

Roger has told Joan that Harry needs a "girl" to help with the work. This isn't what Harry had in mind, but Joan thinks it's interesting and takes the scripts home. Harry's officemate Warren is totally in love with her.

It's already the night of the party. Roger and Mona are there, and Crab Cowan and wife Petra are there. Sally is dancing for them.

Duck shows up, late and dateless, but with flowers. Don introduces the kids and sends them to bed. He asks for tomato juice instead of a cocktail. Roger gets a big kick out of introducing the Crab to the Duck. The Cowans and Sterlings commiserate about the high cost of boat ownership, and Crab tries to get Don to join the country club.

It's time to eat. Roger confides to Don that he likes Crab. Petra bounces drunkenly off the doorframe, so you know she'll fit right in with this gang too.

Betty introduces the dinner, which is a culinary trip around the world. The drink choices are burgundy from France, or beer from Holland. Duck thinks Don bought it. Don pleads innocent. Betty has no idea what they're talking about, and she's not amused by the explanation when everyone laughs at how brilliant Don was when he predicted that housewives would buy Heineken.

Petra begs to sit down. Mona asks for wine right away. Duck sips water.

Peggy explains "A Night to Remember" to the committee. It's about hand-holding that will someday lead to marriage. The ladies are very concerned about the drawing, too, because the kids are dancing too close together. (Honestly, I'm not sure why they even want this dance to take place.) Even though their last dance had very poor attendance, they aren't willing to consider new ideas. Peggy ends the meeting with "I'll see what I can do." She's annoyed with Fr. Gill for not making it clear that they should respect her expertise. (Imagine if Duck or Don went into a meeting with that attitude!)

Joan's Dr. Boyfriend comes home and complains that she didn't set the table yet. She asks him questions about comas based on what she's read in scripts for As the World Turns. He thinks she should be watching the shows with bonbons in her lap, not reading them. He sends her to the kitchen to fetch him some water.

Betty sends Carla home after the party. Carla congratulates her on a successful party. Betty snaps off the TV and confronts Don for embarrassing her about the beer. Yes, she's angry that he knows her so well. He knows everything about her. And then they all laughed, like they were all in on a joke about her. She was embarrassed. He says he didn't mean it. He assures her that no one will remember that, and that she's making too much of a big deal of this.

She tells him she knows about him and Bobbie. He is shocked.

"How could you? She's so old!"

She says Jimmy told her everything. He tries to find out how much she knows, but she won't tell him. He won't admit to anything, but he doesn't explicitly deny it either. Instead, he says things like "you think I would sleep with that woman?" She accuses him of lying. He goes to bed. Betty spends the night in Sally's bed. She's still wearing her party dress at the breakfast table the next morning.

Harry introduces Joan to two representatives from Maytag. They love Joan. Everything's been smoothed over.

Betty's still wearing the dress. She's drinking - it's very early in the day - and going through all of Don's things, looking for evidence. First the clothes in his closet, all of the pockets, then his desk, every note-on-a-napkin. There are old valentines from Sally, his "What do women want?" riddle for deodorant, but none of what Betty is looking for.

It's 11 AM and time for the Heineken meeting. Pete says people are drinking more at home. Heineken still isn't interested in this market. Don says their test in supermarkets did very well. He grimaces as Duck talks about the incident at the party. "It sounds like you do know your wife," the Heineken guy says. Duck describes her as the perfect wife. They could even use her menu in their ads in ladies' magazines. The Heineken guys are impressed by the potential, and agree to a regional campaign. ("Why would I lie?" Don asks ironically.)

Joan and Harry meet with some client to make recommendations based on the scripts Joan has read. She's excited about the upcoming coma storyline, which will be a blockbuster, and has done some additional homework to discover that there will be a big summer promotion too. She convinces the client to lock in before advertising premiums go up. The client specifically thanks Joan for her help.

Betty is on the bed, still in the party dress. Sally asks if she's okay and offers aspirin. Betty says she needs some rest and tells her to go play with Bobby. She tries to get out of bed and steps on her wineglass, breaking it and cutting her foot.

Roger tells Harry that all is well again. Better than well. He wants Joan's work to be converted to a full-time job, paying $150 a week. "He" will have to share an office. (Roger pauses in front of his door, waiting for Harry to open it for him.)

Don comes home to a dark, quiet house. The kids are in bed. (I'm trying to imagine the childhood that Sally and Bobby are going to remember growing up; drunk mom hanging around in a party dress all day, shooting the neighbor's pigeons, smashing chairs, putting them to bed whenever she's in a bad mood....) Betty is still in the dress, still drunk. She tells him she went through all his things and found nothing but advertising notes. She doesn't understand how he could do this to her. He denies that he did anything.

After the commercial break, Don is sleeping on the couch. Betty has finally washed up and changed. She wants to talk. He reaches for her. She doesn't let him smooth it away with sex. She observes that only now does he look her in the eye. And he never says he loves her. He says he says it all the time. (Not that I've noticed. I think he would love her more if she were an advertising mascot, like the Swiss Miss. Or maybe the Utz cartoon girl!) She asks if he hates her. He looks her in the eye and says he loves her and the children and he doesn't want to lose them. She walks away.

Another weekday morning. Peggy shows Fr. Gill around the office. Ken and Pete joke that this must be the "Miracle" Whip account. They wonder if Peggy's an undercover nun.

Harry thanks Joan for "filling in" and introduces her to Danny Lindstrom (he'd rather be called "Dan"), who will take over the job she's been putting her heart and soul into. Boy, do I feel for her. Finally she finds something that really means something to her, and she has to hand it off to some new guy. She's supposed to train him. Right now. So she explains the basic premise of the job in a few sentences. There's lots more that she could tell him, like the storylines of all the daytime soaps, and all the contact people she's spoken to in her spare time, but a hard swallow signals us (but not those clueless oafs) that she's getting choked up. Dan assumes she'll be around to help with the "details."

Fr. Gill is enchanted with the copy machine. Since they're alone, he asks her if she has something she needs to talk about, since he noticed she doesn't take Communion. "God already knows," he reminds her. In that case, she thinks there's no need to talk. And she doesn't think Fr. Gill would understand. He says she's pushing everyone away, there's no sin so big that she can't reconcile herself with God and have a new start. Does she feel that she doesn't deserve God's love? "Your copies are done," she replies. She boxes them up (I can see that they're different from the original flyer, but I can't make them out) and sends him on his way.

Betty checks the roast and sits down in front of the TV. Jimmy's Utz commercial comes on. Betty frowns.

Duck tells Don they've placed Heiney in lots of big markets. Betty calls and tells Don not to come home. That's it. She hangs up. She turns off (or down) the oven.

Joan's getting ready for bed.
Peggy's sitting in the bathtub.
Fr. Gill takes off his priest stuff and transforms into a regular man. He takes out a guitar and sings a song I should recognize, but don't, a little bit off-key.
Don has a Heineken in the break room.

Closing music: ??
Next week: Peggy accuses Pete of blabbing about something.

Mad Men #20 (2.7), 9/7/08: Modern Problems

2008-09-14T01:26:00.002-04:00

Don admires a blue Cadillac. The dealer tries to snow Don into buying it. When he realizes that Don was sent by Roger, he goes for the keys.

Flashback: The new Don Draper is selling a used car to a kid named Charlie. The kid's not sure if he wants it. Don nudges, but doesn't push. A woman comes to see him, so he lets the boy talk to his father.

The woman is from the real Donald Draper's past, and she knows that's not him.

Shaken by the memory, Don turns down the salesman's offer of a test drive and leaves.

In the office, Roger flirts with Jane. She cuts him off. Don comes in. Jane says Mrs. Barrett called. Roger tells her to get Duck.

Roger thinks Don should be hot for Jane. He tries to cheer Don up about the incredibly high price tag ($6,500!!!) of the Cadillac.

Duck shows up. Their coffee client has some kind of problem and Duck had to spend Saturday birdwatching with one of their guys to keep him happy. Our long-lost young friends Kurt and Smitty show up (after attempting, unsuccessfully, to flirt with Jane) to give their youthful perspectives. Smitty quotes a poetic statement from a 60-page manifesto written by a friend in school - his "focus group." He's a member of SLS. Kurt makes a nonsensical comment. Don really doesn't see where this is going, but braces himself for their pitch.

Meanwhile, the rest of the madmen watch as Paul pours coffee into a disposable diaper next to a naked baby doll. (When you think about it, it's a good thing they used blue liquid for color broadcasts.) They want to send this setup to every maternity nurse. Don has already weighed in on this - the price is going to be a problem. Sal thinks that at 10 cents apiece, they should be reusable. Jane comes in with some other notes from Don. Ken beams at her. They ask Jane to clean up the diapers.

Harry boasts that he's going to meet with Cooper tomorrow. Sal says it's to ask his opinion of a painting. Ken jokes to Jane about how gullible Harry is. Harry is bummed because he was hoping Cooper would expand the TV department, which currently consists only of him. Jane tells him to go see the painting now - Cooper has left for the day. She thinks they should all sneak up for a look. In any case, she's going. Ken, Paul, Sal, and Harry eagerly follow.

Cooper's secretary is missing, and his door is open. The guys are scared, but Jane is fearless. They do, however, remove their shoes. Paul chickens out and leaves.

The rest of them gaze at a $10,000 blur in red. Sal recognizes the work of Mark Rothko. Jane shrugs at it and wanders aimlessly around the office. Harry nervously tries to anticipate the kind of reaction Cooper will want. He searches Cooper's office (!!) for an explanatory brochure. Sal doesn't think Cooper really understands it. He tries to figure out what the painting "means." Ken says it makes him feel something very deep. Ken's spontaneous reaction takes Sal by surprise.

They get their things and leave. Jane jokes that they could have stolen it. Ken considers writing a story about the experience. (He makes sure to tell Jane that he's been published.) Feigning confusion, Jane refers to him as an "accountant." Sal openly admires Ken's skill as an author.

Next day, Ken wants to tell Paul all about how exciting Jane is. Paul would rather hear about the painting. Joan overhears - Ken flees. She tells Paul she "heard" that he, Ken, and Jane were in Cooper's office. Although she's obviously bluffing, Paul confirms enough of her suspicions by saying that he had nothing to do with it. "Nothing happened," he adds hastily.

Kurt and Smitty are telling Sal that they don't need artwork for their pitch to Martinson's Coffee at 3. Don signed off on it.

Ken approaches Sal, remembering his kind words about his writing, and says "you're not like everyone else around here." Sal denies this. Ken asks him to beta-read his new story. Sal invites him over for dinner on Sunday.

Don begins the coffee meeting with a short preamble about the importance of using young people to reach a young audience. Smitty pitches his anti-authority, anti-establishment message. Martinson's coffee is delicious, hot, and brown. They play a song about sexy naked Mexican girls with coffee. The client asks Peggy's opinion. "It stays with you." Client asks about the visuals. "If you sign, we'll tell you," Don says.

Harry goes to Cooper's office for his meeting. It is, as he had hoped, about his TV gig, but Harry keeps looking at the painting. Cooper scolds him for not paying attention. Harry pretends to recognize it as a Rothko work, and asks Cooper's opinion. Surprised, Cooper replies "it's none of your business." Then he asks Harry what he thinks of it. Harry admits he knows nothing about art. Cooper tells him not to worry about it, and focus on the numbers instead.

But Cooper himself is stuck on the painting - because of the numbers. He expects it will double in value by Christmas.

Jimmy Barrett calls Betty at home. He tells her that "Grin & Barrett" got picked up. He tells Betty to book Don's "dance card" for the night of the party. He begs Betty to go to the party. He flirts with her, then tries a more sincere approach and makes it personal. Betty promises nothing, but says "we will try."

Martinson's really liked Kurt & Smitty's pitch. Don congratulates Duck. Duck is hoping to get a shot at Life Savers next.

Jane reports that Cooper asked for Don. Duck isn't invited.

Roger is there. Jim Van Dyke, of Martinson's Coffee, wants Don to be a board member of a museum that doesn't exist yet - the Museum of Early American Folk Art. Philanthropy is the gateway to power (says Cooper, the Ayn Rand fan), and Don will be wearing his tuxedo more often. (I don't know whether "tuxedo" was still considered gauche in 1962, but for a long time, "dinner jacket" was the preferred term.) He sends Roger out and tells Don he's made the big, big time.

Don goes back to the dealership and sits in the Cadillac. He still doesn't want a test drive. He wants to buy it.

Joan calls Jane on her unauthorized visit to Cooper's office. Jane blames it on "them." Joan doesn't buy it. Jane is cocky; she's a whole 20 years old and asks if Joan is the only person who gets to have fun. Joan tells Jane to pack up and leave.

Betty is delighted with the Cadillac. It has a headlight sensor that dims the lights when another car approaches. (What the hell? 46 years later, why doesn't my car - a Toyota with a darkness sensor that turns the headlights on automatically - have this?) Betty tells Don about Jimmy's party.

The car makes Betty horny. They have an hour before the kids come home. "Not in here," Don says.

Jane takes her boxful of things to Roger's office "to say goodbye." He is confused. She tells him Joan fired her. He offers her a drink and says Joan's "going through a tough time." Roger is kind to Jane, who finally reveals that she lives on Jane St. in Greenwich Village (he's asked her before where she lives), and tells her to come back on Monday.

It must be Sunday now, because Ken goes to Sal & Kitty's for wine and spaghetti. It turns out that Kitty grew up in Sal's old neighborhood in Baltimore.

Ken is awed by Sal's sauce. Ken begs for Sal's opinion of his story, "The Gold Violin." Kitty hasn't read it yet. Sal was awed by it. Ken is awed by Sal's acclaim.

The Cadillac has taken Don, Betty, and the kids on a picnic. Bobby has to pee. Don sends him behind a tree. Sally wants to too. Don thinks everyone should before they get back in the car. Now Sally doesn't have to.

Don says that when he was a kid, they had to feel their way to the outhouse on a rope on moonless night. Sally asks if they're rich. Betty thinks talking about money isn't polite. Bobby is proud of himself for having tinkled outdoors successfully. Don hurls his beer can, hopefully into a wastebasket, but who knows.

Sal and Ken finish the wine and talk about work. (They wonder what Harry's meeting with Cooper was about, and if Coop's going to meet with everyone.) Kitty keeps trying to get into the conversation, but Sal changes the subject back to Ken every time.

He asks Ken why he doesn't write for a living. Ken says it's just for fun. This amazes Sal. Ken volunteers to leave. Sal says "you can't" and offers him a cigarette and coffee. Ken begs off with a to-go dessert and kisses Kitty goodbye on the cheek.

Sal turns down Kitty's offer for pie and says he'll clean up. Kitty is upset that she feels awkward and left out around Sal's coworkers. He apologizes. She has been feeling like a social dud and thinks he ignores her. He apologizes again, profusely, and tells her to sit down and relax with some pie while he cleans up. He does seem sorry.

He picks up the cigarette lighter (is it Ken's?) and puts it in his pocket.

Jane shows up to work on Monday. Ken tries to lure her on a date to a Mets game. She blows him off. Ken tells Sal he'd like to call Kitty to thank her for her hospitality. He admits to Sal that a visit like that makes him regret being a bachelor.

Joan goes to Jane's desk to confront her. Jane asks if Roger spoke to her. She says Roger said that Joan loses her temper a lot, and it's not serious. Joan is angry with Jane for speaking to "Mr. Sterling." Jane says she simply "ran into him" on her way out. Joan is very cold, and her tone makes it clear that she thinks Jane is having a thing with Roger.

Don and Betty go to Jimmy's party. Bobbie greets Betty first, then Don. Don wants to get out of there to "get drinks." Unfortunately Betty volunteers, leaving Don with Bobbie. Her idea is basically a scheme to get Jimmy a Rolex. The guy from ABC is okay with this as long as they kill Candid Camera in the ratings.

Jimmy corners Betty, who is relieved to have someone to talk to. He offers her a drink; she says she's too drunk, but Jimmy jokes that a drink for her will make him funny. ABC's research proved it.

He pulls her aside for a chat. He praises Betty lavishly and flirts mercilessly. He notes how Don and Bobbie and the ABC guy are looking cozy. He cannot shut up about how hot Betty is and asks how much she thinks has happened between Don and Bobbie. Betty is offended. Jimmy doesn't back down. Betty says, "you people are ugly and crude." He asks, "what people? You mean comedians?"

Sal and Kitty sit in opposite corners of their living room in the dark, watching TV. She does embroidery, he lights a cigarette with that lighter that I guess must be Ken's because he gives it a special look. (Are we headed for a love triangle from hell? I hope so! Um, I mean I hope not! I don't know if I can take the angst!)

Jimmy approaches Don and thanks him for getting him the show and everything he wants. He says not too many people get that. As for Bobbie, he says, "lots of people have had that."

Whee! Video!

Of course Don denies everything with a straight face. Jimmy calls Don garbage for screwing Bobbie and recommends that he go to a whore instead. Betty shows up, and Jimmy bids them a cheery good-night.

Don and Betty drive home in his luscious Cadillac in dreadful silence... until Betty starts barfing. In the Cadillac.

Closing music: "Break It to Me Gently" (Brenda Lee)
Quote of the week: "Young people do not drink coffee, and that can become a lifetime habit." (Don Draper)

Mad Men 1.13: Nostalgia

2008-09-13T02:38:00.002-04:00

More correctly known as "The Wheel," this and first episode ("Smoke Gets In Your Eyes") are both up for Emmy awards. "Smoke" was breathtaking, but "The Wheel" left me stunned for months. Cross your fingers!

Pete is visiting with Trudy's parents. Father-in-law Tom's company just bought Clearasil. He encourages Pete and Trudy to have children.

Don doesn't want to go to Thanksgiving with Betty's out-of-town relatives.

Harry has been living at the office. He tells his wife on the phone that he's been staying at Ken's place; she won't let him come home.

Then I have some confusing notes to the effect that Pete's father (or possibly his father-in-law) called Cooper and now Cooper is angry with someone. I assume this has something to do with Clearasil but I'm not sure.

Betty's friend Francine has been a basket case ever since giving birth. She found a $18 phone bill. It was full of calls to Manhattan. She found out her husband had been calling a woman and meeting her twice a week at the Waldorf. She wants to poison him and the whole family, including the kids. Betty doesn't know what to say, but when the mail comes, she takes the phone bill.

New head of accounts Duck is laying down the law. Also, client Kodak is unhappy with them.

Peggy, Ken, and some other guys are auditioning voice actresses for the Relax-a-cizer (the vibrating "weight-loss" belt, wink wink). The guys favor an older woman who isn't especially pretty, but has a good voice. However, Peggy favors the young pretty one.

Don comes home early with some work. Betty wants attention. She tells him about Francine and Carlton. Don claims that he never liked Carlton. Betty is outraged and tries to hint to something to Don about cheating husbands.

Don's mind is somewhere else. He contemplates Kodak's newest invention, a circular tray for a slide projector. Kodak wants to stress the research and development that went into their product.

Peggy is not happy with Annie, the pretty voice actor she chose. As Peggy becomes more critical, Anny begins to cry. Peggy fires her. She has Ken console her, make a date with her, etc., and then call Rita - the older woman with the better voice.

Don calls Adam's hotel. The clerk gives him the bad news that Adam hung himself. He left his money to the building - the city took it.

Betty opens the phone bill and sees night calls to a number in Manhattan. She calls and realizes it's the doctor. He doesn't recognize her voice, though, and thinks she's a different patient who keeps harassing him.

Don goes back to the office, where he catches Harry camping out. He doesn't take much notice. He wants to talk about the Kodak wheel.

Betty goes to the market. She sees young Glen waiting in Helen's car. He says he's not supposed to talk to her. Betty doesn't care. She says she can't talk to anybody. She's sad. Glen offers his mittened hand to hold. She wants assurance from him, but he's nervous and isn't sure when his mother is coming back. Betty leaves.

Pete brings in the Clearasil account. Cooper gives him a bonus and a copy of that stupid Ayn Rand book (I should have been more specific but I didn't write it down).

Betty goes to the psychiatrist and talks about Thanksgiving, her father's girlfriend Gloria, and her mom. She feeds him some info knowing that he will pass it on to Don: she would be happy if she didn't think that Don was being unfaithful. She shares other thoughts she wants Don to know about the family, sex, and her insecurities.

Don does the pitch to end all pitches for Kodak. I cannot do justice to it; I'd be embarrassed to try, so I'll just get it over with:

The Kodak guys are excited about their high-tech gizmo; Don has taken it in a completely different direction. He tells them that "nostalgia" means "pain from an old wound." He has loaded the wheel with family pictures. He shows them that their invention is not the spaceship they think it is; it's a time machine. It's not a wheel, but a carousel - bringing us backwards and forwards through time.

His eyes glisten as he looks at baby pictures of his kids and photos of his wedding. Harry runs out in tears. Kodak is blown away. It's a deal.

Afterwards, he asks Peggy to write the Clearasil ad. Pete is offended. Don promotes her to Junior Copywriter.

Joan is very snotty as she shows Peggy to her new office, which she will split with some guy named Victor.

Suddenly Peggy doesn't feel good. She goes to the ER, complaining of a "stomach ache" from a bad sandwich. The doctor examines her briefly and says "you didn't mention you were expecting." Peggy is in total denial and gets up to leave. She doubles over in pain. The doctor calls for a psychiatrist.

Pete comes home and isn't thrilled to see Trudy's parents again. He says he has a headache and needs to lie down.

Peggy won't hold her baby or even look at it.

Don's family is still at home when he gets there. He decides to go for Thanksgiving with them after all.

Don snaps out of his daydream and comes home to a dark house. They've already left.

Mad Men 1.12: Fraud

2008-09-13T01:46:00.003-04:00

Don interviews Henry "Duck" Phillips to be the new head of Accounts. Meanwhile, the guys plan an election party and gossip about Duck. He had some scandal at his old place - they think they must be getting him cheap.

Pete tries again to get Don to consider him for the job. Don cuts him down in a hostile tone and leaves. The office party begins with rum and creme de menthe. Peggy leaves early.

Pete also goes home early. He looks through the package of things that Adam Whitman had sent to Don before hanging himself. Trudy is upset, knowing that he's snooping through something that's not his.

At the party, Ken finds Paul's play in his desk drawer. The coworkers act it out, with Joan and Sal as the stars.

Nixon takes Ohio.

Harry and one of the secretaries (Hildy? let's just say it's Hildy) kiss. At first they seem mortified. But apparently not mortified enough not to stop fooling around.

Joan and Paul talk about old times. Evidently, when they dated, Joan was unhappy that Paul blabbed something about her. She tells him she didn't like his play. They dance. Other people are passed out on the floor.

Harry and Hildy wake up. His glasses are broken. Hildy assures him that what they did didn't mean anything.

Next morning, the office is a wreck and the TV is broken. Peggy is angry because her blouse and three dollars are missing from her locker. She reports the theft.

The outcome of the election is still unclear and there are many allegations of fraud. Cooper somehow blames it on Sinatra. The recount is taking too long.

Pete shows up all full of himself with the Adam Whitman Memorial Package and a half-baked blackmail plan. He confronts Don and tells him he knows that the Army records show that Dick Whitman died in Korea, and Don Draper, then age 43, disappeared. Don looks at the package and has a flashback.

Dick is in Korea. He volunteered to serve. There were supposed to be a bunch of people at this location he's been sent to, but it's just him and a guy named Don Draper. He's supposed to dig something (he got plenty of practice as a kid, he's always digging things in the childhood flashbacks). The real Draper says he's near the end of his tour.

Don goes to Rachel's. He wants her to go away with him. She is disgusted and calls him a coward. He goes back to the office.

Peggy is crying - the janitor and the elevator guys were fired because of the stuff that was stolen from her locker, even though they weren't around during the party. She's upset because people hate her, and innocent people get fired, while rotten people can do whatever they want to and it's not fair. She follows the rules! don gives her a drink and tells her to finish it. Then he sends her out.

Don tells Pete that he has no character; that he's still going to hire Duck; that Pete has no plan; that Cooper won't be impressed with Pete's information. Pete disagrees, so Don goes straight to Cooper's office. Pete follows him in confused panic.

"I'm hiring Duck," Don tells Cooper after removing his shoes. Pete blurts out the "shocking" truth of Don's secret identity. His words fall flat. Cooper cries, "Who cares? The country was built by men who did worse." He says there's more profit in forgetting, and Pete should put his energy into getting accounts

Privately, Cooper gives Don permission to either fire Pete, or keep him around and watch him.

Dick is still digging. There's shooting and an explosion. Don Draper is killed. Dick swaps their tags. In the hospital, he's told that he needs to take Dick Whitman home. For getting a concussion, the new Don Draper gets a Purple Heart and a release into the Reserves.

He stays on the train and watches his old family receive the coffin. Little Adam sees him through the window of the train. Don turns away quickly. A lady on the train buys him a drink and tells him to forget about the boy in the box.

When Don gets home, Nixon is conceding on TV.

Some apologies to Mad Men readers, and bonus photo

2008-09-08T22:22:00.003-04:00

Click photo to enlarge. Explanation below.

Hey! I feel awful, saying I'll post a recap, or I won't post one, and then the opposite happens. Or I do post something, but it's got big dumb mistakes, or a huge chunk missing because I spilled wine on the rug and then other stuff comes up and I don't have time to rewatch the episode that night to polish off the recap. And then I say I'll post an update "soon" and it takes a week to get around to it.

(I think the Ugly Betty readers are used to it.)

I can't promise it will get much better, but I am devoted to this show and have no intention of skipping an episode unless there's some dire family emergency or something.

I wouldn't be able to recap this show at all if they hadn't moved it out of the Thursday lineup. But Sunday's not a lot better. On the other hand, I'm not sure any other night would be great either, since I need to get to bed earlier these days (health stuff) and go easier on my hands (carpal tunnel).

Plus, I've still got that recapping gig on ¡Caray, Caray!. I love it, but since telenovelas are daily, I have to post on my actual night, whether I'm up to it or not. (Telenovelas are more lightweight, so aside from the language difficulty, recapping them is usually pretty easy. Just time-consuming.) Staying up late just that one night can mess me up for a couple of days.

Anyway. I'm just acknowledging that I'm aware of my unreliability. Job, life, health, family, etc. all get higher priority, but I know people are reading these things (far more people than I would have expected), and I feel badly when I know I'm letting you down.

As for the photo: a few weeks ago, someone from AMC sent me some photos from the Mad Men season 2 wrap party. I picked this one because it gives the best view of John Hamm's personal smile. I don't know if I've ever seen Draper smile like that - it's always a tight smile, a smug smile, or a sardonic smile, but never a genuinely happy one.

Mad Men #19 (2.6), 8/31/08: Dog, Duck, Dick

2008-09-07T16:07:00.003-04:00

This updated recap is more detailed and also corrects some whopping errors I made last week, such as getting Maidenform and Playtex mixed up!

When you have a hangup about something and then there's a story that hits that hangup, it really doesn't matter what else is in that story, because all you're going to see is that sad, abandoned dog and hate the guy who ran him off.

May, 1962.
Opening song: "The Infanta," by the Decemberists.

Client Playtex is jealous of Maidenform's sexy, fantasy-based advertising and wants their own ads to have more sex appeal. Don and the madmen question the need to change their strategy, since sales are strong. As a bra-wearer and de facto spokeswoman for women, Peggy is asked whether she wears Playtex, and why. She does, and she agrees with the survey: Playtex has legitimate selling points that attract customers. (I could be more specific, but I don't feel like doing a Playtex ad.) Duck makes a really lame suggestion that's essentially a paraphrase of the current Maidenform ad.

Duck's ex-wife Pauline (the credits say this is Alexandra Paul - I did not recognize her!) shows up to drop off their two teenage kids, Mark and Patricia, and dog Chauncey, for the holiday. Pauline hints at a severe alcohol problem that Duck claims not to have any more.

Pete, Peggy, and Sal brainstorm on a Clearasil campaign. (Pete's father in law has some connection to Clearasil, I forget what.) Peggy has an idea, a story about a date, which would work both for print and TV. She says there's "some kind of line" at the end. Pete keeps suggesting "Thanks, Clearasil!," but Peggy stubbornly resists this idea. Sal likes it. Finally Peggy says she'll "think about it."

It's Memorial Day. Betty and Don go to some country club function as guests of the Pattersons. \Marcy Patterson speaks nostalgically of the Rosenberg execution and wonders if a power failure could cause the Sing Sing Correctional Facility's electronic gates to unlock. (The Sing Sing prison is located in Ossining, NY - where the Drapers live.) Betty asks to change the subject and later seems to dodge some kind of invitation from them.

Meanwhile, Don's friend Crab says that he was scapegoated and fired from a PR firm which had been contracted by the CIA to inspire rebellion and sabotage in Cuba. Don is surprised to hear that his friend has no confidence in Kennedy, is nervous about Cuba, and is building a bomb shelter that his wife doesn't want people to know about.

Betty runs into that young twit Arthur from the horse place who made a pass at her. He guesses that she changed her riding schedule to avoid him. He promises to stay out of her way. She says that it isn't necessary, and she wants to be friends. He tells her of some of his recent mishaps with the horses. Betty seems willing to hear more, but Bobby and Sally show up and scare him off.

It's time to listen to speeches. All the servicemen in the audience are asked to stand for applause. Don is among them. He doesn't get up right away and is uncomfortable with the applause.

Pete and Trudy have Pete's brother and his wife over for a cookout. Pete's brother jokes that Mom talks about Pete all the time. They laugh at this. Trudy is not amused. Pete and Trudy are supposed to visit with Mom. Pete says he's too important to the agency to take that much time off.

There's a fashion show and auction at the country club - women modeling swimsuits. Betty is very surprised when Don gets up in the middle of it, saying he has to go to work. He phones Bobbie at her hotel, but she's made other plans to take her college-age son to the beach. (Don is surprised she has a son.) But Jimmy will be out of town for 10 days, during which they can screw around all they want to. She wants Don to come to that place she has at the beach, but he doesn't want to be reminded of their accident. (Bobbie thinks about it all the time and seems to need to talk about it.)

Pete tells Peggy that his father-in-law loved "Thanks, Clearasil!" He also cluelessly gives away the ending of a movie she hasn't seen yet. He acknowleges that Peggy didn't like "Thanks, Clearasil!" She says it's all about keeping his FIL happy, and adds "I'll do my job, and you do yours." This strikes Pete as snarky, but she plays innocent.

He then tries to find out where she lives and whether she's seeing anyone. She tells him the neighborhood and that she spent the holiday with her family. Then she gets rid of him.

Roger shows some interest in Don's new secretary Jane and bums a cigarette from Don. He tells Don to make nice with Duck.

Duck brings the dog and kids to work. He finds out from them that Pauline is remarrying - "Franklin Reeve" has bribed the kids with large cash gifts. Duck tries to be big about it reminds them that he and their mother need to start new lives. However, he is more upset when the kids say that Pauline wants him to take the dog back - after originally having taken the dog away from him - because Frank's allergic. Duck slumps out of his own office, defeated.

The madmen have had an offsite "meeting," i.e. drinks at a bar, to which Peggy was not invited. In reference to the Playtex campaign, they decided that all women want to be either Jackie Kennedy or Marilyn Monroe. They pitch the idea to Don. Sal says "a line and a curve - nothing goes better together." Ha ha. Peggy disagrees with the Jackie vs. Marilyn theory; Ken says she's more of a Gertrude Stein. Some of the madmen laugh; Sal solemnly says she's more "classical" - Hellenic (Greek). Don says she's like Irene Dunne.

Chauncey follows Duck into Don's office; Duck seems annoyed, but the madmen flock around the dog to pet and admire it. Don shoos them away and Duck kicks out the dog. Don and Duck have "lunch," which consists of the two men discussing the tension between them. After eighteen months, Don thinks Duck's still not integrating well with the company. He's been selling clients' ideas to Don more than he's been selling Don's ideas to the clients. Duck says he's grateful to Don for hiring him and wants Don to stop holding the American Airlines debacle over his head. He looks bad, but his mistakes haven't hurt the company. Don agrees... but I think they both know that the only thing they accomplished on this foodless lunch in Duck's office was to hold Roger off for a little while.

Peggy confronts Freddie about the "meeting" she wasn't invited to. He blows her off and tells her to write some "titillating" copy.

Don takes the afternoon off to see Bobbie. Afterwards, she needs to take off - to see her college-age daughter in a play. Don asks if that's "everyone"; Bobbie doesn't really answer. She seems surprised when he doesn't want to hang around.

The madmen "bra-dition" models for the Playtex campaign. Again, no one tells Peggy, and she's pissed when she finds out. Ken assures her that he won't let Paul do any writing without her.

Pete meets Duck's dog, Chauncey. Duck claims he made his wife give the dog back because he missed him. He says dogs communicate better than wives. Pete jokes (I think he's joking) that he should get a dog of his own to be the office dog, to improve the atmosphere there. Duck humorlessly says it's a bad idea.

Pete meets one of the rejected would-be Playtex models and goes back to her place, where they have sex on her couch while her elderly mom waits in the kitchen. A phallic-looking military plane soars on the TV screen while a voiceover recites the breathtaking poem "High Flight" by John Magee. He goes home to a darkened apartment afterwards; Trudy didn't wait up for him.

Next morning, Betty is serving breakfast in a two-piece yellow swimsuit that she plans to wear to the pool at the country club. Don sharply disapproves and says she looks "desperate" and will be ogled by all the men.

Peggy tries to get Joan to make sure she's included in all Playtex-related communications. She complains that she's been left out of the activities. "I'm a good drinker," Peggy says. Joan says she has no involvement in these things, and Peggy needs to learn "their" language. She says Peggy's never taken her advice before anyway. (Not true, Peggy took her advice to go on the Pill and look how well that turned out.) Joan does give Peggy one more piece of advice: Stop dressing like a little girl.

The madmen have taken two photos of a model - in one photo she's Marilyn in white, and in the other photo she's Jackie in black. The Playtex guys love it and ask the madmen to stash it away - because they've decided for now to stick with their current campaign.

Duck is embarrassed. Don is gracious about it.

The Playtex guys offer to take the gang out to celebrate at a gentlemen's club. Peggy isn't invited, but she overhears the address and makes a mental note.

Having had a truly crappy day, Duck tries to sneak a drink after hours. Chauncey stares at him with pleading eyes. Duck leads the dog to the front door, removes his leash, and lets him out into the wilds of Manhattan. The dog barks for Duck's attention, but Duck doesn't look back. The dog runs away.

Don goes to Bobbie for another tryst. He asks her not to talk, but she won't shut up. She babbles that his reputation as a lover is well known - women, including some chick named Sarah Tierney from Random House, have been talking about him. He denies knowing this woman, but only after a hesitation that's long enough to suggest that he knows exactly who she is. Don is really angry to hear that Bobbie thinks he's like her. He ties her to the bed, which excites her even more, but then he gets dressed and leaves. "I told you to stop talking." Bobbie is aghast.

The guys are enjoying a girlie show at the Tom-Tom club. Peggy shows up - and she has chosen this evening to dress like a grown-up. Paul and Freddie welcome her, and Playtex guy pulls her onto his lap.

Not all of the guys are interested to see Peggy at all, but only one of them looks upset to see Peggy this way: Pete. She gives him a hard look for a moment, then falters and looks away.

Next morning. Don wakes up coughing. Sally comes into the bathroom to watch him shave. "I'm not going to talk - I don't want you to cut yourself." Don tries to shave, but can't do it. (I think he suddenly can't stop thinking about cutting himself. Not to mention the painful contrast between sweet little QUIET Sally and big awful BLABBERMOUTH Bobbie.)

Sally notices the freaked out look on his face and asks if he's okay. He sends her out and washes his face and sits down and stares into space.

And in Ugly Betty news...

2008-09-03T22:04:00.002-04:00

I've done a crummy job of keeping up with this stuff... there's now a Filipino version of Yo Soy Betty La Fea. Here's a fan blog with a teaser video (you'll have to scroll a bit to get to it).

Mad Men 1.11: Indian Summer

2008-09-03T21:14:00.004-04:00

October, 1962.

Adam Whitman puts on his best suit and hangs himself.

Peggy's mom fixes her up with a blind date.

The madmen notice that Joan has been a real bitch lately.

A client wants to sell a weight-loss belt. It's a "passive exercise regimen." Research shows that wives like it, but it doesn't seem to work. Peggy's gained some weight, so they decide to let her try. She's happy to do it.

She takes the belt home. It fits like underpants, plugs into the wall, and vibrates. It's very efficient.

It's a hot night. Betty is alone. Don is with Rachel.

The next day, Peggy has difficulty explaining the belt's effect to Don. Finally he gets it (he barely even blinks) and encourages her to write something up. He tells her to think deeply about the problem, then forget about it and let the idea come to her.

An air conditioning salesman comes to the house. Betty is in a somewhat sheer housecoat. The guy asks for a glass of water, but once he's in the house he begins his sales pitch. She lets him look around upstairs and give a professional opinion. Finally Betty tells the salesman that her husband would prefer to use Sears. She sends him away.

Rachel's sister disapproves of Rachel's married boyfriend.

Betty tells Don about the salesman. He's upset that she let a strange man into the house.

Roger comes back to work. The guys note his poor coloring and ask Joan to fix it since he has an important meeting with Lucky Strike. They joke about Nixon's arrogance, and not accepting help.

