Sorry for the delay. This is a shorter recap than this episode really deserves, but it's been the week from hell. I think this covers all the important stuff, anyway:
Brad is released from jail. The first thing he does is fire Alexis. However, Claire (who's detoxing at a hospital awaiting arraignment) reminds Brad that she owns Mode (not all of Meade Publications, but just Mode) for tax-shelter purposes. Therefore, she unfires Alexis and requests that they try to be a family.
Daniel tells Betty he doesn't think Alexis can share anything - Alex always had to "win" at everything. Even when jogging. Daniel, Wil, and Alexis meet in Wil's office and explains his plan to share the responsibilities. Alexis doesn't let him finish his explanation and insists that she doesn't want anything to do with Mode. After Daniel leaves, Wil easily convinces Alexis to pull a fast one on Daniel, take over the magazine and embarrass Bradford in the process. She even volunteers her office to Alexis.
Fido is not pleased with the new, smaller office that Wil moves them into, but Wil gloats and tells Fido it won't be long before Alexis and Daniel are at each other's throats, and then Wil will be put in charge.
Meanwhile, Fido discovers that his mother is coming to town for a cat show. Fluffy offers her services as Fido's fake girlfriend, but Fido says no, he had to dump her because his mom was pressuring him to marry her since they'd been dating for so long. Mom shows up earlier than expected and is under the impression that Fluffy cheated on Fido. As revenge, Fluffy pulls Betty aside and introduces her as Fido's new squeeze. Next thing we know, Fido and his mom are supposed to go to Betty's for dinner that night!
Betty and Fido talk in the restroom. Fido begs Betty to play along. (Funny - he already owes her a big favor for that handbag!) In exchange, he tells her that Alexis is planning to take over and push Daniel out.
Betty relays this information to Daniel, who confronts Alexis: he thought she wasn't interested in Mode. Alexis claims that she's doing this for Mom. Daniel is skeptical, but tells her he needs her half of the editorial letter by noon tomorrow, when they'll go to press.
After Daniel leaves, Alexis tells her airheaded intern, Nick Pepper, that they need to be done by midnight because she's going to redo the whole issue and bring it to press early, shutting Daniel out. She does a photo shoot in her office, flaunting all of her feminine charms, knowing Bradford will be mortified. She writes an editorial letter filled with bile towards Brad. Privately, Wil and Fido gloat about how well Wil's plan is going.
Betty is disappointed to find that Daniel uses a ghostwriter for his editorial letters, and urges him to write something more personal. Meanwhile, Wil visits Claire at the hospital. She tells Claire that Alexis and Daniel aren't getting along, and hints around that Claire should give her power of attorney. When Claire resists, Wil offers her some vodka. Claire scornfully rebuffs this offer and tells Wil that although Fey was able to become editor-in-chief by being a slut, from now all Mode will always be run by a Meade.
Back at the office, Fido and Betty quiz each other on personal trivia to convince Fido's mom they're a couple. Betty has done her homework, but Fido hasn't. Henry shows up with paychecks and is able to correctly answer all of the questions about Betty. Betty is too absorbed by the task at hand to show much interest, but Henry walks away looking sad. :-(
Mom and her cat show up for dinner at Casa de Suarez. She tells them the cat, Lady Buttons, has been demoted to just plain Buttons for taking last place. Fido gives Dad a gift of a cactus in a ceramic donkey. (Yikes!) The dinner is bizarre and hilarious, with Betty saying awkward things in order to include her Fido trivia. No sane person would ever buy those two as a couple, but as Fido told Betty, his mom sees only what she wants to see.
Mom says that Betty reminds her of Fido's handsome longtime roommate, Chuck. They were so close. Fido says no, they weren't that close, they were just "poker buddies." "A lot of hold 'em," Hilda jokes. Everyone's in on the joke except Fido's mom.
