You know there's something wrong in the universe when Wilhelmina Slater has a better Thanksgiving than anyone else in this episode.
Wilhelmina Slater's Not-Too-Shabby Thanksgiving
Wil has plans - some party with Donatella Versace, whoopiee - but on Thanksgiving Eve, Fido informs her that Nico changed her plans at the last minute to come home for Thanksgiving. At first, Wil is annoyed, but then decides to make the best of it, thanks to some prodding from Christina who teases her about being old and alone.
The next day, Wil stares nervously at the raw turkey in her roasting pan and calls Martha Stewart. (After answering the phone, Martha scolds herself for not checking her Caller ID.) Evidently, Martha gives good advice, because some time later, Wil admires her handiwork - a well-browned turkey and a ton of side dishes.
Then Nico comes in with a ton of laundry (lugged over from Paris??) and says she's on her way to a concert with some friends. Wil is disappointed, but claims that she has plans too. While Wil gets ready for the party, Nico discovers the turkey dinner. She and Wil delay their plans, dine, and converse.
Good, now the happy crap's out of the way. On with the angst!
Fido and Fluffy's Fuzzy Thanksgiving
On Thanksgiving Eve, Fluffy is peevish because her new boyfriend (who she's been bragging about loudly around Daniel, not that he's noticed) canceled their holiday plans. Something about having to be with his wife and kids. She goes looking for Fido, who is only too happy to cancel plans with his own family so that he and Fluffy can watch the parade from Wil's office.
The next day, they party in Wil's office, try on designer clothes (yes, Fido looks quite dainty in a dress), dance, drink, etc. She drunkenly whines about Daniel. Fido tries to cheer her up with some gossip: he thinks Wil is a lesbian. His evidence: Wil is always getting phone calls on her cell from some woman, and every time she calls, Wil kicks him out so he can't listen in. (Then he remembers how he had to bring her her diaphragm when the BeauMart guy was in town, which spoils that theory.)
They snoop through Wil's papers and Amanda finds her cell phone bill. She calls the number that matches the times of the mysterious calls; a surgical center picks up and Fluffy claims to be Wil. Their call is forwarded to Fey; when Fey answers "why are you calling me from the office?", Fluffy hangs up in terror. The phone starts ringing, and they panic, hurriedly tidy Wil's office, and run out.
Fey calls Wilhelmina at home to let her know that someone just called her from her office.
Daniel Meade's Even Fuzzier Thanksgiving
On Thanksgiving Eve, Daniel asks Betty if Sofia has called. He complains that he's spent the whole day waiting by the phone. Boo hoo.
He and Betty discuss his Thanksgiving plans. He doesn't want to go to the brunch that his father is giving tomorrow; Betty encourages him to go.
Sofia shows up, and Daniel practically kicks Betty out of his office. Sofia apologizes for surprising him about her boyfriend, and says she wants to be friends. He agrees, and they share a soulful hug - at least until he gets handsy with her.
She tells him that she's going to Brad's brunch. Suddenly, Daniel is very gung-ho about it too! Sofia reveals that she will also be bringing her boyfriend, Hunter.
Next day, Daniel calls Betty at home and demands that she come to his loft immediately to help out with an emergency. When she gets there, she can't believe that the "emergency" is that he needs help picking out a shirt. He wants to make sure he out-hots Hunter. He's so nervous about this, he's actually wearing makeup to cover up a pimple (this would have made a good running joke). She tells him off and vents about her own problems at home, letting him know that he's not the only person who has crises.
But instead of stomping out on that note, she goes on to tell him how great he is, and that Hunter should be the one who's nervous. And then she tells him to wear the purple shirt.
Daniel hangs out with his mother Claire at the brunch, freshly released from rehab. She complains about having to drink club soda, but Daniel notices that Brad is also drinking club soda, in a display of solidarity.
Daniel spots Sofia across the room and practically ditches his mom in midsentence. Sofia is chatting with a slightly nerdy-looking guy; Daniel assumes this is Hunter, but he's actually the editor of another Meade magazine who works in their building. Sofia points out Hunter to him; he's blond and blandly pretty. To add insult to injury, the nerd commiserates with Daniel: how are guys like them supposed to score when there's a guy like Hunter around?
It gets worse. Hunter charms the crowd with various anecdotes, including an experience he had in the Peace Corps. He says he joined the Peace Corps because there's more to life than modeling and racing cars. He tells of the time he worked on an irrigation system for a whole year in some village and how excited the kids were to have water. Daniel says he knows the feeling, because he once helped some local kids open up a fire hydrant. I can't even tell whether this was supposed to be a brag or a joke; neither can the crowd. There's an awkward silence.
Hunter continues to be the life of the party. He wins the nerd over by performing some sort of chiropractic maneuver on his neck that takes his pain away.
Sofia wants to go dancing; Hunter says he can't dance. Daniel pounces on this opportunity to suggest that the three of them go dancing together.
That's the most brilliant idea ever! Why didn't I ever think of that? Next time I like someone who has a girlfriend, I'll just ask BOTH of them out on a date! Yeah, that'll work!
But Sofia agrees, so Hunter has no choice. (At this point, I was annoyed that we didn't get a reaction shot of the horrified look that must have been on Hunter's face; alas, I should have guessed where this was going.)