Betty's friend Francine has had her baby. She seems to be suffering from a heavy case of the baby blues. Betty tells Francine the salesman was "very pushy." (He asked for a glass of water!) The friend is surprised that Betty told Don about him.

Roger has a thick deli sandwich and and a cigarette at the Lucky Strike meeting. They don't get very far before he has another heart attack right at the table. Mona blames Cooper. Cooper tells the Lucky Strike guy not to worry; that Don is handling everything.

The madmen are worried about what this could mean for the company, but they also realize that it might open some spots in the organization for them to move up.

Peggy is making as bad an impression on her blind date as possible, smoking and bragging about her Manhattan job. Her date is a truck driver. He has his own truck and route. They're bragging back and forth having an ego contest. The guy tries to apologize and make nice, but Peggy self-righteously flaunts her ambition at him.

Don calls the psychiatrist for a report. The doctor says Betty seems to be getting worse. He thinks she needs more sessions. Don is annoyed; this therapy is costing money and accomplishing nothing, just as he had expected.

Peggy pitches the belt at an internal meeting (no client). She has renamed it "The Rejuvenator." She talks about it causing "feelings." These "feelings" provoke some mildly crude conversation, mostly about someone's wife (I forget whose), though the madmen are respectful to Peggy personally. Based on the conversation in the meeting, they decide to go with the word "stimulation."

Betty notices that the washing machine is jumping with an unbalanced load. She snuggles up against it and thinks about the "pushy" salesman. It's hot! She needs to fan her face when she's done.

The Rejuvenator client meeting goes well. Peggy asks Don for a raise. Don tells her to be less timid.

Cooper makes Don partner. Roger is getting better. Cooper thinks Ayn Rand would like him. (Sure, but she'd also love a scarecrow if it was stuffed with money.)

Pete walks in and asks if Roger's dead. He sucks up to Don.

Peggy gets a raise and coverage for her desk. She asks Don if she can tell Joan. (Like Don would care!)

After work, Pete tries on Don's office for size. While he lounges at the desk, the mailboy leaves a package for Don. Pete takes it home.

Don tells Betty about becoming partner.

Peggy hits the belt again.

Mad Men 1.10: Pain

2008-09-03T20:41:00.004-04:00

Betty's dad and his "friend" Gloria are visiting. Betty hates Gloria.

The madmen look at Kennedy ads. His ads are cheerful and upbeat. Nixon's ads are money-oriented, dull, and gloomy. They want to find dirt on Kennedy. They know he's a womanizer, but they figure women would like that about him. Don admiringly says that Nixon is a self-made man, while Kennedy was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Labor Day weekend is coming. Joan doesn't want to spend it with Roger. She's upset about the movie The Apartment with Shirley MacLaine, in which a female elevator operator leads a life that probably seemed glamorous within this 1962 "comedy," but in retrospect would probably have been miserable.

Don and Paul meet with Rachel Menken at a restaurant. They want to close her store for three months for remodeling. Rachel's father gripes, but he accepts.

Joan's roommate Carol shows up at the office upset. She's been scapegoated and fired for some mishap at her job. Joan suggests that they go out and date men and spend all their money.

Sterling & Cooper have been dumped by Dr. Scholl's. Don has a private tantrum. Roger is pissed. They go to casting to pick up some chicks.

Pete is a jerk with Peggy. Peggy says she's confused by his behavior. Sometimes she thinks he likes her, and sometimes she thinks he doesn't like her. He puts her down for being a writer.

Roger and Don try to make time with all the twins who are trying out for a Double-Sided Aluminum ad. Roger picks out his favorite pair of twins (redheads, of course).

Betty has gone to the family place at the shore. Don will go tomorrow. Roger's date's name is Mirabelle. Don's date is Eleanor. Roger wants the twins to make out. Don wants to leave. Eleanor wants to dance.

As Joan and Carol prepare for their hot night on the town, Carol tells Joan that she's in love with her. She followed her to Manhattan after college to be with her. "Just think of me as a boy," she says. Joan doesn't respond to any of this.

Mirabelle is crawling around the office on all fours with Roger riding on her back. Don and Eleanor wait outside. Don wants to leave, but Eleanor wants Don to stay with her while she waits.

Roger babbles to Mirabelle about his daughter. Soon he's ready for round two.

Carol and Joan have picked up a couple of drips. Joan and her date go into his bedroom. Carol seems resigned to her fate as her date begins pawing her on the sofa.

Don and Eleanor talk. Eleanor is trying to be amiable, but Don's not into it.

Roger's having a heart attack. He's surprised, because he's been eating cream and butter as he was instructed to. He faces the prospect of death philosophically. His daughter (finally got that haircut) and his wife show up at the hospital. (At some point, Don had to remind Roger that his wife's name was Mona, not Mirabelle.)

Joan meets Cooper at the office and ditches her date. Cooper has her send telegrams to all their clients.

Betty calls Don to complain about her father and Gloria.

Don goes to Rachel's place and makes a move. She rejects him. He tells her that his first time as a pallbearer was for his aunt, when he was five. It was like he moved up a notch in the family. He and Rachel argue, but finally they have sex.

Cooper tells Joan to go for a younger guy. He has her operate the elevator, just like in the Shirley MacLaine movie that upset her so much.

Don begins to tell his life's story to Rachel. His mother was a prostitute. She died giving birth to him. He moved in with his father and his father's wife. His father was a drunk. He died of a horse-kick to the face when Don was 10. Then his father's wife found a new man.

Mad Men 1.9: "I was a model, you know"

2008-09-03T20:28:00.002-04:00

Don and Betty meet Jim Hobarth at a party. (Someone mentions that the Israeli tourism campaign was a success.) Hobarth is from advertising giant McCann-Erickson. He wants Don to come work at his place.

Jim Hobarth complements Betty on her appearance and mentions that he needs a model for a Coca-Cola campaign. Betty tells him she's modeled before.

Later, Betty tells neighbor Francine about her modeling career, during which she had a platonic relationship with a designer.

Don gets a gift of golf clubs from Hobarth and a note, "Join the big time."

Betty tells her psychiatrist about her modeling. It's how she met Don. She was upset she couldn't keep the fur coat from a gig, so he bought it for her. They moved out to the suburbs and had kids, and now she feels old. Her mother always fretted about Betty's weight and appearance, but she also disapproved of modeling and likened it to prostitution.

The doctor observes that Betty is angry at her mother. Betty is annoyed that after being silent all the time and not listening to her, he's now provoking her. Anyway, she found a man like her mother told her to - now what?

Jackie Kennedy does a campaign ad in Spanish. Nixon still hasn't officially asked Sterling-Cooper to represent him. They're doing this work pro-bono. The madmen hate Kennedy.

Betty wants to try out for the Coke campaign. Don reluctantly agrees.

Roger knows about Hobarth sending the golf clubs. He warns Don that he'd hate working there - he has so much at Sterling-Cooper; why start over? He's taking it personally.

Peggy's skirt tears when she leans over. She tries to hide the split seam by tying a sweater around her waist. Joan notices. She also asks Peggy nosy questions about Don. Peggy is not responsive. Joan makes a snotty remark about Peggy's copywriting aspirations and says Peggy shouldn't eat so much. Peggy suddenly realizes that Joan thinks she's being helpful.

The guys are talking. They think Don might be making $30,000 a year. Paul notices that Peggy is getting fat.

Betty tries out for the Coke ad. She's wearing one of her designer's dresses. No surprise, she gets the job.

The madmen are talking about their laxative client. Pete suggests that they should buy all the ad time for their laxative in a key market so that Kennedy's people can't get any air time there.

Polly (the Drapers' dog) attacks the neighbor's pigeons. The neighbor threatens to shoot the dog if she does it again. Sally has a bad dream about it.

The guys are obsequious with Don. Cooper is thrilled about the laxative ads strategy. Pete becomes very cocky; Don shoots him down. In turn, Pete is mean to his secretary Hilda.

Don looks at Betty's test photos.

Roger is eating Jell-O. He offers Don a 50% raise with no contract. Don likes the way they do business, so if he leaves them, it won't be for advertising.

Don is also angry about the way Hobarth is using Betty. He turns down the job offer.

Betty is fired from the Coke job. They'll let her keep the dress and the pictures, but not the jewelry.

For some reason I don't remember, Pete and Ken brawl. (I think Ken suggested that Peggy was having sex with Don to get the writing job, but I don't remember for sure.) Nobody knows that Pete's defending his secret girlfriend's honor (though clearly he reserves the right to diss her on his own time).

Betty tells Don they wanted her to do more modeling, but she doesn't want to work. She'd rather take care of her family. Don says he wishes he'd had a mother like her.

The next day, Betty's bored. The neighbor's pigeons annoy her, so she goes outside and shoots at them.

Mad Men #18 (2.5), 8/24/08: "It will shock you how much it never happened"

2008-08-25T00:42:00.003-04:00

Catch this and the other four episodes of the season so far on Sunday, August 31, from 5 to 10 pm.

This is a rant-free recap!

Pete and Trudy go to a fertility specialist. Pete is immature and defensive about some of the questions, but insists he hasn't had any problems. He thinks he wants a child, but sometimes - with the world the way it is - he's not so sure. (He wonders if having a Xerox machine elsewhere in the office interferes with his fertility.) He admits to being insecure about the Bomb, his job, his in-laws, the economy, his father's death... before long it sounds like he needs a psychiatrist. The fertility guy is supportive and reassuring.

At the office, Joan is showing off her engagement ring. She wants to get married around Christmas.

Bobbie calls for Don. "Grin and Bear It," the mean-spirited Candid Camera ripoff, is going to be piloted. Jimmy's gone home in a snit. She wants Don to drink and celebrate with her. He says no. She hangs up on him. He joins her. She orders his drink. Rachel shows up with her husband Tilden Katz. (Evidently, the Menkens eventually took their advertising business to a place called Grey.) Bobbie has to introduce herself. The Katzes excuse themselves. Bobbie notes Don's altered mood.

Bobbie describes her work with Jimmy - she basically does everything for him all the time. She enjoys negotiating. Don doesn't. She asks what does he like, then? Does he like the ocean? She (she doesn't say "we") has a place by the shore. She wants her some sex on the beach.

They head out to the beach. They're drinking straight out of the bottle in the car. She questions him about all the things he likes and doesn't like. He likes the Italian film La Notte (I don't think this was the film he was watching in episode 3 this season). She feels great. Don says he doesn't feel a thing.

She tries to give him something to feel. He closes his eyes. Someone honks. Don swerves to avoid a collision. They skid and flip over.

At the police station, the cop says Don's over the legal limit of 0.15% (the legal limit in most states now is 0.08%). The fine is $150. Don offers $63 cash and promises to mail the rest. Or he could send $500 tomorrow. The cop doesn't bite; the opportunity to nail an overprivileged city boy is worth more than $500 to him.

Don calls Peggy, who shows up with $110. She gives Bobbie a funny look (she is sporting a black eye from the accident) but doesn't say anything. She drives them home in her brother-in-law Gerry's car and gripes about the possibility of having to clean their barf out of it.

They begin planning their alibis; Bobbie will stay with Peggy until her black eye gets better so Jimmy can't see it. They squabble about which airport (for Don to rent a car) is quicker to get to to get to, LaGuardia vs. Idlewild. Peggy will pick up Bobbie's dry cleaning so she'll have something to wear.

Don swears Peggy to silence. "It's business," he explains defensively. She doesn't want him treating her badly because she reminds him of it. "This can be fixed," she says.

Don finally gets home in the wee hours and tells Betty he had an accident and didn't want to call and wake her. He tells her he has high blood pressure, and the pills mixed with the drinks made him lose control of the car. She's upset she didn't tell him. Her father has high blood pressure too.

Bobbie is at Peggy's. She's wearing that dry-cleaned outfit - a red party gown. She tells Jimmy she's at a fat farm because one of his friends made a crack about her. She says she needs to lose weight if she's going to be on TV.

She is trying to be a good houseguest for Peggy. She bemoans Marilyn Monroe's personal problems. Peggy thinks most women would love to have Monroe's problems. Monroe will be singing at the President's birthday party on TV. Peggy wonders if Bobbie has a concussion or worse. Bobbie says she keeps forgetting the accident. The memory keeps getting stranger. Peggy says, "if you're lucky it will disappear."

Don's new secretary, Lois's replacement, went to college, so Joan expects her to be a quick study with her impatient boss Mr. Draper while (Joan casually adds) she's planning her wedding. Joan says she's been offered a few rings, but this one's the best. Jane, the new girl, says she's "a little bit clairvoyant" and that Joan and what's-his-name will be very happy together.

Ken, Paul, and Harry show up to check Jane out. Ken claims he needs to see Don. (He and Jane are making a lot of eye contact.) Don shows up, says "morning," and hands her his hat. He tells Ken he doesn't pay much attention anymore because they don't last very long.

Don's arm is in a sling. He tells Ken he fell on the stairs. Ken says Jimmy wants to come in. Don wants to hold him off. He calls Bobbie. She's mystified - she thought she was covered.

Peggy offers to play cards with Bobbie. Bobbie wants to know why Peggy is doing this for Don. Is she seeing him? Peggy says he made her a copywriter. "I bet you made yourself a copywriter." Bobbie muses ruefully that he's a more decent man than you would expect. Peggy gives a pissy reply and goes to her room for a nap.

Flashback: Peggy's in the hospital. The doctor is telling her pregnant sister and her mother she has a psychoneurotic disorder. Peggy responds to her mother's voice. The doctor sends them out of the room and interviews Peggy. She's doped up and "relaxed" so she'll feel like talking. (She doesn't seem very chatty to me.) She knows what year it is and where she is, but not why she's there. He reminds her she had a baby. She doesn't react.

Pete goes to the fertility clinic and prepares to give his sample. Cut to Roger playing with a rubber ball/elastic/wooden paddle toy. Joan comes in to scold him about the sound, which can be heard in the office. He questions Joan about her engagement. He's snarky and sour. He is not a fan of marriage and he's disappointed she's going for it. She says she's in love and makes it clear that she won't be playing with him. He predicts she'll quit her job. She doesn't think so.

Peggy continues to keep Bobbie company. She's still wearing that same party dress. She used to be a dancer. Does Peggy have a boyfriend? Is she in love with Don? Peggy says no and takes offense at the personal questions. She doesn't want to know personal things about Bobbie either.

Jane seems to be giving a peepshow for her fan club. Joan scatters the crowd and scolds Jane. Jane plays innocent, but Joan tells her to get a sweater at lunch.

Ken comes by to warn Jane about Jimmy's visit. Actually, he's trying very hard to impress her with his celebrity friendship. Jane asks what his title is. "Title? I'm Ken! Cosgrove... Accounts?" She calmly tells him the appointment is already in her book.

He tries to ask her out on a date to see one of Jimmy's shows. The dubious magic of this moment is spoiled when Freddie comes out of his office and plays a Mozart tune on his pants zipper, practically in Jane's face. Neither Ken nor Jane is amused. Ken stalks off, frustrated. Freddie is miffed that his virtuoso performance fell flat.

Bobbie is finally in another dress, getting ready to leave. Her bruise is hidden with makeup. She keeps trying to thank Peggy for letting her stay, and Peggy keeps trying to deflect her thanks. Bobbie doesn't think Peggy is ambitious enough. She advises her to live the life of the person she wants to be, and treat Don only as an equal. Don't try to be a man, but be a woman.

I'm not sure Peggy welcomes the advice. Bobbie arranges to go to the station and pretend she's coming back from the fat farm.

Trudy says the doctor's office said his fish are swimmin'. He's so pleased that he doesn't notice she's upset. Even when she explains why, he still doesn't really get it. He questions why they have to do this at all. They won't be able to travel or go anywhere. She says he's immature. He's angry that she isn't thrilled with his test results and he isn't at all concerned that she may have a health problem. He lets her know she's on her own with this. She apologizes to him. She asks what "all this" (their life together) is for if they don't have a baby. He takes her out to dinner.

Peggy folds the blankets on the sofa where Bobbie slept.

Flashback. Don's visiting Peggy at St. Mary's Hospital. She's surprised to see him. He says she disappeared after she got her promotion, so he called her roommate, who had him call Peg's mom, who said she was quarantined with tuberculosis. "I guess that was supposed to lessen my concern," he jokes wryly. She tells him she doesn't know what's wrong or what she's supposed to do.

"Yes you do. Do it. Do whatever they say." He leans in close. "Peggy, listen to me. Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

Peggy is finally back in the office. She tells the junior madmen she was "sick." Don makes a big show of giving Peggy a hard time in front of them. He still gives her a hard time about being unprepared when they're alone. She stiffens her spine and asks him to pay back the $110 she gave him. He gives her some of it and promises to have the rest the next day. "I guess when you try to forget something, you have to forget everything." Peggy boldly looks him in the eye and thanks him.

Jimmy and Bobbie Barrett show up. It's hard to tell whether he sees the look Bobbie and Peggy exchange. The Barrett's go into Don's office, where Jimmy seems to express doubt about the origin of Don's injury. He thanks Don for helping him handle Utz to get him the show. He expresses surprise that Don was willing to help, in light of Jimmy's bad behavior.

Is this a sincere thank you? Or is he passively-aggressively hinting that he knows or suspects something? Did someone (Rachel?) tip him off, or is Jimmy smarter than he pretends to be?

Meatloaf for dinner. The kids cheer Don as usual when he gets home. Betty's greeting is much more subdued. He's annoyed there's no salt. She tells the kids it's because they love him.

Closing music: Incidental music, but they were listening to "Theme from 'A Summer Place'" in the car on the way to the beach. End credits are followed with a warning not to drink and drive. Ah, thanks for that, I wasn't sure what you were trying to tell me when the car flipped over. (It might make more sense to show the warning in all the episodes where the car does NOT flip over. They should also warn people not to drive with their eyes closed.)

Quote of the week: "Pick a job and become the person that does it." (Bobbie)

Mad Men #17 (2.4), 8/17/08: Nobody's perfect

2008-08-23T01:54:00.003-04:00

So much for my claim that I was going to do either micro-recaps or just funny quotes. This show is too damn good not to recap. I'll try to control myself (and hopefully go much shorter, for the sake of my wrists) next time!

It's Sunday, April 8, 1962. Peggy is at church, listening to a monsignor drone on very pompously about the temptation of lust and how each person must bear "his" own cross. The whole thing makes Peggy nauseous, and she excuses herself to her mother Katherine and sister Anita. Anita grumbles and accuses Peggy of being hung over.

Peggy runs into Father Gill - the new "visiting" priest - on her way out. He's paying no attention to Mass, instead looking out the open door into the street. He recognizes that Peggy was trying to sneak out, but doesn't give her a hard time about it. By some coincidence, he'll be having dinner with them tonight. There's a strange chemistry between him and Peggy right away. She agrees to go back to the Mass with him.

Someone named Caroline calls the Draper household, waking Betty and Don. It's about a barbecue they aren't especially excited about. Don convinces Betty to cancel. They reschedule to Easter. Don's horny, but the kids interrupt. Don kicks them out. I don't know if he and Betty get to finish.

Later, Sally mixes a very strong Bloody Mary for her father in a gold-leaf glass similar to a set my (and apparently everyone's) grandparents used to have. Bobby fiddles with the record player; Betty yells at him, and he lies and says he wasn't touching it. Don agrees to dance with Betty at her request.

Anita's husband Gerry is stretched out on the couch watching baseball when Fr. Gill arrives. Gerry says he has too much back pain to answer the door, sit at the dinner table, or even put on his own shoes. A neighbor joins them for dinner as well - she greets the priest like he's a rock star. Gerry gets up just long enough to greet the priest, then gets horizontal again.

Anita is almost as excited as the neighbor to have a priest in their midst. She asks him to say grace; he gives a warm, off-the-cuff, free-form blessing that does not meet Katherine's approval. She makes him say the standard, formal, generic grace as well. He charms the hell out of the ladies. Katherine brags about Peggy's job. Anita tries to cut her short, but Katherine is too proud of Peggy. Peggy excuses herself. Fr. Gill suddenly realizes it's "late" and offers her a ride home. (If you're wondering, as I was, if the "4th Ave. BMT" was some kind of halfway house for confused unwed mothers, it's actually a stop on the Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit. D'oh!) The women insist on taking a picture before he leaves!

Roger and Mona have dinner with their daughter and her fiance, Brooks. The parents are disappointed and perplexed that the kids don't want a fancy wedding. In fact, despite obviously being in love, they haven't begun making any plans at all.

Outside Peggy's place, Father Gill hesitantly asks Peggy for some advice about public speaking, because he has to say Mass on Palm Sunday next week. She tells him being prepared and confident is helpful, and to make eye contact to focus your message. She also tells him to make the sermon simpler to understand since it's the only part of the service that's in English.

Sally and Bobby join their parents on the bed for snuggling and laughs. Bobby jumps up and down; Betty asks him to stop; he doesn't and the bed collapses. Betty yells at him and tries to send the kids to bed. Sally says they haven't had dinner yet, and Don says it's only 7:30. (I'm really surprised Betty's not on Valium. Maybe it hasn't been invented yet.)

The Lunch Specials board at the restaurant says it's Monday, April 16 already. It also says that corn chowder is 80 cents, so you can tell it's a swanky place! Ken and Pete are having lunch with client Marty. Marty tells what he presumes to be a funny story. Pete laughs a little too hard, and Ken joins in after a moment's hesitation. Vicky, the "date" they've arranged for Marty, shows up. Roger arrives soon after. Vicky introduces herself as Marty's wife. Roger likes Vicky and invites her to tomorrow's meeting. Later, when Roger asks Pete and Ken about Marty's wife, they admit she's not his wife.

Bobbie Barrett - the loudmouth comedian's manager - shows up at Don's office without an appointment. She's all business. She has an idea for a TV show: similar to Candid Camera, but meaner. They think Utz will let Jimmy do this if they think it will make him a more powerful pitchman for their product.

Typing at Lois's old desk, Joan hears someone turn the lock on Don's door.

Don won't help Bobbie sell the show, but he agrees to speak the the Schillings (the Utz people). She tries to seduce him. He rejects her. She doesn't take no for an answer.

Bobby is in hot water again when Don gets home. He broke the record player and lied about it. Don goes up to his room and tells him not to do it again. Although the mere tone of Don's voice seems to shame the boy enough, Betty is disgusted that Don didn't spank him to teach him the difference between right and wrong. Don says it doesn't work that way. She asks if he'd be the man he is now if his father hadn't hit him. Don asks for something to eat.

Confusingly, it's now Sunday, April 15 - Palm Sunday. (Either the church is confused, or the restaurant was.) Betty's still mad at Don. Duck calls - the whole team has to work today because the American Airlines pitch has been moved up to Good Friday. Don hangs up on him when Bobby burns himself on the stove. Betty (who is putting butter on the burn - a big no-no) blames Don. She's even madder when she finds out that she has to take Bobby to the ER while Don goes to work. Don agrees to take Sally with him. Sally is psyched!

Anita's house. Gerry appears to be asleep on the couch with the radio tuned to some Irish guy while everyone else - the family, plus even more neighbors - is at the table. Fr. Gill shows up but can't stay. He asks for Peggy; they say she's sick. (She's at work.) He tells them she helped him with his sermon. Katherine is impressed. Anita seems miffed.

The women at the office think Don is hotter than ever now that they see him with his daughter. Of course he immediately leaves her with Joan. Duck choreographs their pitch to American. He wants them to have three campaigns ready. Don assembles his creative staff.

Sally tells Joan of her plan to someday have "big ones" like Joan's and her mother's.

The mad men have been killing themselves over this campaign. Don reviews what they've prepared. He doesn't like Sal's artwork for the campaign to recruit stewardesses. Paul has created a menu in French. Peggy has picked out a china pattern.

One person who has not been killing himself with work is Roger. He has a date with Vicki in his bedroom. Kissing isn't included; he has to offer her $100 to do it. He warns her about his health. She claims that no one dies doing this. (Ironically, the commercial coming out of Roger's scene is for a mens' hair coloring product.)

Sally pesters Paul while he's trying to work. She sees the picture of Sheila on his desk and asks if she's his maid. When she finds out she's his girlfriend, Sally wants to know if he ever gets on top of her. He sends her out.

There's a makeshift buffet dinner. The secretaries have to wait until the rest of the staff eats. (A few of them glare enviously at Peggy, who is already eating.) Sally is wandering around without supervision. Cooper gets gum on his socks. He yells at Duck's gum-chewing secretary and fires her, then goes back into his office. Duck thanks her for getting Cooper out and assures her that Cooper won't remember firing her!

Don comes out to describe his concept. It's going to be about the future, not the past. It's about the moon. No apologizing for the crash; that happened to someone else. He tells his people to scrap everything and start over. The guys gripe behind Don's (but not Sally's) back until Duck says something positive about Don, possibly meant for Sally's ears.

Bored, Sally sneaks a glass that still has some scotch in it off of someone's desk.

Vicky's done with Roger. He wants her to hang around for dinner. She agrees, only if he pays for the gig she'll have to cancel and takes her to Lutêce. He thinks their $8.50 lunch is way expensive; he's bragging, not complaining.

It's finally quittin' time. Don collects his sleeping child from the sofa. He sees the glass fall out of her hand and sarcastically thanks Joan for babysitting. (I don't think this is headed towards a "Little Girl Lost" subplot, but doesn't she look like Drew Barrymore at that age?)

Peggy calls Anita to find out how the sermon was. Anita says it was good and that the priest gave her a copy for Peggy. After the call, Katherine says it's great that he's getting to know Peggy without her "troubles." Anita complains that Peggy does whatever she wants, with no regard for others.

Gerry is warming up the car, so evidently he can get up sometimes...

Friday, April 20. The mad men are in their best clothes; everything is meticulously laid out for the meeting with American.

Duck comes in looking queasy. His friend Shel - the guy Pete shocked with the news of his father's death in the crash - just got fired from American. Basically, the deal is off, and now they'll just be going through the motions.

Anita goes to Confession with Fr. Gill. The purpose of this confession seems not so much to relieve her conscience, but to let him know what an awful person Peggy is. To be fair, she never mentions her sister by name, but Fr. Gill knows who she is. Anita claims that Peggy is hurting their mother, but it's obvious that Anita's the one who's feeling overburdened and resentful. (I know some people think Katherine is suffering too, but she seems very proud of Peggy to me.)

Anita tells the padre that Peggy "seduced" a married man and had a baby with him; now she doesn't take responsibility for it. Anita feels guilty for hating Peggy and being jealous that everyone admires and helps her. It's unfair, when Anita's been so good - and for what? Father tells her not to judge, and to trust in God to see her goodness and reward her in heaven. For this and a couple of trivial sins, he prescribes 3 Hail Marys, 2 Our Fathers, and to forgive her sister for not being as strong as Anita is.

I've had nearly a week to read what other people have been saying about this, and I am stunned by the way some people have reacted to this scene. They feel that Anita is 100% right and Peggy is the devil. Maybe they don't remember what happened:

Peggy thought she had taken precautions. The doctor didn't tell her that it takes a week for the Pill to kick in. It's not outrageous for her to have been "sure" she couldn't get (or be) pregnant. Even if she had known, her only safe and legal option was to have the baby.
Peggy never seduced Pete. They've been together a grand total of two times, both of which were his idea. The fact that Anita (or anyone) can imagine Peggy as a seductive vixen catching poor innocent Pete in her plush den of sensuality says more about Anita's imagination than about Peggy's character. It was an unplanned encounter with a drunken coworker in a dumpy little apartment.
Pete was not a married man the first time, and in any case it is not Peggy's responsibility to keep Pete faithful to Trudy. (It's not Trudy's responsibility, either. It's Pete's.) Peggy herself was not cheating on anyone.
Anita chose to lead a domestic life. There is nothing wrong with that, but you can't pick one kind of life and then be bitter when you see how well the alternative works out for someone else. Not that Peggy's choice has worked out flawlessly. I don't think that being committed is something to be envious of. Again, Anita has a very selective way of looking at Peggy's life. It's not as glamorous as Anita imagines.
Peggy really was mentally ill (or didn't some people see the last episode of season 1?). No fair saying that she's "using" her breakdown to evade responsibility. Do people in wheelchairs "use" their disability so they don't have to walk? Ridiculous.

Yes, this is a real illness. It is hardly a secret in 2008. Peggy can't deal with the baby. It's not that she "won't" or that she's lazy. She CAN'T. She can barely look at it. Maybe someday she will feel differently; and maybe someday people won't say "vitamins and exercise" dismissively when the subject of postpartum mood disorders comes up. Maybe in another 46 years?
A woman who is supporting herself financially is not evading responsibility. A lazy, irresponsible woman can find someone to mooch off of so she doesn't have to hold down a job. Peggy could "use" her illness to sponge off of her family, but she doesn't.

It's not that I don't sympathize with Anita. Peggy gets praise and freedom and an interesting job, and Anita is left holding the bag (and raising the baby) while her husband snoozes on the couch. I haven't exactly been in Anita's shoes either, but I know how it is to play by the rules and then feel like a sucker.

I am guessing that Peggy couldn't put her child up for adoption because she was committed and therefore wasn't allowed to make decisions. The choice would have been to either have a relative take him, or else place him with strangers in a foster family until Peggy got better. Anita made a big sacrifice for her sister, and Peggy's not giving anything back.

But I doubt Peggy has anything to give.

OK, I'm done.

People are quiet in the boardroom after the American pitch. They know nothing will come of it. Don and Roger speak privately. Don points out that Duck was supposed to bring in new business, and instead he ran Mohawk off. Roger seems very casual about it.

Don comes home early in a foul mood. They're having dinner. Bobby knocks over a full glass of something with the toy robot Betty told him not to play with at the table. Betty tells Don to "do something," so he flings the robot across the room and it smashes to pieces against the wall, scaring the kids. Betty follows him up to their room, saying he takes no responsibility. (Meanwhile, Sally picks up a very large knife to slice some bread in the basket.) They argue about how hard it is for Betty to be "outnumbered" all day at home and he does nothing - except pay for everything they own. He says she's lucky he doesn't bring home his anger from work. The kids listen at the bottom of the stairs.

She shoves him. He shoves her. She tells the kids it's time for bed.

Bobby comes up to apologize to Don. Don says dads get mad sometimes. Bobby asks what Don's dad was like. Don says his father looked like him, but was bigger. He liked ham, and violet candy. He was a farmer. "But he died," Bobby says. "We have to get you a new daddy."

This says so much about what Bobby thinks of his daddy, it makes me sniffle. Don gives him a hug.

Bedtime. Don pretends to be asleep. Betty wants to talk. She accuses him of being one of the children. Don says Bobby is just a little kid. Don's father beat the hell out of him. It didn't make Don a better person, but it did make him fantasize about murdering him. Bobby's not as bad as Don was.

It's Sunday, April 22. There's an Easter egg hunt at church. Peggy tells Fr. Gill she read his sermon from last week and liked it. He gives her an Easter egg "for the little one."

Now Peggy knows that he knows.

Quote of the week: "Let's pretend we know what 1963 looks like." (Don)

Ugly Betty and stars win Imagen awards

2008-08-22T14:03:00.002-04:00

Ugly Betty won Best Primetime Program at the Imagen awards last night.

Tony Plana - Betty's dad Ignacio - won Best Supporting Actor (for his work in Ugly Betty) and a Lifetime Achievement award (for everything else).

Mad Men 1.8: Crossroads

2008-08-21T00:23:00.006-04:00

Earlier this week, I claimed that episode 7 - in which Roger vomits in front of Nixon's people - was my favorite episode ever. I accidentally lied. Episode 8 is actually my favorite: Pete and Joan are both coping with the stifling limitations they've placed on themselves by taking the road-more-traveled. A similar choice stares Sal right in the face, and he decides to play it safe too. Meanwhile Peggy takes a chance that pays off, and Don remembers the stranger whose visit opened up the entire world to young Dickie.

Just to remind us it's 1960, the janitor - a black man - asks permission to share an elevator with Pete and Peggy because the service elevator is out of order.

It's 7 in the morning. No one else is in the office yet. Pete and Peggy go into Pete's office. He shuts the door and confesses that he's hot for her. They're on the sofa. He's tearing her blouse. The janitor sees their silhouettes getting frisky through the frosted glass walls.

Pete admits that he didn't read Peggy's copy for Belle Jolie. He's supposed to be at home today, supervising the packing and moving into the new apartment; clearly he has mixed feelings about this.

Lois, the new switchboard girl, has a crush on Sal the artist. She swoonily eavesdrops as he speaks Italian to his mother on the phone.

Cooper calls Don in for a private meeting and offers Don a $2500 bonus. He pretty much admits it's a blatant bribe to keep Don from joining another company. He also tells Don to read something by Ayn Rand. (Considering that Don is reading modern poetry in the second season, I'd say the Rand experience didn't "take.") Cooper trims a bonsai tree.

Lois goes to the art department, pretending to be "lost," so that she can giggle and flirt. The guys smirk knowingly; they know what she's up to, and they're jealous of Sal.

Trudy ambushes Pete at lunch to get him to go home and watch the movers do their thing. He doesn't want to do it, and he's angry with her for coming the office without calling ahead. He sits on the Sexy Sofa and hurriedly turns over one of the cushions to hide any evidence of the morning's festivities. Trudy is insulted by Pete's seemingly hostile attitude.

Peggy doesn't get to sit in on the Belle Jolie pitch. The client doesn't like the "Mark Your Man" concept. Don gets all indignant and says in that case, forget about it, get out. His imperious approach intrigues the client. Don says women want many choices, but they ultimately choose only one - one man, one lipstick - thus "mark your man." It's about ownership. NOW the client likes it!

After the client leaves, the madmen celebrate with drinks as usual. Don calls Peggy in, supposedly to ask for ice. He has her close the door. Then he offers her a big drink!

The switchboard girls all seem to be proud of Peggy. Joan is snotty. I could write a hundred pages on what Joan's problem is, but I'll just briefly say that if you choose a certain path in life and it doesn't work out the way you would like, then putting down someone who took a chance and got what she really wanted is not going to make your own life any better. (I'll try not to make the same exact speech about Peggy's sister Anita when I recap the most recent episode...)

Everyone's planning to go to a party to celebrate. Pete doesn't want to commit.

Lois rings Sal to connect him to an imaginary call. Then she says oops, silly me, I lost it. (In retrospect, this is one of the few times she had to fake making a mistake.) Then she invites him to the party.

After work, Don goes to see Midge. Roy and some other shaggy friends are there. Midge is angry that Don didn't call first. He wants to take her to Paris. Instead they all smoke pot and listen to Miles Davis.

A blond girl is interested in Don. Roy sarcastically praises Don's way with words, but I hear grudging admiration in his voice. The blond girl's boyfriend is just as disrespectful to her as Don is to people in his own world - so much for this crowd being more "enlightened."

Don has a flashback:

Don's a kid - I suppose I should call him Dickie now. A hobo comes to the house wanting food. Dick's stepmother says "food today, work tomorrow." She is a harsh but honest and stingily compassionate woman. She asks the hobo if he's a Communist and says "they are souls, but they can't be saved." She takes a nickel from a locked cabinet and gives it to the hobo. Archie (Dickie's father) takes it away.

Sal's having dinner the Belle Jolie guy, Elliot. He's shy about admitting that he likes showtunes.

Now we're at the party in a bar. Joan is bad-mouthing Peggy to Lois. Lois is more interested in noticing that Sal isn't there. Pete is just staring into space (evidently he let Trudy spend the entire moving day alone). Peggy's happily doing the Twist and tries to talk to Pete. Pete says, "I don't like you like this." (Meaning successful, confident, happy?) Peggy is hurt, but she doesn't let it spoil her fun. She goes back to her dancing. Pete leaves.

Elliot and Sal have been having a great time. Finally Elliot invites Sal up to his room, saying that it has a great view. Sal hesitates. Elliot takes Sal's brandy glass and takes a slow, deliberate sip with eye contact. Sal is taken aback by this harmless yet bold gesture. Elliot tries to reassure him. Sal feels that he has too much to lose, and he flees in terror.

At Midge's everybody's doing the bunny hop when they hear sirens. They speculate that the neighbor has been beating his wife; they'll need to stay put until the cops leave. Don takes a photo of Roy and Midge, and as the flash goes off...

we're back in the flashback. Dickie tells the hobo that the woman isn't his mom - he's a "whorechild." (There's a word I hope never to have to type again.) The hobo describes himself as a "gentleman of the rails." Dickie thinks it's sad that the hobo doesn't have a home. The hobo says he left his home, and his wife and kids, because he couldn't take the stress. "This place is full of death," he says of Archie's farm. He shows Don how to read some of the hobo symbols - the one that means pie, the one that means vicious dog, the one that recommends that you tell a sad story, and the one that means there's a dishonest man. He gives Dickie a piece of chalk.

As the picture develops, Don sees that Midge and Roy are in love. They deny it. Roy changes the subject to ten people killed in Biloxi. (He is referring to a poorly documented event that took place in April 1960, when some number of African-Americans that has been variously reported as anywhere between 40 to 100 people invited themselves to an all-white beach. All accounts agree that during the ensuing riot, eight blacks and two whites were shot; but some reports say they were all killed, while others say they were only wounded. Not that ten people getting wounded in a race riot is a good thing, but it's better than ten people being killed and I'm shocked that the accounts don't all agree.)

Roy seems to think that this sort of thing is the fault of people like Don who wear neckties, or that Don's kind of people don't contribute positively to society. Don says Roy and his friends do nothing either. Roy says "you invent Want." Don says the universe is indifferent.