After dinner, Betty invites Fido up to her room for a talk. Dad tells them to keep the door open. Again, only Fido's mom misses the joke. Betty tells Fido she wants the joke to stop, because she keeps thinking Mr. Roper will show up. Fido is afraid that if Mom learns the truth, he'll end up demoted like Buttons. If he disappoints her, they'll end up with no relationship at all. Betty points out the one they have now isn't so great. She also says he's lucky to have a mother at all.
With some after-dinner chitchat, Mom meets Justin and is horrified by his swishiness. She then discovers that Hilda is a single never married mom. Her cat gets away and dad's security monitor goes off when he tries to catch it; that's how she discovers that he's an illegal immigrant. Then Daniel shows up (he wants Betty to read the editorial letter he wrote); he's introduced at Betty's ex. After a quick talk, he is ushered away by Fido. Fido then tells Betty that the letter doesn't matter, because Alexis isn't going to use it. Betty rushes off to warn Daniel.
Fido tells his mom he's breaking up with Betty. Mom is glad. (I don't know where the family is at this point, but they aren't around for this scene.) She complains about Betty's appearance; Fido points out that her family was very nice to them. She complains some more: why should she be paying Dad's taxes (??? he was working under a false tax ID number, which means he was paying taxes), and Hilda's a slut, and as for Justin, "I don't even know what THAT is," she declares. She says he's so swishy, it makes her sick!!
Fido indignantly defends Betty's family again, and adds, "that little boy... swishy... SWISHY..." He gathers his courage. "You wanna talk about swishy? Open your eyes, Mom, and look at your own swishy son."
Mom wants to leave, but Fido pushes her to listen to him. She tells him he's just confused. He denies this and says if she wants to know him, it has to be the REAL him.
But she's not interested. She sarcastically tells him to thank the family for a nice evening, and leaves.
Meanwhile, Daniel and Betty are stuck in traffic, so they leave the taxi and hoof it to the publisher's. Daniel and Alexis race on foot to the strains of Vangelis's "Chariots of Fire" theme. She wins!
Later, Daniel goes to a bar to drown his sorrows. He is resigned to his loss. He shows Betty the proof the publisher kindly gave him. He throws his own letter away (Betty takes it) and says he'll catch up on his partying.
Betty gets home to find Fido waiting for her on the front steps. He tells her how it went. With the Meades still on her mind, Betty tells him that sometimes your family are not the ones who love you the most. (I'm wondering, does anyone love Fido?) It's the family that you have to make for yourself. Fido cheers up and gets his attitude back. He says Betty will always be his little chimichanga. "But that doesn't mean I like you," he sings cheerfully.
Alone on the front steps, Betty reads Daniel's unpublished letter. In it, he describes how he was angry with Alexis at first, when she came back, but now he's happy, and family will keep the magazine going. (As Betty reads, there's a montage of Alexis feeding soup to Claire, and Hilda, Justin, and Ignacio playing Yahtzee.)
The letter ends, "Thanks to you [Alexis], I'm no longer alone." There's a shot of Daniel in bed with a bottle of wine and two women, who get out of his bed still in their underwear - it looks like he be sending them home early.
And on that sad note, we end.
Next time
Dunno. There wasn't a preview.
2007-03-25
Mar 15, 2007: Charlie's first NY birthday
The dress
Fluffy gets a package from designer Oswald Lorenzo. Apparently, she's his new muse. Fluffy tells Fido that she met him at a party; she was the hottest girl there and he worshipped her. Some skank was trying to horn in, but Fluffy was very nice to her. (In a flashback, we see that he ignored Fluffy in favor of another woman; Fluffy shoved her and said "out of the way, skank!")
In the box is a tiny silver rubber dress; it's called "The Amanda." Fido is slightly jealous.
Fluffy somehow manages to get the dress on and spends most of the rest of the episode staggering around the office, falling over, etc., barely able to move her arms or legs because the dress is so tight. Eventually, the aforementioned skank shows up at Mode. Fluffy calls her a skank-whore.
Later, Christina has to give Fluffy a piggyback ride off the toilet, because Amanda had to stand on top of the toilet in order to pee.
The next day, Fluffy gets another package. She tells the messenger no thanks - the dress sucked. It looked awful. The messenger tells her of course it looked awful - she wore it without the hat. He leaves the box with her.