From the dance club restroom, Daniel calls Betty (interrupting her Thanksgiving non-dinner, about which more later). He says he needs to learn how to dance salsa. Betty can't believe he expects her to teach him salsa dancing over the phone, but she does her best. She tells him the idea is that he tries to seduce a woman, and she pushes him away. (This should be no problem for him.) She describes the steps, he learns them, and he's ready to face Sofia - but first he has to pee.
Hunter is already using one of the urinals... and he is standing like two feet away from it. Daniel bellies up to another urinal, but has to stand much closer than Hunter; you can see the despair in his eyes. :-)
Daniel approaches Sofia on the dance floor and wonders where Hunter is. He figures Hunter must be hiding because he's so embarrassed by his lack of skill. But just before Daniel can show off his new dance steps, Hunter swoops in and dances with Sofia - brilliantly. Afterwards, Hunter reveals why he thinks he "stinks" as a dancer - because he didn't make the final round at some big dance competition in Vienna.
Daniel stomps out of there in a big huff. Before he can be whisked away in a taxi, Sofia catches up with him. He kisses her and she likes it, but she says she loves Hunter, and she found a ring in his dresser this morning and she wants it. She says she's old-fashioned, and she wants the white picket fence and lots of babies, and she doesn't think Daniel is there just yet.
She challenges Daniel to deny this, but he can't. She goes back into the club to join her pale beau.
Bradford & Fey's Shady Thanksgiving
Brad ducks out of his brunch to ditch his club soda and get a real drink. He catches a glimpse of Fey in the hallway, but she disappears before he can catch up with her. He tells Claire what he's seen; she takes his drink away from him.
Brad meets with Chuck (as I've been calling him) at Fey's crypt. They look inside, but the body isn't there. Chuck insists that Fey is dead, but Brad accuses Chuck of working with Fey. Chuck denies this, but then Brad introduces a "Mr. Green," who explains that he's hired to "clean up messes."
Chuck ends up entombed in Fey's crypt. Nice to know that her pricey resting place won't be going to waste.
The Suarez Family's Crappy Thanksgiving
Betty is working late on Thanksgiving Eve when Hilda calls, chastising her for being late. Betty finishes up what she needs to do and goes home, but by the time she gets there, she's missed Justin's Thanksgiving pageant (he brags that he did jazz hands) and the meeting with Leah the Discount Lawyer. She's also annoyed to discover that Hilda already did the shopping, and did a lousy job. Betty usually does the shopping every year, and Hilda is annoyed that she had to do it this time, but since she forgot some stuff, Betty has to go out anyway.
She also misses Dad's telenovela, in which Father Yummy (see him on Mundo De Fieras weeknights at 9 on Univision!) is revealed to be a thief and murderer.
On her way home from the store, she runs into Gina Gambarro, the boyfriend-stealing neighborhood slut. Gina somehow already knows all about Dad's legal problems, and warns Betty that Leah is a ripoff artist. (Why she would want to help Betty, or why Betty would believe her for that matter, I have no idea.) Leah took money from some woman named Donna to get her custody of her kids, but never followed up.
Betty wants to check this out, but is waylaid by that call from Daniel wanting help picking out a shirt. On her way home from that errand, she pays Donna a visit. Donna confirms Betty's story.
Back at home, Hilda is helping Dad with the cooking. Apparently, this is another thing that Betty normally does each year, and at this point I have to wonder if Hilda also needs help dressing herself or if there's anything that Betty doesn't have to do for her. Dad complains that Hilda isn't doing a good job mixing the stuffing and proudly says that Betty has hands like meathooks. He means this as a compliment, which makes you wonder what Betty's mom must have been like.
Santos arrives and gives Justin a big gift. Inside, Justin finds a bunch of football clothing, or as Justin calls them, "costumes." Sigh. At least he's enthusiastic, and Santos doesn't seem as annoyed as Hilda.
When Betty gets back from her errands, Leah is there for the rest of the money for Dad's defense. Betty pulls Hilda aside and tells her what she heard. Hilda flips out and accuses Betty of being jealous because she's the #1 daughter around there now, helping out while Betty plays at her little career at the office.
The Turd Sandwich arrives, and Betty vents about all of this to him before he can even say hello. (Showing his true colors, Santos discreetly warns TS to "run while you can.")
Hilda gives the money to Leah, and on her way out the door, Leah claims that she's never lost a case. Betty asks her about Donna. Leah says she didn't lose that one either, because she quit. She says Donna left the kids locked in a car on a hot day while she was getting bombed at some bar. At that point, Leah didn't want Donna to get custody, so she quit the case. She didn't give the money back because it was only enough to cover the costs she had incurred up to that point.
Betty meekly apologizes, and Leah offers their money back. They refuse, and invite her to come back later for dinner. She happily agrees.
Time passes. They wait around the table. (Daniel calls to request a remote salsa-dancing lesson.) Leah never shows up.
Hilda tries to call her, but all the phone numbers on her business card have been disconnected. Betty blames herself for not being around more to keep an eye on things. Hilda admits to not pulling her weight around the Suarez household; Betty has been doing pretty much everything around there ever since their mother died.
The phone rings, and Betty is called away on yet another errand for Daniel. This call isn't from Daniel, though - it's from the bartender who decided to just call the person with the most calls on Daniel's phone. (Is it any surprise that's Betty? He's called her at least twice today already and it's their day off!) Daniel is drunk and sad.
Next week
Dad is arrested; Daniel wakes up in a strange bed.
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