1/4/07: Min (full recap)

Christina finds Betty packing up her things on her last day at Mode. She notices that Betty's ugly bag is not the ugly Gucci Christina some time earlier. They flash back four months to her first payday, when Christina was cleaning out the Closet to make room for the Spring collection.

Fluffy (Amanda) had been late getting to the signup sheet because she was giving Daniel a bj. Wil taunted Betty with the possibility of finding a pair of socks in her size. Fido (Marc) claimed the ugly Gucci shoulder bag and told Betty he might someday trade it to her in exchange for a favor. Betty was actually in need of a favor from Fido; on her way past their desks, Wil ordered Fido to help her. (Of course, she expected him to help Betty screw up.)

On the elevator, some fashionistas made fun of Betty's frumpy old pocketbook. Christina got on the elevator and they all started sucking up. Later, Christina and Betty talked about how Betty needed to upgrade her fashion stuff. On the sidewalk, they saw a knockoff of the ugly Gucci bag for sale, and Betty remembered that her mother gave her a similar ugly bag as a kid. (We're to believe that Gucci is currently peddling a shoulder bag that some woman in Mexico was carrying around 20 years ago?)

Meanwhile, Daniel's company credit card was getting rejected and his first expense report was due the next day, and of course Betty was supposed to take care of it. (Thanks to the treachery of Fido and Fluffy, Betty hadn't received the memo warning that the expense report was due.) Having no idea how to file an expense report himself, he gave her a large boxful of credit card receipts with no further information. At home, Betty and her family sorted through D's receipts, using a sample report from Wil (provided by Fido). They were aghast at the extravagance of Wil's and Daniel's expenses compared to Betty's petite paycheck.

Hilda also told Betty that the HMO was refusing to pay for their father's arrhythmia medication. Betty went to the pharmacy to investigate.

At the time of the flashback, Betty & Turd Sandwich (Walter) were still broken up, and he was stalking her, which made her angry. He followed her into the pharmacy and she caught him hiding among the feminine sanitary supplies. Betty's bag collapsed, spilling its contents everywhere. The pharmacist told Betty she couldn't blame Turd Sandwich for cheating on Betty with Gina Gambarro.

The next day, Betty was admiring the knockoff bag on the street when Brad rolled up in his limo and arranged a secret (don't tell Daniel) meeting with her.

Later, Daniel was planning a meeting with a Japanese designer (and former friend of Fey) named Oshi. (Wil offered advice, but Daniel rejected it.) He sent Betty down for coffee and a bagel, but didn't have any cash and asked her to pay for it! On her way, she also delivered the expense report to Accounting, and met Henry (Hotty) for the first time. She absconded with Hotty's bagel and cream cheese to give to Daniel, but had to stop to see Brad first for their secret meeting. She thought she was getting busted for swiping a package of sticky-notes, but Brad said there were concerns within the organization about Daniel's spending, and asked Betty to cover Daniel's back. He also took the bagel and coffee, so Betty had to go back to Daniel empty-handed.

During all of this, Mode's employees were raiding the Closet. Fido was upset because he couldn't find the ugly Gucci bag he wanted. Fluffy sustained some sort of injury that required her to ice her face. :-)

By the time Betty got back to Daniel's office, Hotty was waiting there with Daniel. (Betty thought she was getting busted for stealing Hotty's breakfast.) Hotty said he would need to reject $20K of unexplained, "miscellaneous" expenses. Daniel's card would be suspended for at least a week - just enough time to interfere with his plans to woo the designer Oshi. Brad agreed to pay the $20K but told Daniel he'd have to make it up by paying his own expenses for a while.

Daniel confided to Betty that unfortunately, he had only $327 in his personal account. His paycheck barely covered the rent at his loft. He had been living off of the corporate credit card because he had already burned through his rich-boy money (trust fund). He was unhappy with Betty for failing to disguise his "miscellaneous" expenses.

Of course, it wasn't Betty's fault she never got the email from Accounting, was using a bogus expense report from Wil and Fido as a model, or that Daniel failed to give her this useful information beforehand. So, to blow off some steam, she blabbed about all of this (including the secret conversation with Brad) to Christina. (By this time, the Closet looked like a train had gone through it). Christina pulled the ugly bag out of hiding and gave it to Betty. She said it would get Betty some respect. Betty took some other designer junk too, including a belt for Justin, a scarf for Hilda, and a watch for Dad.