Charmed, Fluffy opens it. Inside is the "hat" - it looks like the Tin Man's oil-funnel hat, with a long scarf. Fluffy puts it on. Out in the hallway, the messenger and the skank watch her and laugh. "That'll teach her to shove me in a bar," the skank tells her confederate.
(Weak storyline, but MAJOR props to Becki Newton for making it work.)
The immigration case
Constance is making a flavored coffee for Ignacio and calling him "Nacho." He wants to talk about his case, but she'd rather dance. There's no music, but she grabs him and kisses him. He begs off, saying there are kids in the house, plus he has a heart condition.
Later, Hilda and Justin come home to a darkened house. They find Ignacio hiding from Constance. Justin admits she gave him a dollar to refer to her as "Grandma." Hilda suggests reporting her.
Constance is yelling in the street for Ignacio. Hilda tells him she'll handle it. She gives her a makeover. (Bleach is involved.) Hilda hints that Ignacio has an admirer, but didn't want to hurt Constance's feelings because she's done so much for him.
The murder case
Daniel's in bed with Grace Chin again. Afterwards, she's all business and no cuddle. She wants to talk to Claire; Daniel doesn't want her to. He says she had a relapse and disappeared.
Later, he takes Claire to a nice hotel - he's afraid she will confess to Fey's murder. Claire wants to tell the truth to Alexis, too, but Daniel nixes this idea as well. He asks her to use a false name at the front desk of the hotel. She suggests "Brandy Shaloo" - she's used that name for hiding out before.
At Mode, Alexis gives Wil a scarf as a "peace offering." Still sore about not being put in charge, Wil says she'll give the scarf to her cleaning lady. Alexis tells Wil she wants to give Daniel a chance, because he stuck up for her against their father. Wil makes fun of Al's "man hands." Then an item on TV catches their attention: Grace Chin, who has never lost a case, has been hired for Brad's defense.
Wil smugly observes to Alexis that things aren't working out as they've planned. Alexis stomps off. Wil and Fido gloat that Daniel will only disappoint Alexis. "We'll make sure of it."
Betty disapproves of Daniel's dalliances with The Chin. He reminds Betty to keep it a secret. He decides to ask Christina to pick out something nice from the Closet for The Chin. Christina is annoyed by this odd request; Betty's reaction confirms Christina's suspicion that Daniel and The Chin are "shagging."
Alexis drags Daniel out of a staff meeting to give him what she thinks is the bad news. Daniel acts surprised to hear that Grace Chin is their father's new lawyer. She reminds him of what a jerk their father is. (Fido, eavesdropping, is intrigued.)
Wil goes to the Closet in search of a particular dress. It's not there. Christina plays dumb, then admits that it might have been signed out by Daniel. Wil picks up the phone and threatens to tell Christina's "friend" (Betty) that Christina's the person who delivered the evidence against Brad. Christina admits the dress was for Grace Chin; satisfied, Wil tells Betty "good hair today" and hangs up.
Fido is confused. He tells Wil that Daniel said he didn't even know The Chin; Wil figures out that Daniel and The Chin are getting it on, and that Daniel lied to Alexis.
Betty tells Daniel that Grace is picking up "a witness" at the hotel. (Grace had no trouble finding her, since Claire's housekeeper remembered "Brandy Shaloo.") Daniel panics. Seeing this, Wil gloats and has Fido follow Daniel to obtain proof of Daniel's treachery. Wil figures that if she can get Daniel and Alexis wrapped up in a fight, she can take over on her own.
Grace takes Claire to dinner. Claire is drinking and getting ready to tell all. Daniel interrupts. Grace wants him to leave, but has to get up for a phone call. While she's away from the table, Daniel basically blames Claire for all of the family's problems. Fido overhears some of this conversation. Claire leaves the restaurant before Grace comes back to the table. Daniel and Grace have sex in a function room; Fido gets it all on camera.
Wil watches the video and leaves it on Alexis's desk. She sticks around to witness Al's rage.
