Brad's upset. He can't find that music box he stole from Fey's house. I thought he had burnt it, but I guess he decided at the last minute not to. And in the "previously on Ugly Betty" thing, they showed Wil stealing it, which is weird because I don't remember seeing that last week or whenever it was (maybe I was typing!). So... the music box is missing, and apparently Wil has it, and Brad's very worried.
Is Brad unaware that Wil and Fey were close friends? Hasn't it occurred to him that Wil may know all the same secrets about him and his company that Fey knew? Clearly, he doesn't trust her much since he snubbed her on that promotion, but on the other hand, why wouldn't he have warned Daniel if he thought she could be a problem? Is this a plot hole, or will it make sense eventually? Maybe he's setting Daniel up to take the fall for Meade Publications! Nice guy.
Betty is at a networking party. For some reason, she is taking advice from Fido and Amanda.
Wait. I have to take care of something right now. I like the name "Amanda," and I know some nice people named Amanda. I even used to have a car named Amanda. (Don't ask.) I can't in good conscience continue calling this woman by her name, so I'm going to give her a nickname. It shall be Fluffy.
Fido and Fluffy are giving Betty some social and dietary advice for the party. What to eat, how to behave. They encourage her to "work the room." I don't know why she listens to them, considering what they did to her graduation bunny, and I especially don't know why she asks for their advice, but she sets about working the room. The first thing she does is run into some man and spill his drink. Fido and Fluffy capture the moment on their camera phones. Then she accosts some woman who's known as Fat Carol. Betty admires her because she's eating a grilled cheese sandwich, unlike all their calorie-conscious coworkers, but Carol seems unfriendly and expresses envy for Betty's job. Fat Carol insinuates that Betty is too fat.
A super-guapo dude approaches Betty. He is Carlo Medina, from the competitor magazine Isabella. He starts flattering her. He says she's a legend.
Brad's assistant reminds him to sign off on the holiday spread. Wil, Daniel, and the new photographer Vincent (henceforth "Vinnie") show him their great concept: post-apocalyptic Christmas. "A Mad Max-mas, if you will," Daniel announces proudly. Brad is taken aback, and excuses himself without explanation.
Wil goes to Fey and gleefully relates this incident They enjoy the music box, which has an inscription on it that I can't quite read but it's safe to assume it's incriminating.
Betty gets home all a-twitter until she sees Walter, her dopey ex, eating dinner with her family. Hilda says it's Tamale Night, as if that explains anything, but Betty's too hungry and excited to fight about it, so she ignores him, sits down (confiscating her father's coffee) and tells them about the networking party: She had a great time, and this Carlo guy kept complimenting her about how she saved the Fabia layout, etc etc. An admiring crowd gathered to listen to her story about how it was all Daniel's idea (actually it was her idea, but that's her story and she's sticking to it), and Carlo bought her a drink.
Walter keeps interrupting her story and making snide remarks about how she didn't used to drink but now she's a boozer and she eats too much. She ignores him some more. I don't mean that she's rude to him; I mean it's like he's not even there.
Meanwhile, in Daniel's loft, Fluffy undresses while telling Daniel that Betty totally hogged the spotlight and bragged about the Fabia layout. (In Fluffy's flashback, we see that Betty keeps saying nice things about Daniel, while Fluffy interrupts to hit on Carlo.)
Fido tells Wil that Betty was dorky and socially inept. (In Fido's flashback, we see that Betty's narrative is enthralling the crowd, while Fido gripes to Carlo about how hairy Betty is.) Wil doesn't want to hear this story - not unless it contains information she can use to destroy Daniel. She warns Fido that he's replaceable. He has an apparent asthma attack.