Fido and Wil gloated that their phony expense report got Daniel in trouble. Haw, haw, haw!!

When Betty got home, Dad recognized the bag as being just like the one Betty's mother had, all those years ago.

The next day, Betty's bag was the envy of all her coworkers, especially Fido. She tried to get Daniel to consider her list of 300 fun ways to entertain Oshi for less than $300, which, not surprisingly, Daniel rejected.

Oshi and his entourage showed up. Oshi was much more interested in Wil (who he'd met before) than in Daniel, who was awkward. Through an interpreter, Oshi said he wanted to use Mode's totally tubular hallway tomorrow as the runway for his collection, because it was round, white, and minimal (just the way he likes things). He also was looking forward to a "wonderful meal" before talking business.

Daniel wondered how he was going to feed 15 people on less than $300. Wil offered to pick up the tab - but only if she were allowed to go with them. Betty advised Daniel not to take her up on the offer, since it would show Oshi that Daniel wasn't really in charge. Betty started pushing her "300 cheap things" list again, but Daniel didn't think taking them to the movies or to Staten Island would delight Oshi as much as it had Betty and Turd Sandwich.

At lunch, Betty brought Christina up-to-date on all the latest developments. The woman in line in front of them let Betty have the last salad because she admired Betty's ugly bag so much. (Give me a break!)

Then Fluffy made Betty an offer: Betty's ugly bag for Fluffy's opera tickets; then Fluffy would trade the bag for someone else's boots. (Later, Fluffy offered a Menudo box set and a coupon for 100 free taquitos.) Betty didn't take the offer, but was amazed to discover that the ugly bag retailed for about $4500. She then traded it to the pharmacist for 15 refills of dad's medication (a total of less than $3000, but that was probably all the pills they had in stock; it's also way more refills than most doctors will write an Rx for). Turd Sandwich, still stalking Betty, saw her make the trade.

Betty's family was upset that she had traded her prized possession for Dad's meds, but she really had no choice. Later, in a heart-to-heart with Hilda, Betty said she understands why her mother gave the bag to her and not Hilda: because it would give her the unfamiliar sensation of feeling pretty. (Waaah!!)

Back in the present, Christina tells Betty she's not offended that she traded her gift. Eavesdropping, the man who wipes down all the glass agrees that the executives pad their expenses too much. And now we're in the flashback again.

Betty bribed Hotty with coffee and a bagel (not much of a bribe since she owed him one) for a peek at Wil's real expense report from last month's Rio shoot in which she had expensed $25,000 for "props and extras." Betty showed Hotty the actual layout, which included no props or extras. She also showed it to Daniel, who was reluctant to raise the issue without proof; Betty called the prop house where Wil had allegedly blown the $25,000 and discovered it was a plastic surgeon's office! But there wasn't time to pursue it - Oshi was already giving his fashion show.

Daniel tried to convince Oshi to have a one-on-one dinner together; this offended Oshi. Oshi was excited about his designs because they were white, round, and minimal. This gave Betty an idea. Daniel didn't like it and decided to take Wil up on his offer, even though he knew that both Oshi and Brad would realize that Daniel wasn't paying the bill.

But, just then, Brad and Hotty interrupted: Brad announced in front of Oshi and everyone that he was willing to pay for props and extras, but not for a butt-lift. Humiliated but vindictive, she snarkily wished Daniel well and told everyone to stop looking at her butt.

Daniel had no choice but to use Betty's plan: they went to a fast food restaurant in New Jersey called White Tassel (bearing an amazing resemblance to a White Castle). White and minimal, with round food inside. Amazingly, Oshi approved, and gave Mode an exclusive on his next four collections. Brad was impressed and reactivated Daniel's credit card.

Turd Sandwich bought Betty the ugly knockoff bag; the gesture melted Betty's heart. Her coworkers couldn't tell the difference. Betty traded it to Fido in exchange for another fake and an unnamed future favor. Cluelessly, Fido warns Betty that no one will be fooled by the fake bag he'll be getting for her.

Back in the present, Christina explains to the glass-wiping man that Fido would never dare complain even if he did figure out the bag was fake, because then he'd have to admit that Betty fooled him.