In bed at Daniel's later, Daniel tells Grace that Claire will probably disappear again, because she's nuts. Grace says she already knows that Claire murdered Fey. She wants Claire to admit it and go with an insanity plea, based on paranoia. (I think in the state of NY, it's actually called "diminished capacity," but I Am Not A Lawyer.)
Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of a very angry Alexis. Alexis demands that Grace recuse herself. She threatens to show the video to a judge, or put it on the Internet. Grace insults them and leaves.
Daniel explains to Alexis that their mother, not Brad, is the person who killed Fey. Only then does Alexis realize that it was a mistake to run Grace off.
The romance
Betty is at the orthodontist, getting her braces adjusted. He puts a new wire on and flirtatiously tells her it will feel weird for her, or for anyone kissing her. Betty tells him nobody's kissing her. She talks to him like he's a bartender, telling him about Henry and Charlie. He pats her comfortingly on the shoulder.
Betty goes to work and runs into Henry and Charlie. They make small talk, in which it is revealed that the happy couple spent yet another weekend ordering in and watching movies. (This time, they have the good manners not to mention whether the movie-watching was in bed.) As for Betty's weekend, she got a new shower curtain. Charlie shows off her "first NY haircut" and clings to Henry like one of those clip-on koalas that used to be popular when I was a kid.
They invite Betty to Charlie's birthday party that night, which will be attended mostly by the Accounting department. Henry privately offers to let Betty off the hook if she's uncomfortable with it, but Betty assures him that it's okay. She tells him she needs advice on her taxes anyway. (Which reminds me. Eek!)
Based on the number of free samples on Betty's desk, Daniel later suggests that Betty's orthodontist may have a little crush on her. He sends her on an errand to the Closet, where Henry tracks her down to give her a map to the bar for Charlie's birthday party. After he and Betty make more small talk, he seems surprised to notice Christina, who's been standing there the whole time. (Yes, he only has eyes for Betty.)
After Henry leaves, Betty denies to Christina that she's upset. Christina shows Betty the used tissues in her wastebasket, and reminds Betty of the Henry-related complaints attached to each one. Betty protests that she wants to keep Henry as a friend, at least. Christina tells Betty she should at least bring someone to the party.
Betty makes another appointment with Dr. Farkas, then asks Christina to cut the wire. (OW!!)
Dr. Farkas is skeptical about Betty's claim that she snapped the wire while eating a bagel, but he replaces it. She sorta-flirts with him and suggests that he got to dinner with her to make sure she doesn't eat any more dangerous food. He eagerly accepts!
At the party, Betty introduces him as "Dr. Farkas." He tells her to call him Gabe. He gives Charlie a tongue-scraper, because "so many people forget about the tongue." Charlie loves it. The birthday cake is Henry's favorite - and Betty's too. Charlie doesn't like cake. (Weirdo.)
Gabe goes for drinks, and Charlie gives Betty a very enthusiastic thumbs-up on Gabe. Henry is less impressed and has lots of questions about their relationship. Charlie happily says she can feel the "vibes" between Gabe and Betty. (I'm really not sure how Henry got mixed up with this nutty chick in the first place.)
Charlie reveals that she and Henry are buying a couch. Gabe comments that a mortgage is next. Betty becomes gloomy. Henry self-consciously says it's just a couch. Charlie insists that Henry dance with her. Gabe and Betty dance too, but Betty and Henry keep looking at one another.
Before it becomes necessary to turn a fire hose on those two, Betty gets a call from Claire. Claire wants the corporate credit card. Betty asks Gabe to go to the hotel with her. Gabe jokingly asks if he's that good of a dancer! They leave together. Henry overhears only some of this and starts looking as glum as Betty.
Claire's drunk. She tells Betty she's "running away" because Daniel convinced her that she destroyed the family. Betty suggests that they call Daniel to clear things up. Claire agrees, "borrows" Betty's phone, and smashes it. She asks about Gabe; Betty introduces him as "Dr. Farkas." Claire says in front of him that she thought Betty liked an accountant. Betty says they're just friends. Claire scolds herself for screwing up again.
