Feb 15, 2007: Snow-crazy

Sorry for the delay. I wanted to do justice to this episode!

Before the snow

Betty tosses and turns in bed, dreaming that Claire threatens to kill her if she tells anyone that Claire killed Fey. After snapping out of this dream, she then finds Henry in her bed... with his girlfriend, a hot blonde. Henry tells Betty it's too bad things didn't work out, but on the other hand, Claire Meade's going to kill her anyway.

Betty finally wakes up and looks at her clock, which ticks loudly like a windup but looks like one of those flip-digital clocks from the 70's. It's only 11:11 pm.

The next morning, Wil watches sulkily as Alexis and Daniel get off the elevator together, laughing about old times - apparently, Daniel once shoved three grapes up his nose. (Good to know.) Wil whines to Fido about Daniel's and Alexis's newfound amity. Fido puts out a "gay-P-B" to find out what's going on. Meanwhile, Wil tries to pump Christina for information.

Christina doesn't have any info, but Fido hears through the grapevine that Alexis has no friends except Daniel. Wil sees an opportunity to reestablish her relationship with Alexis. However, she is not so sure about Christina's loyalty, and orders Fido to become Christina's new best friend.

Daniel gives Betty a pair of tickets to a Stella McCartney party tonight - he's planning to hang out at a bar with his long-lost friend Becks instead. Betty suddenly (and loudly) blurts that Claire killed Fey. Daniel scoffs, but Betty tells him that Claire said she cut Fey's brakes, followed in her blue Aston-Martin, and watched her crash.

Daniel goes to visit his father in jail and asks about this. Bradford denies all of it, but says he needs a better lawyer - someone named Grace Chin, aka "The Chin." Daniel looks worried.

Meanwhile, Betty visits the Closet and invites Christina to the party. Sarah Jessica Parker's "people" call and say they'd like Christina to design SJP's dress for the Oscars... and she needs it tomorrow. Christina is too shocked to answer, so Betty takes the phone and does her best to mimic Christina's accent. It's very convincing, too... if you think Christina sounds like Paul Hogan. Betty accepts the offer for Christina, and ends with "g'day, mate!"

Daniel comes back to the office and explains his predicament to Becks: he knew Grace Chin in school. He invited her to a keg party and then stood her up in favor of a better offer. He shows Becks a yearbook picture: in those days, Grace looked like an Asian Betty.

Becks predicts that she probably has even more chins now, and won't turn Daniel down. If anything, she'll be grateful just to hear from a man.

The Chin

Grace Chin arrives for their meeting, and she looks a lot better than her yearbook photo. Betty announces her arrival to Daniel and can't imagine why he ever stood her up. Daniel tells her she looked different in those days - braces, glasses, and "crazy hair." Looking at Betty, he does a double-take and says that look works for some people.

Daniel nervously drops a few hints around Grace, fishing for some trace of recognition or hard feelings. When she doesn't respond, he relaxes and asks her about the case. She says it will be tough, and only she can win it... except she's not going to take the case.

She remembers everything. She tells Daniel she spent that night playing Wolfenstein. She had even bought him a corsage (she was new to dating).

Daniel protests that his father isn't the person who stood her up, but he offers to make it up to her. He calls over town trying to get a table at a good restaurant, but mentioning his name only gets him a dial tone - between Sofia's betrayal and Alexis's takeover, his name's mud and he can't get anything.

Grace has a better plan anyway. She tells him about the fates of some other women he hurt in college. "The Chin's all about justice," she says, waving a list of names and phone numbers at him.

Daniel dutifully calls everyone on the list and gives a heartfelt apology to each one. She interrupts one apology to tell him that his remorse is hot, and totally jumps his bones.

(Actually, Grace has made the mistake of letting him dial the phone himself, and all of these calls are going to Becks. After an evening of hearing all these regrets, Becks now gets to listen in on Grace's enthusiastic approval as well.)

Later, Grace tells Daniel that the case against Bradford is not very strong. Most of the evidence is circumstantial. A witness was spotted near the scene - a woman in a blue Aston-Martin - but no one has been able to find her.