Midge says no to Paris. He gives her the check anyway and takes his hat. They warn him that he can't leave while the cops are there. He finds this amusing. He has no reason be afraid of the cops.

Don goes home and wakes Bobby. He tells the boy to ask him anything. Bobby asks how lightning bugs work. Don doesn't know, he says, "but I will never lie to you."

Next day, Peggy shows up extra early for work. Pete doesn't. When he finally does come in, he doesn't look at her.

The hobo completes his work. He hesitates, waiting for the coin that Archie confiscated the day before. Archie doesn't offer it. The hobo leaves. Dickie checks the fencepost out front and sees the "dishonest man" symbol. He looks back at his father, who swindled both the hobo and his own family out of a desperately needed nickel.

Ugly Betty Kicks ALMA

2008-08-19T21:41:00.004-04:00

I don't have any Mad Men stuff for you yet (yeah, I suck) but here's some news that I almost forgot to post - Ugly Betty did pretty well at the ALMAs on Sunday. America Ferrera won Entertainer of the Year (wow!!) and the show also got an award for best Latino-led cast.

(ALMA = American Latino Media Arts. "Alma" is also Spanish for "soul.")

Mad Men 1.7: Your generation may have been tough 20 years ago, but now yer just old

2008-08-18T00:04:00.003-04:00

I'll put up something for the new episode Monday or Tuesday... for now, please enjoy episodes 6 and 7 from last season.

BTW, this was my favorite episode of the first season. It may be my favorite episode ever.

The psychiatrist tells Don about Betty's petty jealousies and childish emotions. He says chronic anxiety is in housewives, but she has deeper issues and it will take more time and more frequent sessions to explore them.

Roger is having milk in his scotch for breakfast - supposedly the milk will help his ulcer. Cooper says that Nixon's people are coming for a meeting soon. He says that when Neville Chamberlain met with Adolf Hitler, Chamberlain was put at a disadvantage by being forbidden to smoke.

Memorial Day weekend is coming up. Roger wants to spend the weekend with Joan, but she's made plans with roommate Carol. In front of Pete, Roger recruits Don for some no-goodery instead. Pete tries to get invited, but is snubbed.

Pete offers to review Peggy's writing for the Belle Jolie lipstick campaign.

Don invites Roger home for dinner. Only after Roger accepts does Don notify Betty, and blames Roger for the short notice.

There's not enough steak for everyone, so Betty doesn't have any. She claims she was fat as a child. Roger tries to charm Betty, and she plays along. They talk about where they went swimming as kids. Roger gets too nosy for Don's tastes.

After dinner, there's drinking and smoking and talking about the war. Roger was in World War II, Don went to Korea. Roger thinks his war was better than Don's war; he thinks his generation is tougher than Don's, too.

Don goes out in search of more booze. While Don is gone, Roger puts the moves on Betty, who is now not finding it so easy to be charming. When Don comes back, he's suspicious of what he sees. Roger is very drunk. He takes a drink in a glass to go. Don gives Betty hell, as if it's her fault that Don's boss is a horndog! She says she was just being friendly, because Roger is Don's boss. He says she's like a little girl. (A little girl whose husband needs to supervise his boss better.)

At the office the next day, the guys laugh at the extra chip 'n' dip tray that Pete got for a wedding present. His mission today is to return it to the store. The madmen are amused that he's running errands for Trudy, but Pete says he doesn't mind.

All sobered up now (relatively speaking), Roger tells Don that he was drunk last night. One time, he went home to the wrong place. Don says Betty wants her glass back.

Pete has trouble with the chip 'n' dip return; he doesn't have a receipt and he doesn't realize that they were registered in Trudy's name and not his. While fighting this battle, he runs into a rich friend from school, who flirts with the store employee behind the counter. She tells Pete she can only give him store credit for the tray. After the friend leaves, leaves Pete tells the girl at the counter that he has diseases. He uses the store credit to buy a rifle, takes it back to the office, and points it at the secretaries.

Nixon's people are coming to the office tomorrow. The madmen discuss Kennedy. Most of them seem to hate him venomously. Don is quiet. Someone compares Kennedy to Elvis. Pete says Elvis doesn't wear a hat either.

At home that night, Don gives Betty more shit about flirting with Roger; meanwhile, Trudy is upset with Pete about the rifle.

Next day, Peggy gives her lipstick copy to Pete for review. He talks about a fantasy he has where he hunts something and brings it to a cabin, where his woman cooks it for him and then watches him eat it. Peggy says, "that would be wonderful."

At lunch, Peggy is hungry and buys a big lunch from the sandwich cart. Her boobs look huge.

Betty goes to the supermarket, where she runs into Helen Bishop. At first Helen seems to try to ignore her, but when Betty approaches her, Helen admits she's very upset that Betty gave a lock of her hair to Glen. Helen says he's just a kid; what's wrong with Betty? Betty slaps Helen right in the produce department. Everybody sees them.

At lunch, Don encourages Roger to eat lots of oysters, drink lots of martinis, smoke lots of cigarettes, and have cheesecake for dessert. They make inane small talk about Lucy and Desi. Roger babbles that he love redheads. He mentions his ulcer. Don gets him to have one more drink.

Betty splits some wine with her pregnant neighbor Francine - they're tasting wines for a dinner party. Francine asks Betty about the slap at the supermarket. She's worried about Betty. Francine supposedly hates Helen, but from the way she's talking it seems more likely that she's terribly jealous. Betty says she hates JFK. She talks about her mother and her doctor. She's nervous that men will someday not find her desirable.

The elevator is out of order because Don bribed the operator before lunch. He and Roger will have to climb the stairs to get to the office on the 23rd floor. A drunk, sickly, exhausted Roger is already whining at the 8.5 floor landing. Don is amused, smoking a cigarette. Roger won't stop for a rest. He groggily gasps again that he loves redheads. He stumbles and says that he lost his tie clip. He sends Don ahead, who makes it to the 23rd floor in surprisingly good condition for a guy who never seems to exercise, unless you count banging his girlfriend.

Nixon's people arrive. Roger finally reaches the lobby. He throws up in front of everyone, woozy and breathless. "Oysters," he explains dizzily. Cooper replies, "I can see that."

The elevator dings behind them.

Mad Men 1.6: Like a dog playing the piano

2008-08-18T00:03:00.003-04:00

It's Mother's Day. Don has prepared a breakfast for Betty. While bringing the tray up the stairs, he slips on a toy and falls. He flashes back to the day of Adam's birth. "He's not my brother," he declares jealously. Grownups explain that he and Adam have the same dad.

Betty is terrified of old age, but she thinks the therapy is helping. Don, who never knew his own mother, disapproves of mourning. Betty tells Don she thinks about sex with him at all day long.

The client wants to promote Israeli as a tourist destination. The madmen have difficulty brainstorming about a place that they associated with Jews, Arabs, and guns. I think one of them says that Bermuda is nearby -- zzt, wrong, Bermuda is in the Atlantic ocean, nowhere near Israel.

I have a note here that says "Roger's wife Mona and troubled daughter Margaret." I don't recall what this is in reference to. It might have been when they showed up at the office and there was some talk of getting Margaret a haircut; Joan charmingly told Mona she'd recommend a good stylist.

Roger and Joan meet somewhere for a tryst. They've been having an affair for a year. Roger wants to "keep" her, but even one week is too long Joan. She says she and her roommate Carol have bigger plans with boyfriends. Roger thinks Joan should get a bird to keep her company instead. Joan jokes that the '61 models are coming out soon, and they have bigger fins; her flippant tone hides a not-too-subtle sadness.

The madmen are still brainstorming Israel. There's a Paul Newman movie out called Exodus. One of them jokes about enjoying danger. Don reminds them to leave religion out of it. Paul thinks the place is "too communist." The movie makes them think of women with guns. Sal says to change it to women and diamonds.

Don calls Rachel to ask her to lunch. A male secretary answers.

At home, Betty tells Don her first kiss was with a Jewish boy. The other girls were jealous. It's incredibly hot; she asks Don to get an air conditioner.

A new client, Belle Jolie, sells lipstick. The men don't understand about lipstick, so they recruit "morons" from the secretarial pool to do a focus group. The madmen watch the women through one-way glass as they try on questions and answer apparently intimidating, complicated questions about lipstick, such as how many lipsticks do they buy in a year. Joan, who is wearing a bright red dress, gives the men a show by sticking her butt out them in the mirrored window.

At lunch, Rachel is amused by Don's mention of the "Exodus" movie. "Don't cross the Israelis," she advises Don. She is annoyed by his ignorance and presumption. Israel is more an idea than a place, she tells him. Utopia means both "a good place" and "a place that can never be."

After the brainstorming session, Peggy refers to the discarded facial tissues as "a basket of kisses." One of the men asks, "who told you that?" (Is that not the most insulting thing? When you say something and someone asks you how you knew that, or who taught you that? Gaaaah!! I'm glad I wasn't born any sooner than I was!) Peggy has other good ideas. Watching through the glass with some other men, Joan (who had no original or clever ideas of her own) is scornful and dismissive. She says it's like watching a dog play the piano. One of the men (I don't remember if it's the client or someone else) wants to give the writing assignment to Peggy.

Rachel calls her sister to talk about men. She hints around about Don.

A very pissy, envious Joan tells Peggy about the writing assignment. She'll get no pay or comp time for this work. It's obvious that Joan is very envious, even if she may not realize it herself. I think she simply sees Peggy as an uppity female who will never gain the prize that is required of all true women - to find a husband.

Don meets with Midge (I'm not sure if he called first). Roy is there. They have plans to listen to hippies, or beatniks, or whatever they were called in 1960, at a coffee house.

Roger and Joan meet for another tryst. He's bought her a bird. Joan is self-conscious about having sex in front of the bird.

Don, Midge, and Roy go to a coffee house full of would-be avant-garde artists mingling with pretentious wannabes and drips. Roy presents Don with questions about his profession which Roy probably thinks are evocative and challenging, but Don finds him self-important and pretentious.

Roy: How do you sleep at night?
Don: On a bed made out of money.

Roy's friend Ian shows up and sings a song about Zion. Don leaves.

Season 2 Mad Men recaps discontinued... sort of

2008-08-11T20:16:00.003-04:00

I am both sad and happy to tell you that AMC is posting thorough, excellent recaps of their own shows in a much more timely manner than I possibly could hope to match.

I'm sad about this because I really enjoy doing the recaps. But I'm happy because neither my carpal tunnel syndrome nor my increasingly screwy sleep disorder could take much more abuse. (Even if I do the recap at a later date, I still have to do it at night, and it takes a while to get it the way I want it.)

Go to this page on AMC's website, which is full of good stuff, and click Episode Guide. I'd just give you that URL to link to, but Episode Guide links to a different page each week. It may link to the previous week's episode, but that's okay; use the navigation links in the sidebar on the right to find the episode you want, or a preview of the next week's episode.

If you still need more Mad Men, this blog posts a great analysis just as each episode is ending. You can't get any more prompt than that! I think this guy gets to watch the shows in advance; he also includes a couple of great stills from each episode. Highly recommended!

Guess I should have researched this before I started doing the recaps, huh?

I still intend to finish the season 1 recaps, just because I hate to leave that unfinished, but they'll be very condensed to just the main plot points. (That was the original plan anyway, but I tend to get carried away....)

For new episodes, I may still continue doing some kind of Mad Men feature, like maybe a "Great Moments in Mad Men Episodes" including memorable quotes and major plot points, or something like that. It might be irresistible not to! But they won't be very detailed.

Mad Men #16, 8/10/08 - 2.3: An episode that won't be nominated for an Emmy

2008-08-11T01:53:00.002-04:00

Hey. They can't all be "The Wheel." This one's a slow episode, but I think it's setting things up for some future excitement.

It's Thursday.

Comedian Jimmy Barrett is shooting an ad for Utz snacks. He's brilliant, but he doesn't slow down when the owners of Utz, the Schillings, show up. They beam with delight to see their favorite comic perform, but then he begins telling jokes about Mrs. Schilling's weight. It takes Ken and Freddie a moment to realize what is happening. Within those few seconds, Jimmy likens her to a blimp, a buffalo, a movie screen, and a whale. Freddie tries to make Jimmy stop, but he's on a roll. Ken ushers the Schillings out.

Betty is at the horse place with her friend, Sara Beth Carson (not Mona Sterling as I had thought last week). Sara Beth is wondering what to get her husband for their ten-year anniversary. They notice that young guy that SB has been admiring; he's not very good with horses. SB says he reminds her of a movie character who learned how to ride in hopes of being accepted in monied society. His fiancee Tara Montague is there; she's amused by his incompetence. Trainer Gertie's contempt for the lad is plain. Betty tries to get away as they approach, but SB makes her stay and be introduced. Tara seems charming and polite, but reveals something of her true character when she says "I've done plenty of things for him, and I'd love to continue doing so."

SB tells Betty she won't be there for some event on Saturday because her daughter has a ballet recital. She dreads seeing her chubby daughter Becky in tights. (This was the girl SB said was saving her lunch money in her pencil-box last week.)

Harry gets Ken's paycheck by mistake and discovers that Ken is making $300 a week. He tries to swap out the torn envelope with his own, but mangles his own envelope even worse. He calls his nauseated, pregnant wife, who gets nervous hearing his tone; when she finds out what's wrong, she is furious. (He is trying to glue the envelope together.) She feels Harry should be paid more than Ken because he's married and has a kid on the way. And he works long hours. She's angry that he doesn't demand more money. He asks if she knows where he can find a windowpane envelope.

Don is watching a French film in a mostly-empty cinema. It's probably something famous, but I don't recognize it. It looks like a montage of photographs with a French voiceover and English subtitles that are too far away to read.

Hmm. Poetry two weeks ago, and now this. Do you think he misses Midge and her friends?

Sal, who seems to be wearing a wedding ring - perhaps Kitty is his wife - is cleaning up some artwork for American Airlines. (I guess this means they got that deal.) Harry asks him for a windowpane envelope, or to fix the one he wrecked; Sal advises him to throw it away (not in the office, since nosy people go through the trash) and then Ken will ask for his check and they'll cut him a new one.

Sal expresses subtle disgust at the $300 figure (he sharpens his pencil and says he wishes Harry hadn't told him). He says media is a meritocracy and Harry's not worth that much. Harry asks what they can do to be worth that much. Sal says the question just proves his point.

Lois buzzes Don and gets Ken's name wrong. It hardly matters since Roger and Ken are already showing themselves in. Roger bums a cigarette from Ken, even though the supply room is full of them; Roger says he doesn't smoke. (So if you smoke only in private, you won't have another heart attack? Is that how it works? Sweet deal.) Lois announces Freddie even as he is walking through the door. Ken says that Freddie's drinking is interfering with his job.

Duck actually waits for Lois's introduction before entering Don's office. They're going to lose Utz as a client! The Schillings aren't answering their phone; Duck (I may start calling him "Captain Obvious") says that "someone" needs to talk to Jimmy. Don thinks it's pointless to talk to Jimmy, but Roger says Don has to fix it. Duck blames Freddie for "getting" Jimmy drunk. Don says they should have told him the Schillings were there; he would have kept them away. Ken says he told Lois, but Don was out.

Don looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He backpedals and says he'll talk to the Schillings and to Jimmy. Meeting over. Roger stays behind and asks where Don was. Don says he was at the printer's. "You should tell your girl that," Roger says, stubbing out the cigarette.

Don calls Lois in. In an extremely rare flash of insight, Lois realizes what's happening even before Don utters the words. She doesn't understand why, though. He tells her she's incompetent. She whines that she tries to cover for him all the time. He says she shouldn't "cover" for him, but manage people's expectations. She doesn't understand what this means. He tells her to stick to switchboard jobs.

Harry's officemate, who's already been miffed by Harry's strange attitude once today, again wonders what's going on. He teases Harry for looking for "ways not to go home." Alone at last, he calls a friend at CBS. That friend doesn't have a job for him; in fact, he's losing sponsors over The Defenders. They're pulling out over an episode called "The Benefactor," which features an abortion in the opening scene. Harry asks him to send a copy to the office. The friend agrees, since he's pretty sure he'll be fired anyway.

It's Friday.

Joan says she'll be Don's secretary until they can replace Lois; there's a touch of sarcasm (and envy?) in her voice as she says she'll find him "another Miss Olsen" (Peggy). He wants to intercept Jimmy at the studio where he's shooting. Joan says he's been running about eight hours late.

Harry watches "The Benefactor" alone in a conference room. He's very uncomfortable; maybe he's thinking of his wife and the baby.

Don meets with Jimmy's manager Bobbie, who is also his "wife." She's scornful and uncooperative. He offers to drive her somewhere in the rain. They get caught in a hailstorm. Stuck in the car, she makes a move on him. He protests, but the third kiss attempt is the charm.

Now he's home. The kids want to go riding with Mommy on Saturday. He supports Betty in saying no. She asks him to babysit. Betty gives him his newly-repaired watch back, monogrammed. Hah! He feels cheap!

Now it's Saturday.

The young guy at the riding school isn't controlling his animal at all. He's letting her graze on the lawn. Betty scolds him for not being firm with the horse. He asks about Sara Beth. He admits he's afraid of animals and would rather shoot them than ride them. His fiancee doesn't understand. The men in her family all ride, but they don't work, so maybe they know something he doesn't.

Don calls Bobbie and sets up a formal restaurant dinner on Monday with him, Betty, Bobbie, Jimmy, and the Schillings. She's somewhat miffed that he's all business, "I'm at home with my children." She makes fun of him "being bad and then going home and being good."

Betty tells the lad, whose name is Arthur, not to smoke in the stables. He is flippant about the possibility of burning the place down. Betty is cold and harsh with him. He thinks Tara is jealous of Betty and Sara Beth. He's frustrated with their relationship. Betty warns him off. He tells her how rich and spoiled Tara is. He thinks Betty is beautiful and nothing like Tara. It bothers him that Tara doesn't need anything that someone else can't give her. Betty says he's just nervous about getting married, but it will be fine.

He says he thinks about her. Betty says she likes him and asks him not to say anything to spoil it. "You're so profoundly sad," he says. (I can't tell whether he's being sincere, or if he's just really good at this stuff.) "No, it's just my people are Nordic," Betty replies. He tries to kiss her. She pushes him away twice. He tries the profoundly sad line again. She says no, she's grateful. She lights a cigarette on her way out. Are her hands shaking?

Betty's still a little shaken up when she gets home. Don tells her about the fancy dinner at Lutêce. She's happy until he mentions Jimmy. From her reaction, I take it she's not a fan. He wants her to be fun and charming. She gripes about the short notice and that she won't have anything special to wear.

It's Monday. The madmen, including Peggy, are watching The Defenders. A man finds out his daughter has had an abortion; he insults her and slaps her. Peggy cringes in the back of the room. Elliot, from Belle Jolie - he's the man who had dinner with Sal in episode 8 last year and made a pass at him (I haven't finished the recap yet) - says he gets the idea. Peggy gratefully turns the projector off.

Harry wants to advertise Belle Jolie's lipstick on that show. They can get in for pennies on the dollar - the controversy will bring in eyeballs. Peggy, their de facto representative for the entire female gender, is asked her opinion. She loyally agrees, though something tells me she'll make an appointment with herself to never watch that show. Ken pipes in with an "idea" too, but Harry cuts him off - evidently the idea is already in the research materials he gave to Elliot. Don smirks at Harry's defensive attitude.

Elliot says Belle Jolie can't advertise with this kind of show. The company's owner wants a wholesome image. Don says they can't get much out of advertising on daytime TV alone. Elliot doesn't want his company to be "part of this debate." Harry pushes it, saying politics are "in" right now, and women will be watching. Don checks him with a glance.

The meeting's over. Elliot thanks Don and says he wishes Belle Jolie were a different kind of company.

Elliot asks Sal how it's going. Sal answers with a stiff "very well, thank you." Aaaaah. Smell that sexual tension!

Roger calls Harry into his office. Roger is vague and mysterious at first; Harry seems to think he's been busted for looking at Ken's check. (I wouldn't be surprised if Roger knew about that too.) But this is about the meeting with Belle Jolie. He and Cooper are impressed. He asks Harry what he wants. Harry says they need a TV department, and he should run it. Roger agrees; Harry is the head and sole member of it. He also asks for a raise; he gets $200 a week now and wants $310. Roger tells him not to be greedy - no one makes anywhere near that much. Instead he offers $225 and business cards. "You drive a hell of a bargain," Roger says. Harry leaves, looking like he's just been struck by lightning.

The Drapers and the Schillings are at Lutêce. (Betty seems to have found time to iron a dress after all.) Jimmy and Bobbie are late. Jimmy is in rare form. Betty pretends to like him. Jim flirts without mercy, asking Betty if little birds hang her laundry, etc. He's rude to the waiter and demands drinks right away. He asks Betty to tell him all about the horses.

Bobbie excuses herself. Jimmy continues to ignore everyone except Betty. Don excuses himself. He finds Bobbie and tells her Jimmy needs to do the apology before the appetizers. She says no, his contract doesn't say that he has to apologize; in fact they have to pay him even if they fire him. A public apology will cost them $25K and newspaper coverage.

Don reaches up Bobbie's dress, pinches her in a sensitive place, and threatens to ruin Jimmy. "Do what I say," he hisses. She seems disappointed when he lets go and goes back to the table.

Harry's wife is happy about the raise, but even happier that she can brag to her coworkers at the phone company that her husband is the head of TV at Sterling Cooper. He opts not to tell her about The Defenders. "You wouldn't like it." (Wow, he really is nervous about that baby!)

At the restaurant, Jimmy is still in fine form, and Betty is still pretending to be charmed. Bobbie comes back to the table and prompts Jimmy. He says he'd rather eat Utz chips than anything at Lutêce. "They have snails here, you know." He gives a spectacular apology to the Schillings. The air is cleared. Dinner can proceed. Don snaps his fingers at a waiter. (I didn't realize there was ever a time when this wasn't considered horribly gauche.)

Betty gets sniffly on the way home. She's happy because the dinner made her feel like a part of his life. "We make a great team."

Do we close with a different song every week? Believe it or not, I didn't notice till tonight. This one ends with "Lollipops and Roses."

Quote of the week: "I miss the Fifties." (Roger)

Next week: A lot more excitement.

Mad Men 1.5: Brought to you by Liberty for the Libertine

2008-08-09T01:19:00.002-04:00

Don and Betty go to an awards dinner, where Don wins a crummy trophy that falls apart before sunup. They drink heavily, drunk-drive home which seems to be PERFECTLY SAFE in 1960, and wake up the next morning with hangovers.

Ken Cosgrove, a junior executive, has been writing short stories on the side - he just got published in Atlantic Monthly. He's very smug about it; Roger even congratulates him personally. The guys are all jealous of Ken - especially Paul, the aspiring writer, and Pete. Pete gripes about it to Trudy at home that night. Apparently he has written a story of his own; all we're told is that there's a hunter and a bear. Trudy tries to be supportive, but it's clear that she thinks it's crap. He asks her to shop his story to an agent she knows named Charlie Fiddich.

Trudy tries, but Charlie is her ex... in fact, he was her first lover. He's not impressed by the story either. He's seeing someone, but he wants Trudy. Trudy says refuses.

Trudy tells Pete that Charlie will publish the story in Boys' Life - for a $40 fee. (I think Ken received $500 for his story.) Trudy tries to be upbeat about it, but Pete is disgusted - both with Charlie and with Trudy. He says it was a year's work. He's frustrated that no one seems to understand how great his story is.

It seems pretty clear that Pete understands what Trudy would have had to do in order to get a better deal out of Charlie; and evidently he's angry with her for not prostituting herself to advance his ego and an undeserved literary career.

That's the end of this storyline - it doesn't leak over into another episode. It's only there to show us how arrogant, conceited, and insensitive Pete is - just in case you weren't sure before. He has lots of raw talent and occasionally comes up with great ideas, but his privileged childhood, pettiness, inexperience, and lack of humility prevent him from seeing just what an amateur he still is.

Another thought I've had about Pete, which isn't directly related to this or any other specific plot point, is that Pete seems to look up to Don as a father figure. Sad choice, since Don doesn't seem to like Pete any better than Pete's own father does.

Now, on to the fun stuff:

Don wonders why they bother attracting women to banks by giving away free toasters. After all, men make the money and they own the accounts. The men brainstorm for a while and realize that discreet, private accounts - "executive accounts," Don elaborates - could be a great idea.

Midge calls for Don. Peggy overhears some of the conversation by mistake and realizes that Don's got a girlfriend.

The Don gets a visitor named Adam Whitman. He insists on calling Don "Dick" (the name, not the insult). Don plays dumb, but it turns out Adam is the younger half-brother that Don abandoned. (I'm actually not sure how much of the backstory they covered in this episode, so maybe we don't know yet that they're only half-brothers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Adam is a janitor at the Empire State building, and in one of the wastebaskets he saw a magazine article with a photo of Don accepting that award.

Adam is visibly delighted to see his brother. He asks Don why he left him. Adam's mom died of stomach cancer. Don says, "Good." Uncle Mac is dead too. Don continues to be reticent. He finally manages to get rid of Adam by agreeing to meet him for lunch at a crummy diner.

A while later, during lunch hour, Betty shows up at the office with Sally and Robert for the family photo. Peggy panics, thinking Don is with Midge; she asks Joan for advice. She lets Joan know a little too much. Joan tells Peggy to keep to keep Betty busy and let Don make up his own excuse when he comes back. Then Peggy can just apologize for being so dumb.

At lunch, Adam is sad, confused, and curious. Don won't tell him anything and discourages him from contacting him again.

Peggy and Betty make small talk in Don's office. Don finally shows up with a great excuse - "I forgot." Peggy apologizes for stupidly forgetting to remind him.

At home later, Betty tells her neighbor Francine that she doesn't like the way the pictures turned out. (Fastest film lab ever!) She think Sally looks fat, and the color is off. She also feels that she wasn't treated like royalty at the office.

The Liberty Capital Bank client shows up for his meeting. Pete flatters Don effusively, but Paul does the pitch. The man will receive his statements at the office instead of at home. Woohoo! "Liberty for the Libertine!"

The client is thrilled. Now he can charge extra for a service that he's been providing anyway!

Speaking of mail that's discreetly sent to the office rather than the home, Adam has sent Don his contact information and some old photos.

Joan tells Peggy to keep Don's private life private and stop judging him.

Betty talks to Don about going to her family's place in Cape May in August. He doesn't like being there; she and the kids will go without him. She also tells him that she likes Peggy, though it's not quite clear that she does...

Don burns the photos that Adam sent. He goes to Adam's place, a dingy little hotel room, and gives him all of his savings - $5,000 - to "leave New York, leave me alone, and make a new life. Pretend I'm dead." Adam's heartbroken, but he doesn't put up a fight. They hug. Don's face is wet.

Later, Betty asks Don if they can get their own summer home, since they had such a good year. Don says they don't have that much money.

Mad Men 1.4: Brought to you by Bethlehem Steel

2008-08-07T21:27:00.000-04:00

Pete's wife Trudy shows up unexpectedly for lunch. Pete is annoyed but agrees to go with her. However, he makes eyes at Peggy on his way out.

Pete and Trudy look at a large, gorgeous flat in the city. Pete makes $3500 a year - not nearly enough to get the flat, which they might be able to get for $30,000. Trudy thinks their parents will help with the cost.

Don runs into Rachel at the office. Paul is her new account executive. She turns down Don's lunch invitation.

Betty sees Helen's ex-husband banging on Helen's front door. He asks if he can use Betty's phone. Betty refuses. Helen comes over later to apologize. She says her ex-husband wasn't interested in the kids while they were married. He had many "friends" in the city, but none were men.

Don comes in and says hello. Helen goes home, where are kids are sleeping alone in the house.

Pete meets with his parents to ask for help with the flat. They come from old money; his father scoffs at Pete's silly little job and says the apartment is on the "wrong street." (It's just a few streets away from what Pete's father considers ideal.) He refuses to help Pete with the money, even though he helped Pete's brother cover up a crime. Pete goes home and tells Trudy that his dad was sick, so he didn't ask for the money.

Next day, Don makes his pitch to the Bethlehem Steel. The client thinks that Sal's artwork is too retro, and the ads look like they're for cities rather than steel. The artwork is exactly as Don had ordered it, but the client is obviously not a city guy. Pete tries to take over the meeting, which frustrates Don even more. Later, Pete confronts Don to ask for respect and a chance to do good work. He says he figured out direct marketing all by himself. Sure someone else came up with the idea first, but Pete thought of it independently. He feels that he's being set up to fail.

Helen asks Betty to babysit while Helen stuffs envelopes for the Kennedy campaign. Helen looks like she's dressed for a date, but she says most of the campaign workers are women. Betty's not sure who "we" are voting for.

Pete and Trudy meet with Trudy's parents. Her father Tom is willing to look at the apartment. Pete hesitates, but Tom has faith in Pete. Pete feels nervous and a little emasculated.

Betty uses the bathroom at Helen's house. She snoops through the drawers and finds Helen's diaphragm. (I thought it was birth control pills at first, but it's only 1960 in this episode. It turns out that the familiar round dispenser didn't come along until 1962, and it wasn't that good-looking.)

Glenn walks in on Betty while she's on the toilet. She scolds him. Later he's sorry. He hugs her and cries. He's smitten with Betty and asks for a lock of her princess hair. She resists at first, but he's so earnest and pathetic that she finally gives it to him.

Pete meets with the client from Bethlehem Steel at a bar and introduces him to some "cousins," i.e. bimbos. He pitches an idea, but the client is not in the mood to talk about business. He assumes that Don put him up to this and that the idea Pete pitched was Don's. Given the client's irritation, Pete doesn't let him know it was his own idea.

Helen comes home from her campaign work with some Kennedy pamphlets.

The next day at work, the Bethlehem Steel guy tells Don he loved the idea that Pete pitched. Now Pete is really angry with himself. Don is angry with Pete too. He tells Pete to pack his things. Then he tells Roger what happened too. They're both furious.

Betty goes to the psychiatrist. She tells the doctor that she feels sorry for Helen. She thinks that Helen is jealous of Betty. She's worried about the boy; she thinks he's not "getting what he needs" from the person who takes care of him.

Roger and Don meet with Cooper, the big boss. Cooper says they can't fire Pete, because his socially influential mom might bad-mouth them to her friends, which include potential clients.

They meet with Pete later. Roger tells Pete that he and Cooper both wanted him fired, but Don went to bat for him. This appeases Don and saves Pete's job.

Later, Don and Roger compare generations. Not surprisingly, it seems that there's some competition between the WW2 generation (Roger) and the Korea generation (Don).

Pete and Trudy go to the apartment with Trudy's parents. The Realtor introduces some neighbors. The neighbor is impressed by Pete's family connections, but Pete seems to be in the shadow of his ancestors.

In other Emmy news...

2008-08-06T10:50:00.005-04:00

The Office has 8 nominations in 7 categories:

Comedy Series
Lead actor/comedy (Steve Carell)
Supporting actor/comedy (Rainn Wilson)
Directing/comedy (2 nominations)
Writing/comedy ("Dinner Party")
Picture editing/comedy
Sound mixing/half-hour comedy or drama

Mad Men has 16 nominations in 14 categories:

Drama Series
Lead actor/drama (Jon Hamm)
Supporting actor/drama (John Slattery)
Guest actor/drama (Robert Morse)
Directing/drama
Writing/drama (2 nominations - "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes," "The Wheel")
Casting/drama
Art direction/single-camera (2 nominations) WON ("Smoke Gets In Your Eyes")
Cinematography/one-hour series WON
Costumes/series
Hairstyling/single-camera WON
Makeup/single-camera (non-prosthetic)
Prosthetic makeup
Main title design WON

Good luck, everyone! Don't you dare come home without a trophy!!
The awards show is September 21.
Get more Emmy nomination info here.

Ugly Betty starts 9/25; plus casting and Emmy news

2008-08-05T11:48:00.004-04:00

And now for something completely different... Ugly Betty news.

Season 3 of Ugly Betty begins September 25.

TVGuide is reporting that Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa will be in the first episode, and Ripa's husband Mark Consuelos will be in the third episode.

No doubt there will be more casting news later. Last spring, they were talking about a story arc for Lindsey Lohan. She appeared in a flashback as one of Betty's childhood tormentors.

I realize that ABC gets a lot more ratings kick for special guests than for bragging about great writing; however, it still bothers me that ABC shoehorns so many celebrity appearances into the show without regard for how these often-irrelevant digressions affect the flow of the episode or the development of the story arc. This can't be easy on the writers.

Ugly Betty didn't get any Emmy nominations for writing this year. I got a distinct impression that the strike really screwed up their plans for season 2; they salvaged it well, but it was clear that there were things missing, like an explanation of what happened to Ignacio when he was in Mexico.

America Ferrara and Vanessa Williams did get Emmy nominations, and the show also got nominations for casting, costuming, hair, and art direction.

I agree about the actresses, casting, and art direction nominations.

The costuming one seems inevitable - actually, a little too easy, almost lazy - given the fashion tie-ins; on the other hand, it takes some real skill to dress Betty as badly as they do.

I had my doubts about the hair styling, but then I remembered a few months ago when all the women on General Hospital suddenly had straight-cut bangs across their foreheads. Then I thought, yeah, the hair in UB isn't so bad.

Mad Men #15, 8/3/08 - 2.2: Overkill

2008-08-04T01:23:00.002-04:00

95 people die in a plane crash.
The agency dumps a faithful client on the outside chance of landing a bigger one.
Pete leverages his father's death, determined to get some posthumous benefit out of the jerk.
Paul plays an ubercruel joke on Joan for being a mean spirited, bigoted bitch.
If I missed any more overkill, I apologize.

Hey pals, if you thought you saw episode 1.4 here earlier and then it disappeared, it's because I made it disappear. I realized that it wasn't a good idea to post that immediately after posting the 2.1 recap... then people would have to scroll through an old recap to get to a new one.

I'm going to leave it out for now, and post it and a few other first-season recaps together later this week.

It's February 28, 1962.

Pete and Trudy go to a party at Paul's swanky bachelor pad that's way far out. Trudy mentions that some of the other madmen are Pete's employees; somehow I missed this, but it would explain why he recently got a bigger office.

Peggy has met a guy named Eugene who went to Princeton with Paul. Paul, who is wearing a neckerchief and smoking a pipe, brags about all the culture in his neighborhood.

Ken's date Donna is smashed. He tries very hard to make time with her.

Sal's girlfriend's name is Kitty - she's the woman who was watching Jackie Kennedy with him last week. I guess that means Lois didn't get to go out with him. Or maybe she did and it didn't last - I mean, it's been 15 months at this point...

Joan is here without a date. Apparently Dr. Boyfriend is on call tonight. Paul claims he has a pain in his right abdomen (not sure if he's joking or not, but there are several organs that can go wrong in that area). She thinks it's lame and pretentious of Paul to have fancy brandy but no sofa.

Paul introduces his "baby" - an African-American girl named Sheila White. Paul is called away to deal with a nosy neighbor; he begs the women not to talk until he comes back.

Joan tries to be friendly, but makes the gaffe of assuming that Sheila can't afford to shop at the market where she works. She also feels compelled to mention that she and Paul dated and that she didn't think he was "open-minded."

Ken notices that Paul took home a typewriter from the office. Someone else was blamed for its disappearance and nearly got fired for it.

Eugene wants to take Peggy home. She turns him down cold and goes home. She sleeps late the next morning, letting the phone ring and ring.

It's March 1, 1962.

On the Sterling-Cooper elevator, Roger Sterling is grumpy about the traffic jam caused by a ticker tape parade in honor of Colonel John Glenn, who, just over a week earlier, became the first American to orbit the Earth. Roger bitterly complains that there's nothing heroic about circling the planet if no one is shooting at you. Don likes Glenn. Roger teases him.

A crowd is gathered around the radio at the office. An American Airlines flight has gone down near Idlewild (now JFK) Airport, killing all 95 people aboard. (This really happened, and it was horrible.) Don tells them to turn off the radio and stop crying. He has them pull all of their Mohawk Airlines ads so that people don't see the Mohawk ad next to a photo of the floating remains of a crashed airplane.

Peggy shows up late with a vacuum cleaner. It looks like an old Electrolux. Nobody notices. She looks at the crowd around the radio and sneaks into her office.

Lois has to be prompted to answer the phone ringing on her desk. The guys start making tasteless jokes about plane crashes. Pete fires off the best one - something about a planeload of dead golfers turning the bay plaid. Even Roger has to crack a smile at that one.

Duck meets with Roger and Cooper. He thinks someone should tell Don to pull all of the Mohawk ads. Man, he's smart. Is it just me, or is anyone else hoping this guy either gets murdered or sent to jail very soon? He has a contact at American Airlines who says the airline will be looking for a PR makeover. Cooper and Sterling are intrigued.

Pete, who told the best airplane crash joke, gets a phone call and starts drinking. He steps out of his office and looks around blankly. Everyone notices that he doesn't look well. Stunned, he strolls into Don's office to say that his brother called. Pete's father was on the plane. Pete doesn't know what to do. He starts babbling. Don closes the door and pours him a drink. Pete keeps asking Don for advice. Don tells him to go home. Pete thinks he's not going to tell anyone. He wonders if he will cry. Don tells him again to go home, because that's what people do. He lies and says that's what he would do, too. Pete is confused because everything seems the same. Don cancels Pete's meeting with a client and sends him home. He tells Pete that there's life, and then there's work.