Betty claims that the corporate credit card is at her house, so the three of them go to Queens together. Gabe thinks he should leave, but Betty doesn't want him to. Claire makes a sarcastic observation about their "chemistry." She also lets Gabe hear her say that she killed Fey. Betty says that Daniel told her that Claire makes things up when she's been drinking.
Claire then gives the details on how she had Fey's brake lines cut, followed her for 18 miles until her brake fluid ran out, and watched her crash into a tree and burn, burn, burn. Betty tells Gabe they're playing "guess the movie quote." She tells them to play while she looks for the card.
Ignacio comes down the stairs just in time to hear Claire tell Gabe, "I've killed once - I'll kill again." Ignacio introduces himself, Claire introduces herself, and says "This is Betty's date." Ignacio says, "You must be Henry, I've heard a lot about you." Ouch! Claire explains the situation and indiscreetly tells Ignacio that the accountant is much hotter. (Which is true, but I like Gabe too.)
Again, Gabe wants to leave. Betty insists that they at least have coffee. Ignacio offers to make the coffee. Claire asks for hers with vodka, ice, and no coffee.
Storylines collide
Constance (now with blond highlights!) peeps through the window and sees Ignacio taking Claire's coat. Her eyes get very big. She comes into the house and confronts Claire, who makes fun of her hair. They have a shoving-match (started by Constance). Constance reaches back to wind up for a bitch-slap, but hits Gabe by mistake.
Constance thinks Ignacio is planning to marry Claire for a green card. (When Constance is told that Gabe is Betty's date, she says, "Is that the accountant?" Gabe replies, "That's Henry!") Ignacio takes Constance to the kitchen and tells her that neither she nor Claire is his girlfriend, and why is she stalking him? She says he's a flight risk, and slaps an ankle monitor on him! If he leaves the house, it will go off.
Gabe wants to leave, especially because of Betty's obvious feelings for Henry. He says he could see it at the party and so could everyone else. Betty apologizes for asking him out for all the wrong reasons. Gabe says he should know better than to date patients, especially cute ones. They awkwardly don't hug, and say goodnight.
Claire still wants that credit card. Betty tries to stall, and Claire realizes that Betty is still trying to contact Daniel. She makes Betty promise that she won't make the same mistake of watching the man she loves love someone else.
Betty tells Claire that running away isn't the answer; her problems will follow her. They need to face the things that are scary, or else they won't be able to live with themselves. (Claire is becoming an unlikely second mother for Betty!)
Claire calls the police to turn herself in. Cameras and police gather around the Suarez home. On TV, a reporter says that Claire confessed and her lawyer quit.
Wil, Fido, and Christina watch at the office. Christina is upset. Brad will be released in 24 hours. Wil gloats that Alexis won't be happy. She congratulates Fido and Christina on their "nice work." Christina is disgusted.
Next day at work, Henry approaches Betty and mentions that she left in a hurry. He invites her to lunch with him and Charlie. Betty says no and walks away. Not tomorrow either. She tells him it's not good for her to be with him and his girlfriend. Henry wants to be friends. (This is the guy who, in a previous episode, complained "great, another friend" when Betty said the same thing to him.) Betty says sorry, no, she can't. Henry looks sad. He gives her a big piece of cake. After he walks away, she throws it away and gets back to work. (Snif!)
Next time
Fido introduces his mom to his new girlfriend.
Fluffy gets a package from designer Oswald Lorenzo. Apparently, she's his new muse. Fluffy tells Fido that she met him at a party; she was the hottest girl there and he worshipped her. Some skank was trying to horn in, but Fluffy was very nice to her. (In a flashback, we see that he ignored Fluffy in favor of another woman; Fluffy shoved her and said "out of the way, skank!")
In the box is a tiny silver rubber dress; it's called "The Amanda." Fido is slightly jealous.
Fluffy somehow manages to get the dress on and spends most of the rest of the episode staggering around the office, falling over, etc., barely able to move her arms or legs because the dress is so tight. Eventually, the aforementioned skank shows up at Mode. Fluffy calls her a skank-whore.