The next day, Justin has a go-to-a-grownup's-job-for-a-day thing for school. Naturally, he wants to go to Mode with Betty. He and Betty share an elevator with Fido and Fluffy. Justin excitedly identifies Fluffy's shoes... which are from some designer's 2004 collection. Fluffy is embarrassed. Fido mocks her. They get up to the office to find Vinnie flipping out: Isabella has stolen ALL of their ideas for the holiday layout. Behind Betty's back, Fido and Fluffy quake in fear; it's obvious they're the ones who leaked the info to Carlo. But all Betty can think of is how he bought her a drink. Who knows what she might have told him in her margarita-induced drunken stupor?
Daniel calls an emergency meeting. Wil takes over and starts threatening the staff, demanding that the culprit come forward to be punished, ensuring that no one will volunteer. Except maybe someone like Betty. She timidly starts to raise her hand, but Fido slaps it down and Fluffy kicks her in the shin before Wil can see. Wil says fine, I'm going to consider all of you guilty. We have two days to come up with a new layout.
As nicely as possible, Daniel tells them they'll need to cancel their plans over the next couple of days. Wil interrupts and says "what Daniel means is, kiss your loved ones goodbye and expect to come home to dead pets." Okay, if you ask me, Brad had the wrong woman whacked. The meeting adjourns and Fido and Fluffy drag Betty off to the ladies' room just in time to see Carol come out of a stall wiping her mouth. "I ate half of a bagel," she explains (yuck), and leaves the bathroom without washing her hands. (Double-yuck!)
Fido, Fluffy, and Betty compare notes on what they told Carlo at the party last night. Carlo kept trying to get Betty to bad-mouth her boss, but she wouldn't do it. She did let slip, however, that her brilliant boss came up with the idea to use tanks in the holiday layout.
Fido claims that Carlo approached him, not the other way around, as if that will make him less gay, not that there's anything wrong with that (I'm having terrible Seinfeld flashbacks ever since Fido revealed that he has a pet named Schmoopy). He let slip that Wil was the one who picked out the designer and came up with the idea of using flak jackets. And he hit on Carlo.
Fluffy, who is nervously gobbling junk food, claims that she had only one drink, which is true if you don't count the other three on the table in front of her in her flashback, and supposedly was trying to pump him for information. She told him the layout was her idea, and that they were doing a scene from Planet of the Apes where Santa (instead of the Statue of Liberty) is half-buried in the sand holding up Baby New Year. Fluffy said she only knew about this movie because she dated a geek once. Carlo slyly told her maybe she would again someday, and bought her another drink. (Fido scoffs at the insinuation that Carlo isn't gay.)
Betty thinks it would be a great idea for the three of them to confess to Wil. Fluffy says, "have you been smoking one of your ponchos?" Fido says Isabella stole additional stuff from their layout that the three of them didn't tell him about, so they're not the sole culprits. (Why isn't anyone considering Carol? Isn't she obvious?) Fluffy says "you are one of us now, the assistants' club" and they have to stick together. Betty agrees, and F&F stroll out arm-in-arm.
Brad meets with Chuck. He wants to know who stole the music box, which he stupidly left on his desk overnight. Chuck asks why he didn't burn the box; Brad says it was personal. Uh, well, that's how it is with incriminating evidence, Brad. That's why we burn it. (Chuck didn't say that; I did.) Apparently, he was having an affair with Fey. (In case you hadn't already guessed that.) The only other person who knew about the affair? His wife! (And apparently also anyone else Fey felt like blabbing it to; again, it's odd that Brad doesn't think Wil knows anything.)
Back in Queens, Walter is hanging out at the Suarez house again, annoying Betty's father, who reminds Walter that he cheated on her. Walter claims that he loves her. (Dad sneaks a sip of coffee from Walter's cup when Walter isn't looking.) Dad tells Walter a story about a fight he once had with Betty's mother, while Walter plays with the remote controls. He turns on the stero while Dad is still talking. (According to the closed captions, the stereo is playing "Whip It" by Devo, but that's incorrect. :-) Dad tells him about how he borrowed a scene from the movie "Pretty Woman" to get Betty's mother to speak to him again. Walter seems not to be paying much attention. (Dad finishes Walter's coffee.)