It's the nicest I've ever seen Don be with Pete.

Still in shock, Pete wanders back to his office. People are still making crash jokes.

Cooper, Sterling, and Duck are waiting for Don. (Way to give your boss a message, Lois!) They break the news about American Airlines wanting a new agency. Don is shocked that they're talking about this while the bodies are still floating in the bay. He wants them to stick with Mohawk, the airline that didn't crash. But American is a national account, and they have to dump Mohawk to even be considered. Duck wants it. Roger plays neutral. Cooper doesn't say anything, but it's clear enough where he stands. Don doesn't want to dump a loyal and timely paying account based on a wink from American. (I can definitely vouch for the merit of Don's point of view. Often, when you have mostly medium-size accounts and then you land a really huge one, you find yourself at the huge client's mercy, to the detriment of your smaller customers.)

Pete's mother frets about the funeral plans. She's sure that older son Bud and the lawyer Dunham will forget something. She's upset that there are no remains. (She spies a pink elephant figurine on some furniture, is offended by it, and demands that Trudy keep it.) Bud's wife says nice things about her dead FIL. "What a nice thing to say," Trudy says with a note of irritation in her voice; I sense some tension.

Pete's brother Bud confidentially reports to Pete that Dad died insolvent, and he also cashed out most of Pete's mother's trust. Not that Pete was expecting to inherit anything, but where'd all the money go? There wasn't a woman; rather, it seems he blew it on oysters, travel, and club memberships. Pete's mom doesn't know. They don't want to tell her. She says their father called his sons "salt" and "pepper." (I don't know which is which.)

That night, Don is not thrilled that Francine and Carlton are coming over to play cards, but he makes nice. Sally gets to play bartender, actually mixing their drinks. (I think she's about 8.) Don complains that she didn't do a good job of "muddling" the ingredients in their Old Fashioneds.

Carlton confides to Don that his babysitter is hot. He complains that Francine is irritable even though he gave up his apartment in the city and is taking her to Nassau.

Peggy brings the vacuum cleaner (evidently, she borrowed it) to her mother's place. Her sister is there too. They're talking about the crash. They heard that sharks (in New York, in March) were feasting on the victims' bodies.

Mom says that "people" have been asking about Peggy. Peggy's not interested. Mom suggests that Peggy light a candle for her father. The sister says their mom lies about Peggy's whereabouts to explain why she's never at their church. Peggy says she's capable of making her own decisions. Her sister says the State of New York didn't think so, and neither did the doctors.

(Ah, so that's where she was for "a few months" as the madmen were saying last week...)

Peggy says goodbye to her mother and sister. The sister prompts her to say goodnight, pointing to a door. Peggy approaches the door nervously and peeks inside, where a terrifying monster stares up at her eagerly from his crib... wait no, that's just her 14-month-old baby. Two other small children are in the room; one of them says says "hi Aunt Peggy." Peggy says nothing and leaves.

Sally and Bobby listen to their parents and the neighbors complain around the card table about urban sprawl. Francine is clearly miffed that her husband turned down the chance to buy that property; the silence is awkward. Next they talk about the crash.

Bobby sneaks down for candy. He says he heard something. Don brings him upstairs. Betty says she doesn't care what the kids do once they're in bed, as long as they're quiet. Don says Bobby saw a ghost and was scared. Betty says he's a liar. He traced a picture of George Washington at school and took credit for what he didn't do. Francine says "the book" says they start fibbing at that age to see if they can make it come true. Betty says she doesn't need a book to know what little boys do. Don smirks.

Later, Betty tells Don that Helen Bishop is trying to prevent the installation of parking meters at the shopping plaza. Does she think this is a great thing? Hell no, it's meant as some kind of slam against Helen for being "chummy" with some administrator at the high school.

She thinks that Carlton's weight gain indicates that he's happy. Don expressed doubt. Betty angrily says that Carlton should be happy and grateful at home after cheating on Francine. Don is not in the mood for a fight. Betty takes out the trash. Don takes another drink and watches her light a cigarette outside. He checks on the sleeping children.

Pete is remembering his last conversation with his father. It was a dumb argument about dog breeds. Trudy knows more about dogs than Pete does; it turns out Pete was wrong. Pete is disappointed that his father won the argument posthumously.

It seems that the strange young Smith boys from last week have been hired; we don't see them, but Paul needs his secretary to give them a copy of some memo. Paul is giving Joan the cold shoulder. He knows Joan said something rude to Sheila, but isn't sure what. "Describe her to me," Joan says cheekily. She mocks him for dating a "checkout girl" (Sheila's an assistant manager). He says Joan's jealous. She thinks he's just doing it to show what a cool guy he is with his fancy apartment and his pipe and his beard. (LOL, she really is jealous. Not sure if it's because she's jealous of Sheila, or if she resents not being able to grow a beard.) Paul stares at her with contempt and stalks off.

Pete broods in his office with the blinds drawn. Duck comes in to pep-talk. He read about Pete's father in the newspaper. Pete says he doesn't want to talk. Duck's father was a Boston adman. Pete realizes he knows little about his father except that he didn't like advertising. Duck says he's noticed Pete's acumen. He breaks the news about trying to land American Airlines as a client. He wants Pete to take a large role. Pete's not comfortable. He hasn't cried yet. Duck apologizes and leaves. (Can I call him "Dick" from now on? I probably shouldn't, since "Dick" was Don's original name...)

A man's arm reaches into a locker and pulls out Joan's new red purse.

Don's annoyed with Lois for bringing him the wrong papers. (This girl is skating on thin ice.) Roger comes in for a meeting and kicks her out rudely. He wants Don to set up a meet with Mohawk in a public but quiet place to dump them. This will show American that they're serious about wanting their business. Even if they don't get the account, it will make them look good just to have been considered. (Don thinks it will merely make them look desperate.) Roger indicates that this is not up for debate.

Pete wants to call his wife. No he doesn't. He looks at Peggy. He breezes past Lois to talk to Don. Don is in a bad mood and throws him out without explanation. (Lois tells Pete that he can leave Don a note. "People do that," she explains solemnly.)

Some people are giggling at a photocopy of Joan's drivers license that's been posted to the bulletin board with her date of birth circled. (Both the bulletin board and the copy machine are still in Peggy's office.) It seems that Joan was born on 2/24/31, which means she just had her 31st birthday! Peggy tries to make it out as a compliment, but Joan is deeply wounded by this cruelty. She wishes people would leave their personal problems at the door. Peggy says she even looks forward to it. Joan makes some bitter observations about people wanting to drag her into the trash so she'll be as miserable as they are.

The Mohawk guy shows up for his dinner meeting/execution with Don. Even though he knows what's coming, he's still shocked and heartbroken when he hears it. Don disavows the decision, but the client doesn't believe him. He recalls that when he signed on with Sterling & Cooper, he was told that Don was the guy who really ran things. He's disappointed that their relationship is ending after all of Don's big promises. "You fooled me," he accuses. He leaves without even a drink.

Duck is pushing hard - maybe a little too hard - to close the deal with Shel, the American Airlines guy. He's surprised when Pete shows up; evidently being blown off by Don helped him make up his mind about throwing in his lot with Duck. Shel says it's too soon to decide yet. Pete points out that it will be a delicate operation to rebuild the public's and stockholders' confidence - he says they'll put someone on the account who knows what they're going through. (Duck suppresses a smirk, perhaps surprised by Pete's cutthroat approach.) Pete leans in for the kill: he tells Shel his father was on that flight.

Shel is taken aback by this borderline-blackmail effort. With a perfectly straight face, Pete says "it's a horrible thing, but hopefully something good will come of it." Shel promises to think about it.

A pretty Asian girl (who almost looks like Betty in a wig and makeup) at the restaurant tries hard to get Don's attention. He stares at her, uncomprehending. She's not his waitress, but she offers to come back. He decides to leave before she can do so.

Peggy goes to church with her sister and mother and her beautiful monstrous blond baby. She sits out Communion. I don't know if the local people realize that the baby's hers, or if they assume it belongs to her sister.

Quote of the week: "I like to offer a nice bouquet of thoughts." (Pete's sister-in-law)

This episode was dedicated to Christopher Allport, the actor who played Pete's father in the first season. Allport died in an avalanche while snowboarding in California this past January. He was 60.

Mad Men 7/27/08 - 2.1: Fourteen Months Later

2008-08-03T18:43:00.004-04:00

It's Valentine's Day, 1962. Fourteen months have passed since the last episode.

Betty is taking riding lessons. I think the woman she's with is Mona (Roger's wife). Whoever it is is saying that her daughter Becky has been saving her lunch money in her pencil case. She is concerned about the dishonesty, but she and Betty agree that it's good that the girl is losing weight. This friend has been flirting with one of the other riding students, a guy who's 25. The friend and the young guy think that the riding instructor, Gertie, has a crush on Betty.

Don has to take a physical exam for insurance. At the ripe old age of 36, he has a blood pressure reading of 160/100. (A top number of 130 is considered high.) He tells the doctor he has five drinks and two packs of cigarettes a day. The doctor warns him about fast living, prescribes reserpine for his blood pressure and phenobarbital to help him relax. (Reserpine is much less popular now due to side effects; phenobarbital is still widely used for certain things, but is no longer the first choice for treating anxiety.)

Don is late for a meeting with the madmen. There's a plate of sandwiches, which they debate eating. Despite having been a junior copywriter for more than a year, Peggy is still treated like a secretary/waitress. They send her into the office to find out where Don is. While she's gone, they make wry comments about her being Don's favorite. One of them (Dale? - still learning their names) thinks Don knocked her up and that's why she disappeared for a few months and came back 9.5 pounds lighter. Pet is sure she went to a fat farm.

Lois, the woman who started out on the switchboard with a crush on Sal, is now Don's secretary. She tells Peggy that Don "said" he went to see Pinocchio. Peggy disapproves of the Lois's dubious look and tone, and scolds her harshly for being indiscreet. Lois is bewildered and upset by Peggy's attitude.

Don is having a big meat 'n' potatoes lunch at a bar. The man sitting next to him is reading Meditations in an Emergency by Frank O'Hara, some of which was written in the very same bar. Don wonders if he would like the book. The man notices Don's type-A attitude ("It's all about getting things done") and thinks not. Don smiles to himself at the man's presumption.

Roger has a talk with Joan. He's clearly trying to move on with Mona, just as Joan has moved on - she's dating a doctor and expecting a marriage proposal soon.

Duck, the manager of Account Services that Don hired at the end of last season, tells Roger he's worried about the Martinson's coffee account. He says the youngsters don't like coffee; people under the age of 25 drink only cola. Freddie, the account manager, doesn't even drink coffee. (Roger points out that Freddie doesn't wear a bra either, but he did okay for Playtex.) Duck thinks their staff is too old. Clients want young writer/artist teams. He asks Roger to talk to Don about getting someone like that, just for the coffee account. Roger asks Duck why he can't talk to Don directly. Duck thinks he's supposed to do everything through Roger rather than deal with him directly. It seems that he needs Roger's advice on how best to approach Don.

Don finally shows up for the meeting. It takes the madmen a moment to get back into the business mood after waiting around for him and gossiping for over an hour. The account is Mohawk Airlines. The staff have clearly been having some trouble coming up with a concept. Don is negative and sarcastic about all of their ideas. He babbles something about Indians and adventure and pirates and conquistadors. "Blah, blah, blah, blah," he concludes eloquently. (Possible interaction of alcohol and phenobarbital?) They're all confused. He babbles some more about a skirt that's a little too short. That's the impression he leaves them all with. He wants to see more tomorrow.

Don pops a pill over deskside cocktails with Roger. Roger tells Don that they need someone younger on the coffee account. "Clients love young talent." Don suspects Duck's involvement. Paul has been tricked into providing a list of prospects. Don tells Roger to tell Duck that clients need to stand out, not fit in. Youth is a fad and young people don't know anything. Roger says fine, prove them wrong.

Don meets Betty at the Hotel Savoy. It seems that he has stopped fooling around in his spare time, perhaps as a result of Betty sneakily telling him via her psychiatrist (at the end of last season, recaps coming soon, I promise!) that she needs him to be faithful.

At the hotel, Betty runs into an old friend, Juanita, from her modeling days. Juanita is with an old guy named Curtis. She seems uncomfortable about giving Betty her phone number. She's wearing a two carat diamond, which she reluctantly tells Betty was a "gift." Later, Don tells Betty that Juanita is a "party girl" - a prostitute. Later, in the hotel room, Betty rationalizes about prostitution and wonders how much Juanita might get for a job.

Pete brings home some chocolate for Trudy. He scolds her for leaving a note in his lunch bag - Hildy, his secretary, saw the note. He demands a chocolate. Trudy's upset because her friend (wife of madman Harry, who kicked him out after he slept with a coworker on election night, but evidently took him back) is expecting a baby. Trudy is jealous of all the pregnant women she sees on the street, and feels left out. Pete doesn't seem to understand.

Back at the hotel, Don is having trouble in bed. (Known side-effect of Reserpine). Betty blames it on alcohol, but also thinks it's her fault and wants Don to tell her "what to do." They call for room service. Betty seems very choosy and indecisive about what she wants to eat.

They watch Jackie Kennedy giving a tour of the White House on TV.

Sal also watches, at home with a woman on his couch. (I can't tell whether that's Lois or not. If it is, her hair is different.) Sal wants to see JFK.

Joan is watching it on a date with her doctor boyfriend. He's horny, so she watches the show over his shoulder.

Pete is watching something else on TV, alone, eating Trudy's chocolates.

Next day, Betty's neighbor Francine is catty about Jackie Kennedy. She thinks that she and John F. looked phony as a couple. Betty says she and Don didn't have time to watch. Francine is jealous, but resigned to her fate as the wife of a philanderer who doesn't love her. Betty tells Francine about Juanita. In her version of the story, Betty's the one who figured out Juanita was a call girl, and Don agreed with her. Francine is titillated. Francine tells a story that when she was running low on money, she'd tell her dad she was going to Havana, and he'd send her money to place bets on his behalf. She didn't go to Havana, and kept the money.

The mad men are meeting at a big table in the main office instead of in the conference room. This was Paul's idea so that he can keep an eye on the activity in the office. Sure enough, two young men arrive for an interview. Paul is surprised to hear that Duck is trying to find younger people. (Some of the other mad men seem to know about it already). Ken feels sure that Don has something up his sleeve, that he'll eventually cause Duck to hang himself.

Don interviews the two guys. One of them is foreign, and his English is very poor, and he's wearing a bulky fisherman's sweater rather than a suit. They're not married, and they've spent their entire careers together (they're only 24 and 25). He asks if they've ever been fired. They both have the same last name (Smith... not a name you'd expect of a guy who doesn't speak English) and call themselves Kurt and Smitty. They're willing to share an office. Duck comes by to admire them. Smitty wants them to keep the meeting quiet (I don't know why). The youngsters leave. Don is sarcastic with Duck and insinuating that Duck can't really reel in the coffee client. Duck accuses Don of being narrow-minded.

Joan is trying to find a place for the new copy machine. It's in the hallway right now. She scolds Lois for crying in the break room. Joan tells her to be more respectful of Peggy. She and Lois look at the copy machine and agree that it can't stay in the hallway.

The madmen meeting has relocated to Pete's office. Peggy suggests marketing Clearasil to much younger girls even though they don't need pimple cream yet. Paul comes in, upset that two even younger guys have shown up for interviews. Peggy says she doesn't get it - she's only 22. "You don't count," Paul tells her. The meeting breaks up to celebrate Harry's (or is it Carey's - the captions aren't consistent) knocking up his wife.

Peggy is left alone with Pete. Pete grumps about kids and asks Peggy if she wants to have kids. "Eventually," she replies. Pete says, "Exactly!"

Peggy and Sal pitch their renovated Mohawk Airlines materials. Don is critical and detached. Today his mind is on sentiment and family. He goes off on Peggy for saying that sex sells, even though he's the one who mentioned short skirts yesterday. He lectures Peggy about how monkeys can't do their job. It's all about people feeling something. It's not about sex. (Sal loafs in the background; Don pretty much ignores him.) Finally Peggy comes up with an idea Don likes. A little boy at the airport asking, "What did you bring me, Daddy?"

Joan has found the ideal place for the copier: Peggy's office. People are Xeroxing their faces.

Two men are sharing graphic tales of seduction in the elevator in front of a very embarrassed woman. Don tells the mouthy man to take his hat off. Finally he takes it off for him.

Betty's car breaks down at night on her way to pick Sally up from ballet lessons. A passing woman agrees to send a tow truck.

Don comes home and pours himself a large drink. He offers Karla, the maid, a ride home. She looks at his full glass of scotch and says it's a nice night (actually, the street is wet) and she'll walk home.

The repair for the fan belt is $9. Betty has only $3. The mechanic offers to put the rest on account, but Betty doesn't want Don to know - he'll blame it on how she drives. The mechanic assures her it has nothing to do with that. She pours on the charm. He asks if she's bargaining. She pushes the point, somewhat playfully, and the mechanic agrees to do it for cost. She teasingly takes his hand as she offers the money. He pulls the money away from her and goes back to his truck.

That was weird. Was she hoping he'd ask for a special favor?

Don reads "Meditations in an Emergency" in his study. He writes a note on the cover: Made me think of you. He walks Polly, the dog, to the mailbox and ships the book off to some unknown person.

Advertising lesson: "There has to be advertising for people who don't have a sense of humor." (Don)

just in case you're wondering...

2008-08-02T03:26:00.001-04:00

...that Mad Men season premiere recap is coming in a few days. I saw the episode and I took notes, but I was sick all weekend and I've also got carpal tunnel and night meetings and errands and ohhhhh woe is me.

Hopefully Thursday will be the night. Maybe not. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. I hate when I can't promise anything, but it's a busy week.

It's going to be later. I will do my best to make sure it's up by the time episode 2 airs, at least!

Mad Men 1.3: Brought to you by small cars and laxatives

2008-07-25T23:35:00.002-04:00

On the train to work, Don is greeted by an old Army buddy who calls him Richard Whitman. Don reacts with restrained politeness.

Pete comes back from his honeymoon and is welcomed warmly... until he goes into his office and finds it occupied by a Chinese family and their chickens. Pete is obviously angered by the joke but pretends that he's flattered.

The madmen are supposed to be coming up with a campaign for Secor laxative. They are much more interested in being mystified by Volkswagen's successful "think small" campaign. Don is particularly mystified by it; almost offended. Others are more cautiously admiring.

Pete gives Peggy a speech about how he's married now.

Pete tells the madmen that he likes the Volkswagen ad and he loves married life. Don continues making little verbal jabs at Pete; Pete keeps trying to ingratiate himself with Don.

Joan won't let Peggy borrow a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover.

The research consultant they put on Rachel's account offers a minimalist approach. Don scoffs. Rachel is impressed by the consultant's research on her competitors, but notes that none of them ever set foot in her store. One of them feebly claims that he went, but she doesn't believe him and Don admits that none have them have been there, and he'll personally correct that.

Pete, who still doesn't have an ounce of true charm in him - just calculated suckuppery - is taken aback by Don's smoothness in dealing with Rachel.

Pete talks to his wife on the phone about dinner. He requests rib eye steak fried in a pan with butter, and ice cream for dessert. (droooool) This is why he loves married life so much. I'd love to come home to the dinner of my choice every day too!

Rachel gives Don a tour of her store. I'm not sure, but I think she gives him some cufflinks. They go up on the roof to meet her guard dogs. Don makes another sexist remark (I didn't write it down, sorry, after a while they're all a blur). Rachel tells him she had a lonely childhood. They kiss. Only then does he admit that he's married. Rachel asks him to put someone else in charge of her account.

Now it's the day of Sally's birthday party. Don has to assemble a little wooden playhouse - it looks just like the big puffy plastic one that's so popular now. He drinks at least four beers during this process; possibly more.

Helen Bishop, the divorcee, is invited with her two kids. The housewives are rudely curious about her. They are obsessed over why she goes for long walks. Where is she going??

She has two kids - son Glen is 9 and the daughter is 2.

Betty mixes a very boozy punch, or else it's the mint juleps that are served later. Betty's pregnant friend is drinking and smoking with the best of them.

One of the party guests corners Don and wants to talk about a "cute" ad. Don is annoyed by the tackiness. The guest has a cute joke, too: A man's wife and his lawyer are both drowning. The man has to make a choice: lunch or a movie? Ahahahaha!! Ugh.

The women watch as one of the kids hops past on crutches. Apparently he had polio.

Helen is wearing capri pants and she owns a Volkswagen. This irritates the women to no end.

The husbands gossip in the yard. The women make small talk, anti-Semitic remarks, discuss their honeymoons. Helen says she went to Paris. One of the wives says that people do a lot of walking around in Paris. There is a hostile tone in her voice. Finally Helen says she likes to walk because it's relaxing. The women don't understand what she means and don't understand how she can go for a walk if she's not going somewhere in particular.

Don takes home movies of the kids. One of the husbands volunteers to "help" Helen with her boy, to play with him and take him to the beach. (He shows no interest in the daughter, which is probably for the best when you think about it.) Helen calls him on his plan. He backpedals. The moment is caught on film (video only; no audio on those old home movies).

He catches another guy with someone else's wife.

Don and the other adults do a lot more drinking.

The kids playing around the playhouse argue like grownups. The wives gripe about Helen behind her back. Betty seems more sympathetic to her. Then they notice that Don is talking to Helen.

Betty sends Don to the bakery to pick up the cake.

An unruly child spills a drink. His father scolds him and tells him to go find his mother and have her clean it up.

Don picks up the cake, pauses in front of the house, then keeps on driving.

Some people leave the party after realizing the cake's not coming. Helen offers a frozen cake from her freezer, saving the party and saving the day.

It's dark. Don is sitting in his car by the railroad tracks. Finally he comes home with a stray dog. The kids are delighted. They name her Polly, which in my opinion is an excellent name for a dog.

Mad Men 1.2: Brought to you by some kind of deodorant

2008-07-25T23:06:00.002-04:00

Don, his boss Roger Sterling (partner at the agency), and their wives are out to dinner. Don sidesteps questions about his childhood. They talk about Roger's neurotic daughter. It seems that girl children are nuisances.

Betty and Roger's wife go to the restroom. Betty's hands are numb and she needs to ask Roger's wife to help her with her lipstick. She tells the other woman that her mother died a few months ago. She's obviously under a lot of emotional stress.

In a meeting the next day, Don is iffy on the idea of the agency getting involved with the Nixon campaign; he says he doesn't vote. His bosses are clearly pro-Nixon.

Peggy rejects a lunch date with one of the junior madmen, but Joan gets Peggy to go out to lunch with them in a group. One of the guys says they're making bets on who will sleep with Peggy first.

Some of the neighborhood housewives meet at Betty's house. They're talking about the PTA
and gossiping about Helen Bishop, a divorced woman with two kids who's just moved into the neighborhood. She works at the jewelry counter in a local store. Their tone is pity mixed with suspicion. One of the women is worried that Helen is bad for property values.

Daughter Sally comes in with a plastic bag over her head. Betty scolds her - because the bag over Sally's head means that the dry cleaning is probably in a heap on the floor.

Later, Betty takes the kids out in the car and her hands get numb so that she can't handle the steering wheel. They have a minor accident, rolling up onto someone's lawn.

Don goes to visit his girlfriend Midge again. She has a new TV, which was given to her by "someone." When Don disapproves, she throws it out the window to end the conversation.

At home that evening, Betty tells Don about the accident. The hospital wasn't able to reach him at work (since he was visiting with Midge). Don's first reaction is to ask if the car is okay. They talk about the problem with her hands. The doctor says there's nothing physically wrong with her, and that she should see a psychiatrist. Don scoffs. (He tells her to leave the dishes for "the girl" - at first I thought he meant Sally, but now I realize he probably means the part-time cleaning lady.)

Betty is willing to see a psychiatrist. Wanting her to get better, Don reluctantly agrees.

The junior madmen pitch a futuristic spaceship-oriented theme to Don to sell deodorant. Don rejects it out of hand. He has the idea to sell deodorant by appealing to women, since they are the ones who actually buy the product - men don't care what they smell like. But Don doesn't know what women want. (Yet he's got a wife, a girlfriend, and another woman in the pipeline... I think women like men who ask them questions about themselves. Don asks a lot of questions, partly out of curiosity as an adman, and partly to deflect questions away from himself.)

Paul the copywriter is depressed that his spaceship idea fizzled. He has lunch with Peggy and shows her around the office. He's a Twilight Zone fan; Peggy can't stand science fiction. He puts a bug in her ear about becoming a copywriter. She's surprised to hear that it's possible for a woman to have such an esteemed job.

Don asks his boss, "What do women want?"

Roger replies, "Who cares?"

After work, Don gives Betty a watch with a tiny face that only young eyes like hers can read. (The very first time she has to squint to read it, she's going to panic and think she's old and ugly.) Betty is worried because she thought for a moment that Sally might have gotten a scar from their minor accident. She thinks that for a girl to grow up with a scar on her face would be be worse than being dead.

Next day, Don takes Betty to the city to meet the doctor. Then he goes to visit his girlfriend, who doesn't want to hear about Betty; it makes her feel bad.

Peggy again rebuffs Paul the copywriter for lunch; he assumes there's someone else. Joan tells Peggy that she should be grateful for all the attention. Despite Peggy's frumpy clothes and sad hairstyle, every man still looks at her. (They look at all the women that way.)

Alone at her desk later, Peggy looks at the postcard Pete sent to the office from Niagara Falls and cries.

Betty's psychiatrist doesn't talk all. He lets Betty ramble on about her mother.

Somehow Don gets his idea for the deodorant ad: women want any excuse to get closer.

He goes to dinner with Betty; the upscale restaurant offers fatty dinners and creamed vegetables.

That night, after Betty is already in bed, Don calls the psychiatrist for a report.

Looks like the psychiatrist can talk after all. His diagnosis: Betty is suffering from anxiety. (DUH!)

Advertising lesson: Sales campaigns come down to what women want.

Mad Men 1.1: Brought to you by Lucky Strike

2008-07-25T22:37:00.003-04:00

As with the Ugly Betty recaps, I'm making up my own episode titles which may or may not coincide with actual titles.

The first few episodes of Mad Men are a little more advertising-oriented, with a focus on a specific product and campaign each week. This focus on the work helps to establish the relationships and pecking order among the mad men, and also gives us some background on office dynamics circa 1960.

Also, it's very entertaining. I was disappointed when this product-of-the-week gimmick vanished after a month or two.

I took these notes during the 7/20 marathon. I wasn't taping it or anything, and I was doing things around the house, scribbling the notes as I went, sometimes squeezing things into margins or in between lines - so there's a good chance that some the stuff within a recap is out of order. My notes were also very rough, so I wasn't able to report every cute line, funny detail, etc.

I STRONGLY recommend that you buy, rent, or borrow the Season One DVDs if you missed an episode. Some of these episodes weren't as fun to watch a second time, but I found every single one spellbinding the first time through!

Advertising executive Don Draper hangs out alone in a bar, brooding over a cigarette advertising campaign. He questions the bartender, a black man, about his brand loyalty and his reasons for smoking. The bartender's boss wants to scold the bartender for being lazy, but Don tells him it's okay. The bartender moves along, miffed.

Draper spends the night on his sofa at the office.

Morning. It's Peggy Olson's first day at the advertising agency. The men, her future coworkers, are already making crude remarks about her as they ride up on the elevator, even though she turns out to be one of the frumpiest "girls" in the office.

Joan, the snotty head of the secretarial pool, takes Peggy under her wing, giving her painfully condescending but valid advice about her appearance, behavior, and job duties.

Peggy is meeting with her new boss, Don Draper - our main mad man - when Pete Campbell, a young account executive, comes in to suck up to Don. Pete is well educated and ambitious, but obviously a neophyte in the business world, and naive about interoffice politics.

Pete is obsequious with Don whenever the two of them are alone, constantly flattering him and trying to impress him; but Don seems not only immune to Pete's solicitous attitude, but hostile. He doesn't always do a good job of hiding his contempt, but Pete keeps trying.

Anyway, Pete comes in and talks to Peggy as if she were a hired stripper. Finally Don kicks him out.

The mad men are worried about a recent court ruling that they can no longer make health claims of any kind in cigarette ads. They meet with a researcher who provides them with a big fat report full of facts and figures about smoking and risk. Don scorns the scholarly research and dry facts; he throws the report in the trash. In their meeting, the guys agree upon and develop the idea that the world is dangerous and you're going to die anyway. Why not tap into that death wish?

Next client: Menkin's Department Store needs a campaign to revitalize their business. The madmen are at a loss because the Menkins are Jewish, and they don't know anything about Jews.

For their meeting with they invite their only Jewish employee, a guy from the mailroom, and pretend he's a team member. This probably would have worked, if Don had met the guy first. Instead, he assumes that the guy from the mailroom is the client and tries to shake his hand. He also tries to shake hands with another man, and assumes that the woman in the room is his secretary.

He's wrong. The man is the assistant, and the woman is Rachel Menkin, who has taken over running the store for her father. She's the client.

The meeting is a disaster. Whether they realize it or not, the madmen are offensive and rude and antisemitic. Finally Don makes a rude remark about having to answer to a woman, or something, and she leaves in a huff.

Good goin', you oaf!

It's lunch time. Don goes to see his artist girlfriend, Midge, in her ultra-cliche beatnik (post-beatnik? pre-hippie?) loft. Aside from the usual nooner activities, he grills her about why she likes to smoke.

Peggy spends her lunch hour at the doctor's appointment. Joan has advised her to go on the Pill as soon as possible, and has hooked her up with this doctor who'll prescribe it. (And who Joan's slept with.) He gives Peggy a quick pelvic examination, all the while making sexist remarks that would earn him a kick in the face or a bad report to the medical board in this century. He tells Peggy he'll prescribe the pills, but he puts a power trip on her - if she abuses the privilege he'll take it away! He prescribes her Enovid for $11/month but neglects to inform her of how it works or how long it takes for the stuff to star working.

Enovid was the first commercially available birth control pill. It was tested in Puerto Rico in 1956. In 1957, the FDA allowed it to be prescribed in the US for "severe menstrual irregularities." The manufacturer included a "warning" on the packaging that Enovid would prevent ovulation.

Of course, there was really no secret as to why so many women were suddenly complaining about their "female problems," but it would have been virtually impossible to market the product otherwise. Birth control products were illegal in some states.

The dosage of this pill was four times higher than what later turned out to be perfectly adequate for contraception; higher doses greatly increase the risk of deadly blood clots.

Enovid was finally FDA approved for birth control on May 11, 1960. It was sold in a bottle.

The first episode of Mad Men takes place in 1960; however, the Mother's Day episode is still a few weeks away. Therefore, it's likely that Enovid was still officially for "female problems" only; Peggy's doctor would have been writing a so-called "off-label" prescription - prescribing a drug for some purpose other than what the FDA had approved. This is very common and not illegal, but it must have given doctors a lot more power over their young unmarried patients.

Anyway. If you want to know more about this stuff, look here.

After the doctor visit, Joan introduces Peggy to the switchboard ladies and tells her to be extra-nice to them because they know everything.

The mad men gather for another cigarette meeting. A man named Salvatore (one of the art department guys) says something about leading a double life. (Bookmark that mentally, please.) A high-ranking Lucky Strike executive doesn't like the "death wish" strategy; Pete then tries to pitch an idea based on the research that Don had earlier spurned. The client doesn't like this either.

Don points out that no advertising based on health benefits means that there's also no competition based on the relative health risks/merits of their products. In a way, it is a boon - it levels the playing field.

He gets the client to describe how their cigarettes are made. The client impatiently describes their process, which is just the same as everyone else's: they cut the tobacco, dry it, toast it, and...

"It's toasted," Don says. They'll base their campaign on that. Sure, everyone else toasts their tobacco too; but Lucky Strike will be the first to brag about it. No one else will be able to talk about their toasted tobacco without looking like a foolish copycat. The client likes the idea. Don has saved the day!

Later, Don confronts Pete, knowing that he stole the tobacco risk report from the trash.

There is talk about helping Nixon's presidential campaign, even though Nixon seems to be doing well on his own and isn't looking for an ad agency.

It's dinner time.

Don meets with Rachel at a restaurant to apologize. She says she's not married because she's not in love. Don says he doesn't believe in love. (He neglects to mention that he's married.)

Rachel doesn't offer him any special favors, but she does agree to give the agency another chance to create a campaign for her store.

At Pete's bachelor party - oh, did I mention, Pete's getting married this weekend? All the other guys from the office are there. They have some "dates," who appear to be employees or "independent contractors" of the gentlemen's club where they're having the party. Pete gets pushy with the girls and they complain.

(At some point during this episode, Don or some other person lectures Pete on how nobody likes him, or something like that. When a hired bimbo can't pretend to like you, that's a bad sign.)

After the bachelor party, Pete goes to Peggy's place. He's a little bit drunk. He announces to Peggy that he's getting married. Peggy lets him in and... and... guess what.

I don't know why. I've heard of people having weird chemistry, but this is ridiculous.

It's now 57 minutes into the episode. Don finally goes home to his wife and kids in the suburbs.

Quote of the hour: "Let's take it a little slow - I don't want to wake up pregnant." (Don)
Advertising lesson of the week: "The point of advertising is to say, 'you're okay.'"

Mad Men season 1 recaps coming soon

2008-07-22T10:06:00.005-04:00

I took some notes during the marathon and will have some brief recaps for all of Season One. No kidding! And no promises as to when... it will depend a lot on how well my new voice recognition software works.

I'd love to get the entire season's worth up by Sunday, but that might be too ambitious. We'll see!

Upcoming changes - Adding "Mad Men," Cutting "The Office"

2008-06-13T13:03:00.005-04:00

A few changes coming up in the next few months:

Coming soon... Mad Men recaps

The new season of AMC's Mad Men begins Sunday, July 27, at 10PM/9C. I'm going to take a crack at recapping these, but I can't swear that I'll be prompt each week. I can promise that my recaps will NOT do justice to the real thing, and I will probably tend to ramble a lot about the sexism and political stuff.

Frankly, I don't even know if my recaps will be worth reading. AMC will be giving you multiple chances to watch each episode, so it's not as if you'll be desperate to catch up.

I'll keep recapping the show as long as it's fun or if it seems that a lot of people really do want the recaps. If nobody's reading and it turns out that I hate the recapping, I'll stop.

If you need to refresh your memory as to what happened in the first season (like I can't remember how Don left it with his hippie girlfriend, or whether Don's boss survived his heart attack or not), watch the marathon starting at noon/11C on Sunday, July 20.

If you can't wait till July 20, the Season 1 DVD goes on sale July 1.

Dropping "Great Moments in Office episodes," but pondering a "Greatest Moments"

When I started doing the Great Moments, typically I'd hear someone say something really funny, then reach for a piece of paper and write it down.

Within a few weeks, however, I found myself sitting dutifully in front of the TV with my laptop, rewinding every time I heard a good line, then going through my long list afterwards, carefully selecting the very best. This made it harder to enjoy the show.

Since I can't seem to do it in moderation, I'm not going to do it as a regular feature any more.

However, if a particularly awesome line sticks in my mind long enough that I can find a piece of paper (which I won't be keeping at hand) and write it down, then it'll still be posted here, in "Greatest Moments in Office episodes." It won't be a weekly feature, though.

Ugly Betty recaps... no end in sight

I plan to continue recapping Ugly Betty for Season 3, as long as I still enjoy the show.

I have to admit that there were a lot of moments in Season 2 when I was tempted to give up - but I think some of the problems had to do with the writers' strike perturbation of the planned story arc. Hopefully, that won't be an issue for Season 3. However, if things don't get better - that is, if the show continues to rely on trendy fashion world guest stars rather than the solid writing that made the first season awesome - I'll have to throw in the towel.

If that happens, I'll let you know in advance, and recommend some other sites that give good Ugly Betty recap.

What of The Apprentice?

I believe there's another season in the offing, probably starting in January 2009. Depending on when it's on, who's in it, and a host of other things, I may do some kind of summary each week... but it's too soon to make any plans yet.

May 22, 2008 (2.18, aka #41): Two Paths Diverge in Queens*

2008-05-24T21:40:00.000-04:00

*See The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

Flashback to 1999. Kimberly (Lindsay Lohan) picks Betty to be on her dodgeball team in gym class. Betty tries to beg off, but Kimberly insists. When the game begins and the other team begins throwing balls at them, Betty's teammates hide behind her to use her as a human shield. (Adding insult to injury, the girl Kimberly didn't choose is actually bigger than Betty!)

Betty is describing this memory to Gio over breakfast at Mode to explaining why she doesn't want to be on the company softball team for the charity game. Gio says the team is hard-up for players - Daniel actually went to Gio's sandwich shop to recruit him. Gio wants to do this as a "couple." Betty is hesitant.

I'm not so much hating the possibility of Lindsay Lohan having a story arc if she comes back as Betty's former classmate. (I don't care who's in the role, I just think it's a great story idea - I had thought that the plan was to have Lindsay Lohan guest-star as herself.)

Gio, who supposedly doesn't want to be Rebound Guy, hounds her for a date. He's going to Italy soon for a month. It's supposedly part of his five-year plan. Betty isn't paying much attention - she's just noticed someone with a stack of advance copies of Hot Flash. Betty grabs one to look for her article. She and Gio thumb eagerly through the magazine.