Later, Christina has to give Fluffy a piggyback ride off the toilet, because Amanda had to stand on top of the toilet in order to pee.
The next day, Fluffy gets another package. She tells the messenger no thanks - the dress sucked. It looked awful. The messenger tells her of course it looked awful - she wore it without the hat. He leaves the box with her.
Charmed, Fluffy opens it. Inside is the "hat" - it looks like the Tin Man's oil-funnel hat, with a long scarf. Fluffy puts it on. Out in the hallway, the messenger and the skank watch her and laugh. "That'll teach her to shove me in a bar," the skank tells her confederate.
(Weak storyline, but MAJOR props to Becki Newton for making it work.)
The immigration case
Constance is making a flavored coffee for Ignacio and calling him "Nacho." He wants to talk about his case, but she'd rather dance. There's no music, but she grabs him and kisses him. He begs off, saying there are kids in the house, plus he has a heart condition.
Later, Hilda and Justin come home to a darkened house. They find Ignacio hiding from Constance. Justin admits she gave him a dollar to refer to her as "Grandma." Hilda suggests reporting her.
Constance is yelling in the street for Ignacio. Hilda tells him she'll handle it. She gives her a makeover. (Bleach is involved.) Hilda hints that Ignacio has an admirer, but didn't want to hurt Constance's feelings because she's done so much for him.
The murder case
Daniel's in bed with Grace Chin again. Afterwards, she's all business and no cuddle. She wants to talk to Claire; Daniel doesn't want her to. He says she had a relapse and disappeared.
Later, he takes Claire to a nice hotel - he's afraid she will confess to Fey's murder. Claire wants to tell the truth to Alexis, too, but Daniel nixes this idea as well. He asks her to use a false name at the front desk of the hotel. She suggests "Brandy Shaloo" - she's used that name for hiding out before.
At Mode, Alexis gives Wil a scarf as a "peace offering." Still sore about not being put in charge, Wil says she'll give the scarf to her cleaning lady. Alexis tells Wil she wants to give Daniel a chance, because he stuck up for her against their father. Wil makes fun of Al's "man hands." Then an item on TV catches their attention: Grace Chin, who has never lost a case, has been hired for Brad's defense.
Wil smugly observes to Alexis that things aren't working out as they've planned. Alexis stomps off. Wil and Fido gloat that Daniel will only disappoint Alexis. "We'll make sure of it."
Betty disapproves of Daniel's dalliances with The Chin. He reminds Betty to keep it a secret. He decides to ask Christina to pick out something nice from the Closet for The Chin. Christina is annoyed by this odd request; Betty's reaction confirms Christina's suspicion that Daniel and The Chin are "shagging."
Alexis drags Daniel out of a staff meeting to give him what she thinks is the bad news. Daniel acts surprised to hear that Grace Chin is their father's new lawyer. She reminds him of what a jerk their father is. (Fido, eavesdropping, is intrigued.)
Wil goes to the Closet in search of a particular dress. It's not there. Christina plays dumb, then admits that it might have been signed out by Daniel. Wil picks up the phone and threatens to tell Christina's "friend" (Betty) that Christina's the person who delivered the evidence against Brad. Christina admits the dress was for Grace Chin; satisfied, Wil tells Betty "good hair today" and hangs up.
Fido is confused. He tells Wil that Daniel said he didn't even know The Chin; Wil figures out that Daniel and The Chin are getting it on, and that Daniel lied to Alexis.
Betty tells Daniel that Grace is picking up "a witness" at the hotel. (Grace had no trouble finding her, since Claire's housekeeper remembered "Brandy Shaloo.") Daniel panics. Seeing this, Wil gloats and has Fido follow Daniel to obtain proof of Daniel's treachery. Wil figures that if she can get Daniel and Alexis wrapped up in a fight, she can take over on her own.