A case worker from the HMO calls to confirm Dad's appointment - she wants to discuss some of his claims and it sounds like she's going to agree to pay them. Betty has busted her butt trying to set this meeting up, but for some reason Dad doesn't want to go to the appointment.
Wil and Brad ride up together to Brad's office. Wil suggests not telling him what happened. She says they can work together and hide the problem from him. Wil says she'll work on the leak, and Daniel agrees to work on the spread.
Daniel gives orders to his staff. Betty takes notes. Justin takes notes too. Daniel has Fluffy go out for groceries. A strange woman (obviously Fey) calls, and Daniel tells Betty he won't take her calls until she says who she is. (Didn't he ever meet Fey before? Strange that he doesn't recognize her voice.) She leaves a message instead. She says Brad has lots of secrets, and one of them is in the music box. Betty shrugs.
There's a montage of everyone scrambling to get information and come up with stuff for the new spread. Fluffy comes back with the groceries and they are gone in seconds, except for the particularly fattening items she has set aside for herself. Fido calls Betty and Fluffy with status reports as Wil grills each department, trying to identify the leak.
Down in Wardrobe, Christina thinks "Skinny Carol" is the person who leaked the info. Justin enjoys pawing through all the fashion stuff.
That evening, while Betty walks back to the office from a grocery run, Brad pulls up alongside her in his limo, like a creepy gangster. Does he offer her a ride to the office? Hells no, he just asks her about the phone calls. He tells Betty it's probably a disgruntled former employee, and asks Betty to let him know everything this woman says, "for certain legal reasons." She tells him about the music box. He asks if she said where it was. Betty says no, he grumbles and rolls up his window and the limo drives away. Dick!
Betty brings dinner to Daniel. He tells her she can go home, and adds, "I'm sure your nephew is sick of the closet by now." (Insert joke here.) Betty tries to tell Daniel about her participation in Carlo's fishing expedition, but he doesn't want to hear about it. He's not angry - he says he just doesn't have time to worry about that and he doesn't need to hear about every single thing if it means he could end up losing her. Aw, how sweet! He tells her again to go home.
Fido serves Wil her dinner while she talks on the phone. My goodness. Dogs serving dinner to their masters. What is this world coming to? After Wil's conversation ends, she asks Fido if Carlo Medina was at the party. Um, duh, Wil, maybe you should have listened when Fido was telling you about it this morning?
At home that night, Dad watches his favorite telenovela (and I have it on good authority that these little telenovela snippets were produced by Rosy Ocampo, of La Fea Más Bella fame) while Justin goes on and on about how great the Closet was, annoying Hilda who is obviously tasting sour grapes. The doorbell rings, and no one gets up, so Betty has to answer it in her bathrobe with a stripe of bleaching creme across her upper lip. It's Fido and Fluffy. Now they're both eating. They warn Betty that Wil wants to see them at 10 tomorrow morning.
She lets them in and they aren't nice. Fluffy tries to eat some plastic fruit. (Given how she's been eating today, I suspect real fruit would probably kill her.) Dad offers her some flan. Fluffy is skeptical until Dad explains that it's custard. Fluffy's attitude is transformed. Fido and Fluffy want to pin this on Carol. Betty is sure that Carol's not involved. (I'm not sure why.) Fluffy eats a whole pan of flan and wants a refill. Betty goes to the kitchen to talk to her father. He tells her that sometimes we have to keep secrets in order to survive. (What's his secret? The HMO thing?)
Meanwhile, Daniel, Wil, and the photographer brainstorm. They (mostly Daniel) come up with a Lawrence of Arabia theme and Kwanzaa. Then Wil reminds them of Fey's incredibly popular 1986 holiday issue - Fey's Sleigh Ride. It was a big deal because it was the first time a fashion editor had ever put herself in a magazine spread. She suggests an empty sleigh this year as a tribute. They agree.