Christina's new buddy

Christina goes crazy worrying about Sarah Jessica Parker's dress. Thanks to the snow, she can't get her hands on any new fabric - certainly none that's worthy of SJP. Fido lends moral support, and you can tell from his attitude that he's motivated by more than just Wil's threats. He throws himself into the task with gusto. He steers Christina away from a taffeta nightmare and suggests "repurposing" some of the other garments in the Closet. Christina thinks that SJP will recognize any reused fabric.

They brainstorm what type of design would be "edgy" enough for SJP, and gather all the raw materials they can find. The result is not impressive: coffee filters, staples, packing material. Fido encourages Christina to work with these materials to make SJP a truly unique gown.

Eventually, Christina pulls something together and sizes it on Fido. It could definitely pass for a dress... that was made in the back room at Kinko's. In any case, they are happy about it. Wil calls to check in (and ask Fido to get her a car... more on that later) and is glad to hear that Fido and Christina are getting to be bestest buddies.

Ladies' night

Wil catches Alexis eating a very fattening lunch alone at her desk. Alexis complains that her old friends have been "unforgiving." They cried at her funeral, but aren't happy to see her now. Wil says that one good friend is all she needs, and suggests that they have a girls' night out, including the opera.

Unfortunately, the heavy snow limits the number of taxis available that evening. They duck into a sports bar for shelter. It's a little bit of a dive, and Wil looks out-of-place in her stark white outfit with gigantic fuzzy marshmallow hat. Alexis, on the other hand, likes the place, saying it's like the bars she used to go to. She wants to hang around for a while.

Alexis impresses a man named Joel (Jerry O'Connell) with her ability to throw a basketball. Alexis confides to him that she'd rather stay there than go to the opera as planned. Wil approaches, and Joel says she looks familiar. Wil very rudely cuts him off.

Alexis takes Wil aside and says she thinks Joel is cute. She points out that he has friends, too. Wil does not share Alexis's enthusiasm, but accepts Joel's offer to throw a basketball. She misses. The guys laugh, but she silences them with a glare. She finally gets Fido to arrange for a car to pick them up. She urges Alexis to wait with her outside, but Alexis wants to stay. Wil angrily leaves without her.

Joel asks Alexis for her phone number. Alexis eagerly writes it down for him. She savors the moment: the first time she has ever given out her phone number as a woman. The other men begin cheering. Laughing, Joel tells Alexis he just won a bet: they all know who Alexis is. "I don't hit on freaks unless I know I'm getting paid for it," he brags.

Wil comes back into the bar. She apologizes to Joel for not having been nicer to him earlier. She then slugs him hard enough to knock him right off his barstool. She gives him an extra kick as she ushers Alexis out to the waiting car.

"People are kind of awful," Alexis moans. Wil reminds her that some people have been good to her. Alexis says yes - Wil... and Daniel.

Alexis says she no longer sees Daniel as an enemy. (Wil gets nervous.) Alexis assures her that she's still the best creative person in the business - and she can have a raise if she likes.

Wil does not like.

Justin's big break

At home, Hilda is preparing to do something with Ignacio's hair. She's planning to go to cosmetology school and wants to practice on her dad. Dad is a little worried about this, given that Hilda's already had two beers.

Justin is worried too, watching the snow come down. He's afraid the weather will interfere with his plans to see Hairspray tonight with his mother and father. Hilda admits to Ignacio that Santos doesn't yet know that he's going to see a musical. This inspires her to reach for a third beer.

Santos arrives later and is not happy when Hilda tells him the plan. (Justin is up in his room and doesn't hear any of this conversation.) Hilda reminds Santos that he said he wanted to spend more time with Justin, and this is what Justin likes to do. Santos says he put money on a basketball game, and he'd prefer to watch that game at a bar and then meet them later.

Later, on the subway, Santos is about to break the news to Justin when the train breaks down. They'll be stuck there for a while. Justin frets that they - especially his father, who's never seen the show before - will miss the opening number. Then inspiration strikes: he'll perform it! He begins singing and dancing, acting out the entire play for everyone on the train.