Grace takes Claire to dinner. Claire is drinking and getting ready to tell all. Daniel interrupts. Grace wants him to leave, but has to get up for a phone call. While she's away from the table, Daniel basically blames Claire for all of the family's problems. Fido overhears some of this conversation. Claire leaves the restaurant before Grace comes back to the table. Daniel and Grace have sex in a function room; Fido gets it all on camera.
Wil watches the video and leaves it on Alexis's desk. She sticks around to witness Al's rage.
In bed at Daniel's later, Daniel tells Grace that Claire will probably disappear again, because she's nuts. Grace says she already knows that Claire murdered Fey. She wants Claire to admit it and go with an insanity plea, based on paranoia. (I think in the state of NY, it's actually called "diminished capacity," but I Am Not A Lawyer.)
Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of a very angry Alexis. Alexis demands that Grace recuse herself. She threatens to show the video to a judge, or put it on the Internet. Grace insults them and leaves.
Daniel explains to Alexis that their mother, not Brad, is the person who killed Fey. Only then does Alexis realize that it was a mistake to run Grace off.
The romance
Betty is at the orthodontist, getting her braces adjusted. He puts a new wire on and flirtatiously tells her it will feel weird for her, or for anyone kissing her. Betty tells him nobody's kissing her. She talks to him like he's a bartender, telling him about Henry and Charlie. He pats her comfortingly on the shoulder.
Betty goes to work and runs into Henry and Charlie. They make small talk, in which it is revealed that the happy couple spent yet another weekend ordering in and watching movies. (This time, they have the good manners not to mention whether the movie-watching was in bed.) As for Betty's weekend, she got a new shower curtain. Charlie shows off her "first NY haircut" and clings to Henry like one of those clip-on koalas that used to be popular when I was a kid.
They invite Betty to Charlie's birthday party that night, which will be attended mostly by the Accounting department. Henry privately offers to let Betty off the hook if she's uncomfortable with it, but Betty assures him that it's okay. She tells him she needs advice on her taxes anyway. (Which reminds me. Eek!)
Based on the number of free samples on Betty's desk, Daniel later suggests that Betty's orthodontist may have a little crush on her. He sends her on an errand to the Closet, where Henry tracks her down to give her a map to the bar for Charlie's birthday party. After he and Betty make more small talk, he seems surprised to notice Christina, who's been standing there the whole time. (Yes, he only has eyes for Betty.)
After Henry leaves, Betty denies to Christina that she's upset. Christina shows Betty the used tissues in her wastebasket, and reminds Betty of the Henry-related complaints attached to each one. Betty protests that she wants to keep Henry as a friend, at least. Christina tells Betty she should at least bring someone to the party.
Betty makes another appointment with Dr. Farkas, then asks Christina to cut the wire. (OW!!)
Dr. Farkas is skeptical about Betty's claim that she snapped the wire while eating a bagel, but he replaces it. She sorta-flirts with him and suggests that he got to dinner with her to make sure she doesn't eat any more dangerous food. He eagerly accepts!
At the party, Betty introduces him as "Dr. Farkas." He tells her to call him Gabe. He gives Charlie a tongue-scraper, because "so many people forget about the tongue." Charlie loves it. The birthday cake is Henry's favorite - and Betty's too. Charlie doesn't like cake. (Weirdo.)
Gabe goes for drinks, and Charlie gives Betty a very enthusiastic thumbs-up on Gabe. Henry is less impressed and has lots of questions about their relationship. Charlie happily says she can feel the "vibes" between Gabe and Betty. (I'm really not sure how Henry got mixed up with this nutty chick in the first place.)
Charlie reveals that she and Henry are buying a couch. Gabe comments that a mortgage is next. Betty becomes gloomy. Henry self-consciously says it's just a couch. Charlie insists that Henry dance with her. Gabe and Betty dance too, but Betty and Henry keep looking at one another.
Before it becomes necessary to turn a fire hose on those two, Betty gets a call from Claire. Claire wants the corporate credit card. Betty asks Gabe to go to the hotel with her. Gabe jokingly asks if he's that good of a dancer! They leave together. Henry overhears only some of this and starts looking as glum as Betty.
