10/5/06: "The Book" full recap

I don't know what the "official" titles of these episodes are, so I'm just making up descriptive names which may or may not coincidentally match the actual titles.

Betty brings a box of "personal effects" to her desk. It's full of photos, stuffed animals, etc. While passing Betty's desk, Fido takes a particular interest in a pink graduation bunny with buck teeth and a green tummy. He says "it's so different, so you." She says it was a gift from her sister when she graduated from Queens College. "One of American's 'best value' colleges," he snootily observes.

Betty visits Daniel in his office. He is telling someone on the phone that he had a great night with her and will call soon. He hangs up and confesses to Betty that he isn't sure who that was. He gently chastises her for telling a columnist what brand of shoe he prefers - they're comfortable, but not politically correct (made by slave children in Cambodia). He tells her that in their business, sometimes you need to get a jump on those who might twist the facts about you, and twist them yourself first.

He tells Betty that he has a meeting with famous actress Natalie Whitman, who has played a character named Jenna Fletcher in a series of popular movies. In a clunky exposition scene, Daniel and Betty talk about her catch phrase "you do the math!" and how she has to gain 30 pounds each time she does one of those movies. Betty is a big fan, and Dan agrees to let her sit in on the meeting.

Daniel's father, Bradford Meade, asks Daniel if he's seen The Book. (He hasn't.) The Book is a running mockup - a live rough draft - of the magazine. Daniel should review it every day to keep on top of what's going on. "Whoever controls The Book controls the magazine," he tells Daniel. Since they're going to press tomorrow, Daniel should look at it tonight.

In the Famous Actress meeting, Willie and the others are retouching Natalie's photo. Nat has not yet shed the 30 pounds she gained for her recent movie. Natalie is not happy that they are slimming her down so much for the cover, but she is told that it would be awful for anyone to see her unretouched photos. "We are not about 'normal,'" Willie tells her. "We are about 'aspirational.'" Nat asks Betty what she thinks, and Betty says she looks great the way she is. Daniel spins this to say they just want to make her look even better.

Daniel tells Willie that he wants to see The Book. Tonight, and every night from now on. She sweetly tells him he should delegate such tasks, but he insists. After the meeting disperses, he sends Betty back to the meeting room for his PDA. She notices that her graduation bunny has disappeared. In the boardroom, she sees Natalie glumly playing with the laptop computer, making her photo skinnier and skinnier until it disappears.

Fido rubs Willie's feet while she stews about getting bossed around by her boss. She decides she will use The Book to trick Daniel into signing off on unretouched ("fat") photos of Nat. If such photos were to be published, no one would ever want to appear in, or do business with, Mode again. She could save the day at the last minute, becoming a hero and making Daniel look stupid (same basic plan as last week).

At lunch, some of Betty's coworkers give her dirty looks when she carries a full plate of steaming hot food past them. She sits with Christina, Zelda, Nancy, and I think someone else. They talk about the traumatic photo-editing and how fake everyone is in the world of fashion.

Amanda (snooty receptionist) complains about the smell of Betty's lunch. Nat approaches Betty's table to investigate the smell too - because she loves it. (That's right, a famous actress is visiting their office but has to fend for herself in the lunchroom because no one has offered to take her out or bring her something to eat.) She complains that all the available food is low-cal and tasteless, but Betty's empenadas smell yummy. Nat engages in friendly chat with Betty and her friends while Amanda glares enviously.

Willie meets with the Mummy in her room (looks like a private hospital room). Mummy is indeed Fey Sommers, the previous editor of Mode. She suspects Brad of arranging the crash that allegedly killed her. She wants to get proof and put him in jail. Willie says she wants to get rid of Daniel too. Fey suggests to Willie that they use Daniel to get to Brad.

Brad meets with that guy again in the park. To avoid annoying pronoun confusion, I'll call him Chuck. Chuck says Fey's things are about to be auctioned off. Chuck offers to break in and remove any incriminating evidence. Brad says he'll do it, because he has a key, and besides, Chuck wouldn't know what's incriminating. Chuck looks surprised that Brad has a key.

After lunch, Betty receives an emailed photo of her graduation bunny with X-eyes and a noose around its neck.

Late that day, Fido brings The Book to Daniel. He tells Daniel to pay special attention to the fanny pack article (nice misdirection attempt, kiddo). He's about to start reviewing it when Amanda comes in - Willie has given her tickets to the opera, and she wants to molest Daniel in their secluded box seat. He jumps at this offer, leaving the book on his desk. On her way out, Amanda makes fun of Betty's braces. If Betty works enough overtime, maybe she can afford (brand name of braces that aren't as obtrusive).

Betty sees The Book in Daniel's office. She leaves a message on his phone that she's taking it home, where it will be safe.

Bwahahahaha.

Dad is watching the telenovela. A pregnant woman is kissing a really hot priest. Betty tells Dad that Famous Actress Natalie Whitman liked his empenadas. She shows The Book to them - Justin can't wait to look at all the proofs. They notice her name is spelled wrong in the masthead.

Hilda comes home. She found a gift from Walter on the doorstep - a flower and a pack of 9-volt batteries. Betty is exasperated. Hilda thinks Betty should be more receptive to Walter's overtures.

Looking through The Boo, Dad says the magazine needs more Latinas. Justin notices the fat-photos of Natalie, and Betty worries. Then boyfriend-stealing neighbor Gina shows up, wanting $4000 for the plasma (not LCD like I said last week, sorry) TV that broke when Betty slammed Gina's front door last week. Hilda brandishes The Book threateningly at Gina. When Betty warns Hilda to be careful, Gina is intrigued by the book's apparent value to Betty. She also warns them that she did a year in juvie.