Some time later, Justin is still performing. It is the most excited Santos has ever seen his son. Finally, another passenger complains and calls Justin a fairy. Hilda gets up and starts yelling at the passenger. Santos gets right in the man's face and tells him that his son is going to finish, after which he, the passenger, will clap.

Santos sincerely encourages Justin to finish the story. When he's done, all of the passengers clap with admiration and/or terror.

More subway madness

In the lunch line, Betty befriends a wide-eyed girl named Charlotte (Charlie for short) who seems to be lost in the big city. Charlie tells Betty she has an amazing aura. she says she makes jewelry out of "found objects," but the finds aren't as nice here in New York. She confesses that she finds the city very scary. To cheer her up, Betty invites her to the Stella McCartney party.

Just then, Henry arrives. Before Betty can introduce them, Henry tells Betty that Charlotte is his girlfriend. He's too busy hugging Charlie to notice the miserable look on Betty's face.

After lunch, Betty sees Henry approaching and tries to hide behind Fluffy's desk. Fluffy gives her up quickly, hoping to add some excitement to her own day. (Betty tells Henry she lost a contact lens. Then she hurriedly explains that it wasn't hers.) Henry thanks Betty for getting Charlie to go out. He says all they've done since she arrived is order in and watch movies in bed. Again, he is oblivious to the look of horror on Betty's face.

Henry asks if it isn't too weird for Betty, because of that "vibe" they had. Betty denies that there was ever an "us" or a vibe. Henry looks hurt, but says good, okay, have fun at the party.

Fluffy tells Betty to "grow a pair" and "fight for your little dweeb." She urges Betty to find Charlie's weakness, and exploit it. Betty refuses to consider such a thing.

That evening, Charlie is a nervous wreck at the subway platform. It's crowded and scary. She can't understand why Henry couldn't have taken an accounting job in Tucson. Betty says maybe his dreams are bigger.

Betty imagines she sees Fluffy everywhere she looks, urging Betty to hit Charlie or push her in front of a train. The train approaches and the crowd pushes forward. Panicking, Charlie takes Betty's hand and begs her not to let go. An old woman in hair curlers turns into Fluffy and orders, "ditch her."

Charlie gets on the train. Their hands slip apart. (Later, Betty will claim that she let Charlie's hand go, but it looks to me like someone pushed between them. In any case, Betty would have blamed herself just for thinking about it.)

Regardless of Betty's intentions, she is horrified when she sees Charlie screaming in terror on the other side of the train window. As the train pulls away, Betty tells Charlie to get off on the next stop, switch trains, and come back.

But Charlie doesn't do that.

Henry meets Betty at the subway platform. Betty admits that she lost Charlie on purpose. Henry doesn't understand. Betty blurts out that she did it because she likes Henry. She says she broke up with Walter - to be with Henry.

She runs away, but Henry follows her. She allows him to split the cost of a pretzel. She admits that he's not the reason she broke up with Walter; she did it because she didn't love Walter.

Henry observes that their timing sucks, but now she can meet someone new - someone who sees how wonderful, how caring, how beautiful she is...

Their faces are very close. "Is this a good idea?" Betty asks.

"No," Henry sighs, but it looks as though a kiss is about to happen anyway - until Charlie calls from across the street. She rushes toward them, oblivious (she didn't see anything). She babbles on and on about her great adventure. She's become a quite the subway expert. She's excited and wants to stay in the Big City after all. She tells Betty it was fate that separated them!

Betty gives her party tickets to Henry and Charlie and goes home.

Wrapup

Exhausted, Christina and Fido admire their handiwork when Wil breezes in, tired and grumpy. She warns them that Alexis has crossed them. Christina walks out, saying she's not one of Wil's "flying monkeys." Wil says that Christina owes her for her exposure as a designer. (No, it wasn't enough for her that Christina turned in the evidence against Daniel's father. For what it's worth, I didn't think Christina was even going to do that much. I thought for sure that she and Betty would snoop through the package first.)