Eventually they find it... about ten pages from the back of the magazine. It's totally rewritten and contains the word "natch," which is not used by anyone under age 70. When Betty asks Claire about this, Claire tells Betty that the article was too "safe." She asks Betty what she wants to be when she grows up. Betty says she wants to be like Claire and run her own magazine. She loves magazines and wants to speak to people and touch their lives. Claire says that won't happen until Betty starts taking real risks - not just with work, but with her life.

At lunch at the Suarez house, Hilda tells Tony about her love of tater-tots. He has brought fruited jello from school. (She prefers to call him "Coach.") He says she's a rock, she says she's a gem, he says it takes a lot of heat to make a gem. They arrange a date for Saturday.

Alexis is checking out the Mode softball uniforms, which are mostly orange. She suggests a a high-heeled cleat. Daniel is not paying much attention to her - he is busy preparing a presentation for some clients. He is working extra-hard to keep as much work out of Wil's hands as possible. Alexis complains that he doesn't trust her either.

Fido complains to Amanda that the softball uniform does nothing for his bustline. Betty doesn't want to be on the softball team, so she asks Amanda if she can be a cheerleader. Amanda says she'll have to try out. Fido throws some red-and-blue pompoms at Betty which totally don't match the uniforms, and Amanda makes her jump. (Fido takes a picture.) When Betty's done, Amanda says they have no cheerleading uniforms in Betty's size. Betty leaves.

A young French boy approaches to reception desk and asks for Daniel. Amanda doesn't understand him, but offers to put makeup on him.

Daniel's presentation is not going well; the client is confused. Wil openly criticizes Daniel's efforts and offers to donate the proceeds from the softball charity game to the client's favorite charity. Wil says she cares about poor children. (Betty rolls her eyes.) She also cuts a deal with the client.

Daniel vents about this to Betty, who suggests that he work with Wil instead of against her. From across the room, they actually see Wil telling the clients that Daniel doesn't know how to do his job. To lighten the mood (for himself), Daniel makes fun of the "natch" in Betty's article.

At lunch with Gio, Betty vents about the article. (Two meals in a row with a guy she's not sure she wants to be her boyfriend? Hmmmm...) He jokes that she's in a difficult "sitch." He wants to give her a batting lesson. She resists and says she'd rather be the team mascot. He teases her for playing it safe - these are the magic words that change her mind.

Soon Betty is delighted to realize that she really can hit the ball. Gio invites her to go to Rome with him. (He knocks her down to prevent her from getting hit by a ball she hit the wrong way.) He says it would be most romantic first date ever. Betty agrees. He kisses her.

The French boy, who evidently took Amanda up on her offer to put makeup on him, finds Daniel. Daniel speaks no French. Boy speaks no English. Daniel asks if anyone speaks French. The boy sheepishly volunteers. (Little joker!) Eventually, a translator explains that the boy's mom was a model who met Daniel in Paris some years ago, and died recently.

Daniel says her death is a "bummer." (The guy offers to translate this into French, but Daniel declines.) The boy, who is also named Daniel, is in NY on a school trip and wanted to meet his father. Daniel is slow to understand that he is the father.

Betty comes in and babbles to Daniel how she joined the softball team and is going to Rome with Gio ("pickle-napkin Gio," she specifies, in case Daniel is thinking of another Gio). It takes a while for her to notice Daniel's shell-shocked look. Finally, she sees the boy and asks why he's wearing eyeshadow. Daniel explains who the boy is. Daniel doubts that he's really the boy's father; he says people used to do this to his own father all the time, trying to scam for money. He assumes that Wil has put the boy up to this.

Wil scoffs at this elaborate alleged plan. Daniel doesn't believe her and says "you have no moves in this chess game." Wil says that she plays chess, while he only plays checkers. Flustered, Daniel says she still has no moves.

Alone with Fido, Wil admits that she is stunned by this development. She feels that it's a gift from God. "Check and mate," she says. "Queen me," Fido replies.

Daniel and the boy have blood tests. The school will pick up the boy. Betty is concerned that Daniel is so unconcerned about him. Daniel has important plans - a date with three hot models tonight. He's not concerned about the boy, sure that he is definitely not his son. Offended, and clearly understanding more English than Daniel had thought, the boy stomps out of Daniel's office, where he is intercepted by Wil and Fido. Wil is sympathetic to him and invites him to dinner.

At home, Justin is criticizing Hilda for being a tease with Tony, but Ignacio thinks it's good that she's playing it safe because they know so little about the coach. Justin notes that he doesn't sweat. They ask Betty to weigh in on this when she comes home, but she blurts that she's going to Rome with Gio. Ignacio wants to know about sleeping arrangements. Betty doesn't know yet. Hilda points out that, being 24, Betty can't still be a virgin. Ignacio is very displeased!

Justin answers the door. It's Henry. He gets on one knee, presents a ring, and asks Betty to marry him! After sending her nosy family out of the foyer, Betty angrily tells him that she's just starting to get over him. He begs her not to, saying he's in love with her. He wants her to move to Tucson. He's even gotten her a high-paying writing job at a magazine there. He is puzzled by her reticence. He's going back on Monday, and hopes she will come with him. He leaves.

Now Ignacio is trying to talk Betty into going to Rome because it's less scary to him than having her get married and move away. Hilda defends her, but Ignacio angrily says this is not comparable to when he got married and moved away, even though he was younger than Betty and traveled much farther. Come to think of it, he doesn't want her going to Rome either. Betty says she wants advice, not approval. He offers neither.

Daniel Junior has made the news on Fashion TV. They report that his mother was a hand model. (I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to be the one to make it!) There's a scene of Daniel Senior guzzling from a bottle with a model on his arm, while a suspiciously dirt-smudged Daniel Jr. eats out of a Dumpster in an alley. (Claire immediately sees a family resemblance.) Daniel Sr.'s main annoyance is that the school didn't pick the boy up as promised.

Alexis announces that the moody client wants to pull out of her sponsorship because of the bad publicity about Daniel Junior (doesn't look good for a woman involved with a children's charity). Alexis tells Daniel she's going to say he's taking a leave of absence in hopes that it will assuage the client. Daniel reminds her of how he stood up for her when a client wanted to pull out because of her sex-change, even though it almost cost them the magazine. Unmoved, Alexis says she's learning from his mistakes.

Ignacio is ironing angrily at home. Hilda tries to reason with him. She says Betty must seize the opportunity for love, or else boom, it's gone, and she will have nothing. (Remembering Santos.) She goes off to seize Tony.

Betty asks Daniel about the leave of absence. He says it's just for a few weeks. He tells Betty to take a vacation. He says he knows he's the boy's father. He reads the letter that the boy's mother wrote, explaining who his father is and telling the boy to go find him if anything happened to her. Betty reminds him of how bad his relationship with his own father was, and says the boy needs him.

Daniel gives Betty first class tickets for her and Gio's trip to Rome. Betty tells him Henry's marriage proposal. Daniel is not sure how to react at first, but says she should go to Rome because he wants to keep her at Mode. (My opinion, Betty should take the offer that made her happy when she got it, and not the one that upset her. Henry shows up at her door and expects her drop everything, take a job she didn't ask for and move to Tucson to make a lifelong commitment, all within a few days. Despite his insistence, she shouldn't decide that fast.)

Wil, the human gloating machine, gloats to Alexis that the client agreed to stay since Daniel is out of the picture. Alexis thanks her. Wil says she's having to do everything now that Daniel is dealing with his "little bastard." She says it's actually a lot easier to do things by herself. She reminds Alexis of their original plan (last year) to take over Mode together. She says that now that Alexis is in charge, she should do what's best for the company - to give Wil Daniel's job. For Mode's sake.

A man from Junior's school gives the boy's paperwork and passport to Daniel. Daniel shows Junior a telescope and tries to show him all the landmarks in NY, then sees something naughty in a window and stops with the telescope. The conversation is awkward, so Daniel asks the boy if he likes movies. This works a little better - Junior likes Johnny Depp films - but it turns out that he's more interested in actresses who Daniel thinks are hot. They also talk about sports - Junior likes baseball, but not soccer.

Ignacio comes to Mode to talk to Betty. He brings a photo album with pictures from her childhood. They remember the day she wanted to jump off high board at the pool. Ignacio didn't want her to, but she got mad and did it anyway. Betty remembers she was scared. This time, however, she is not sure what she wants. He says he loves her and will support her either way, but only she can decide. She'll have to take a deep breath and jump.

Tony gives Hilda a big amber pendant. ("A fine gem for another fine gem," he says.) He wants to talk. She nervously cuts him off, wanting to get physical. He backs off and tells her that he's not exactly single. He is in a turbulent marriage with intermittent separations. Hilda angrily gets out of the car. He tells Hilda he thinks he's falling for her.

Now it's the Mode vs. Elle charity softball game. Amanda mugs for the Fashion TV camera and tells her alleged fans that she'll soon have a record, or a TV show, or a sex tape, or something.

Junior is excited about seeing Naomi Campbell. Daniel is surprised when the boy also recognizes Fido and says he's droll. The tiny wheels in Daniel's head finally complete their rotation, and only then does Daniel figure out how Fashion TV got its information about Junior.

Gio shows up to play for the Mode team. Betty tries to avoid him, but Fido and Amanda draw his attention when they try to jump on Betty. (She tells them they're rude.) Gio asks if she's avoiding him and asks if she wants to go to Rome.

Now Henry is here in a Mode uniform too (supposedly the team was shorthanded.) Gio tells Henry about Rome. Henry tells Gio about the proposal. Time almost stops.

The game begins. Betty runs away from both of them. The Fashion TV reporter calls the game. Daniel is supposed to bitch, but he's confronting Wil about having his son pick through the garbage. Wil smugly tells Daniel that she's now editor-in-chief.

Then she goes back to the game and offers to pitch. Joe Zee (creative director at Elle is the first at bat. When Wil pitches him out, he tells her he was distracted by how fat she looks in white.

Now Daniel is confronting Alexis. Claire gives her a dirty look. Daniel sees Junior leaning against a tree and they go off together.

Will proceeds to pitch out another Elle person. Naomi Campbell is next at bat. She takes a cell phone call at the batter's box. (Everyone cowers in terror, fearing she'll throw it.) Naomi casually tells Bono that she's busy playing cricket. Wil kisses the ball and throws it to Naomi. Naomi bats it into the outfield. Betty and the two other outfielders - Gio and Henry - all run for it. They collide, and we black out for a commercial!

Betty wakes to breakfast in bed. Henry calls her Mrs. Grubstick. She says she had a dream about the softball game - the day when she made this great choice. He has already made weekend plans for them with his son (Nate) to see the Coolidge Dam. Worried, Betty says she has an article due, but she offers to finish it immediately so that she can go with them.

She goes into the bathroom, which turns out to be a hotel room in Italy. Gio is sitting near the balcony, enjoying music. She tells him she just had a dream that she moved to Tucson. Gio laughs and shows her their itinerary for the day, which he has already drawn up. She asks for an adjustment in the plans, which he happily agrees to.

Betty sits on Gio's lap to snuggle. Henry walks in on them and asks what they're doing. Gio wants to know the same thing. They both tell her to make a choice. She climbs onto the balcony and jumps. She wakes on the softball field, with both teams peering down at her.

Betty says she knows what to do.

Montage:

Hilda looks at the amber pendant.

The Mode staff celebrates their victory in the office, cheering Wil with a big trophy. Alexis is clapping, but looks guilty when she sees Claire giving her a sour look.

Daniel packs up his desk. Junior looks happy just to be with his dad.

Betty is packing a suitcase at home.

Tony is playing basketball alone. Hilda finds him and kisses him.

Now Wil is giving Daniel a smug look.

Betty is going to the door with her luggage.
Hugging Daddy, who gives her a bag lunch.
Hugging Justin.
Out the door, standing on her doorstep.

Now what?

That's it for Season Two of Ugly Betty! Have a great summer, everyone!

My mission for next season will be to learn some synonyms for "gloat," because Wil's never going to stop doing it and I can't keep repeating myself!

Get Naomi Campbell's softball uniform!

2008-05-23T11:20:00.000-04:00

Folks, this auction continues over the weekend, so if you're interested, there's still time to place a bid!

Elle magazine is auctioning off the softball uniform (autographed, of course) that Naomi Campbell wore in the season finale of Ugly Betty. Proceeds will go to charity.

Read the details here.

May 15, 2008 (2.17, aka #40): The Youth Perspective

2008-05-19T21:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay! I'll cover the subplots first:

Amanda

Amanda brags to Fido about the new reality show she's making with her daddy, Gene Simmons. Fido wants to be on the show, but Amanda says he's not "TV-cute."

Fido shows up for the taping anyway. She tries to tell him that it's not her, but Simmons who doesn't want him to be on the show. She says he "hates the gays." Fido confronts him to tell him off, but Simmons thinks he's funny and fabulous, and invites him to be on the show (apparently a future episode).

On camera, Simmons and Amanda mush about their cosmic connection as father and daughter. When the cameras stop, however, he immediately switches into jerk mode and ignores her to take a phone call.

Fido notices and comments about it to Amanda. Amanda says he's just jealous.

Amanda goes to Simmons, sad about her fight with Fido. At first, he is not interested. When she insists that he pay attention to her, he calls the camera over to capture their magical moment. As he leans forward, she notices that his incriminating Tweetie tattoo is smudged. She asks him if he's really her father.

At first, Fido is sarcastic with Amanda after the show. Amanda apologizes for not wanting him around; she didn't want him to see that Simmons is only nice to her when people are looking. He was using her as a publicity stunt.

Fido is relieved that they're not related, because he doesn't want her to look like Simmons someday. But he's sorry she still doesn't know who her family is. Amanda kisses Fido's cheek and says yes, she does.

(Yay, I was wrong about this story line being resolved in a lame manner!)

Wil and the Meades

Wil and her baby have made the news. It's now general knowledge that Bradford Meade is the baby daddy; the press doesn't know who the surrogate is. The Meades decline to give statements.

The company is to be divided equally among Bradford's children, per Brad's will - evidently, this includes children that haven't been born yet. Wil will have control of one third of the company until that child grows up.

She makes her grand return to Mode. She holds out her hand for Daniel to shake. Daniel reluctantly takes it. She tries to pull him in for a hug - he braces his hand against her shoulder to hold her off. Fido snaps a pic of this moment. Then they go to her old office to gloat some more.

Alexis and Daniel agree that Wil won't have any creative input. She'll be outvoted two-to-one on everything. They pinkie swear on it.

Later, Wil crashes an editorial meeting, miffed that she wasn't invited. Daniel wants to do a war-oriented cover. Alexis thinks it's risky. Wil says it's great, but Elle is already doing it a month earlier. She drums her lacquered fingers on the glass conference table and slurps her coffee loudly as Daniel stammers and tries to recover. He becomes flustered and retreats to the restroom to sulk, where he finds Betty scrubbing a note about herself off of the wall. They pep-talk each other and she slaps his ass in encouragement!

Wil and Alexis come up with an alternate on their own: a peace issue. Genius! Dan is impactado when he finds out. He worries that Wil is already starting to take over. Alexis thinks he's paranoid, but Wil throws Daniel a smug look later on while she admires Alexis's bracelet.

Daniel appears on Larry King's show, hoping to spin the spin on Wil's return. He says that Wil is back in name only. Then someone calls and asks about the picture of him shoving Wil. (It's the handshake photo - when Daniel puts his hand up to keep Wil from hugging him, it looks as though he's shoving Wil, with his face twisted into a snarl.) The caller says that Wil deserves credit for what she's accomplished, and accuses Daniel of having problems with women who don't sleep with him. Daniel tells King and the audience that this is just Wil's assistant pretending to be a girl - Wil, the backstabber, surely put him up to this call to cause trouble. King doubts this and says the caller sounds like a girl. The caller mentions that Wil worked 20 years at Mode, while Daniel got his call through nepotism. (Uh... it's a family-owned company!) Daniel says that Wil is a backstabbing, conniving... King's producer reveals that the call is coming from Vermont. Daniel awkwardly backpedals and says that Vermont has nice foliage.

Meanwhile, Wil offers Claire some advice to save Hot Flash - secretly offer free advertising to a big brand, which will make other advertisers want to pay big bucks to be in the magazine. (It is hard to believe that Claire has never heard of this strategy.) Claire is suspicious of Wil's motives, but Wil says that Claire's failure would be one-third hers.

Later, Claire is hopping mad. Alexis has reinstated Wil as creative director of Mode! Alexis points out that Wil saved Hot Flash and resolved the problem with the war/peace cover, while Daniel was off making an ass of himself on national TV.

Daniel confronts Wil. She gloats at how far she's come so quickly. She smugly speculates that she'll soon have his job as editor-in-chief.

Later, Wil thanks Fido for making the call from the Vermont-based cell phone number that she told him to get.

Adventures of the Suarez Sisters

Betty wakes up surrounded by the wreckage of her broken relationship with Henry. Downstairs, the family discusses how much crying she's been doing. She hasn't been eating. But she shows up for breakfast, dressed to go to work wearing the frumpiest outfit she's worn since... uh, ever?

Claire asks Betty to write an article for Hot Flash. She is vague about the assignment - no recommended subject - but wants 300 words from a "youth perspective."

Betty gets sandwiches for a last-minute Mode event. She tells Gio about the writing assigment. He gives her a cookie. He is flattered and a bit smug, saying that he's no doubt the first person she told about the assignment, but she denies it. He says she flirts. She rejects this. He says she's stalking. She is miffed. He says she wants him to be her rebound guy. She protests. He kisses her. She gets into it, then pushes him away and slaps him and storms out of the sandwich shop.

Betty is working on writing the article when she receives an email - someone is sending a photo of Betty kissing Gio all over Mode with the caption "Betty Whorez is out of control!" Everyone laughs. Betty asks Fido and Amanda to send out a retraction. They laugh at this request, but say they like Gio better than Henry... for Betty. Because they feel that Henry is better-looking and sweeter-smelling than Gio. They say Gio loves her... it says so in the mens' room.

Betty goes to the restroom to take care of the note (a poem written by Fido... "more of a haiku," Betty says), and finds Daniel sulking about Wil. She correctly guesses that he got Claire to give her the writing assignment.

Meanwhile, in Queens, Hilda has put on her nicest green dress and push-up bra to flirt with Tony, Justin's gym teacher. She tells Tony she likes to volunteer. He says great, because he needs a chaperone for the dance. Justin is upset and doesn't want anything to do with the dance, but Hilda says yes to being a chaperone. Then she sneezes - she's catching Ignacio's cold.

Later, Betty tells Hilda about the kiss with Gio. She feels guilty - it's too soon after breaking up with Henry. Or is it? Hilda says you can have feelings for more than one man at a time.

Justin gets ready for the dance, dressed as Danny Zuko from Grease. Hilda now has a fever and can't go. Betty volunteers to go in her place - she'll be able to interview kids, get their "youth perspective," and write her article. But Hilda says Justin still has to go to spy on the coach.

Betty is impressed by the decorations have transformed the gym for the dance. Justin says it's just putting lipstick on a pig. Betty tries to interview the kids, but her efforts fall flat. The first kid she encounters turns out to be Gio's sister - by some sick twist of fate, Gio is also chaperoning this dance. He teases Betty about stalking him and frenching. (She complains about his use of the word "frenching.") She is in no joking mood - her article deadline is tomorrow.

Hilda calls in for a status check. Justin reports that the coach is talking to a woman with a lazy eye.

Betty asks a kid if the word "bling" is still in use. The kid flees in terror! Betty is still not getting any useful information. She finds Gio dancing with a group of kids, and pulls him away to ask for help getting quotes. She wants to know how he gets kids to talk to him instead of running away. He says he talks to them like they're people.

He explains that the kids around the gym are younger versions of people they already know. He points out a boy with a girl on each arm - that's Daniel. A girl puts gum in another girl's hair - that's Amanda. A boy who's defacing a banner is Gio.

Gio says that Betty is the one who never had any fun. She denies this and begins listing all of the academic clubs she belonged to. She says she even gave back her Good Citizenship award, because that is what a good citizen does.

Gio points out Young Betty in the bleachers and guesses that she's covering the dance for the school paper. Betty sadly says no, she's waiting for someone to ask her to dance. Betty goes talk to her. Young Betty says she's most looking forward to graduation. Gio requests "True" ("an oldie!" the DJ declares, putting him on my Hate List forever), and dedicates it to Betty. He asks Betty to dance, and has Justin dance with Young Betty. (The song was a hit in 1983, before Betty was born. It's okay, I like songs from before I was born too; this just strikes me as a lame choice.)

Betty soon gets overwhelmed and runs away. Gio finds her on the back stairs. She says she can't have a boyfriend she loves and then just forget about him. She thinks she's awful for dancing with Gio. Gio says she should be herself, instead of worrying about how she should be. She says she's really sad.

Hilda calls in for an update. Justin tells her he's lost track of the coach. Then he tracks Tony down and asks if he likes Hilda. Tony says what is this, junior high? Justin says yes, it is! And that Hilda totally likes him!

Gio is picking the lock on the trophy cabinet, where Betty's Good Citizenship award is stuffed into the back. Gio has the trophy call to Betty with a Mexican accent. Betty questions this; Gio says all trophies have Mexican accents. Betty takes the trophy, but the shelf collapses and the principal catches them. He takes the award and calls Betty a bad citizen. Betty and Gio stifle chuckles.

Tony knocks on the door at the Suarez house. Hilda looks like she's had a constant cold for three years. He has brought her some soup. Hilda says she looks horrible; Tony says she looks great. She invites him in with an enourmous sneeze. He begs off, but says he'd like to go out with her when she's feeling better. Afterwards, she tries to do a happy dance, but has to stop to cough.

Gio and his sister walk Justin and Betty home. He tells the kids that Betty got expelled. At the door, he pulls Betty aside. She says she had fun, and she got an idea for her story: You can be young at any age - she went to her first junior high school dance at age 24. He wishes her luck.

She asks him sorta-out to do something sometime, but he says no. He doesn't want to be the "rebound guy." He just wants to be "the" guy.

I think it's too late. I don't think you can undo rebound status.

Next week: The season finale, with enough mayhem to keep you guessing all summer long.

5/15/08: Great moments in Office episodes (season finale)

2008-05-15T22:00:00.001-04:00

You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans funeral? (Pam)

How much antigravity potion do you want? (Pam)

I don't want your foot money. (Angela)

She stinks with her ways... and her head. (Dwight)

Your job is to make the office lame. (Michael)

Really, what do I do here? I should have written it down. Qua-something... (Creed)

I am totally going to bang Holly. (Kevin)

Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for 12 years... and I am now his cruise director. (Michael)

The real crime, I think, was the beard. (Oscar)

I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. (Kelly)

Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. Fifty years! (Michael)

I went to a sperm bank. (Jan)

Pam, your smile is weird. (Meredith)

May 8, 2008 (2.16, aka #39): Baby Bust

2008-05-09T00:01:00.001-04:00

Betty is enjoying a candlelit dinner at Henry's when Charlie comes home early. She explains that she can't wear a watch because her arms are too fat from being pregnant with Henry's child. She then claims that her blood sugar is low, so she begins eating Henry's dinner.

Betty complains to Christina the next day about how Charlie finds a way to interrupt every date. Christina suggests that Betty and Henry see each other at lunch instead. Betty loves the idea - Christina has yoga class, so she won't be able to butt in.

At Mode, the photographer has canceled because Daniel slept with her and then didn't call her. Claire and Alex want him to get counseling to deal with his grief and his self-destructive behavior. Betty renegotiates with the photographer, but she also suggests therapy to Daniel. She tells him that the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing and expecting it to turn out differently. Therefore, if he keeps saying no to therapy, the non-crazy thing to do would be to say yes to therapy. Betty has already made an appointment for him with a Dr. Wallace.

Meanwhile, at Casa Suarez, Ignacio is cleaning some beans and watching a telenovela with some actors who look familiar, but I'm not sure. He has taken a phone message for Hilda, who can't read his handwriting. Justin's gym teacher called - Justin is flunking gym. Hilda is outraged and wants to confront him, because she doesn't feel that Justin should have to take gym class.

Henry cancels their lunch date because Charlie's yoga partner supposedly canceled and she expects Henry to fill in. Henry admits that he knows she did it on purpose, but he thinks Charlie and Betty should be friends. Betty starts to lose her temper but then decides to do something different (and presumably non-insane). Soo... she volunteers to be Charlie's yoga buddy instead. Charlie is very hostile. When a partner exercise begins, Charlie doesn't let Betty touch her, so the teacher kicks them out. Charlie gripes that she was supposed to be having a baby shower in Tucson this weekend. Betty offers to give her a shower instead, the next day.

Hilda and Coach Diaz. He's hot. Um... oh right, I was doing a recap. He thinks his class is as important as English or Math, and no one should be excused. Hilda scoffs. The coach says all the kid has to do is participate. He also says she could benefit from some exercise. She is enraged, but still enjoys the view as he walks away.

Daniel goes to his appointment. It turns out that Dr. Wallace is a beautiful woman. He tries to flirt with her, so she kicks him out.

Christina also has an appointment, with Wil, Fido, and the obstetrician. The doctor says she and the baby are doing well, and Christina can go back to work. What Wil really wants to know is whether or not she can start telling people about the baby. The doctor offers them a DVD of the sonogram, but she's not interested.

When Christina is alone with the doctor, she sees the name Meade on the DVD case and asks the doctor about it. He says it must be weird carrying a dead man's baby. Christina is impactada.

Betty tells Henry she's doing Charlie's shower. Charlie has requested some specific tamales from a place in Tucson that doesn't ship them overnight, so Betty is going to buy them a first-class airplane ticket. (This is the same Betty who couldn't afford even one coach class ticket to Guadalajara last season during her father's deportation crisis.) Amanda inquires about the party menu (which will include Ignacio's empanadas) and invites herself to the party.

Daniel's back at the doctor. She makes him think about why he flirts - he says he needs to feel wanted. He mentions a disappointing relationship. She asks to hear more of the story.

Wil and Fido get tired of waiting for Christina. They go back to the exam room, but she's already gone. Wil sees the patient record showing the name "Meade," and realizes that Christina knows whose baby she's carrying.

Christina tells Stuart (her supposedly sickly husband who needs $100,000 for an operation) what she's discovered. He thinks they should use the baby as leverage to get more out of Wil.

It looks like Hilda's visit to Coach Diaz backfired - Justin has received "gym detention." Hilda decides to try a new approach - she invites Diaz, whose hair is already perfect, over for a free haircut. She has put on a sexier top for his appointment. He apologizes for saying that she needed a gym class, and says she has a great body. She flirts with him and gets flustered. Diaz promises not to do anything to embarrass Justin in class. (I wish any of my gym teachers had been that nice!) She drools in the mirror at him for a few moments, until he reminds her about the haircut. She picks up the scissors and accidentally nicks his ear. She offers him some alcohol, but picks up the nail polish remover by mistake. Diaz flees in terror.

Daniel's visit to Dr. Wallace has also backfired. Apparently, they had sex during the commercial break. She freaks out and says now she needs to call her shrink. She can't work with Daniel any more.

Betty is having some trouble with the shower plans. The plates she ordered were supposed to have a baby on them, and instead they sent her plates with Old Man Time. She bumps into Claire, who drops her purse. To make Betty feel better, Claire admits she once dropped Daniel on his head into a bucket of ice in Nantucket. Betty says she sent him to a therapist. Claire appreciates the help, but thinks Betty is putting herself through too much.

Betty explains to Claire about the baby shower. Claire gives her a big nasty pinch on the arm and says Betty needs to forget about this soon-to-be-dead relationship and get on with her own life.

The next day, Betty gives Hilda a hard time for going back to see the coach again. Hilda insists that she has to apologize for cutting his ear. Betty tells her to find out his first name. Hilda admits that for the first time since Santos died, she "felt something" when she was talking to Diaz.

Henry shows up before the baby shower. Betty thinks he wants to break up, but instead he wants to stay together forever. This will consist of him using his cousin's airline discount to come out and see her every other weekend. (Like I'm sure Charlie and/or the baby won't have some kind of major crisis every other weekend, too.) Or she can visit him. Or, she suggests, they can meet in the middle, which he has coincidentally already considered, researched, and identified as Springfield, MO. He says she's the most important thing in his life. They kiss.

Charlie shows up for her shower and is displeased to see them together. Henry excuses himself. Charlie complains that Betty's directions to the house were "messed up." She also complains that Betty's house is small and that the food smells "funny."

Christina wakes up from a nap and finds Wil, Fido, and Stu waiting for her. Stu turned her in! Wil offers her whatever she wants. Christina says she doesn't want anything, and leaves. Wil says Christina will be back; she has nowhere else to go.

Amanda arrives for the baby shower (without a gift) and says she can stay only five minutes. She seats herself in front of the food and prepares to eat all of it. On seeing other pregnant women at the shower, she asks why everyone at this party is so fat.

Charlie complains to Betty that the piñata is lined with plastic that will kill the birds at the landfill. (Maybe she should make some jewelry out of it.) Also, the vegetables were not cut recently enough for her liking. Betty offers to cut some more vegetables. Dad notes that Betty's not having any fun. He doesn't think the long-distance thing with Henry will work, either. Once Henry's a parent, things will change. Of course, Betty thinks he's wrong.

Daniel shows up, wanting to borrow money. After a busy night on the town, he has lost his wallet. Then Christina shows up, wanting to talk. Charlie demands soy milk and complains about the plates with the old man on them. Dad agrees to walk with Daniel to get the soy milk while Betty talks to Christina.

Christina is upset about Wil, but she's much more upset about the baby. Betty reassures her. Then Charlie calls up the stairs, demanding her precious tamales.

Amanda worries to the other partygoers that she could become too beautiful if she were to become pregnant. Like, dangerously beautiful. Betty interrupts to serve the special special tamales from Tucson. Charlie barely cracks a smile as Betty gives her the first one. She takes a bite, spits it back into the plate, and says they're soggy.

Betty says she flew the tamales first-class and has knocked herself out to give her this party. Charlie says Betty just wants people to think that, and the party is not what she wanted. Betty calls her a jerk (that's the best she can do?) and explains that she and Henry will be together after Charlie and Henry go back to Tuscon, whether she likes it or not. Charlie is momentarily speechless, but only because her water just broke. (If I didn't know better, I'd say she broke it with sheer willpower, just to be spiteful.)

Amanda, who doesn't seem to know much about pregnancy, says her water broke once too, when she was drinking too much one New Year's Eve.

Hilda visits the coach at school. He suggests that Justin choreograph the cheerleaders for the rest of the year instead of having gym class. He and Hilda exchange first names (he's Tony) and she walks out of the gym with a big goofy grin on her face.

During their walk to the store, Ignacio tells Daniel that he didn't meet someone special until he was feeling good about himself. He talks about how he started adding molasses to his mole recipe, and the boss loved it. Cooking became his passion, and it made him feel better about himself. (Of course, the woman he fell in love with was the boss's wife....) Ignacio tells Daniel to find his own passion.

Christina goes to Wil's place and makes Wil watch the DVD of the baby's heart beating. She demands that Wil think of another life besides her own for a change, and that she love it and give it everything it needs.

Now Charlie is complaining about her labor pains. Amanda comforts her with remembrances of some painful surgery on her nose which, she says, was definitely not a nose job. Charlie looks at Amanda's juice and says she's thirsty. This reminds Amanda that she's still hungry, so she gets up (with her glass) to find more food.

Betty wants to take Charlie to the hospital. There's a taxi waiting. Charlie whines that she wants to go to the birthing center instead and have a natural childbirth, with no drugs. Then she stands up and decides she needs drugs and an ambulance.

When Charlie assumes the position, Amanda finally realizes that there's a baby coming, and she panics and flees. Charlie demands that Betty hold her hand. (Mostly so she can smush it.) She asks why Betty threw her the shower. Betty says she was hoping that if they became friendlier, Charlie would stop coming between her and Henry so often. Charlie apologizes and says it was hard to watch Henry fall in love with someone else - that's why she dated someone else.

The paramedics arrive. The paramedics say she's too dilated too move, and it's too late for drugs, so she's going to have her baby the old-fashioned way. Betty tries to cheer her up by saying this is what she wanted in the first place.

Henry shows up. Betty wants to leave. They ask her to stay, but she doesn't want to.

Back at Mode, Claire and Alexis look at the photos from the last shoot and are not impressed. Daniel comes in, takes one look, and starts finding ways to make them better. He realizes that he doesn't need to keep looking for meaning in his life, because he loves his job already.

The Meades share a toast, but are halted when Wil puts up the sonogram video on a giant display on the wall. She gloats and says she wants to protect the baby and give it "every thing it deserves," namely, 1/3 of the Meade empire. Claire chugs the rest of her drink.

Betty, Hilda, and Ignacio wait in the kitchen until they hear crying. Henry comes in and reports that it's a boy. They hug him and he returns to the living room, where he and Charlie bond with their remarkably clean child.

As Henry beams at his baby, Betty watches her boyfriend transform into her future ex right in front of her eyes. Ignacio holds her to comfort her.

Next week: Gio's still available, and he's got sandwiches. Lots and lots of sandwiches, baby!

5/8/08: Great moments in Office episodes

2008-05-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

(One-hour season finale coming next week!)

I want to get some fresh blood - youthenize this place. (Michael)

Like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. (Andy)

I finished my work months ago. (Creed)

You could be a migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby. (Michael)

You sneezed in my tea and said "don't worry, it's just allergies." (Pam)

People love their junk mail. (Phil)

Kids are very wary about being lured these days. Thank you, Dateline. (Michael)

Pam: Are you serious?
Michael: Yes. And don't call me Surely.

This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? (Michael)

Kiss her. Kiss her good. (Michael)

Oh no! It's LiLo!

2008-05-02T12:35:00.003-04:00

TV Guide is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is in "advanced discussions" to be in the season finale on May 22.

Well, that's okay. I can take just about anything for one episode. What's really scary is that they're also talking about bringing her in for a story arc next season. Get the rest of the story here.

The truth is that I haven't been enjoying the show as much this season. I thought the first season was brilliant, but I am not so thrilled with the second season. I must not be alone in this, because according to TV Guide, ratings have been going down.

There's been more hype about esteemed guest stars, but less focus and less solid writing. What about Betty's dream to become a writer? What about Ignacio leaving Mexico? (Remember, he was being held at gunpoint, then we hear a gunshot and next thing we know he's at home. Excuse me?) You can let a storyline chill for a while and then bring it back, but if you don't at least mention it once in a while it looks as though you've abandoned it.

Meanwhile, I was not interested in the Renee storyline in the least. It went nowhere and seemed like filler - even while Ignacio's story was left hanging. Daniel already got burned last year, by Salma Hayek. What do we gain by seeing him burned again? And we already knew that Wil is an awful person - I felt it was redundant to have her betray her hitherto-unmentioned sister.

And I had hoped that Amanda's search for her father would go someplace that would advance the plot. Instead, it dead-ended with Gene Simmons. Yawn.

The guest stars typically do walk-ons and utter a few lines that barely contribute to the plot, and then they're gone. This is fun when the guest is someone I like, but I could live without it. I don't know how many people tuned in last night just to see Christian Siriano, but to be honest, if I were not recapping the show I would have been less likely to watch. To me, it's a turnoff when the network promotes a minor celebrity's cameo as if they feel it's the best reason to watch the episode.

Looking at it that way, I suppose I should be grateful that they're considering Lindsay Lohan for a story arc. At least it means there's going to be a story arc... I just hope it goes somewhere.

May 1, 2008 (2.15, aka #38): Crazy jealous

2008-05-01T23:26:00.003-04:00

Renee's lack of medicine is about to kick in, and Wilhelmina is already laying the groundwork with Renee's psychiatrist to prepare for the possibility that they might have to commit her "poor sister." The doctor indicates that Renee has to become dangerous before they can commit her against her will. For the second week in a row, Fido expresses discomfort over the possibility that Renee or someone else could be harmed, but Wil has too many secrets at stake to stop now. She plans a lunch with Renee just in case Renee needs a little push to get to crazytown sooner.

Betty is severely overworked, and on top of that, Renee is driving her crazy trying to plan Daniel's time. Gio comes by with a sandwich delivery and advises Betty to speak with Renee if she's crossing the line. Betty sees Henry approach and tries to usher Gio out before Henry can sees him; it doesn't work. But there's no time to talk about that, because Henry has some bad news: Charlie had a panic attack at the airport, and since it could cause her to go into labor early, she's just going to have to hang out at Henry's place until she has the baby. Betty pretends not to be upset, and leaves before Henry can apologize.

Hilda's nemesis, Gina Gambarro, has married a doctor she met on a cruise. She comes back to the neighborhood to gloat and get a manicure. She gloats some more about the size of her closet and the possibility that Hilda was meant to be alone after Santos's death. Then she wants to come back later for a pedicure.

Not wanting to be one-upped by the likes of Gina, Hilda helps herself to some designer things from the Closet. When Gina arrives for her pedicure, Hilda notices that Gina's Prada shoes are fakes. She accuses Gina of lying about the doctor husband, too. Just then, the husband (a chiropractor, not a doctor) comes in, having finally parked the car. Humiliated, Gina says she wants to leave. He says he'll do whatever makes her happy. He tells Hilda her own life must be pretty sad if she enjoys making Gina feel that way. Later, Hilda admits to Betty that while it was fun to embarrass Gina, she wished she had someone who loved her too.