Claire's drunk. She tells Betty she's "running away" because Daniel convinced her that she destroyed the family. Betty suggests that they call Daniel to clear things up. Claire agrees, "borrows" Betty's phone, and smashes it. She asks about Gabe; Betty introduces him as "Dr. Farkas." Claire says in front of him that she thought Betty liked an accountant. Betty says they're just friends. Claire scolds herself for screwing up again.
Betty claims that the corporate credit card is at her house, so the three of them go to Queens together. Gabe thinks he should leave, but Betty doesn't want him to. Claire makes a sarcastic observation about their "chemistry." She also lets Gabe hear her say that she killed Fey. Betty says that Daniel told her that Claire makes things up when she's been drinking.
Claire then gives the details on how she had Fey's brake lines cut, followed her for 18 miles until her brake fluid ran out, and watched her crash into a tree and burn, burn, burn. Betty tells Gabe they're playing "guess the movie quote." She tells them to play while she looks for the card.
Ignacio comes down the stairs just in time to hear Claire tell Gabe, "I've killed once - I'll kill again." Ignacio introduces himself, Claire introduces herself, and says "This is Betty's date." Ignacio says, "You must be Henry, I've heard a lot about you." Ouch! Claire explains the situation and indiscreetly tells Ignacio that the accountant is much hotter. (Which is true, but I like Gabe too.)
Again, Gabe wants to leave. Betty insists that they at least have coffee. Ignacio offers to make the coffee. Claire asks for hers with vodka, ice, and no coffee.
Storylines collide
Constance (now with blond highlights!) peeps through the window and sees Ignacio taking Claire's coat. Her eyes get very big. She comes into the house and confronts Claire, who makes fun of her hair. They have a shoving-match (started by Constance). Constance reaches back to wind up for a bitch-slap, but hits Gabe by mistake.
Constance thinks Ignacio is planning to marry Claire for a green card. (When Constance is told that Gabe is Betty's date, she says, "Is that the accountant?" Gabe replies, "That's Henry!") Ignacio takes Constance to the kitchen and tells her that neither she nor Claire is his girlfriend, and why is she stalking him? She says he's a flight risk, and slaps an ankle monitor on him! If he leaves the house, it will go off.
Gabe wants to leave, especially because of Betty's obvious feelings for Henry. He says he could see it at the party and so could everyone else. Betty apologizes for asking him out for all the wrong reasons. Gabe says he should know better than to date patients, especially cute ones. They awkwardly don't hug, and say goodnight.
Claire still wants that credit card. Betty tries to stall, and Claire realizes that Betty is still trying to contact Daniel. She makes Betty promise that she won't make the same mistake of watching the man she loves love someone else.
Betty tells Claire that running away isn't the answer; her problems will follow her. They need to face the things that are scary, or else they won't be able to live with themselves. (Claire is becoming an unlikely second mother for Betty!)
Claire calls the police to turn herself in. Cameras and police gather around the Suarez home. On TV, a reporter says that Claire confessed and her lawyer quit.
Wil, Fido, and Christina watch at the office. Christina is upset. Brad will be released in 24 hours. Wil gloats that Alexis won't be happy. She congratulates Fido and Christina on their "nice work." Christina is disgusted.
Next day at work, Henry approaches Betty and mentions that she left in a hurry. He invites her to lunch with him and Charlie. Betty says no and walks away. Not tomorrow either. She tells him it's not good for her to be with him and his girlfriend. Henry wants to be friends. (This is the guy who, in a previous episode, complained "great, another friend" when Betty said the same thing to him.) Betty says sorry, no, she can't. Henry looks sad. He gives her a big piece of cake. After he walks away, she throws it away and gets back to work. (Snif!)
Next time
Fido introduces his mom to his new girlfriend.
2007-03-18
Pollypoo update
Running late on the 3/15 recap, because my dog OD'd on some doggy pills. She'll be okay, but I need to make some safety changes around the house.
Update: It's looking like she won't be okay. The 3/22 recap is going to be late too. I'll post both of them eventually, but things aren't going well with Polly, and that's my focus right now.
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