Soon afterward, Sarah Jessica Parker's "people" call and cancel the dress. Sadly, Fido tells Christina that Wil works fast. She'll get used to it.

Claire visits Bradford in prison. Brad asks why she told Betty that she committed Fey's murder. Claire says she's going to turn herself in. Bradford protests.

Later, Daniel watches his mother get out of a blue Aston-Martin (kind of an anticlimactic ending if you ask me).

Feb 8, 2007: How Claire keeps busy

Justin gets home early, accompanied by his father Santos. He was sent home from school for fighting, which was supposedly provoked by him waving a flag around, I assume with the school band or something. Santos thinks its all Hilda's fault for raising him wrong. Hilda points out that Santos hasn't been involved in his upbringing at all. She is also annoyed that Justin called his father instead of her.

The situation is compounded later when Hilda meets Justin's opponent and his mother. The boy's mother also says Hilda hasn't been raising Justin right, and ridicules the trampy way Hilda dresses.

When Hilda prepares to take Justin back to school, she is wearing a very baggy, drab-colored shirt. Justin complains and says that although she tends to over-accessorize, she has her own style and he loves it. She is relieved and whips off the ugly shirt, revealing a brightly colored, ruffled, and revealing blouse underneath.

At Mode, Henry the Hotty invites Betty to a show: Wicked. (I don't know how the show is, but I recommend the book highly.) Betty eagerly accepts, but says they can only go as "friends," because of Walter. "Great, another friend" Hotty mutters sarcastically as he walks away.

Meanwhile, Walter (who I'll lay off calling Turd Sandwich) is offered a promotion to assistant manager at a new store... in Maryland. He's considering turning it down to be close to Betty. Dad urges Betty to make a decision about Walter. If she doesn't love him, she should cut him loose so they can get on with their lives.

Alexis puts Wil in charge of Mode and fires Daniel and Betty. Wil goes around firing other people she doesn't like. Alexis says she has an old (never updated) document from Bradford that says in the event he's unable to run Meade publications, control of the company will go to his oldest son. Daniel gets the lawyers to halt Alexis's takeover on the logic that Alexis is not a son.

In light of this legal maneuver, Alexis sends Wil home. Wil watches telenovelas and other fine Spanish programming at home with her cleaning lady. She also reveals to Fido that there's a small camera at the office, hidden in some flowers. She asks him to direct the camera towards Daniel's office so she can keep an eye on things.

Daniel's mother Claire shows up at the office. She is euphoric, having bought some awesome dresses for Alexis. She wants to hang out with Daniel for a while. This worries Daniel; she always gets this way under stress, and then she crashes. Not good. He feels that she needs supervision. Betty sees Walter arrive and suddenly, desperately wants to leave, so she agrees to go out with Claire instead. Walter is disappointed, but still wants to use his 2-for-1 lunch coupon. He tries to tempt Daniel with baked potatoes, but Daniel politely declines, saying he had a potato for breakfast.

Betty and Claire go to the spa and Betty endures a number of uncomfortable beauty treatments. They take baths - Claire in rose petals, Betty in mud. (Ha!) Walter calls repeatedly. Betty won't take the calls. She explains her confusion to Claire: her mother always told her to find a man who loves her, and never let him go. Claire sees it differently: Betty's mother wanted Betty to be happy, and Betty's not happy with Walter.

They talk about old times with the Meade family, too; they used to go to Coney Island.

Some time later, Betty rushes back to the offices and tells Daniel and Alexis that Claire gave her the slip. They wonder where she might have run off to. After a LOT of prodding, Betty finally gets these two geniuses to figure out that she went to Coney Island to relive happier times. They go to Coney Island, and sure enough, there's Claire, waiting for them, at the bumper cars. Daniel and Alexis ram one another repeatedly and air their grievances to one another; it turns out that, contrary to Daniel's belief, Alex(is) was not the favorite. Bradford knew that Alex was "different," and all of the special attention was not because he preferred Alex, but because he desperately hoped to change Alex.