That night, Gina breaks into their house and steals The Book. Meanwhile, Brad breaks into Fey's house (remember, Fey is allegedly dead, she doesn't live there anymore) and steals a music box and a photo of him with Fey.

The next morning, Betty realizes The Book is gone. She, Justin, and Hilda search for it, while Dad copes with his worry by cooking breakfast. They find a ransom note from Gina.

Amanda is at Daniel's place. She says she would like to marry his showerhead. Daniel finally gets around to listening to his messages. He calls Betty and asks about The Book. Betty takes Hilda's advice to not tell Daniel that it's missing, but she does mention the unretouched fat photos of Natalie. Since they're going to press tonight, he's sending a car to her house right now so that he can see The Book asap. Amanda tells Daniel he should fire Betty and that there will be "chimichurro sauce" all over The Book.

Dad wants to call Gina's parents. Hilda wants to beat her up. Betty gets dressed and goes to Gina's house to confront her. Betty goes to the front door, and Gina taunts her by tearing one of the pages. Hilda sneaks in through the back door, which was unlocked. Hilda and Gina have a chickenfight while Betty searches frantically.

A car horn honks outside. Betty decides to give up and just tell Daniel the truth. Hilda pulls a big chunk of "hair" out of Gina's head. (Based on Gina's shocked but fairly painless reaction, it's a weave.)

At the office, despite Daniel's best efforts to close the elevator doors quickly, Willie manages to slip through the paper-thin opening and smugly asks about The Book. He casually mentions the fat photos. She's speechless. He generously offers that it was probably an honest mistake on her part - her eyes are probably just getting old.

In the limo, Betty finds another photo of her mutilated graduation bunny. She calls Christina and tells her everything - including Gina's first and last name and that Gina wants $4000 or a new TV. (Shut up, Betty!) The driver discreetly texts all this info to Willie.

Betty gets to the office and tells Daniel what's been happening. He scolds her for lying - they should always be completely honest with one another. (Hey, maybe you should check your messages more than once every 12 hours.) It would be terrible for Natalie's fat pictures to get out into the wild. He agrees to pay the ransom, but first he needs to go to a meeting and tell the staff that he'd like to look at The Book again. He postpones the meeting for three hours. He looks like an idiot, Willie looks professional, la la la.

At her desk, Betty finds a photo of her bunny dunked in a toilet. She asks her coworkers if they think it's funny. The answer is yes. She says she won't be broken so easily.

She and Dan speed out to Queens, but when they get there, Gina already has a bigger and better new TV, and no Book! Oh, and guess who's installing the TV? While Gina flirts with Daniel, Walter assures Betty that it's a strictly professional visit, but Betty doesn't care. She didn't like the batteries. Walter says the batteries were meant as a reminder of their first kiss, at his store.

Gina turns on the TV, and the Fashion TV reporter (Lucy Davis, from the British version of The Office) announces that there are rumors that Mode has lost some fat pictures of Natalie Whitman. She (Lucy) grins with disgusted delight.

Of course, this "rumor" is Willie's doing - she's calling all over town about it, saying she doesn't know how it happened, since Daniel had The Book! Fido shows up (in a clever disguise - an orange velour running suit) with The Book. He is excited that "we" will get credit for saving the day. He sees Willie's disapproving face and corrects himself - she will get credit. Just her. (Hmm, does Fido have aspirations?)

As they head back towards the office, Daniel starts preparing an alibi, and contemplates going to Rio and partying instead of sticking with this job and trying to be something he's not. Betty suggests telling the truth - blame her. Just please give her a good recommendation after she's fired.

When they get there, Betty listens from another room as Daniel tells the rest of the staff and Natalie that it's all his fault - he left the book in his office. Natalie doesn't completely agree that the fat pictures are the end of the world, but she is told that it's "Mel Gibson bad" if people find out she's still fat. Betty sadly, chubbily walks away to Amanda's desk. Amanda hands Betty a box of her personal effects and tells her she should quit before she's fired, like the old samurai used to commit seppuku (of course Amanda doesn't know this word, Betty has to tell her). The graduation bunny is in the box. He's all torn with stuffing coming out. Betty tells Amanda, "I hope you get what you deserve." Amanda doesn't get the sarcasm.

Betty runs into Nat on the elevator and says she's quitting (to prevent being fired). She apologizes for the fat photos. Anyway, for whatever her opinion is worth, she thinks the unretouched photos were better. She says she'd kill to look like Nat.

Daniel apologizes to his father about the problem with The Book and doesn't mention Betty. Brad says he's happy that Dan is telling the truth for once. Then Nat bursts in and says they mustn't fire Betty - she gave her an idea to solve the problem.

Willie calls Brad and claims that "her people" have found The Book. He tells her to turn on her TV - where the Fashion TV reporter is saying that Natalie is asking Mode to publish her unretouched photos because she doesn't like the phony way women are portrayed in fashion magazines. (The reporter sneers.) Willie slumps with defeat. Later, she tells Daniel that The Book was dropped off anonymously at the front desk. (She'd better hope Daniel doesn't compare notes with Brad, since "my people found it" is a lot different than "it was dropped off anonymously.")

Christina brings back the graduation bunny, repaired. It's not perfect but it's better than before. And Daniel found and fixed Betty's name in the masthead. Betty gives Daniel a comfy pair of US-made shoes that weren't made by Cambodian slave children. And on her way out the door, she tells Amanda she's staying.

That night, while looking through The Book (the Natalie announcement bought him an extra day), Daniel gets a call from a woman whose voice he doesn't recognize. She warns him about his father.

Meanwhile, Brad burns the evidence from Fey's house.