Feb. 1, 2007: Shocking revelations!

Hey, folks. It's just going to be one-size recaps for the foreseeable future. I'd like to go longer, but there just isn't time. This one's bigger than a mini, anyway.

Shocking Revelation #1: Constance is a player

Betty's father is filling out forms with his immigration case worker, Constance. She seems to be forgetful and distracted. She admits that she's been dumped by her boyfriend, and shows signs of having a crush on Ignacio. Later, while Ignacio is playing dominoes with Betty's semi-faithful boyfriend Walter (who I sometimes call Turd Sandwich), Constance comes over to make him some gumbo.

Ignacio is worried that her crush on him will interfere with his immigration case. Walter suggests that the best way to solve the problem would be to reconcile Constance with her boyfriend. Ignacio somehow locates this man - a taxi driver - and invites him to the house.

The boyfriend tells Ignacio that Constance was once his caseworker. He says this is how she operates - frequent visits, gumbo, moving her chair a little closer, and complaining about her ex. His advice? "Ride that squishy train until you reach your destination!"

Shocking Revelation #2: Henry left a message

It's Fashion Week at Mode. Apparently, t-shirts are involved. The shirt that Fluffy gives to Betty (who seems to pretty much be planning the whole event) is way too big. But Henry the Hotty shows up, so the shirt conversation is cut short. Unfortunately, so is the Henry conversation, because Hilda also shows up - looking for a job. Betty doesn't want Hilda working there - apparently, their previous coworker experience was a bad one (something about being the Lemon Ice Sisters) - but Daniel, passing through the reception area, tells Betty to hire her, because they need all the help they can get.

The next day, Betty shows up to work in her baggy, oversized t-shirt, while Hilda is cute and fashionable, having modified her own Mode shirt to her liking. Justin steals Hilda's car keys and threatens to run away and buy crack if they don't take him to the big fashion event.

Hilda is a big hit. All of the models love her. This irritates Betty, who finds fault with everything Hilda does. Hilda stomps off to find something else to do.

Henry shows up again and makes Betty laugh. He also gives her a smaller, more flattering t-shirt. They talk briefly, and Betty finds out that he had left her a message after the Christmas party, which Hilda had failed to give to Betty.

Betty confronts Hilda, who is now helping with the models' hair. They punctuate their bickering with blasts of hairspray. A model lights a cigarette, and the cloud of hairspray bursts into flames behind her. Betty fires Hilda. Hilda stomps off to drink with Daniel, who is reeling from a big surprise (more on that later).

Later, she unloads on Hilda for being the one that everyone likes. Hilda is equally jealous of Betty because she's smart and has a good job. She says she didn't give Betty the message from Henry because she thought he was a "big city guy" who would hurt her.

Shocking Revelation #3: Fido steals from his employer

Okay, maybe that's not so shocking, but I needed a decent headline for this segment, right?

Fluffy catches Fido planning an "Island Boys" cruise. She wonders where he'll get the money for a cruise. He admits that each year, during Fashion Week, he swipes some special "it" item and sells it to a mall store, which produces a knockoff item.

Fluffy wants in on this deal. Fido rebuffs her at first, but has to cut her in (at 40%) due to Wil's run-in with a duck (more on that later). Fluffy picks out the "it" item - a "faux rabbit fur micro-mini." (And... now I know why Fluffy has to rely on fashion magazines to know what's fashionable and what isn't. I bet no one is going to pay for that thing.)

Fido and Fluffy scheme to get the skirt. They decide that Fido will have to seduce the model in order to get the skirt off of her, but it doesn't go well. Fortunately, a womanizing friend of Daniel's hits on Fluffy, and she recruits him to get the model's skirt off. (Fluffy must be really desperate for money to turn down Daniel's friend.)

Shocking Revelation #4: Alex isn't dead

Brad and Daniel chat over their morning scotch. Brad tells Daniel that he's proud of him, and that he's proved himself fit to run the Meade empire. He says he'll make the announcement to the press right after the big fashion show.

Meanwhile, Fabia visits Wilhelmina and they squabble over a dress. Fabia denies that she's had cosmetic surgery, and tells "Wrinklemina" that her skin is perfect thanks to the work of a Dr. Wong and some treatments with duck sauce. Not the food - she specifies that it is the "sauce" of a male duck. After Fabia leaves, Wil makes an appointment with Dr. Wong.

Later, Wil and Alexis chat on the phone, planning Alexis's triumphant return at the fashion event. Alexis hears a quacking sound and asks what that was. Wil says she's getting her teeth cleaned.

Wil wakes up later with a red, blotchy, swollen face. Fido consoles her and they agree to hide her face. He will lead her around and be her "seeing-eye gay." This works out for a while, and then Fido, needing to assist Fluffy with the fur skirt theft, hands Wil off to Justin. Wil has trouble remembering Justin's name, but is impressed by his knowledge of the fashion world.

Meanwhile, at the event, Daniel's long-lost photojournalist friend Becks (not to be confused with The Tripod in the first episode) is disappointed that Daniel isn't the walking hormone he used to be. He tries to get Daniel to bet $1 on which of them will score with the hottest woman. Just then, Alexis walks in (wearing red). Daniel sees her and agrees to take the bet. (Ew!)

Daniel asks Alexis if they've met before. She calls him Danny and claims that she used to date Daniel's brother. He tells her that it's a relief to finally be out of his father's shadow. She says he isn't just yet, and whispers something in his ear.

Daniel is shocked.

She says, "look into my eyes, because that's the only thing they couldn't change." She convinces him with a few only-we-would-know anecdotes and a tattoo on her leg, and says she's felt female since she was 5.

Daniel is impactado. And mad. He wants to know why didn't she say something beforehand - they all thought she was dead. Alexis is equally mad that they've all "moved on." Angry, Daniel tells her their mother still hasn't gotten over it yet.

Alexis is also angry that Daniel hit on her, thinking that she was his dead brother's ex. Alexis leaves him to get ready for the show. Daniel drinks and consoles himself with Hilda, who is upset about fighting with Betty.

Later, Daniel drunkenly asks Betty, "is it fun having a sister?"

Shocking Revelation #5: Bradford is arrested

Christina is filled with self-doubt about her designs. Wil assures her that they're good, but swaps out Christina's last model at the last minute.

The show begins - it's a big hit, thanks largely to Betty's planning. Wil draws attention to Christina's designs, which are well received. Brad begins to give a closing speech and an announcement about Daniel's future, when Alexis - the last model in the show - takes the microphone from him and makes her own announcement: she's Alex. Yep, Bradford lost a son two years ago, but today he's gained a daughter.

Jaws drop.

Before anything else can happen, Brad is arrested for murdering Fey.

Christina figures out that this has something to do with the package Wil asked her to deliver to the police. She is furious and accuses, "you used me." Wil replies, "I made you a star."

Next time

• Betty gets beauty advice from Alexis.
• Alexis bullies Daniel, brother-style.
• All of a sudden, Claire wants to volunteer information about Fey's death.