When Betty gets home, she finds Walter waiting for her. She is about to break up with him, when he breaks up with her. (This was no surprise to me, since Verizon had recently started re-airing the ads with that actor.) They bid one another sad farewells, and Betty is free to pursue a relationship with Henry.

Back in the office that evening, Daniel and Alexis make nice and agree to run the magazine together. Wil sees this on her spy-cam and suspects that she's about to get screwed.

Next day, Henry informs Betty that he can't go to Wicked after all; his old girlfriend came to town, and they wants to give it another shot. Since she's got Walter, he figures it's for the best. He offers her the Wicked tickets, but she gives them back and says he and his girlfriend should enjoy the show.

Daniel sends Betty on an errand to bring a credit card to his mother. Claire is drunk in a hotel room; she didn't want to be alone in that big house. She confides to Betty that Bradford won't be in jail for very long; he's not the one who killed Fey. How does she know that? Easy - she killed Fey.

Feb. 1, 2007: Shocking revelations!

Hey, folks. It's just going to be one-size recaps for the foreseeable future. I'd like to go longer, but there just isn't time. This one's bigger than a mini, anyway.

Shocking Revelation #1: Constance is a player

Betty's father is filling out forms with his immigration case worker, Constance. She seems to be forgetful and distracted. She admits that she's been dumped by her boyfriend, and shows signs of having a crush on Ignacio. Later, while Ignacio is playing dominoes with Betty's semi-faithful boyfriend Walter (who I sometimes call Turd Sandwich), Constance comes over to make him some gumbo.

Ignacio is worried that her crush on him will interfere with his immigration case. Walter suggests that the best way to solve the problem would be to reconcile Constance with her boyfriend. Ignacio somehow locates this man - a taxi driver - and invites him to the house.

The boyfriend tells Ignacio that Constance was once his caseworker. He says this is how she operates - frequent visits, gumbo, moving her chair a little closer, and complaining about her ex. His advice? "Ride that squishy train until you reach your destination!"

Shocking Revelation #2: Henry left a message

It's Fashion Week at Mode. Apparently, t-shirts are involved. The shirt that Fluffy gives to Betty (who seems to pretty much be planning the whole event) is way too big. But Henry the Hotty shows up, so the shirt conversation is cut short. Unfortunately, so is the Henry conversation, because Hilda also shows up - looking for a job. Betty doesn't want Hilda working there - apparently, their previous coworker experience was a bad one (something about being the Lemon Ice Sisters) - but Daniel, passing through the reception area, tells Betty to hire her, because they need all the help they can get.

The next day, Betty shows up to work in her baggy, oversized t-shirt, while Hilda is cute and fashionable, having modified her own Mode shirt to her liking. Justin steals Hilda's car keys and threatens to run away and buy crack if they don't take him to the big fashion event.

Hilda is a big hit. All of the models love her. This irritates Betty, who finds fault with everything Hilda does. Hilda stomps off to find something else to do.

Henry shows up again and makes Betty laugh. He also gives her a smaller, more flattering t-shirt. They talk briefly, and Betty finds out that he had left her a message after the Christmas party, which Hilda had failed to give to Betty.

Betty confronts Hilda, who is now helping with the models' hair. They punctuate their bickering with blasts of hairspray. A model lights a cigarette, and the cloud of hairspray bursts into flames behind her. Betty fires Hilda. Hilda stomps off to drink with Daniel, who is reeling from a big surprise (more on that later).

Later, she unloads on Hilda for being the one that everyone likes. Hilda is equally jealous of Betty because she's smart and has a good job. She says she didn't give Betty the message from Henry because she thought he was a "big city guy" who would hurt her.

Shocking Revelation #3: Fido steals from his employer

Okay, maybe that's not so shocking, but I needed a decent headline for this segment, right?

Fluffy catches Fido planning an "Island Boys" cruise. She wonders where he'll get the money for a cruise. He admits that each year, during Fashion Week, he swipes some special "it" item and sells it to a mall store, which produces a knockoff item.