Renee comes to the office to personally rearrange Daniel's schedule for her convenience. She and Betty scuffle over it, and the appointment book is ruined. Betty tells Daniel he's going to have to choose between the two of them; Renee tells Daniel that Betty is obviously in love with him, and he probably did something to provoke it. He believes her, and during his nap he dreams that Betty tries to seduce him!

But wait, it's not even a nap - he's fallen asleep in the middle of a meeting and dreamed that he was having a nap in which he dreamed that Betty was trying to seduce him. Betty covers for him. After the meeting, Betty tries to ask for some advice about relationships, but Daniel misunderstands, gets scared, and runs out.

Later, she tries to suggest that he slow things down with Renee while she brushes lint off his pants. Again, he gets spooked and asks her about Henry. She says she hasn't had much time to spend with him lately and jokes that she's practically Daniel's boyfriend now.

Daniel asks Amanda for advice on how to deal with Betty's crush. Amanda is skeptical about this alleged crush at first, since Betty already has a boyfriend, but Henry's keeping the ex around until the baby gets born, so maybe Betty's into Daniel after all. Amanda also tells him he should be more sensitive about these things, because he wasn't very sensitive with her. Before Daniel can react to this, she mentions that Gio's still interested in Betty too, and if he gives her enough sandwiches she might just fall in love with him. Henry overhears this and asks for clarification - Amanda says Gio's in love with her. (She tries to flirt with Henry, but he just makes a face.)

Renee meets Wil for their lunch date and is angry with Wil for choosing a place that has such bad memories for her. Wil pretends to remember for the first time that this was "Gregory's" favorite place. She apologizes to Renee and warns her that Daniel always used to cheat on his girlfriends. Renee is suspicious of Wil's motives. Wil insists that she's trying to make peace, but mentions "Gregory Larson" again. Then there's a birthday cake full of candles. Wil tells the waiter he must have the wrong table, but Renee flips out at the sight of them and runs out of the restaurant. Smiling, the waiter then accepts a large tip from Wil.

Henry goes to the sandwich shop to tell Gio to stay away from Betty. Gio is offended and invites Henry to punch him. Henry doesn't want to, but Gio throws a fake punch to provoke him. Henry knocks him clear across the room! Mortified, Henry gets a soda out of the cooler to put on Gio's nose, and proceeds to carefully fold an apron into near-oblivion while explaining that he's only got four weeks left with Betty and can't seem to balance his impending fatherhood with being a good boyfriend. Gio advises him to make the most of those four weeks with Betty.

Gio also calls Betty to let her know that Henry was jealous enough to punch him! Christina is impressed, but Betty doesn't have time to hear the rest of the story.

At Wil's place, Christina has taken to listening at the air vent, since Wil has gotten rid of the baby monitor spy system. She overhears Wil mention "the 'M' word" and something about changing the lock on an armoire. As soon as she has a chance, she breaks into the armoire and finds Wil's personal files. She has Betty come over to help her search for information, and they find Wil's personal file on Renee (originally named Rhonda). According to the records, Renee was jealous, paranoid, and a pyromaniac, and had to be hospitalized for six years; there's also a photo of her looking chummy with a Stony Brook professor named Gregory Larson, who perished in a suspicious fire.

Then there's a totally irrelevant subplot about Christian Siriano from Project Runway, which has nothing to do with anything, except that he brings some ridiculously-dressed models with him, and Renee takes one look and flips. She assumes that he's having affairs with all of them, and blames Betty for trying to keep her away from him. (Siriano enjoys the drama.) When Daniel's cell phone rings, Renee grabs his phone, smashes it, and threatens to kill him as she runs out. He uses his desk phone to call Wil and let her know that Renee might be dangerous; Wil gloats and has Fido call the psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist tells Wil and Daniel that without her medication, she will fixate on someone and become violent and set a fire. Daniel asks if she killed Larson (I guess they filled him in on some of the details already), but it turns out that she had actually set the fire to kill his secretary, who she felt was in love with him and trying to keep Renee away from him. He was in the house at the time and that's why he died. Daniel realizes that Betty is in danger.

Meanwhile, Betty tries to call Daniel at the office to warn him, since she can't reach his cell phone. Amanda tells Betty he went home after his crazy girlfriend disrupted his meeting with Siriano. In a panic, Betty rushes to Daniel's place. The apartment is filled with lighted candles; Renee confronts Betty, flicking her Bic all the while. Betty tries to reason with Renee, explaining that she answers his phone and spends time with him at work because that's what assistants do. She tries to explain about Henry and Gio too, but that only confuses Renee, who is now completely off the rails. Daniel calls Betty, and she tells him where she is while struggling with Renee. Renee takes the phone and hungs up.

(As Daniel, Wil, and Fido speed to Daniel's apartment, Fido tells Daniel that he knows several people who would like Betty's job... just in case they're too late.)

Betty continues to stall for time, babbling about Charlie and the baby. Renee grabs a letter opener. Betty tries to defend herself with a candle-snuffer, but gives up.

One of the curtains catches fire from a candle. As the room goes up in flames, Betty tells Renee that there's no reason to be jealous, and Daniel loves her. Renee has a moment of lucidity and realizes she's not well. Betty takes the letter opener away, and she and Renee try to escape, but there's too much fire between them and the door. Daniel gets there, but for some reason is unable to open the door (he says it's "bolted from the inside"). Finally he busts the door open. Betty has already used a fire extinguisher to clear a path to the door. Now Renee has to go back to the hospital. Wil pretends to be concerned. Fido seems truly unsettled.

Hilda treats Betty to a haircut. Betty tells her family she almost understood how Renee felt. Then she wants to go back to work, even though Daniel gave her the day off. She tries to cheer him up. He says he really loved Renee. He also mentions the crush he thinks Betty has on him. Instead of denying it, she teases him about how she wishes she could be his morning bagel.

Betty sees Henry and excuses herself to talk to him. She emphasizes to him that she and Gio are just friends. Henry says she can have any friends she wants; he's just glad she's okay. They hug. Daniels sees them and gets depressed.

Next time: Charlie's baby shower!

5/1/08: Great moments in Office episodes

2008-05-01T21:31:00.001-04:00

If you were a real star, you'd put your face in it. (Jim)

I can't even hear you. It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. (Michael)

That's a racing stripe. (Andy)

I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too. (Stanley)

I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless. (Creed)

In the gang world, we use something called "fluffy fingers." (Darryl)

You are fired like a heart attack. (Michael)

It is a summer Christmas sale-ebration. And we call it a Summer Sales-A-Lot. (Michael)

Cool guest stars feature on TV Guide Online

2008-05-01T11:30:00.003-04:00

TV Guide Online has this neat feature spotlighting some of Ugly Betty's most memorable guest stars.

Unfortunately, the Mexican Betty (okay, "Lety"), Angelica Vale, isn't included. Granted, she's not as well-known in the US, but her appearance on Ugly Betty was an exciting moment for telenovela fans. (Seeing Sebastian Rulli in Ignacio's favorite telenovela was pretty cool too!)

April 24, 2008 (2.14, aka #37): Betty's back!

2008-04-28T19:00:00.002-04:00

Please note! I've updated this recap since I first posted it last week. Most changes are minor, but see below (highlighted in blue) for an important correction.

It's Betty's 24th birthday. She has a dream that she and Henry take a carriage ride through a fairy tale countryside, with fireworks in the sky. Then the alarm goes off, waking her up.

She's taken the day off, and she and Henry have plans to spend the weekend in the Poconos. But Charlie answers the door at Henry's apartment - all smug and pregnant. She just had to come up on this particular weekend to attend some special parenting seminar. Henry offers to ditch the seminar, but Betty insists that he go to it; instead, they'll celebrate her birthday tonight in the city. She'll make all the arrangements. (She takes some satisfaction in being able to tell Charlie where Henry keeps the toothpaste!)

She goes to the office to snag some tickets to a concert in Central Park with fireworks, and uses Mode's name to score dinner reservations at the most romantic restaurant in Manhattan. Gio (sporting a new haircut) comes by to chat and says he's missed her, but Betty nervously claims that she's been busy. When she mentions that it's her birthday and describes her plans with Henry, Gio mentions a carriage ride; Betty is taken aback that he remembered the romantic idea from the dream she forgot, but she tries not to show it.

Unfortunately, Daniel's forgotten that it's Betty's birthday, and tries to put her to work. Later, she cheers up and he walks towards her with a gigantic gift, but she soon discovers that it's for his girlfriend Renee and he's only asking Betty to make sure she gets it! He muses aloud that he always seems to lets women down - especially the ones he cares about the most.

Hilda brings some of her father's homemade cupcakes to Henry's place so that he and Betty will have them during the concert. (Henry is out getting flowers for Betty.) Charlie gloats to Hilda's face that Betty's birthday plans are ruined. Hilda gloats right back that Betty and Henry have new plans and that she's got Betty's back. On her way out, she scratches grooves into the drywall with her fingernails to prove her point!

Charlie eats the cupcakes and smiles as she comes up with a new evil plan.

Rewinding to this morning:

Wil visits Daniel at his loft to warn him that her sister, Renee, is crazy and dangerous. She tells him to ask her about Stony Brook.

Christina, who is still living with Wil during her pregnancy, catches some of Renee's wrath when she tries to light a candle - Renee puts out the candle with her bare hands and shrieks at Christina not to light any candles. Christina tries to tell Betty about Renee's weirdness on the phone, but Justin has completely bejeweled Betty's phone and it's no longer working properly. Christina hides a baby monitor in the pantry in hopes that she'll overhear something interesting.

Renee comes to see Daniel at the office to tell him she's found an apartment near his place. He reacts cautiously and asks about Stony Brook. She tells him it's where she went to college and indeed, she partied a little, but insists that it was no big deal. However, she's offended and chastises him for taking Wil's word for anything.

Renee confronts Wil about telling Daniel about Stony Brook. (Christina overhears on the baby monitor and writes "Stone Brook" down.) Renee tells Wil that she can find out and expose Wil's secrets too.

Later, Fido comes to Wil's place while Wil is out. Renee plies him with chocolate martinis and gets him to reveal that the father of Wil's baby (being carried by Christina) is Bradford Meade - and that Wil stole the sperm from his corpse in hopes of getting one third of the Meade family fortune.

Renee gloats to Wil when she gets Daniel's gift, "with all his love." She shows Wil that she has a recording of Fido's drunken revelations. She tells Wil to leave her and Daniel alone, or Wil's plot to inherit will be foiled. She gloats some more that she'll be spending the night at Daniel's place.

Wil angrily goes to Fido and has him go into Daniel's place (she has a key). He finds her green bag and goes through it. Then, he goes through Daniel's underwear drawer and gleefully finds some mesh underwear. Daniel catches him, so Fido pretends to try to seduce him. Daniel smells a rat, but Fido flees before he can be questioned. This only strengthens his conviction that Wil is just trying to cause trouble.

Daniel apologizes to Renee for doubting her. She confesses that she had a breakdown when she was in college, went to a facility, still sees a psychiatrist, and takes psychiatric medication. (Not exactly unusual these days - hardly blackmail material.) Daniel is unfazed and asks her to move in. Renee calls Wil to rub her nose in it and says the recording is in a safe place, but she could release it at the slightest provocation. Afterwards, Wil scoffs at the drunken recording, and Fido confirms to Wil that he swapped out Renee's anti-crazy pills with Wil's similar-looking fat-blocker pills. Wil gloats in anticipation of Renee going to the "nuthouse."

Later, at Wil's place, Fido expresses concern about Wil messing with her sister. Wil darkly hints that Renee's all kinds of evil. Just as she's about to explain further, they hear static. Wil finds the baby monitor hidden in the pantry. She presses a button and says "at least I stop short of murder." (When I first did this recap, I didn't see her press the button, and assumed she said that especially for Christina to hear. Now it's clear that she turned the monitor off first.)

Meanwhile, Claire's new magazine, Hot Flash, is proving to be an ambitious and expensive project; Daniel had assumed that his mother was just trying to cheer herself up and didn't expect it to ever be published. When Alexis broaches the subject of cost, Claire becomes depressed and discouraged - she hasn't even hired a staff yet. Betty finds her crying in the bathroom and encourages her not to give up. She reminds Claire that she has access to more resources than anyone - she ought to be able to put a magazine together. To thank Betty, Claire donates her earrings for Betty to wear on her birthday date.

Later, Claire pep-talks her new staff with a motivational speech and says they're all family. (Given the Meade family history, I'm not sure if that's what they need to hear.) It turns out that her new staff are former convicts on a special work program. They're well-positioned to produce a magazine for women who have found their lives suddenly changed!

Back to Betty's birthday:

Henry leaves messages at Betty's house, office, and cell phone that he can't make their date, because Charlie has suddenly gotten sick and he has to take her to the hospital. Betty's family immediately begins preparing a birthday party, complete with a piñata and more cupcakes. Unfortunately, the bejeweled phone isn't working well, and Betty gets only half of Henry's message: "...go to the restaurant... I'll meet up with you... I love you." (It was more like "Don't go to the restaurant, I'll meet up with you later, I'm so sorry, I love you.")

Gio comes to the office with a piece of pie and a birthday candle for Betty. There, he finds Henry's message for Betty.

After waiting alone at the restaurant for a long time, Betty orders fondue for two. The snooty waiter, who seems determined to make Betty's lonely birthday dinner as humilating as possible, kicks her out because a happy couple is celebrating an anniversary. He offers her a doggie bag for the cheese, and people snicker. (She accepts it - it's a plain ziptop plastic bag! They wouldn't even put it in a tinfoil swan or something!)

Outside the restaurant, however, Gio shows up with a carriage (borrowed from his cousin), ostensibly to deliver Henry's message. He makes it sound as though the carriage is a totally casual thing, and offers Betty a ride so that her birthday won't be a total loss. It's not as romantic as Betty had dreamed; at one point, the horse stops to take a dump. Betty and Gio bond over the imperfect nature of life. She mentions that Henry's leaving for Arizona after the baby's born anyway. Gio insists that they go to Central Park to catch the end of the concert and the fireworks.

Back in Queens, there's a knock on the Suarez door - it's Henry. It turns out that Charlie was fine. Henry suspects that she was just trying to wreck his evening with Betty. DUH!

A wheel on the carriage breaks. Betty falls out of the carriage and into a puddle, messing up her dress. Gio has only one tiny napkin from his deli to dab her face. He apologizes for not giving her such a great evening. They're going to miss the fireworks.

Just then, a plume of sparks lights up the sky. They look up - people are welding high up on a nearby building. Betty puts her head on Gio's shoulder, watching the makeshift fireworks.

It's late when she gets home, but she is touched when she sees the colorful decorations and the piñata. Henry is asleep on the couch. Betty thanks her father for the party she missed. He says she'll always be his little girl and maybe she doesn't need cupcakes any more. Betty says she will always need cupcakes.

There's a gift from Daniel that he left a few weeks in advance, knowing he'd forget on her actual birthday. (It's book-sized, but we don't get to see what it is.)

Betty wakes Henry and says she didn't want to wake him. He wishes her a happy birthday. The kiss chastely. He apologizes that her birthday "wasn't perfect." (He doesn't promise to grow a spine and stop letting Charlie walk all over him.) They snuggle on the couch.

Next week: Renee thinks Betty is the Other Woman.

4/24/08: Great moments in Office episodes

2008-04-24T21:29:00.001-04:00

They lack a certain Crawford-ness. (Michael)

If I had created a website with so many problems, I would kill myself. (Kelly)

I am not applauding sarcastically. (Michael)

This is a group that respects good ideas the one time a year that they hear one. (Jim)

Do you live in a regular-sized house? (Dwight)

It's weevil season, but we were prepared. (Dwight)

Do you have powers? (Dwight)

This place is like a sexy preschool. (Michael)

4/17/08: Great moments in Office episodes

2008-04-17T21:51:00.002-04:00

Desperate situations yield the quickest results. (Michael)

Hello Oscar Meyer wiener-lover. (Michael)

Wendy: hot and juicy redhead... (Kevin, via Michael)

I am ready to get hurt again. (Michael)

How am I going to pay my kids' orphanage bills? (Andy)

Wait till next year's chair catalog comes out, and find someone who's still alive. (Dwight)

Will you wait for one second while I tie my shoe? (Jim)

4/10/08: Great moments in Office episodes

2008-04-11T11:25:00.002-04:00

I only have six wine glasses. (Michael)

This will be great to cook with. (Jan)

You can buy new stuff, but you can't buy a new party. (Pam)

Rhymes with "Parnold Schwarzenegger" (Michael)

It's purely carnal, and that's all you need to know. (Dwight)

The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit. (Angela)

I would like to BURN your candles. (Michael)

There was a great vasectomy quote, but I missed it. Sorry!

New Betty 4/24

2008-03-29T21:00:00.001-04:00

That's the word on the street. Mark your calendars! :)

Celebrity Apprentice week 13, 3/27/08: Adkins sings; money talks

2008-03-29T16:24:00.000-04:00

Also check out my Celebrity Apprentice Scorecard and charity information!

I'm not saying they overdid the padding on this two-hour episode... but there wasn't any new information to write down for this recap until nearly 13 minutes in.

The contestants continue calling around to sell tickets and get auctionables. Morgan calls Sharon Osbourne, who offers something, and Andrew Lloyd Webber offers tickets to his Phantom sequel. In the van, he continues placing calls, even to people he doesn't know (I'm not sure who was the "Howard" he called).

Baldwin just sits and watches Morgan dial for dollars. (He openly admires Morgan's money-gettin' magic powers, and the two men make up for their previous clashes.

Meanwhile, Adkins worries about the Backstreet Boys pulling a diva act and causing problems. One of them has a last-minute request for black nail polish. He still can't find the wheatgrass juice. (The live audience laughs at most of the Adkins segments.) Adkins is embarrassed that a cowboy and a prize fighter have to go to the drugstore to buy nail polish for a man. (It's not clear to me why they both have to go - the stuff isn't that heavy.)

Baldwin and Alt try selling more tickets later. We're not privy to any of Alt's efforts, but Baldwin's are shockingly feeble. It seems that "just sitting" was almost as effective an approach as making phone calls. He doesn't try to cajole his contacts at all, or use his contacts to get more contacts, or push the charity angle at all (at least not that we're allowed to see). Morgan worries they won't get rid of all their tickets.

At the same time, a bunch of country music stars are already on their way to the airport!

Now we're at the event site. Henner is setting up in her usual frenetic manner; Adkins is flustered by the mayhem. He is re-energized when his wife and kids show up.

When the caterer arrives, Alt wants them to set up right away, but Morgan advises pushing the alcohol and holding back on the food. He feels that drunken, wealthy celebrities are more likely to loosen their purse strings.

The Backstreet Boys show up. Someone needs a knee brace for a minor injury. Adkins is POed and begins referring to them as "BSB." He also still doesn't have any wheatgrass juice. He seems to have no idea where a knee brace can be found.

There are more guffaws from the live audience watching this footage - I'm wondering if they haven't all been drinking too. It's not that funny! And I'll point out that Adkins doesn't dance in his show, so of course he wouldn't need a knee brace!

Adkins asks them if some wheatgrass juice he's located would be adequate. Instead of saying "yes, thank you," the reply is, "do they make it themselves?" Arrrgh! I do feel Adkin's pain! He tells us that he has personally done shows with a broken leg, another time with kidney stones, and once had 18 inches of colon removed after doing a show, so he is not impressed by the BSBs' sissy requests. (Sissy my word, not his, but it's clear from his tone that he thinks they're sissy requests.)

Adkins and Morgan engage in some friendly trash talk outside. Then the event begins. Morgan schmoozes with his guests. They probably donate big money, but we don't get to see. The country music stars arrive. Ronnie Milsap donates 5K from Grand Old Opry. Dean Sams gives 10K. Someone gives 5K in greenbacks.

Morgan's soldiers show up. Morgan hopes their presence will encourage people to bid more money.

The first auction item was selected by Adkins in last week's episode - a set of souvenirs from the first 40 Superbowls. It goes for 18K.

Next is tea with Sarah, the Duchess of York, provided by Morgan. It goes from 15K to 100K in one bid. The winner is Howard Lutnick from Cantor Fitzgerald, an investment company that lost four floors' worth of employees - two-thirds of its workforce - in the September 11 attacks in 2001.

The third item is dinner with Trace Adkins. People are slow to bid. I really have to wonder what is wrong with these people. Ivanka bids 6K, and that's it! She wins! He tells his wife he may not come home!

Item four (provided by Morgan) is an evening with Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne. The bidding starts at 20K, but if you bid more than 50K, Ozzy and his band will fly to your place and play for you. Someone bids 50K right away, but Lutnik doubles the bid and wins.

So far, we've got $24,000 in auction items for Adkins and $200,000 for Morgan. Hmmmm.

Lots more items are sold; we don't get to hear the amounts. The final item was chosen by Morgan in last week's episode - a shopping spree with Ivanka Trump. She'll buy you 10K worth of stuff. A man bids 20K and looks very happy. Then Professional Annoying Person Simon Cowell phones in a bid for 50K. The smiling man ups his bid to 60K. Simon goes to 75K. The smiling man counterbids 85K. Simon bids 100K and wins.

I guess the smiling man wasn't given enough bourbon.

Adkins and Lewis are aghast. Adkins is sour with Morgan for stealing the spotlight during the auction with that phone call.

He never did track down that wheatgrass juice, but the BSBs seem happy with their nail polish, knee brace, and other items.

In the boardroom

Trump asks Lewis who he prefers to work for - Adkins or Morgan. Lewis says Adkins, because he's a better motivator. Morgan says he and Lewis are friends for life.

There's some discussion as to why Morgan chose Baldwin. I seem to recall that Morgan never much liked working with the women, and Adkins chose Lewis first, so I don't think Morgan had much choice.

Trump asks if the Backstreet Boys were difficult. Adkins talks about the stuff on their rider. He's still particularly traumatized by the Black Nail Polish Incident. He says he was afraid they'd refuse to perform. Henner says they were in a better mood closer to showtime. Ivanka asks if it offended Adkins professionally to be treated that way; she thought they should be embarrassed to be like that around a fellow musician. Morgan thinks Adkins should have been tough on them. Trump thinks they would have balked at Morgan's attitude, or maybe not. Adkins said he could have pulled rank on them or personally beaten them all up, but wanted them to keep them happy. Morgan is sure he would have handled it better.

Trump asks Alt who she felt did better, and she feels that it was Morgan because he raised more money.

Auction: Morgan 376K vs. Adkins 64K
Tickets: Morgan 12K vs. Adkins 38K

Junior tries to pretend that this means that they're even because each outperformed the other on one task. Is anyone feeling any suspense at all?

Morgan makes a big deal about how he gave half his tickets away to soldiers and otherwise pulverized Adkins on money. Offended, Adkins says a richer person's gigantic donation maybe isn't as big a deal to them as a smaller donation is to someone of more modest means. (I agree with him, but it's beside the point.) Morgan takes umbrage at this for some reason and demands an apology. Adkins doesn't apologize. Trump defends both points of view.

Trump complains of lack of food at the event. Morgan says he meant to do that. Trump says that's why he doesn't drink - because he doesn't like being manipulated under the influence. Former drunk Baldwin also disapproves of taking advantage of drunks. Morgan puts Baldwin down for his drinking problem five years ago. Trump defends Baldwin and admires that he overcame his problems. Morgan complains that Baldwin is two-faced and not so noble outside the boardroom. Catholics are Christians too.

Trump notes Morgan is sweating. Morgan says it's because he's British. Ivanka agrees that Morgan should not have made those remarks about Baldwin. He demands to know the criteria for winning - isn't it about money, or is it about some other thing.

Adkins says he thought his job was to represent his charity in an honorable way, and raise money for them too, but not in a way that would dishonor them. In his opinion, Morgan has occasionally behaved poorly. But he also says that they worked together to make it a great event.

After the commercial, the rest is live.

Adkins points out that both Jim Cramer and Erin Burnett thought that Morgan should be fired, even though the whole thing is supposedly about raising money. Morgan says nicer things about Adkins, but with tongue in cheek.

And now the testimonials. The fired people come back, in roughly the same order in which they were fired - but Simmons is shooting movie in Japan, and Omarosa doesn't come in right away. First there is a montage of precious moments between Omarosa and Morgan. Then Omarosa joins them on the stage. She's wearing a weird sparkly dress that looks like it's hot pink with some kind of yellow pattern. She says she doesn't like Morgan because he doesn't floss. The joke falls flat.

Trump questions some of the others about Adkins and Morgan. (Note that some of the women never worked with either man because their team was defeated week after week.)

Lewis: Morgan is high-strung, lacks tact. (Doesn't say anything about Morgan.)

Alt: Not insulted that Morgan didn't choose her for his team - business is business. Instead of saying something about Trace, with whom she never worked, she expresses that she's still sore that Trump fired her prematurely. He busts her chops for a while, then says she's done a great job.

Baldwin: Trump asks if he did a lousy job for Morgan on purpose. Baldwin sidesteps the question and says Adkins is ten times better than Morgan.

Pastore: Trump asks if he wishes he didn't resign. Pastore says yes, and jokes about some evening on the town with Lewis.

Lewis jumps in and says that at one time, Morgan was better.

Henner: Great experience, fun, no sleep, "suited my energy," all her friends should do the next one. (No, please tell me there won't be another.)

Trump asks Finch if she'll win another gold medal. She says yes.

Comaneci: Hi

Trump asks for a show of hands. More people raise their hands for Adkins, and they raise them higher.

Ortiz, Fallon, and Galan don't get to talk at all.

There's a montage of Simmons being conceited. It's like his super power. Now, live from Japan, Simmons says he loves Kodak but thinks they were foolish not to use his idea instead of the other team's, which doubled their sales. he feels that this was short-sighted of Kodak. Kodak's Chief Business Development Officer Jeff Hayzlett says they've been saying "Kodak World" for years - so Gene's appoach was not fresh. Simmons is asked, Morgan vs. Adkins, Simmons says Morgan made more cash, but Adkins is like the US flag (he says a lot more than that, but it doesn't particularly make any sense). Conclusion: Simmons says Adkins is better.

There's a video for each charity. In his video, Adkins and his wife talk about wondering every moment if their daughter is safe at school - she could die in seven minutes if touched by a kid with peanut butter on her hands, or milk. They have to educate her classmates.

Adkins does a live song performance.

In Morgan's video, Morgan meets with severely wounded servicemen at the Center for the Intrepid in San Antonio, TX. Among other things, the charity makes prosthetics. Soldiers talk about their injuries and rehab. Morgan meets with a 21-year-old soldier who was blinded and had both legs amputated. I wish we could have seen this less dickish side of Morgan more often. I found his abusive behavior extremely tedious. I prefer a consistently decent person to a Jeckyll & Hyde act.

He meets onstage with a group of Marine and Army friends who personally commend Morgan for raising the money. Trump thanks the soldiers, and Adkins shakes all their hands.

Trump says they raised over $1 million for charity this season, and he's going to throw in another $250,000 for the winner's charity. (It's not clear to me whether he is referring to the original $250,000 he was already going to give away, or if he means he's doubling it.)

Trump congratulates all of the celebrities. Not wanting to be upstaged in the patriotism round, Adkins says good things about the soldiers and is glad Morgan raised money for them. Adkins says he received a merit award from the USO last year. On the other hand, not enough people know about food allergies. Three million fathers live in fear of what will happen to their kids at school each day. (I suppose the mothers just sit at home eating bonbons without a care in the world.) He speaks passionately about saving children's lives.

Morgan says Adkins could win a nice guy award, but this is about raising money for charity, and Morgan's better at that. He summarizes his victories throughout the series. It's impressive. Trump: "You were not loved."

Ivanka says she respects both of them, but if Morgan had a better "bedside manner," they would have decided this already. Morgan makes a crack about his "bedside manner." Ivanka says that comment only proved her point. Morgan says he's worked harder to support his charity.

Junior says it will be tough to decide. And finally, at 10:57 pm in the last episode of the season, he raises a question worth that's worth discussing, about the use of Morgan's contact list; but Trump cuts him off, because there's no time to discuss it! Aaarrrrgh!!!

Trump tells Morgan he's "a vicious guy," but he "beat the hell out of everyone."
He tells Adkins he's a special human being and a beautiful guy, but Morgan wins.
Confetti.

And just like that, it's done.

Celebrity Apprentice Charities

2008-03-29T09:53:00.007-04:00

Trace Adkins
$0
Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network

Carol Alt
$40,000
Tony Alt Memorial Foundation Inc.
Benefits various children’s causes

Stephen Baldwin
$89,000
Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund

Nadia Comaneci
$0
Special Olympics
Benefits athletes with intellectual disabilities

Tiffany Fallon
$0
Walter Reed Society
Benefits the Walter Reed Army Medical Center

Jennie Finch
$0
Breast Cancer Research Foundation

Nely Galan
$0
Count Me In
Benefits women entrepreneurs

Marilu Henner
$0
The Cancer Project
Promotes cancer prevention and survival through healthy living habits

Lennox Lewis
$40,000
Muhammad Ali Center
Honors the champion boxer’s life and achievements

Piers Morgan
$366,000
Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund
Benefits injured soldiers and their families

Omarosa
$0
Positive Vibrations
Motivates and inspires at-risk youth

Tito Ortiz
$20,000 + personal donation of $50,000 from Donald Trump
St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital
Researches and treats childhood diseases

Vincent Pastore
$50,000
Lustgarten Foundation for Pancreatic Cancer Research

Gene Simmons
$20,000
Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation
Funds pediatric HIV prevention and research

A note on the charities

Breast cancer is a serious, terrifying, deadly disease. Funding for research and treatment is very important; two of the celebrities chose to play for breast cancer research organizations. However, breast cancer is not the greatest killer of women. It’s not even the greatest cancer killer of women.

The number one killer of men and of women in the US is heart disease. Except for Asian Americans, who are slightly more likely to be killed by some form of cancer, heart disease is a greater killer of men and women than all cancers combined.

The number two killer of men and of women is all forms of cancer combined... but lung cancer is the number one cancer killer of both men and women. It kills more women in the US than breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and uterine cancer together.

Additionally, one in five women who develop lung cancer have never smoked (while almost all men who develop lung cancer have been smokers), so a healthy lifestyle may not be enough to prevent it.

The celebrities chose excellent nonprofit organizations, but none of them selected a heart disease or lung cancer organization. If you’re in a giving, disease-fighting mood today, consider throwing your loose change in the direction of the American Heart Association or the American Lung Association to fight the USA’s top two killers.

Celebrity Apprentice Scorecard

2008-03-29T09:41:00.004-04:00

Click to view full-size.

Amanda the cover model

2008-03-26T14:27:00.004-04:00

Whew! It's been soooo easy to forget that this is supposed to be an Ugly Betty blog, not an Apprentice blog!

Just to refresh our memories, here's an upcoming TV Guide cover, which celebrates the return of some shows we've been doing without!

Becki Newton (Amanda) is in that picture somewhere... see if you can find her. ;-)

(Photo is courtesy of TV Guide)

Celebrity Apprentice week 12, 3/20/08: Snoozematch in the boardroom

2008-03-20T22:21:00.002-04:00

Trump tells the final four that he's going to narrow it down to two that night. He sends them out to be interviewed by two CNBC personalities - business reporter Erin Burnett and financial guru Jim Cramer.

The CNBC personalities grill the contestants about their charities. Adkins, Alt, and Morgan speak passionately about their respective causes. Lewis stammers somewhat incoherently.

In response to another question, Morgan tells Burnett that his competitors are "slow." He tells Cramer that he hasn't made any mistakes; this answer offends Cramer.

There are lots more questions, but unfortunately we don't get to hear most of the answers. I suppose that would be telling.

The CNBC personalities meet with Trump, Ivanka, and Junior afterwards. Burnett is impressed with Morgan because he's raised so much money for his charity; on the other hand, he has an "edge."

Cramer agrees that Morgan has impressive qualities, but if teamwork matters, "Morgan must be stopped." He prefers Alt. Burnett admires her too, and likes Adkins best. Both are unimpressed with Lewis. Cramer says the prize fighter is "too laid back."

Cramer says that his top two choices are Adkins and Alt. We go to commercial just as Burnett is about to reveal her picks. Ugh, again with the manipulative editing!

The celebrities are called back into the boardroom. Adkins admits that Cramer was very different than what he's used to.

Unsurprisingly, Morgan thinks he did great. Trump tells him the CNBC people thought he was harsh. Morgan seems surprised by this. Ivanka tells him that "something" in his personality causes people to criticize him. Morgan admits he lacks tact, but says he doesn't need it.

Alt says that she offers versatility and gumption. Trump asks her who she'd fire; she says she'd keep herself and Morgan. She likes Morgan because, like her, he looks ahead.

Morgan says that Lewis couldn't win without Morgan. Lewis's quick agreement displeases Trump. Lewis says Morgan's an asset to the team; but Lewis thinks he's an asset himself, too. Morgan tries to put words in Lewis's mouth. Lewis says Morgan's successful in part because he's had Lewis at his disposal. But the point, in Trump's mind, is that Lewis is letting Morgan have credit that Lewis should be taking for himself. Trump fires Lewis.

Trump says Morgan is the least nice person but also won the most money as project manager. Morgan tries to argue with him about the "least nice" assemesment, but Trump tells him to stop talking while he's trying to exonerate him. Trump asks who Morgan would fire. Morgan says Alt would be harder to beat.

Trump asks Adkins why he should be chosen. Adkins says he will fight with integrity for his daughter. Trump asks Adkins if he likes Morgan. Adkins says they're cordial, but they're not friends. He doesn't admire Morgan's ruthless, merciless style. He wouldn't stab you in the back, but he'd stab you in the forehead instead.

Morgan likes this and agrees.

Trump asks Alt what he should do, considering that he wants to see the two men fight. He tells her that the two CNBC personalities preferred her and Adkins. Trump is more excited about the friction between Adkins and Morgan, however, and therefore Alt is fired. She exclaims with a disgusted voice but puts on a gigantic fake smile. I yell, "Carol, call the EEOC!" but it's too late.

She leaves the boardroom with straight hair, but has curly hair when she gets into the cab. It's no secret that the cab scenes are always shot later, but the seemingly abrupt hairstyle change is jarring.

The two men trash-talk as they go back to the suite. Next day, Morgan gloats that it's evil him against the wonderful Adkins.

Trump brings back Alt, Baldwin, Lewis, and Henner to assist them on their final tasks. Adkins wins the coinflip and chooses Lewis, depriving Morgan of his security blanket.

Baldwin prays for mercy, but Morgan picks him anyway. Adkins chooses Henner, leaving Alt for Morgan. (It is probably the first time in Alt's life to be the last one picked for anything!)

Ivanka explains that both teams will participate in charity event. One team will manage the catering and auction. The other will handle the decor and entertainment by the Backstreet Boys. The winner will be chosen based on the amount of money each team raises during the auction, the number of tickets sold by each team, and how well the tasks are managed.

The guys have to pick who will do which task. They agree that Adkins should handle the entertainment, since he has more experience in that area.

They then must split up some auctionables provided by Trump. They simply take turns picking things. Morgan tells us that he's going for the items that will appeal to a greater variety of people. They're each also allowed to provide their own auctionables.

Adkins tells us Morgan is a chihuahua. He barks loud and is a pain in the ass, but not a real threat.

Baldwin sagely predicts that it's about the celebrities they can round up. Wow, he's a genius. I can't believe Morgan picked him over Alt.

Adkins thinks Morgan will win with the money. Adkins plans to leverage his own peeps by chartering two jets and flying them in. Lewis is skeptical that all these country music people will want to come up to NY.

Lewis calls his contacts and also asks them to hook him up with other celebrities, but with only a day's notice, the whole thing seems questionable. Adkins also calls around for more auctionables.

Lewis and Henner go shopping for props. Lewis keeps reminding Henner to stay on task; she tends to get distracted. He keeps yelling "Done!" after each decision is made to encourage her to move on. Ironically, this is the most leadership I've ever seen from Lewis! It's too bad he didn't have that before.

Baldwin and Alt check out the caterer. It's extra-tiny hors d'oeuvres. Meanwhile, Morgan meets with Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, who does charity stuff as if it's a bodily function. She agrees to let him auction a tea with her.

Adkins seems skeptical about the Backstreet Boys and wonders if they've all got gray hair by now. He, Lewis, and Henner look at the band's list of requested items. Being a showbiz insider, he thinks maybe they don't need to get all of those things for the green room. He calls Fitzjoy, their manager. On the phone, Fitzjoy seems snotty and has clearly never heard of Adkins.

Adkins meets with the Backstreet Boys personally. He explains they have only one small room and asks if they'll really need everything on their list. One of them wants wheatgrass juice. Adkins is flabbergasted and disgusted by their attitude.

Morgan meets with his charity person and offers 20 free tickets to wounded soldiers instead of selling them. He hopes this will impress Trump.

Morgan pressures Baldwin to get some "faces," i.e., celebrities. Baldwin calls lots of people, but goofs off and isn't persuasive. Morgan feels that Baldwin's virtually useless in this capacity, which begs the question, why did he pick Baldwin?? To us, Baldwin suggests that he'd be okay with seeing Morgan lose.

But it's doubtful as to whether Baldwin's contribution would be significant anyway, since Morgan is personal friends with every known British celebrity.