The next day, on the elevator, Fat Carol taunts Fido, Fluffy, and Betty about losing their jobs and says Betty's even fatter than she is. She's so smug that it is difficult to believe that she's not responsible for the leak.
Daniel stands in his office, staring at a music box that has mysteriously appeared on his desk. Betty comes in with his coffee and stops short (another Seinfeld episode) when she sees the music box. Daniel tells her that his father once gave a music box to his mother when he was a kid, but a few days later she hid it in the attic and burned 1000 copies of Mode. But this isn't that music box. Fortunately, Daniel is smart enough that we don't have to wait three months for him to put all the pieces together like you would on a daytime soap opera. He realizes that this is an identical music box, which his father gave to his mistress. And he knows who that mistress was - now he realizes why Fey put herself in that holiday spread - to rub their affair in his mother's face.
Betty shows Daniel that the music box has an upper tray which can be removed to get to a lower compartment. In there, they find a scorched piece of NY license plate and some semi-melted sunglasses. They realize that the mysterious caller is trying to link Brad to Fey's death.
Justin shows up at Betty's desk just as Hilda calls. Hilda is livid. Justin has given her the slip. She tells Betty there is no school project - he's ditching school to hang out at the magazine. She Does Not Approve! Betty lectures Justin about how Mode is a hive of scum and villainy and she doesn't want him to hang around there and be corrupted by the terrible morals of her lying, cheating coworkers. (Fido hyperventilates quietly at his desk and takes a few hits off his inhaler.) Fluffy says it's time for their meeting with Wil.
Wil invites them to confess. Fido says it was Fat Carol. Fluffy agrees. Wil asks Betty if that's what she saw. Betty says no, it was her; she told Carlo everything. Wil doesn't seize this opportunity to get rid of Betty; she tells them to go back to their desks. She says she has informants of her own, and she knows what happened. The three of them all gave Carlo a few scraps of info, but Carlo took one for the team and slept with Carol in order to get her to tell him everything. She tells them that their last day and a half of work (stress, overtime) is punishment enough; Carlo took advantage of their drunkenness/horniness/naïveté. On the other hand, Carol gave up her information on purpose, so she's the one who will get fired.
Betty takes Justin to the emergency photo shoot. Fido makes friends with Justin. Justin says that the kids at school don't really understand him. Fido gives him some advice: "Be who you are, wear what you want - just learn how to run real fast."
Brad comes in and notices this isn't the spread he approved, but he admits it might be even better than Fey's. They are just about to start lensing when Daniel says "wait - there's one thing missing." He whips out the music box and puts it on the sleigh. Brad is flustered and asked Daniel where he found it. Daniel says he remembered Mom's music box and got it from the attic. He adds, "it looks just like the one Fey had, don't you think?" (It must have been in the Fey's Sleigh Ride spread and I didn't see it.) Brad brushes off this remark, saying "almost identical." In a close-up, we can read the inscription on this music box: "To My Claire With Undying Love."
Fey gloats to Wil over the phone about the suspicion she has sparked between father and son. Then Carlo shows up in Will's office, in answer to her summons. She gives him quite the dressing-down for his underhanded tactics, then offers him a job.
Hilda reads Justin the riot act and tells him his punishment for ditching school, which includes no Fashion TV for a month. He smiles and says it was all worth it for getting to spend time at Mode. Hilda is still angry with Betty.
Betty visits with the HMO lady, who informs her that according to their records, Ignacio Suarez (her father) is 117 years old and dead. Clearly, Dad is using someone else's Social Security number. Betty gets home and her father offers her something to eat. She just wants to go straight to bed, but Walter is outside on a karaoke machine singing a song from Beauty and the Beast, Betty's favorite movie. She sits down on the steps and sings with him. Gag me with a spoon.
Next time:
Fido wears a scary costume.
I give Walter a new nickname, or possibly revive "Turd Sandwich."
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