Fluffy wants in on this deal. Fido rebuffs her at first, but has to cut her in (at 40%) due to Wil's run-in with a duck (more on that later). Fluffy picks out the "it" item - a "faux rabbit fur micro-mini." (And... now I know why Fluffy has to rely on fashion magazines to know what's fashionable and what isn't. I bet no one is going to pay for that thing.)

Fido and Fluffy scheme to get the skirt. They decide that Fido will have to seduce the model in order to get the skirt off of her, but it doesn't go well. Fortunately, a womanizing friend of Daniel's hits on Fluffy, and she recruits him to get the model's skirt off. (Fluffy must be really desperate for money to turn down Daniel's friend.)

Shocking Revelation #4: Alex isn't dead

Brad and Daniel chat over their morning scotch. Brad tells Daniel that he's proud of him, and that he's proved himself fit to run the Meade empire. He says he'll make the announcement to the press right after the big fashion show.

Meanwhile, Fabia visits Wilhelmina and they squabble over a dress. Fabia denies that she's had cosmetic surgery, and tells "Wrinklemina" that her skin is perfect thanks to the work of a Dr. Wong and some treatments with duck sauce. Not the food - she specifies that it is the "sauce" of a male duck. After Fabia leaves, Wil makes an appointment with Dr. Wong.

Later, Wil and Alexis chat on the phone, planning Alexis's triumphant return at the fashion event. Alexis hears a quacking sound and asks what that was. Wil says she's getting her teeth cleaned.

Wil wakes up later with a red, blotchy, swollen face. Fido consoles her and they agree to hide her face. He will lead her around and be her "seeing-eye gay." This works out for a while, and then Fido, needing to assist Fluffy with the fur skirt theft, hands Wil off to Justin. Wil has trouble remembering Justin's name, but is impressed by his knowledge of the fashion world.

Meanwhile, at the event, Daniel's long-lost photojournalist friend Becks (not to be confused with The Tripod in the first episode) is disappointed that Daniel isn't the walking hormone he used to be. He tries to get Daniel to bet $1 on which of them will score with the hottest woman. Just then, Alexis walks in (wearing red). Daniel sees her and agrees to take the bet. (Ew!)

Daniel asks Alexis if they've met before. She calls him Danny and claims that she used to date Daniel's brother. He tells her that it's a relief to finally be out of his father's shadow. She says he isn't just yet, and whispers something in his ear.

Daniel is shocked.

She says, "look into my eyes, because that's the only thing they couldn't change." She convinces him with a few only-we-would-know anecdotes and a tattoo on her leg, and says she's felt female since she was 5.

Daniel is impactado. And mad. He wants to know why didn't she say something beforehand - they all thought she was dead. Alexis is equally mad that they've all "moved on." Angry, Daniel tells her their mother still hasn't gotten over it yet.

Alexis is also angry that Daniel hit on her, thinking that she was his dead brother's ex. Alexis leaves him to get ready for the show. Daniel drinks and consoles himself with Hilda, who is upset about fighting with Betty.

Later, Daniel drunkenly asks Betty, "is it fun having a sister?"

Shocking Revelation #5: Bradford is arrested

Christina is filled with self-doubt about her designs. Wil assures her that they're good, but swaps out Christina's last model at the last minute.

The show begins - it's a big hit, thanks largely to Betty's planning. Wil draws attention to Christina's designs, which are well received. Brad begins to give a closing speech and an announcement about Daniel's future, when Alexis - the last model in the show - takes the microphone from him and makes her own announcement: she's Alex. Yep, Bradford lost a son two years ago, but today he's gained a daughter.

Jaws drop.

Before anything else can happen, Brad is arrested for murdering Fey.

Christina figures out that this has something to do with the package Wil asked her to deliver to the police. She is furious and accuses, "you used me." Wil replies, "I made you a star."

Next time

• Betty gets beauty advice from Alexis.
• Alexis bullies Daniel, brother-style.
• All of a sudden, Claire wants to volunteer information about Fey's death.