Next week:

High drama when a Backstreet Boy doesn't have his nail polish.
Morgan encourages the attendees to get loaded. Let's hope they remain sober enough to sign their checks.
Adkins gets weepy when his daughter shows up. (I'm struggling with the temptation to make a tacky joke about the "peanut gallery.")

Celebrity Apprentice week 11, 3/13/08: Omarosa aftermath - Morgan crows, life goes on

2008-03-13T22:12:00.002-04:00

Task: Develop and sell (for $2) a celebrity-themed sandwich for Quizno's; no contacts allowed!

Eyes and Ears: Ivanka; Broadway producer Daryl Roth

Empresario: Trace Adkins (PM), Stephen Baldwin
Hydra: Lennox Lewis (PM), Carol Alt, Piers Morgan

Morgan says that except for the birth of his three children, defeating Omarosa was the greatest joy of his life, perhaps greater than that of meeting the Queen. Lewis describes Morgan's kissing Adkins as "Brokeback Boardroom." Alt says in defense of Omarosa, "She's very bright." Morgan continues to crow like... like... like some sort of animal that crows a lot. Adkins confides to us that he's tired of it. Morgan is excited that the next task will be two against three; Baldwin asks, what if the next task is writing a country song?

Morgan tells Trump that Omarosa's firing "was a sad day for America."

Ahahahahaha. Let's get on with the task!

Adkins suggests "Cowboy Club," and that's the end of the sandwich conversation, as far as Baldwin is concerned! They laugh that Hydra's sandwich will no doubt be the Knockout Sandwich or somesuch.

Indeed, it's settled already for Hydra: they're going to call it The Champ Sandwich. Morgan is practically running the task; privately, Lewis says at least Morgan has good ideas. A Quizno's manager shows the team his store's most popular sandwich. Morgan (again, NOT the project manager) decides to simply change the cheese and call it a day. (It's turkey and cheddar, so it's not like it's a stupid change.) They take a picture with Lewis and create a flier.

Trace tells Quizno's the recipe for the Cowboy Club. It's bacon, prime rib, onion, some kind of cheese, some other stuff... honestly, sir, you had me at bacon! Daryl Roth comes over to admire the flier and asks Adkins about his charity, the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network. His six-year-old daughter Brianna is allergic to nuts, dairy, and eggs.

Lennox and Morgan harass passersby long before lunchtime, before they even have fliers. People don't seem interested. Alt has trouble getting the fliers delivered on time - it's 11:00, when they expected them, and it's not clear that they'll even have them by noon. Morgan plans to blame any possible defeat on her. She blames the problem on traffic. Morgan ridicules her behind her back.

Meanwhile, Adkins finds a local printer and gets more fliers made up for Empresario, even sooner than planned. He and Baldwin hand them around on the sidewalk. Lewis and Morgan, for some reason, have difficulty getting people to accept their fliers when they finally arrive, even though they're working on a much busier corner. (Morgan's mouth may have been a factor.) Adkins and Baldwin, on the other hand, are soon thronged by admirers.

Lewis also finds himself signing autographs and posing for pictures. The question is, is he selling any sandwiches?

Ivanka likes the Champ Sandwich, but Empresario has trouble keeping up with orders for the Cowboy Club. Baldwin rolls up his sleeves and helps assemble them. People are ordering them in bulk quantities - prime rib for $2 (never mind the bacon and cheese) is a pretty sweet deal! Baldwin happily anticipates a win.

Boardroom

Daryl Roth, who observed Empresario, has high praise for both Baldwin and Adkins. Ivanka says that Hydra worked well together. Their totals:

Hydra: 313 Champ Sandwiches
Empresario: 253 Prime Rib Cowboy Clubs

Color me shocked! Again, clever editing delivers a surprise ending... though, admittedly, it was probably a lot easier to slap a Champ Sandwich together quickly, since it has fewer ingredients. Lewis gets $20,000 for the Muhammad Ali Center and goes up to the suite with his team.

Adkins says that he made all the decisions. Ivanka gives him a chance to blame Baldwin for not "stepping up," but Adkins declines. Trump wonders if they lost their competitive edge because they get along so well. Baldwin blames their loss on being one person short - and not just any person, but the heavyweight champion of the world. (Morgan crows in the suite.)

Adkins says Empresario is a disease. They all agree that they hate the name (which was chosen by Nely Galán, who Trump clearly hated). Ivanka suggests that the sandwich wasn't generic enough to appeal to everyone. Also, we're told (contrary to what we saw on the screen) that few people recognized Adkins. (In other words, the admirers we saw on the show were ALL of his admires for the entire task.) Adkins says he made all of the decisions, so it's all on him.

Ivanka asks Adkins which of the two he thinks is a stronger performer in terms of getting money for his charity. Adkins says himself. (Up in the suite, Hydra agrees, since Baldwin sold NOTHING last week.) Baldwin says that the project manager should ultimately be responsible for the result. Ivanka says usually she'd agree, except that Adkins consistently brings in more money than Baldwin.

The irony here is that Baldwin has won twice as project manager, winning I forget how many thousands of dollars for a breast cancer research fund. (I'm going to put up a chart on this site after the last task, so that you can see how much money each person raised.) But it's true - this guy can't seem to sell anything himself. His previous wins were based on his teammates' strengths.

Trump sends the remains of Empresario out of the boardroom to confer with his eyes and ears. Up in the suite, all of Hydra agrees that they'd rather work with Adkins again than with Baldwin. Out in the lobby, Baldwin tells Adkins that he suspects they like Adkins better than him. Adkins comments on Baldwin's nervousness.

Daryl Roth declines to recommend anyone for firing, saying that they were at a disadvantage. Ivanka and Trump feel that Adkins is more impressive. They summon Empresario back to the boardroom. Trump acknowledges that Hydra not only had more people, but a bigger celebrity for the NY crowd.

Trump asks Baldwin how many decisions he made. Baldwin says he "chimed in" when he had something to add.

Trump asks who wants the win more. Adkins says he's there for his daughter. (Baldwin "chimes in" that he has a food allergy.) It's more for her than for himself, and that's why he's shown "restraint."

Trump says that Adkins "doesn't talk much, but when he does, it's something special." (I said the same thing in a recap a few weeks ago; I feel so brilliant now!) Baldwin says he and Adkins made a pact last week not to backstab one another.

Trump says he respects Baldwin and asks Ivanka who she would fire. She says she'd fire Baldwin, because Adkins can generate more money for charity, and that's why they're there. Trump agrees that Baldwin didn't raise much money lately, and Adkins did. He fires Baldwin and congratulates both of them on a job well done.

Adkins gets a warm welcome from Hydra when he returns alone to the suite. But there's not much time for revelry - Trump calls them back to the boardroom. Before the night is over, two of them will be fired... but that's going to have to wait till next week!

Celebrity Apprentice week 10, 3/6/08: Omarosa's fired

2008-03-09T16:15:00.000-04:00

...and to that, I say better late than never.

Task: Choose an artist, and price and sell his or her art.
Eyes and Ears: Ivanka and Junior.

Morgan is bitterly disappointed to discover that Ortiz, not Omarosa, was fired. He blames Adkins and calls him a backstabber. Omarosa mutters to her teammates that she needs to "kick that British schmuck's ass." I'm not even going to talk about the wide white belt and go-go boots she wears the next day.

The teams meet in Trump's apartment to receive their next assignment. Trump tells them, "Some people consider it to be the greatest apartment in the world; I would never ever say that myself." (Who says the guy's not funny?) He introduces his current wife Melania and latest offspring, Barron, who I reluctantly admit is very cute.

Empresario: Omarosa (PM), Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin

They say that those who don't learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them; I guess Omarosa's not a quick learner. She starts off by pointing out that this was the task that got her fired in the first season, but she still wants to manage it.

When the team meets with the gallery manager, Omarosa asks if there are any "secrets" that could help them. He simply tells them to follow their hearts in picking an artist. She gives him a blank look at first (heart... heart... where have I heard that word before...) and makes a pathetic comment about hoping it doesn't end her up in the boardroom.

Adkins is not enthusiastic about most of the art. Baldwin tries to metagame by predicting that Morgan would pick the most expensive artist and sell fewer pieces at very high prices. Omarosa is depressed to realize that Morgan has the wealthiest contacts. They unanimously choose artist David Kramer because they think that he has the most pieces and a lower price point; this gives them room to set a higher, more profitable price.

They set a price range of $2000 to $5000 and start calling friends. Baldwin's friends complain that it's too high. Omarosa tells him to stop making calls and do some online research about the art. (If this was ever mentioned during the boardroom meeting later on, it didn't make it on the air.) She tells him he can still make his calls, as long as he does his research at the same time; he disagrees that this is possible. She tells him she can do it, but I don't see a phone in her hand. Baldwin feels that she's setting him up. (Adkins shakes his head slightly and leaves the room in disgust.)

At the gallery, Adkins wanders into Hydra's room by mistake. Omarosa sees that it could be easy for visitors to get confused, and tells Baldwin they need to be careful about keeping their customers in the room.

Adkins asks about putting up the price stickers. Omarosa says they don't have time and that working from the price sheet will keep them in control. Not satisfied with the PM's answer, Adkins asks Baldwin, who disagrees and thinks they have to post the prices. The gallery manager says they should put up the stickers because that's the way things are done at the gallery.

At first, things look good for Empresario as Omarosa directs all visitors into their room. Someone even says she brought cash and is looking for art for her new apartment. Adkins forces a crooked grin and seems out of place; but as usual, he comes through for the team and quickly sells two pieces. Omarosa sells one piece.

The rest of the evening does not go so well; Omarosa works on one indecisive customer for a long time, practically begging him for the sale. He bites his lip and eventually says no; the price is too high.

Baldwin spends a lot of time socializing with a few of his visitors and neglects others; since no one else from Empresario is tending to them, Lewis lures one away. A few more of Baldwin's friends show up looking buzzed and wanting advice on where to go for dinner. Baldwin gives them some advice, but no sales pitch; Omarosa, who has sold only one piece herself, is unhappy with him and says that at least her friends showed up wanting to support her.

Hydra: Piers Morgan (PM), Carol Alt, Lennox Lewis

They choose artist Shirley Shor - the only artist who offers multiple pieces of each item. The team is excited by this, even though it would seem to defeat the purpose of paying big bucks for a unique piece of art. Because of the multiple pieces per composition, Shor actually has more pieces than the artist Empresario chose. Morgan gloats, correctly guessing that Empresario wouldn't have figured that out.

He starts calling his friends, including popular foulmouthed chef Gordon Ramsay, quoting them prices of around $10,000. He pushes the charity angle hard, and hopes that Omarosa will be defeated so decisively that she never works in TV again.

When they're shown their room in the gallery, they worry that they'll be at a disadvantage because it's in the back. They ask for a change of venue and are told that the room was based on their choice of artist. Despite their fear that no one will find the room, however, they're offended when Adkins wanders in by mistake.

Morgan continues making calls from the gallery and is annoyed to find Baldwin lurking around. Baldwin claims that he was just on his way to the bathroom, but Morgan accuses him of spying and tells him to take the long way around. He says that it's okay with him if Baldwin wants to cheat; he just doesn't like that Baldwin pretends to have higher moral standards. He promises "severe violence" and threatens to hit Baldwin.

They scramble to prepare the exhibit. In my opinion, the Shor pieces, though abstract, are far more appealing than Kramer's; Morgan tells Lewis to stay in the front to direct people into the room as they come in. He thinks they probably need to sell only four or five pieces.

When the gallery opens, Morgan sends Lewis to the front when they realize that Omarosa has been directing all traffic into Empresario's room. Morgan gets on the phone and looks nervous. However, once people find Hydra's room, the team starts making sales. They even manage to poach at least one of Baldwin's contacts, who Baldwin failed to greet in a timely manner; Alt makes a sale to this guy. She also nearly sells something to one of Omarosa's customers, although Omarosa intervenes in time. Morgan, whose own friends have brought cash and an appetite for art, is delighted with the extra sale.

In the boardroom

Omarosa knows they got crushed. Inexplicably, she claims to have sold two pieces instead of only one. Empresario makes $7,000, selling 3 of 16 pieces. Hydra makes $164,000, selling 14 of 20 pieces. Trump says that it's the worst slaughter in the history of The Apprentice. (I recall a task a few seasons ago, at a sporting goods store, when one team sold nothing and Trump fired several people. Maybe the opposing team didn't do much better and that's why he doesn't consider that a worse slaughter, but I think a total shutout is pretty bad.)

Morgan brags that he's a bigger celebrity than Omarosa. He asks Trump to "kill two of them" - Omarosa and Baldwin - and calls it a "catastrophe of biblical proportions." Trump lets the winners watch the entire proceedings from the suite (instead of blacking out just before the firing as usual). Morgan crows ceaselessly.

Baldwin complains that Alt poached one of his customers; this man was a friend of a friend and didn't understand that he was supposed to buy from Empresario. Adkins declines to agree that Trump should fire two people. Naturally, Omarosa doesn't think so either... she thinks Trump should fire only Baldwin. (I hate to admit this, but Baldwin really did fail the worst in this task, since he brought in the most people yet failed to sell to any of them, and even lost one to Hydra.)

Omarosa tells Trump about Morgan's threat to kick Baldwin's ass. She and Trump agree that Morgan won because he was "fired up," i.e. motivated by resentment against Omarosa. Ivanka points out that Omarosa armed him by engaging in personal insults. Omarosa claims that Morgan called her a tramp, bitch, and whore (he never called her a whore). She admits to calling him some names, and claims that she "knows things" about him.

When pressed, Omarosa says that Morgan's gay because he used to ask Lewis to take his shirt off. Trump disapproves of Omarosa's gay-bashing and invites Morgan back to the boardroom to answer to Omarosa's comments. Morgan practically teleports himself to the boardroom, kisses Adkins on the cheek, and calls him a beautiful cowboy. Then he returns to the suite. Adkins does not seem to appreciate or even understand the joke! Omarosa first claims that Morgan proved her point, then tries to laugh it off. Trump tries to reassure Adkins that Morgan was just kidding.

Baldwin says that, because of his faith, he's honest and doesn't backstab... UNLIKE HIS PROJECT MANAGER. Trump asks Adkins whether Baldwin should be fired over Omarosa. Top-seller Adkins explains that Baldwin's friends seemed to be there for the free wine, and some didn't even bring money.

Junior agrees that Baldwin should have been able to raise some money; on the other hand, Omarosa has lost three times. Ivanka wants Omarosa to explain her poor performance and defeated air, but she can't. Omarosa makes a weak jab at Ivanka's beauty, wealth, and intelligence, and says she's a hard worker. Trump cites Omarosa's defeated air as confirmation of his decision: she's fired, and Morgan adds a profit of $51,300 to the $65,000 he won in the buggy-ride task for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.

In the cab, Omarosa laments her failure to raise money for her chosen charity, the Tomorrow's Aeronautic Museum's Positive Vibrations Program, which helps at-risk youths.

Celebrity Apprentice week 9, 2/28/08: Don't wash your mouth out with soap...

2008-02-28T22:01:00.004-05:00

...rub yogurt all over your body instead.

The task is to create a four-page Dial Nourishing Yogurt Body Wash (sounds gross!) photo ad for Redbook. Dial wants an ad that reflects cleanliness, health, honesty, and family.

Empresario: Tito Ortiz (PM), Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin, Omarosa

At first, Omarosa wants to be PM. Then Trump says the PM who loses will probably get fired. Suddenly, Omarosa has lots of reasons why Ortiz should take the job instead!

At the client meeting, the Redbook lady says that Adkins is perfect for their demographic. The team decides that the ad should be "sexy." They go with a cowboy/cowgirl motif - but mostly cowgirls. The photos depict a dry desert to contrast with the moisturizing yogurt wash (yecch).

Omarosa points out that most of Redbook's readers are women. She wants Adkins to pose with two other men, and no shirt. He hates the idea, but goes along with it. This cheers her up considerably. However, Ortiz refuses to use this photo in the ad. Omarosa assures him that the readers won't be interested in the pretty young cowgirl, but he doesn't care. Baldwin reminds him of Dial's key values (including "family") and says that if the other team follows those and wins, they're screwed.

Omarosa's part of the presentation to the execs is very professional - her delivery isn't perfect, but her text sounds like it could be the voiceover on a TV ad. Ortiz's part of the pitch is awkward and awful.

Afterwards, one of the execs tells Trump she preferred the photos in this one, but they don't all agree on the effectiveness of the "message."

Hydra: Carol Alt (PM), Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan

In her meeting with Redbook, Alt confirms that Redbook's average reader is 37. This helps the team target their ad.

The team comes up with an idea to have the pages represent different aspects of a woman's life: motherhood, a looong (two-page) bath, and sex. At first, they choose young models, which conflicts with the demographic they've been told to target; Alt isn't sure she wants to model ("too many hats," she says, since she's already the project manager), but she finally gives in and does the shoot (after all, it'd be too ironic if she got fired because they hated the model!).

Lewis oversees the photo shoot... it's another behind-the-scenes showbiz task for him, and he's good at it. Despite all the hype for this episode, the "sexy" photo doesn't seem outrageous compared to other soap ads. On the other hand, they wonder if it might be too much for the Dial people: the male actor is playfully biting Alt's shoulder.

Morgan's presentation to the executives is long-winded and pompous, as usual. Afterwards, the execs tell Trump they mostly like the ad, which has a nice warm and sensuous air, but they're uncomfortable with the biting.

In the boardroom

Trump, flanked by eyes and ears George and Ivanka, comments that Ortiz seems nervous - ironic given his adventures in the ring. He also reminds Alt that he warned her not to be PM.

The two teams critique one anothers' ads. Morgan trashes every aspect of Empresario's ad. Baldwin teases Morgan and says he should wear glasses. Adkins is much more generous in his comments about Hydra's ad.

Hydra wins, with $20,000 going to Alt's brother's scholarship foundation. The victors retire to their suite. Almost immediately, Trump lambastes Omarosa for not being the PM - especially since she's already lost twice in that role. (Up in the suite, Morgan crows copiously over the Omarosa-abuse. Remind me never to watch TV with this guy. I don't know how Alt and Lewis are supposed to be able to hear what's going on.)

Omarosa explains that she tried to tell Ortiz about Redbook's readers. She says that Baldwin was picking up Ortiz's slack. Trump asks Adkins what he thinks; Adkins says Omarosa made good suggestions that Ortiz ignored in favor of Baldwin's. They discuss how overbearing Baldwin is.

Omarosa describes some of the photos she suggested that were taken, but not used. Ortiz blames their non-use on Baldwin. Omarosa says Ortiz should be fired. Trump wonders why Baldwin shouldn't be fired since he was so bossy about the photos. Omarosa hammers home the point that it's a magazine for WOMEN.

Trump asks Ortiz who he'd send back to the suite if he had the option (he actually doesn't). He says Omarosa worked the hardest. With very little more conversation, Trump fires Ortiz - but also makes a personal contribution of $50,000 to Ortiz's charity, the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

Celebrity Apprentice week 8, 2/21/08: Slow and steady wins the race

2008-02-24T21:32:00.000-05:00

Here's the current lineup:

Hydra: Marilu Henner, Piers Morgan, Carol Alt, Lennox Lewis.
Empresario: Stephen Baldwin (project manager), Tito Ortiz, Trace Adkins, Omarosa.

Still seething over the recent experience with Omarosa, Morgan calls his charity to let them know about the money he's won for them. Afterwards, he says that the phone call helped him put things into perspective. He adds that getting Henner in exchange for Omarosa is "like replacing the devil with Nelson Mandela."

The teams choose their project managers. Baldwin takes charge of Empresario on the condition that he be allowed to direct the segment. No one objects. For Hydra, Morgan suggests that Mandela- er, I mean Henner take charge, since she's the only one on the team who hasn't won money for her charity yet. (For Empresario, Omarosa has been PM twice and still hasn't won any money, and Adkins hasn't won yet either, but he was PM for the previous task and Omarosa just the week before.)

The task this week is for each team to select a product and sell it in a ten-minute segment on QVC. Morgan semi-confidentially complains that Lewis is hung over from last night's celebration. Lewis says he's merely tired, and semi-confidentially complains that Morgan has diarrhea of the mouth.

Morgan wants to put Lewis in front of the camera; Lewis is tired of always being the frontman, and would rather produce/direct instead. Henner has been on QVC before to promote her books, and Alt worked there for five years. They have the option to either have two team members do the presentation, or one team member with one QVC host.

The teams have to choose different products, but both prefer a stepladder that unfolds to become a cart. (Henner REALLY likes the ladder.) Rather than waste time debating, they agree to flip for it. Alt wins the coinflip; much to Henner's delight, Hydra gets the stepladder. Empresario's second choice is a lightweight, cordless carpet sweeper.

Henner is clearly very excited about the stepladder and keeps talking about how great it is. Alt thinks she'd not get a chance to say much with Henner there, so they agree to let Henner do the presentation with QVC host Rick. (Alt tells us that she's a stabilizing influence on Henner, and that she "has her back.") Henner tries to give Rick a little ride on the cart, but the wheels roll out from under the top-heavy load, and he falls! Luckily, he isn't hurt.

Empresario chooses Adkins as their pitchman. He dwarfs both the carpet sweeper and Lisa, the QVC host. Omarosa thinks it would be a good idea to do a dry run before they go on the air, but Baldwin nixes the idea.

Junior Trump checks in with both teams and observes that "Marilu likes to talk. A lot."

Baldwin asks if QVC offers a payment plan for viewers (he says the Lord gave him the idea). He's told that the maximum number of payments is five - so he decides to sell the sweeper for 5 payments of $11.99.

It's air time. Alt helps out on the set, while Morgan works in the control room. He scoffs at Lewis's excitement about directing Henner. Trump and Ivanka note that Henner is talking a mile a minute. When the QVC host asks a buyer a question, Henner misunderstands and replies, talking over the buyer. When the host thanks the audience, she replies to this as well!

Adkins seems slightly nervous at the beginning of his segment, but quickly relaxes, demonstrating the product with nuts and bolts, talking about his daughers' crafting messes, etc. Trump and Ivanka wonder how his super-mellow approach will play after Henner's frenzied presentation.

In the boardroom, one of the very first things Henner mentions is the "learning curve" of being with Hydra. (Odd, since she's done many tasks with Alt, so only Morgan and Lewis were new to her.) Morgan lavishly praises Henner's great "energy." As for Empresario, Ortiz reports that Adkins was the star of their team. Baldwin adds that Omarosa did an excellent job.

The results are revealed: Empresario sold 716 sweepers at $59.95, outpricing and outselling Hydra, who moved 703 ladders at $49.99 each.

Morgan hesitates to blame Henner for the loss, saying that her energy and enthusiasm were beyond reproach, or somesuch. The subject of payment plans comes up; Henner says she wasn't aware of the payment plan. Alt, who worked at QVC for five years, hesitates before saying she didn't know about it either. Morgan tries to pin the blame on Lewis for being hung over. Lewis says he was merely tired, and only during the morning. Morgan calls him "Sleepy Boy," and Trump disapproves of the epithet. Morgan argues that it's British humor that Lewis surely appreciates. Lewis disagrees. (Watching in the suite, Omarosa and Baldwin think Morgan is going to be fired.) Henner jumps in and says that Lewis was very "low-key" and that she had trouble "finding his energy." Trump tells her that she's overdoing it!

Lewis states that their project manager is accountable for their loss. So does Alt, who said earlier that she's always got Henner's back. She does add that the team agreed with all of Henner's decisions. Perhaps in response to this betrayal, Henner states that price point and lack of payment plan was their downfall. (Up in the suite, Baldwin notes that Morgan is being very subdued.)

Trump says that Lewis does okay "sleepy," even in the boxing ring. He asks Henner who he should fire. She hems and haws. He tells her she talks tooo much, but she still doesn't give him an answer. He asks who she'll exempt. She continues talking, but after a sharp word from Trump, she sends Alt back.

In the boardroom, Ivanka says that Henner did do most of the work. Junior says he's surprised she let Alt go back to the suite. In the lobby, Morgan says he thinks Alt knew about the payment plan. (I'm inclined to agree.)

They're called back to the boardroom. Trump asks why Henner let Alt off the hook. Henner feebly says that Alt is a hard worker, while Lewis is sleepy (dammit, Henner, Trump already told you that argument's a lost cause!). There's more discussion of Alt and the payment plan. Trump notes that Morgan is sweating - odd since no one is blaming him for the loss! Henner tries again to pin the blame on Lewis. It doesn't work. With regret, Trump fires Henner. After two stints as project manager, hasn't won any money for her charity, Physicians' Committee for Responsible Medicine; Baldwin gets $20,000 to donate to the Carol Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund, on top of the $69,000 he won the first week.

Celebrity Apprentice week 7, 2/14/08: Omarosa drops an F-bomb

2008-02-21T21:40:00.004-05:00

"Business is always personal," said Omarosa at one point during episode 5. She was (perhaps unwittingly) quoting noted fictitious jackass Michael Scott. That philosophy made more sense in The Office, when Michael used a personal touch to clinch a big sale. Omarosa's behavior in this episode could be described as personal, but not as business.

The men wait up in the suite for the women to come back, discussing Omarosa's incompetence and chuckling in anticipation of hearing that she has finally been fired. She and Marilu Henner return to the suite without Nely Galán; Omarosa gloats. Piers Morgan says he'd rather shoot himself or be fired than have to work with her.

But then they are called to the boardroom. Trump tells them not to sit down just yet; he's going to mix up the teams. To his right, he assembles the new Empresario: Henner, plus Tito Ortiz, Trace Adkins, and Stephen Baldwin. To his left is the new Hydra: Carol Alt, Lennox Lewis, Omarosa... and Morgan, who looks thoroughly nauseated.

The task is to sell horse and carriage rides in Central Park. Headed by Adkins, the Empresario teammates immediately start making calls to get friends to commit to expensive buggy rides. Over at Hydra, Omarosa and Morgan make peace; Morgan tells the team to just concentrate on making money.

But Omarosa, not being a real celebrity, has no deep-pocketed contacts - or at least none who are willing to help her. She and Morgan begin bickering again. Not in a cute or clever way, either; there aren't any zingers. It's purely childish comments. Nevertheless, Omarosa is smug about it later; she thinks she's really given it to Morgan good. The truth is that they've both made themselves look foolish.

It gets worse when he discovers that she has spelled his name wrong on a promotional flier. The insults escalate (or descalate) to Omarosa making comments about his wife and children. Lewis is disgusted with both of them.

Henner is in a better mood and feels that the much more harmonious atmosphere of the New Improved Empresario will mean a win. Unfortunately, the two teams end up working out of the same area of the park. Tension escalates for Hydra, while the entire Empresario team goes right to work.

Omarosa and Morgan begin fighting again, more bitterly (and artlessly) than ever. For the sake of the team, Morgan fires Omarosa. She, who complained strenuously during the first season about Heidi's "F-bombs," drops an F-bomb of her own onto Morgan in front of prospective customers. Classy! She tells Morgan she's been fired by better people, and I have no doubt that she's been fired lots of times, by many people of varying quality. She also threatens to punch him.

Alt urges them to act as a team and keep working, while Lewis reminds them that they're supposed to be raising money for charity. Morgan says he doesn't want Omarosa handling money. Lewis asks him how he's going to work it out. Morgan says to Lewis, "you tell me." Inspiring words from a project manager!

Another Baldwin brother, Billy, shows up. He and Henner troll the crowd, looking for fares. Henner notices that Hydra's carriages aren't moving - it turns out that Morgan's holding them back and turning down fares just in case his rich friends show up. He specifically tells Omarosa to stop selling. "Your children are so disappointed in you," she replies. She makes more remarks about his children. Lennox tells them not to do this in front of everyone, and says it's "very ghetto." The crowd stares at them as they continue exchanging hateful, yet lame barbs.

George is impressed that Empresario is still working harmoniously, and their carriages are constantly on the move. Ortiz's sweetie, Jenna Jameson, shows up for a $1,000 ride, during which she asks what park they're in! Meanwhile, Omarosa proudly tells Ivanka she's been fired, but she won't quit. Morgan complains openly in front of Ivanka and calls Omarosa a "disgusting piece of slime." (I told you their insults were artless.) Ivanka notes that Lewis is the peacemaker. Morgan asks her to tell her father about it; Ivanka says she's sure Morgan will tell Trump himself!

Adkins, the Empresario manager, complains only that his horses are too slow. Henner continues to be impressed with him. Country music singer John Rich comes by for a ride. Just in case you hadn't been keeping track, Empresario has now had three star fares, while Hydra has had none that we know of.

Morgan finally gets worried about his lack of fares, which was a natural result of holding back carriages. He also complains that Omarosa - whom he fired, and told not to sell - did not raise any money.

At this point, I'm drooling over the prospect that Trump might fire both of them, since it's obvious that Hydra is going to lose.

Omarosa continues to be cocky, asking Morgan if another man is raising his children. Alt is waiting for a last-minute pledge to arrive from New Jersey, even though quittin' time is only 20 minutes away.

Predictably, the two vipers commence trashing one another anew in the boardroom. I feel like I'm watching Springer. Baldwin comments that Morgan sounds this week the way Baldwin felt the previous week about having to work with Morgan, so he's somewhat sympathetic. Omarosa lies and says she never said anything about Morgan's children.

Adkins reports that his team had a much better day, and can't single out a specific "star." Trump and his daughter are somewhat disappointed to say that, while Empresario raised a hefty $29,673, Hydra beat them with a total haul of $35,184.

What this means is that there was some very tricky, very misleading editing in which we never got to see Hydra selling any rides, and we never saw their pledges show up for their buggy rides. I'm disgusted that the show has stooped so low, but I am not surprised. (I bet Morgan's kids are disappointed too.)

Morgan wins nearly $65,000 for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes fund, which benefits the bereaved families of US soldiers, and neither he nor Omarosa will be fired tonight; but Trump says that he's going to transfer Omarosa back to Empresario.

Up in the suite, Morgan is so angry about Omarosa, he can't enjoy the victory he's earned for his charity. Lewis is bummed out by the lack of enthusiasm.

In the boardroom, all of the Empresario teammates are unable and unwilling to identify anyone as the weak link that caused their loss. Trump asks if anyone's willing to resign; the answer is no. Trump says "I wish I could fire you-know-who." He says it's all about charity, and he's feeling charitable, so nobody's fired, for the first time ever on The Apprentice. And Marilu will go to Hydra next week.

Celebrity Apprentice week 6, 2/7/08: Trump gets his wish

2008-02-18T20:38:00.001-05:00

After all the drama from the previous week - most of which was probably premeditated, and none of which had anything to do with business or marketing - I was not looking forward to the next episode. I started having flashbacks to the last Apprentice - not memories of specific events, but memories of intensely disliking it and not wanting to watch it anymore. I thought a celebrity version might be more interesting.

In retrospect, I'm not sure why I thought that. Eh, never mind; we've gone this far, so we might as well finish it off!

When the men return to the suite without Vincent Pastore, Omarosa taunts Lennox Lewis for being "dirty" and siding with Piers Morgan; so much for the big crush she claimed to have on him a few weeks earlier. Morgan complains bitterly about her; being the incredibly classy chick Omarosa always claims to be, she ignores him. HA! KIDDING! No she doesn't. She dumps champagne on his head.

Stephen Baldwin says he can't work with Morgan and asks to meet with Trump. Rather than let him quit, Trump tells him to join Empresario. Nely Galán is particularly displeased. Baldwin offers to make coffee for the women. Lewis, who is the project manager this week, is disgusted. Baldwin admits he won't be around for the first day anyway, because he has to do church stuff. This angers Omarosa, who has apparently declared herself project manager for the week. She tells Trump that her team is rejecting Baldwin as a teammate. Trump says too bad, he's yours.

The task is to create a living display in a store window for Serta and Vera Wang, who have teamed up to create a mattress. Wang stresses that the three things she's looking for are creativity, branding, and entertainment value. Omarosa thinks it's a no-brainer to go with a wedding theme, since Wang is famous for her bridal gowns.

The men approach the task with more ignorance and humility, and ask Wang what she considers entertaining. Wang tells them she's not just about weddings.

And... there you go. Omarosa goes with a "no-brainer," while the men attempt to find out what the customer wants. Do you see where this is going - since Omarosa has already failed as project manager on another task? Yeah, I saw where it was going too. At least I thought I did.

Trace Adkins, who hardly ever opens his mouth except to either sing or say something really brilliant, suggests that Hydra go with a romance (but not bridal) theme - Anthony and Cleopatra. Meanwhile, Omarosa is asking Wang for samples of wedding gowns and lingerie. Again, I bet you think you can see where this is going, but just wait.

Morgan whines when Lewis asks for a vote on every single decision, refusing to decide anything himself. Meanwhile, Omarosa complains that Marilu Henner, who is in charge of designing the store window display, is too "scattered" and that the result will be too "burlesque" with all the lingerie (which Omarosa had asked Wang for). Henner overhears Omarosa asking Galán to take over Henner's task. Baldwin shows up after his church commitment and pulls a slogan out of thin air.

The men are all amused that Lewis is continuing to take votes on every facets of the task. They go shopping at the last minute. George (yes, this week we get actual George instead of some cheap imitation!) worries that they are way behind schedule. Lewis finally says something decisive - he tells his team he'd rather they went overboard with the display than "underboard."

Omarosa continues to be miffed by Henner's enthusiasm. Wang comes by to see the outcome and is delighted by the bridal scene, in which Baldwin and Carol Alt portray the groom and bride. In the mens' lushly-decorated window, Anthony and Cleopatra are watching TV, using laptops, and enjoying other technology while sitting on their cushy mattress.

In the boardroom, Baldwin says he loved working with the women. It's mutual. Adkins complains that Lewis was a strange leader, asking them to raise their hands before speaking. Morgan says he felt like a child. (Reasonable since he acts like one; just wait till next week.) Lewis says Morgan needed the discipline.

Morgan mentions that Vera Wang told them not to go with a wedding theme. The women exchange nervous looks. Donald Trump Jr. says Empresario's display (the one Omarosa feared would be too "burlesque" was too conservative. George agrees that Hydra's was more creative. Hydra wins! Morgan crows; he's the world's sorest winner. Junior tells Empresario they should have listened more to Serta, not just Vera Wang. George says it wasn't entertaining, and Trump says their wedding theme was "based on the past.

Baldwin and Omarosa agree that Henner was the weak link on the team, but Omarosa feels that either Henner should be fired for being scattered, or Baldwin for taking most of the day off. Jr. says forget that - Baldwin got a free pass for the day due to a religious commitment. Omarosa grumbles and feels the whole team should stay in the boardroom, in that case, or else she needs time to think. (Again, don't you think you see where this is going... but wait.) Trump doesn't allow this and demands a decision. Omarosa chooses Galán and Henner.

George tells Trump that Galán should have done a better job. Omarosa says she also didn't get enough creative feedback from Galán. (I'll grant you, Galán's in the TV business, but as far as I know that doesn't make her an expert on designing a living display in a store window.) Galán says Henner was too scattered to work with and didn't listen.

Trump says Galán should have designed the set, and that he's wanted to fire her twice before. Galán tells him that Gene Simmons thought she was great (I'm not sure she realizes that he got fired because he wanted off the show, not because he was taking a bullet for her own benefit), and that he should get over it. (Yeah, she told Trump to get over it.) She points out that the previous project managers never brought her into the boardroom to be fired.

Trump doesn't care. He says, "Nely, you're fired. Get the hell out of here." He also warns Omarosa to "step up," because Morgan is killing Empresario.

Nely Galán's charity, "Count Me In," which benefits women entrepreneurs, gets nothing, while Hydra's win nets the Mohammed Ali Center $20,000.

Celebrity Apprentice week 5, 1/31/08: Everybody Hates Vinnie

2008-02-18T19:53:00.001-05:00

The task is to develop a drop box for consumers to recycle used Crocs shoes for needy people. What surprises me about this opening scene is that it takes place in front of an escalator. Over the summer, there were some media reports of children getting injured when their Crocs got stuck in escalators - I thought they'd mention something about this on the show. Since they didn't, I thought it was in poor taste to shoot this scene in front of an escalator. Oh well. Who asked me.

The project managers are Carol Alt and Piers Morgan. (Nely Galán and Omarosa have expressed a strong desire to get Alt fired.) The two teams have adjoining meeting rooms; Morgan thinks the women are eavesdropping on his team's meeting, so he stages a loud argument with Vincent Pastore (his least favorite teammate at this point) as an excuse to kick Pastore out and have him work as a mole on the womens' team.

Pastore goes to the Empresario meeting room to offer his services. The women are skeptical at first, but take a vote and decide to hire him anyway. (Morgan gloats.) They come up with a slogan: "Share the love." Pastore suggests that Alt be the model (wow, that's true genius, nominating the supermodel for the modeling job!)

Omarosa suggests that the drop box be shaped like a giant Croc, whic I have to say may be the first and only great idea I've ever seen her come up with - but it was a really great one. At some point, Omarosa even makes a positive comment about Carol's leadship skills.

In the next room, Morgan's decided to have Lewis be the model, donating a giant pair of Crocs (alas, not big enough to be the drop box). Trace Adkins concocts a slogan: "Wear them, share them."

Pastore really gets into his role as Empresario newcomer. Away from his new teammates, he confides that he likes having his ideas appreciated for a change. (I remind you, his "idea" was to have the professional model be the model for the drop-box sign...) However, he clearly doesn't let that stop him from passing a note to Hydra. It's just the slogan, with no information about the Croc-shaped drop box. Stephen Baldwin balks. He thinks it was a cute joke to send Pastore over to Empresario, but thinks it'd be cheating and un-Christian to take advantage of the situation. Lewis says it doesn't matter, since they've got their own idea for the promotion anyway. Morgan calls Baldwin a hypocrite.

Meanwhile, Pastore gets a mildly guilty conscience and tells Marilu Henner that Morgan sent him to spy, but he claims to be on Empresario's side now.

Ivanka finds out that Pastore has changed teams and wonders if Omarosa is up to something. (In my opinion, a scheme like this isn't petty enough for Omarosa; just wait till episode 7.) When the men tell Ivanka what's going on, she says she's a big fan of sabotage. They assume this means that she approves of what they're doing. Ivanka seems more concerned about the women.

Pastore tells Donald Trump Jr. if it's indeed sabotage. Pastore admits he realizes he could get fired. Adkins worries when Pastore doesn't rejoin the team to finish up the task, and disapproves of the entire scheme. (Sure, now that it's too late.) Morgan continues with his cocky attitude; Baldwin tries to evangelize to him; Morgan criticizes the need to be born again.

Morgan taunts Galán, then the rest of Empresario with their slogan and gloats. Realizing that Pastore had leaked some information, Alt calls Henner, who is working with Pastore at another location. Omarosa goes on and on about what a "snitch" Pastore is and tries to fire him, even though she's not the project manager. The other women are not happy to know that Henner had already heard his confession; on the other hand, Henner is not so happy that his "confession" neglected to mention that he'd slipped the men a note about their slogan. Nevertheless, Henner assures Alt that everything's under control.

Then a lot of time-consuming drama ensues as Pastore complains that the guys ratted him out as a spy, and he's a rat, and fears that he will be "killed" by his team the way the mob kills its own rats, etc. etc. He confronts Morgan for letting the women know that he'd been spying. Morgan scoffs, gloats some more, and taunts the women again.

Finally, it's time to present the drop boxes to the Crocs executives. Morgan is miffed and confused when Pastore doesn't join the men for their presentation; Lewis is shocked by Pastore's "disloyalty." GIVE ME A BREAK.

By the way, this is the exact moment at which I officially began hating this show. I don't expect much from the likes of Morgan and Omarosa, but I really thought Lennox Lewis had more class - at least enough to know that you don't treat people like crap and then expect them to continue being loyal. Pastore brags to Hydra that he came up with the womens' concept.

At the presentation - the giant Croc drop box is awesome, and so is Empresario's presentation. Trump asks Omarosa why they chose Alt, the professional model, as their spokesmodel - Omarosa doesn't mention that it was Pastore's idea.

Hydra also presents an impressive-looking drop box, but Morgan delivers an incredibly pompous speech. The Crocs executives seem to prefer Hydra's slogan "Soles united - wear them, share them," but Empresario's drop box. Oh, decisions, decisions.

Pastore recaps the events of his betrayal in the boardroom. Baldwin thinks it was a joke. Pastore admits that he was "acting" when he first showed up on Empresario's doorstep. Ivanka and Morgan both feel that the women were only too happy to take advantage of his help (or to keep him around as a scapegoat if something went wrong). Ivanka tells Morgan that it was the wrong way to conduct sabotage - you don't use someone you don't get along with as your confederate. Adkins openly disapproves of the scheme.

Junior asks the team who they prefer - Pastore or Morgan? Baldwin and Adkins prefer Pastore. Lewis prefers Morgan. (Tito Ortiz didn't participate in this task - he had some other commitment.) Morgan admits that he set Pastore up. Baldwin suggests that the womens' team keep Pastore, but no one else likes the idea, including Pastore, who wants to go home.

Getting back to the task, Trump warns the men not to over-use Lewis in all of their promotions. Empresario wins the task - "It wasn't even a contest," Trump tells them. Alt is tearful with shock and joy when she's told that Crocs will donate 10,000 pairs of shoes to their own charity, and she'll get $20,000 for her brother's memorial fund, which raises money for scholarships and other things to benefit children.

Pastore is disgusted when the women don't give him any credit for their victory, and quits. Trump sends the women out, keeping Pastore with Hydra. He asks Pastore if he would stay if he fired Morgan instead. Pastore says yes. Baldwin reiterates his preference for Pastore over Morgan, saying integrity is even more important to him than success. Piers is red-faced and sweaty. Then Pastore changes his mind and quits again, this time for real.

The episode ends with the same song and photographic effect as the last episode of The Sopranos.

Celebrity Apprentice week 4, 1/24/08: Fourpeat

2008-01-27T21:27:00.001-05:00

Nely Galán is still stunned by the previous boardroom; she's convinced that Gene Simmons took a bullet just for her. Piers Morgan is relieved that Simmons is gone; that's less competition for Morgan.

Tito Ortiz is given a check for $20,000 to give to his charity, the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. The Gray-Haired Guy Who Isn't George of the Week is Vince McMahon, the wrestling promoter. The task is for the two teams to negotiate with one another to choose four out of eight Broadway shows, then do booth sales for two hours.

Marilu Henner takes charge of Empresario, and Vincent Pastore takes charge of Hydra. Pastore employs a bizarre negotiating tactic: he tells Henner to name two shows that she wants, and then he disagrees. However, the two teams quickly divvy up the eight shows and start calling their contacts.

Galán says that one thing she learned from Simmons was to not be afraid to ask for what she wants; this is often difficult for women to do. She begins working her way through her thick black book. Meanwhile, Stephen Baldwin and Morgan bicker vigorously about... you know, I'm not even sure. I'm not sure there was a subject. I think it was just name-calling. Morgan calls his good buddy Richard Branson and gets him to agree to send two stewardesses to the ticket booth with a check for $10,000.

The women get an eye-catching red booth, while the men have a blue booth. Henner has her friend David Hyde Pierce to come by, but instead of having him attract people to the booth, she merely "introduces" him to people who come to the booth. Meanwhile, Morgan dresses in chainmail as King Arthur to yell at people on the street to buy Spamalot tickets. Because he's a much bigger celebrity in the UK, every British tourist in the Broadway area gravitates to the mens' booth. Baldwin also gets Bob Saget to come by, and Trace Adkins gets his contacts at EMI to spend $5000.

Inside Empresario's booth, Jennie Finch and Carol Alt perform the cash transactions, but when a few customers seem more very willing to open their wallets and aren't sure exactly how they want to spend it, instead of seizing the opportunity, Finch and Alt tell them to "think about it" and come back! Galán's contacts show up with a promise to buy, but no money. Galán sends them for a check - pledges won't count in this competition; the tickets have to be paid for before the deadline!

The stewardesses from Virgin get to Hydra's booth moments before the competition ends. Galán's people don't make it in time. Nevertheless, Henner is far more confident than Pastore when they meet in the boardroom. She is sure that Empresario has won; Pastore seems uncharacteristically nervous. The grand totals are announced: Empresario made a little under $32,000; Hydra made a little more than $33,000. Pastore will get $50,000 for a pancreatic cancer charity, and the remaining $15,000 will go to a fund for public schools.

Henner claims they lost because the men have greater star power and better contacts. Pastore protests that Morgan was in costume and couldn't be recognized, but since Morgan earlier said that every British person around recognized him, this seems pretty weak. Galán says their money showed up too late because of rain and traffic, but the same rain and traffic wasn't a problem for the Virgin people.

Vince McMahon says Alt should have been in front of the booth, attracting customers with her famous face; same for Finch. Omarosa and Alt blame one another for the loss. Galán says the team is full of "good workers" rather than leaders, but still suggests firing Henner.

Still, Henner chooses Alt and Finch to bring back to the boardroom. (Watching on closed-circuit TV, Baldwin tells the other men: "They need Nely.") Out in the lobby, Alt complains that Omarosa is the person who ruins the group. Inside the boardroom, McMahon says that Jennie lacks the competitive spirit for business tasks. Ivanka Trump emphatically says that Henner mustn't be fired, because she is Empresario's only shot at winning. (Ivanka is also not a big Nely fan.)

Trump asks Henner: why didn't you bring Omarosa? Henner says that she works well with Omarosa and Galán. In essence, she can afford to lose Alt or Finch. It's a no-brainer for Trump: Finch hasn't done much of anything on any task, and isn't even able to defend herself in the boardroom. She's competitive as an Olympic softball player, but she's not a business leader. She's fired.

Celebrity Apprentice week 3, 1/17/08: Gene Simmons fires himself

2008-01-27T20:58:00.001-05:00

Trump gives Gene Simmons a $20,000 check for a pediatric AIDS charity and puts him in charge of the womens' group, virtually guaranteeing a win for Empresario. Simmons promises to be a "benevolent dictator." Tito Ortiz takes the reins for Hydra.

The task is to create a sales campaign for selling Kodak printers out of an RV. (The competition is the campaign, not the sales amount.) Perhaps in an attempt to address the complaints that were directed at him the previous week, Simmons sends Nely Galán and Carol Alt to meet with Kodak; he says there's no need to tie up the whole team with a meeting. Galán does most of the talking, even interrupting the Kodak executives a few times. However, she and Alt do get the point that Kodak wants to emphasize that their ink is better and less expensive than their competitors'.

This doesn't matter to Simmons, who comes up with the slogan "It's a Kodak World. Welcome!!!" printed over and over again which, he proudly points out, can also be read as "Welcome!!! It's a Kodak World." And that's all he wants to put on their signage. No photos or drawings - not even, say, some sort of a picture of the world. Just text. Galán points out that this is about an affordable printer and ink. Simmons says Kodak is wrong. His confidence rubs off on his teammates. Galán seems genuinely mesmerized and smitten. Even Omarosa seems to admire him - though she coolly says only that she hopes for a win.

Meanwhile, over on the mens' team, Stephen Baldwin is hopped up on so-called energy drinks and spewing acronyms like a madman. Piers Morgan comes up with an idea: Ortiz and Lewis Lennox sprawled out next to the printer, having been knocked out. Frenzied Baldwin accidentally spills his drink into their laptop, and they lose all of their work. They start over.

Finally, it's time for the sale to begin. Despite the meaningless, vague slogan and the lackluster text, Empresario's RV looks very neat and professional; Hydra's artwork is much more compelling, but because the men had very little time to get their materials printed, the signage is small and cheesey. Alec Baldwin comes by to help Hydra show off the printers. At Empresario's RV, Simmons doesn't know a thing about the printer.

In the boardroom, it's revealed that Kodak was miffed that Simmons didn't bring his entire team to meet with Kodak, and that Galán talked too much for the second week in a row. On the other hand, Hydra's materials weren't very good. Nevertheless, Kodak was much more impressed with Hydra's overall approach. Empresario hangs out in the boardroom for the fourth week in a row.

Simmons defends his ignorance of the product (he doesn't even know what it's called) by saying "I sell emotion." Unfortunately, Kodak is selling a printer and some ink. Simmons insists that Kodak is wrong. Nevertheless, for reasons that aren't clear to me, Trump seems to focus most of his dissastisfaction on Galán.

Simmons decides to bring Omarosa and Jennie Finch back to the boardroom. (These were the two women whom no one had blamed for the team's loss.) Out in the lobby, Omarosa complains that she's tired of always being the scapegoat.

Mad Money's Jim Kramer, who is the Gray-Haired Guy of the Week Who Isn't George, is visibly offended by Simmons's choice; I guess he was hoping to see Galán fired too. Simmons admits that he likes/admires Galán. He very stubbornly stands by his opinion that Kodak chose the wrong winner. Trump has no choice but to fire him.

My question is: did Simmons deliberately create an ultra-lame campaign with the intention of being fired? I think he did. I think he didn't want to keep doing Celebrity Apprentice because something else came up that he wanted to do, so he threw himself under the bus.

Jan. 24, 2008 (2.13, aka #36): The discomfort zone

2008-01-27T18:25:00.000-05:00

Daniel meets a sexy woman named Renee in a nightclub. She asks him to dance, supposedly to make her boyfriend jealous; but it's just a ruse, because she likes him. He takes her to his loft, and as they flop onto the bed in the dark, they land on Claire, who hasn't been quite sure what to do with herself since she got out of jail. She doesn't want to stay at the house because there are too many memories, so she's decided to stay at Daniel's instead. Renee leaves, but says she's impressed that Daniel takes care of his mother.

For their next date, Daniel and Renee go to Renee's place. Later, he hears her in the shower, but finds Wil there instead. That's how he discovers that Renee is Wil's sister (and I guess this means he didn't know where Wil lives). Angry, he dumps her and leaves. Wil is angry with Renee. Renee gloats. They taunt one another: Renee calls Wil "Wanda," and Wil calls Renee "Rhonda." Christina, who has been hanging out at Wil's because Wil wants her to stay in bed with her legs up until they're sure the fertilized egg is implanted properly, overhears the whole thing and tells Betty (about Renee and Wil being sisters; she doesn't know about Wil's plain past, so the stuff about "Rhonda" and "Wanda" went over her head). Betty agrees with Daniel that getting involved with Wil's sister would just be asking for trouble.

Later, Renee comes by with flowers and apologizes to Daniel. She admits that she dated him to annoy her sister, but says she really likes him. He rejects her with difficulty. He goes to Betty's house for moral support. Betty tells him to go for it; after all, she and her sister aren't much alike, and neither are Daniel and Alexis. Wil is horrified to find him in her apartment the very next morning. She tells him he'll regret being with Renee.

Still later, Renee gloats at Wil some more. Wil issues a vague threat about letting Daniel "the truth" about Renee. Christina overhears this too.

After a lot of sulking and a knitting class, Claire decides to start a magazine called Hot Flash for older women who aren't ready to stop living. Daniel and Alexis are skeptical, but she is determined.

Amanda is convinced that Gene Simmons is her father, but she's had trouble getting in touch with him. Fido suggests that she write a song for him, perform it, put it on YouTube, and wait for Simmons to see it. Fido tries to help her compose the song. He gets all misty and says he hopes someday he'll have an illegitimate daughter who will sing him such a sweet song.

Meanwhile, Henry is managing a band called "The IRS" (it's okay - they're accountants) to supplement his income for the baby's sake. The band's lead singer is really terrible; Henry decides to advertise at work for a new one. Amanda needs a band; after a dumb but funny conversation with Henry, she gets together with "The IRS" to record the song.

Betty is bummed that the articles she's been submitting to magazines have been getting rejected. Someone has backed out of doing an interview with popular author Phil Roth, so Betty asks Daniel to let her do it instead. Betty thinks Daniel means Philip Roth, but Gio explains to her that Phil Roth, the man who's waiting for her in the conference room, writes books about picking up women. Betty is offended, but Gio reminds her that she wanted to write an article, and that she should be open-minded.

Phil greets her with his book, titled "Tap That: How to Score with Hot Bitches." He feels that the easiest way to get a woman interested is to insult her, then ignore her. He demonstrates his technique on Amanda, who falls in love instantly. Betty politely ends the interview and writes an article about Hilda starting her own business instead. Daniel's displeased; he thinks their readers will be more interested in knowing "what men are thinking." When she protests, he craftily tells her that Phil called and asked for a more open-minded writer. Offended, Betty insists on another chance.

She and Henry read Phil's book. Henry is intrigued and wants to see if the technique works. He thinks an experiment in a bar will provide a good angle for Betty's story. Betty agrees, but much to Henry's chagrin, she wants to use Gio as their subject. Henry thinks he should be the one to try the technique instead.

While Betty and Gio talk at the bar, they watch a pretty girl give someone her phone number. They are both annoyed when they see it's Henry. The two men decide to compete for phone numbers. They proceed to insult every woman in the club with comments like "your doctor did an amazing job" and "it's so nice to meet a girl who doesn't buy into that whole 'skinny' thing" and "man, you've got some big feet." The final score is 7-6, with Henry victorious. Gio keeps the phone numbers as a consolation prize.

Betty is upset with Henry, and with men in general. Even her father is reading Phil's book now. Hilda tells Betty to be more open-minded, and says it if weren't for books like that, men wouldn't have the courage to speak to women at all. (I think this was meant to sound sympathetic towards men, but it just makes them sound insecure and unappealing.)

Phil comes back for his interview. She tells him that she saw his technique in action and has to admit that it works on some women. Betty discovers that Phil never called Daniel to ask for a new writer. Phil gloats that Betty can get played after all.

After writing the article, she confronts Daniel, who tells her the deception was necessary to get her to step outside her comfort zone. He says the article was good, but Alexis is pulling it because Phil Roth offends her now that she's a woman. Betty is still glad that Daniel had enough faith in her to give her a second chance at the article.

Henry is nervous about his new, improved band's maiden voyage this evening with Amanda at the Mic. Betty thinks of some people she can get to come to the show to bring in some more money; Henry bristles when she mentions Gio's name. He says he trusts Betty, but not Gio; and the way Betty felt when she watched him hit on women is how he feels when he sees her with Gio. She agrees not to see Gio any more. In return, Henry has to learn how to make her favorite sandwich.

That night, Fido sets up the cameras and introduces the band. Amanda starts singing "Gene Simmons Is My Daddy." It's a performance that only a father could love; in fact, he does love it. He tells Amanda that he found out about the performance during his daily self-Google. He admits that the story, as described in the song, is true. He and Amanda take off for a talk.

The magic of this moment is lost on Henry, whose band is without a singer. Betty tries to get Henry to do it. He says he'll do it only if she sings with him; so she does. They're a little awkward at first, but they improve.

Next week:
There's no "next week" in the forseeable future. Major bummer!

Jan. 17, 2008 (2.12, aka #35): Something's rotten from the state of Denmark

2008-01-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

Betty's under arrest. She threw a trashcan through the window of Gio's deli and passed out. Gio declines to press charges.

(Rewinding three days...)

Claire has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity in Fey's murder. Alexis and Daniel send Betty to pick up some of their mother's things to cheer her up.

Wil tries to get Christina to carry her baby in exchange for $100,000. Christina is furious when she discovers that they're trying to leverage Stuart's health problems. She turns them down. She lets Betty know that she's got an alternate plan - she's found a dress that Jackie Kennedy wore to a state dinner. It should fetch a handsome price. Unfortunately, Marc overhears all of this.

Claire is thrilled, grateful, and bummed about the things Betty brought, especially a bottle of perfume. The guard won't let her keep it, so she gives it to Betty - as a gift. Betty thinks it's "too fancy," but agrees to hold onto it for Claire.

Amanda is upset to find uninvited people in her mother's sex dungeon. She collects some of her mother's things from the room and brings them back to her desk. She finds diary pages pinned all over the back of a painting. One of the entries tells the story of how Fey got Bradford to buy Claire a bottle of perfume while the two lovers were having a tryst in Denmark.

As Amanda reads to herself, Betty stares at the perfume bottle, trying to resist the temptation to try it out. Eventually, she gives in. The next diary entry reveals that Fey added some toxins to the perfume in hopes that it would kill Claire.

Betty is typing euphorically at about a thousand words per minute, and talking almost as fast. Henry loves the perfume. He's going to Tuscon tomorrow for Charlie's ultrasound. Betty has packed him a care package.

Alexis testifies on her mother's behalf. The prosecution tries to discredit her immediately, based on the fact that she had lied about being dead when she was having her sex-change operation. The judge seems more sympathetic, however. At lunch, a woman asks if anyone has change for a $20 bill; Daniel offers to help. It turns out the woman is the judge. Cameras flash all around them as Daniel hands cash to the judge. The judge recuses herself from the case.

Betty sees this reported on TV and gets worried, but is distracted by an itching-fit. She sees the perfume from across the room, and rushes over for more - neatly leaping over a chair along the way. Gio comes along with some sandwiches. Betty tells him that her pastrami sandwich tastes like purple. The tomatos taste like sunshine. She stuffs one in Gio's mouth. Gio teases her about Henry's Tuscon trip; what will he be doing with Charlie?

Betty complains that she's sweating; Gio is amazed at how good she smells. She thinks he smells good too.

Claire's lawyer says he's only ever lost one case. Unfortunately, the new judge on the case was the judge from the one he lost. Her name is Nancy Biotch, and she's in a terrible mood. The first thing she does is insult Daniel.

Betty is babbling at Henry, telling him he can sleep with whomever he wants, oh no he can't, he'd better call her, no he'd better call her on the bat-phone. She high-fives a passing production assistant, then zooms in on a couple of models wearing 60s-retro psychedelic-patterned dresses. Henry is worried about her behavior, but she says she feels GREAT!! As he gets into an elevator full of people, she practically jumps on his head. Christina witnesses this last part and teases Betty about it. Betty puts Christina in an affectionate headlock and licks her face.

In the Dungeon, now cleared of its interlopers, Amanda, Fido, and Halston discuss the diary entries. Since the poisoned perfume made Claire crazy, the diary would exonerate her. Amanda wants to burn the pages instead, to protect Fey's reputation. Halston suddenly becomes agitated; Amanda tells Fido to burn them for her while she tends to the dog; she doesn't want Security to seize him again.

Next day, Betty sings off-key and dances to a KISS song. She swats her father affectionately and says she didn't sleep at all last night. Henry never called. But she feels great. Kind of itchy, with a dry mouth and no appetite for juevos rancheros. Whipped cream straight out of the can is more to her liking. She takes off for the office, scratching.

In court, the prosecuting attorney is discrediting Daniel's testimony and interrupting every time Daniel answers his somewhat leading questions. The Meades' lawyer objects, but the judge wants to hear more. The Meades' lawyer essentially gives up trying to assert his clients' rights. (Daniel does manage to say that Claire was seeing things and becoming paranoid just before Fey's death.)

Betty mopes at her desk, waiting for Henry to call. The perfume bottle sparkles temptingly. She takes another hit. She's becoming irritable. Gio comes back and apologizes for making fun of Henry and his love for egg salad, but Betty gets paranoid and misinterprets everything Gio says. She's convinced that Henry is fooling around with Charlie. She yells at Gio and sends him out. Her coworkers stare at her uncharacteristic outburst. She takes another hit of the perfume.

Wil and Fido admire Jackie Kennedy's dress, which Fido smuggled out of the Closet. Wil decides that they're going to have to make the dress "disappear" so that Christina will agree to carry the baby.

Amanda comes by to ask Betty for a donation from Petty Cash. Betty is ranting and raving about Henry's presumed perfidy, and mindlessly hands over the entire wad of cash. She gropes at some sparkly beads on Amanda's neckline and mops her own sweaty face with a scarf. Amanda tells Betty that she's sure Gio has a crush on her. Betty says that's too bad for him, because she's in love with Henry, who's perfect, that big stupid jerk! Another hit of perfume. She inhales deeply. Amanda asks about the perfume. Betty clutches the bottle possessively and says she's going to write a "strongly-worded note" warning Gio to leave her alone. Amanda eyes the perfume bottle enviously. (I seem to recall that when she wrote a "strongly-worded note" to Marc, she said something like "you stink.")

Betty rushes off to Gio's deli, muttering all the way. The door is locked. She flips out, yelling and screaming, and pitches a trashcan through the window.

At the hospital, she complains of a headache and sweating. She doesn't want Gio to call her family, but news gets around fast, and soon the whole gang is there.

Christina meets with a motivated buyer. She goes for the dress, but it (or perhaps a copy of it) has been ruined. The fabric is slashed all over, and there's a sad face spray-painted across it. Christina quickly figures out who's to blame and confronts Wil. Wil says Christina is the only person she can trust with her baby. (Wil hasn't told Christina that Bradford is the father - she claims it's an anonymous sperm donor.)

The doctor wants to speak privately with Betty. Ignacio assumes she's pregnant. The doctor says no, it looks more like drugs. Betty denies it. The doctor says either she's taking drugs, or someone's drugging her. She talks to Henry to let him know what's going on. Justin and Hilda make a thoroughly tacky, uncalled-for plug for Grey's Anatomy. The doctor comes back with the blood test results: she's got high levels of numerous toxins, including toad venom. It's almost out of her system now, but if she had too much she'd hallucinate, become paranoid, and die.

They wonder what she's been doing different lately. Finally, Betty realizes it's the perfume. She rushes back to the office, but the bottle is gone! (The stuff is $200/oz, and she leaves it out on her desk in plain sight?) She finds a sparkly bead at her desk and remembers Amanda's interest in the perfume. She confronts Amanda, saying that the perfume is evidence that Claire was insane. Amanda says it was her mother's first, and she gave it to Brad who gave it to Claire, as she read in Fey's diary. So the perfume is technically hers. (I hope Amanda never has to represent herself in court.) Betty is shocked to hear that Fey had a diary.

As far as Amanda's concerned, Claire killed Fey, so there's no reason to help her out. Betty appeals to Amanda's fondness for Daniel, saying he shouldn't be deprived of his own mother now as well. Just to be on the safe side, Betty reminds her that she (Betty) lost her mother also.

Soon, Betty is rushing the bottle and the blood test results to court. The Meades' lawyer calls Betty to the stand. She testifies about what happened to her after using the perfume for just two days, while Claire had been using it for six months. (I assume Claire used it much more sparingly than Betty did.) The prosecution asks Betty why Bradford would give his wife poisoned perfume. Betty tells all about the diary entry and how Fey gave it to Bradford to give to Claire, and Brad didn't know it was poisoned. The lawyer tries to discredit Betty based on her desire to help her employer. He claims that the perfume was tested. He guzzles some of it and pretends to choke. As Betty panics, he "recovers" and announces that it's tap water.

Betty doesn't understand. Just in case we're as dense as she is, we're shown Amanda gloating in the Dungeon with Fido as she admires the old perfume in a new bottle.

The lawyer continues to mock Betty, dabbing tap water behind his ears. The Meades don't blame Betty. Claire says it's time she got on the stand and told her side of the story.

Fido is refusing to destroy the perfume. He says he's doing more evil these days than he did when he actually worked there. Amanda just wants to dump the stuff in the river, but she insists that he has to go with her. Fido doesn't want to commit crimes that are just plain evil, without benefiting his career in some way. He asks why Amanda feels that Claire should have to "pay" when all she did was put on some perfume.

He shows Amanda the diary pages, which he had decided not to burn. He thinks the reason Amanda is trying to get him to destroy this evidence for her is because she can't bring herself to do it, because she knows that it's all really Fey's fault.

Amanda slaps him, then hugs him and thanks him.

Claire is giving her testimony. She talks about Bradford's open affair with an employee, Fey. (Betty's phone vibrates loudly; she leaves the courtroom to take the call.) Amanda is in the hallway with the perfume and the diary.

"I don't know what I would call my state of mind," Claire is saying in a frustrated voice as Betty returns to the courtroom with the real evidence. Two seconds later, the jury declares Claire Not Guilty By Reason of Temporary Insanity. The Meades collapse on one another with relief. The judge takes off her robe, revealing vacation clothes underneath, and takes off.

Back at the office, Claire leads the staff in a toast to Mode. Daniel thanks Betty for her help. Gio comes by to congratulate her. He forgives her for breaking his window, and gently mocks her "strongly worded note." The hug awkwardly. He watches as Betty and Claire exchange fond words.

Christina is at Wil's doctor's office, preparing for the insemination. (I'm confused. Why is she being inseminated? I thought we were using Wil's eggs? Ah, I see... they implant the egg first, then fertilize it... weird... I would have thought they'd do it in a dish.) Betty comes by and announces to Wil and Fido that she's going to be Christina's witness for the next nine months.

The egg gets fertilized. They all watch on the monitor as the the cells immediately begin to divide. (There's a gratuitous bubbling sound. I'm pretty sure there's no bubbling sound in real life.) Christina and Betty gape in fascination. Bored, Wil and Fido leave.

Next week

Amanda meets with her maybe-father, Gene Simmons. (So much for IMDB and my hasty web search last week, where I couldn't find any information about him doing a Betty episode. I must have spelled his name wrong or something.)
Daniel takes a shower.
Henry and Gio face off. At this point, I'm not even sure which one I'd pick, so good luck to you, Betty.

Celebrity Apprentice week 2, 1/10/08: Omarosa is still not fired

2008-01-13T21:17:00.000-05:00

In Omarosa's defense, this time she wasn't in a position to be fired.

First, Stephen Baldwin presents his mother's breast cancer charity with a check for more than $69,000 - the money raised by both teams in the previous week's task. She's happy!

This week's task is to create an ad for Pedigree's pet adoption program. Trump tells the teams to pick their project managers on the spot. Empresario chooses Nely Galan, and Hydra chooses Gene Simmons.

Empresario goes right to Pedigree to ask them what kind of ad they want. They ask if they want a lot of celebrities in the ad, and they're told no - Pedigree wants the focus to be on the pets, and they want an ad that tells a story. Yep, this is all caught on video. Tell stories and focus on the animals. Galan & Co. go off with some unfamiliar actors and make an ad that tells stories about three different dogs, emphasizing that they're good dogs who were given up for a variety of reasons that weren't the dogs' fault.

The message is great, but the production values are terrible. One of the dogs is drooling (Galan doesn't think this is a problem), and some of the voiceovers are terrible. Meanwhile, five-time Olympic gold medalist Nadia Comaneci seems lost with even the small, random tasks she's been given; and Omarosa wisely stays out of the way.

They dress up in black and yellow (Pedigree colors) for their presentation to the Pedigree guy. Galan runs off at the mouth a bit and overwhelms the man with a number of things he didn't ask for, like radio ads and stuff for the website.

Things go quite differently for Hydra. Simmons feels they don't have time for an initial meeting with the Pedigree guy; instead he wants to get right to work. Baldwin begs to direct the ad; Simmons agrees. They all throw ideas around and quickly decide on a concept; in the middle of all this, Ivanka shows up. Simmons shakes her hand; she seems to struggle to pull out of his grasp and shakes her hand out afterwards. He tells Baldwin to continue what he was saying, because Ivanka can wait! Later, as Ivanka is leaving, Simmons asks if, being a woman and all, she's going to go and tell Empresario what his team has been up to!

They go on produce their ad. They put teammate Lennox Lewis, famous boxer, in it. They don't really tell a story; instead, they show a cute dog being ultra-cute with Lewis. There's an ill-fated effort to get a shot of Lewis walking the dog outside; they and thus-far unimpressive Sopranos star Vincent Pastore struggle to keep passersby out of the shot, but it doesn't work. Gawking passersby create a traffic jam. Simmons decides it isn't worth the trouble and sends them all back inside. Baldwin doesn't seem to understand why, but doesn't put up a big fight.

Simmons takes a few seconds out from being stressed-out to talk baby-talk to the dog. Country singer Trace Adkins, who earlier seemed miffed when Simmons dissed his idea, does a voiceover about how everyone needs a champion in their life; Simmons says it's like the "voice of God."

When taping is finished, Baldwin and Simmons send the rest of the team home to "watch cartoons" while they edit the footage. They refuse to discuss it at all. This offends several of the teammates, who come back later during the editing session; Baldwin chases them out.

When they do their presentation to Pedigree, the guy complains that they didn't meet with him before they started working on the ad. Simmons is short with the man and tells him to let the ad speak for itself.

In the boardroom, it's Trump, Ivanka, and some grey-haired guy that isn't Donald Jr. (henceforth "SGHGTIDJ"). Trump confronts Simmons about the way he spoke to Ivanka. Simmons takes off his sunglasses and gives what I would consider only a half-assed apology at best. Trump also takes Simmons to task for snubbing the Pedigree guy, not meeting with him beforehand, and being abrupt with him at the presentation. After watching the ads, SGHGTIDJ further says that Hydra should have put up a caption explaining who Lennox Lewis is, because not everyone would know. The men try to argue with him about this, but he shuts them down.

Omarosa says that she thinks Lewis is hot, but only as a brother because he's married. Ugh - I never thought I'd say this, but there are some people who shouldn't try to let their humanity show through, because it's just too jarring.

Having said all that, Hydra's ad is the clear winner, and Empresario must again defend themselves. SGHGTIDJ scolds them for not appearing in the ad themselves. No one from Empresario point out that the Pedigree guy seemed to discourage them from doing this. Trump specifically says that he hated the voiceovers, and asks who was in charge of those; it was Marilu Henner.

But instead of presenting Henner for firing, Galan chooses Carol Alt and Nadia Comaneci. (She admits that there's no reason for Alt to be there.) Everyone seems to agree that Comaneci seemed lost and didn't contribute much. Ivanka tells her that she should have asked how to make herself more useful. Comaneci admits that her best bet for showing leadership skills would have been some type of athletic activity.

Trump is disappointed in Galan, but fires Comaneci instead. He says she's definitely a champion, and a leader of herself, but she wouldn't be able to lead a team.

In the cab ride home, Comaneci reveals that her charity was the Special Olympics. Oh well.

Celebrity Apprentice week 1, 1/3/08: Amazingly, Omarosa is not fired

2008-01-13T20:37:00.000-05:00

I figure, what the heck: I'm watching it and it's funny, and I'm taking notes on it anyway for my own reference, so I'll do some quickie recaps.

As usual, for the first task, Trump splits the teams into men vs. women and has them do a street sales task: selling hot dogs out of a cart on the streets of New York.

Omarosa declares herself project manager, and the rest of the women agree. Nely Galan (high-ranking person at Telemundo) suggests the name "Empresario," and the team loves it. The one team member who knows NY well, supermodel Carol Alt, recommends that they put their cart near Penn Station. Everyone agrees to this too. Then a few of them start talking about ways they can leverage their celebrity to get big bucks for their dogs: Omarosa very emphatically shuts this conversation down and says that they are going to win on solid business skills.

It was caught on film, folks. Or videotape, whatever. Those are the words that came out of her mouth. She didn't want to go with the celebrity thing.

Omarosa then exchanged some bitchy words with former Playboy Centerfold of the Year, Tiffany something-or-other, who later confided to the rest of America that Omarosa's condescending attitude didn't make her want to try very hard. Yep, that was caught on film too.

The men agree to let Stephen Baldwin be their project manager. Gene Simmons, who is pretty much the star of this episode, suggests the name "Hydra" - the mythical seven-headed beast (like the team) whose heads grow back when you cut them off.

At some point, Ivanka shows up to see how they're doing, and Simmons hits on her. Yes, he hits on Donald Trump's daughter. (This scene was deleted in the original showing, but aired during an encore showing.)

The guys decide to put their cart near Rockefeller Center and discuss how much they should charge for the hot dogs. Baldwin is very skeptical that tourists will have $100 cash in their pockets, even to have their pictures taken with a celebrity for charity. Even as he's poo-pooing ideas about what people will pay around a celebrity, Simmons whips out his phone and starts calling people to ask them to come out and buy a $5,000 or $10,000 hot dog. At this point, Baldwin shuts his mouth and lets Gene do his thing. Within minutes, he's gotten around $20K worth of pledges.

The next day, Empresario is out on the street with their cart. Omarosa has decided to dress herself, a supermodel, two Olympic athletes, a centerfold, a beautiful actress, and a gorgeous Telemundo executive in jeans, frumpy t-shirts, and big red baseball caps that obscure half their faces. Sales are schlumpy through most of the day; the women seem timid about asking passersby to empty their wallets. Finally Marilu Henner decides to hell with it, she doesn't want to lose, so she gets on the blower and calls a rich friend. So does someone else, I forget who, who calls a pro baseball player. The baseball player shows up towards the end, makes a big donation, and says he wants to "treat" the crowd; so they give away the rest of the hot dogs, which in my mind defeats the purpose of a charity hot dog sale, but what the hell do I know.

Over by 30 Rock, hot dog sales are slow at first, but then the guys' friends start showing up: Tito Ortiz's girlfriend, Jenna Jameson (the last woman on earth you'd expect to have to pay for a hot dog) not only makes a nice donation, but attracts more passersby. At least one of Gene Simmons's friends shows up with a fat check.

The outcome: Empresario's grand total is less than $18K; Hydra's grand total is more than $52K. Trump asks Hydra who, in their opinion, was the weak link in Empresario. (I'm not sure how they would know this.) They name Omarosa. Omarosa - who had earlier made some very insulting remarks to Stephen Baldwin that didn't seem to have been provoked - now receives some equally insulting remarks from some English guy named Morgan (I have NO idea who he is - some judge on some reality show). This Morgan guy tends to bully people verbally in a very childish way; I'm looking forward to a showdown between him and Simmons.

In the boardroom, it's Trump, Ivanka, and Donald Jr. I assume that Donald Jr. says something at some point, but if so I don't remember what. They tell Empresario that their cart location was awful. Omarosa eagerly latches onto this and blames it on Alt, who vigorously defends herself. Alt and Galan blame their loss on Tiffany; I'm really not sure why. Maybe because she can't defend herself, and because she's just not a real asset to the team. Alt and Galan probably figure that they'll be able to get rid of Omarosa later. Well, good luck with that. Bitchy people are good for ratings, so I predict that Trump will keep her around for as long as possible.

Omarosa decides to nominate Alt and Tiffany for firing. Watching on closed-circuit TV, Simmons notes that Omarosa is like "a cocka-roach" - a survivor. And Tiffany is "not a mean chick." Trump asks Tiffany why she didn't call ol' Hef to buy a $100,000 hot dog.

Instead of pointing out that Omarosa discouraged them from using their contacts at the beginning and shut Tiffany down every time she tried to ask a question, not-mean Tiffany stupidly says that she was saving Hugh Hefner for a "bigger" task. Trump tells her that the current task is the only one that matters, since there might not be a later task. And Tiffany is fired!

In the cab ride home, she complains that she didn't get a chance to help her charity, which helps wounded veterans; but at least other charities will benefit.