1/11/2007: So, so cold

Betty breathlessly arrives at a TV studio; she says she is Sofie Reyes' assistant and needs to speak with Daniel. She is told that Daniel and Sofia specifically asked NOT to let Betty in.

We then rewind 24 hours. Let's explore the side plots first:

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Ignacio and ICE

An Immigration lady named Constance is visiting the Suarez home. He complains that she's been grilling him like a criminal. She points out that he IS a criminal. She warns him that she's the only thing between him and deportation. She says she'll come back tomorrow, at which time he will need to provide additional proof that he entered the US in 1977.

Dad tries to get a new caseworker. Constance comes back and wishes him luck, in a somewhat conciliatory tone. A moment later, there's a knock at his door; it's Constance again, mad as hell and yelling at him for thinking that it's up to him who his caseworker is. She says she'll be back tomorrow.

That evening, he nervously prepares for the next day's meeting. Hilda encourages him to change his attitude and perhaps assume that Constance would actually like to help him. She also suggests that he try to use his masculine charms on her.

The next day, Dad tries a different tactic with Constance - he shows her a copy of his first lease, dated December 10, 1977. (Why didn't he show her this before, I wonder?) This satisfies Constance, and he apologizes for his bad attitude. He gives her a decorated mug full of goodies in thanks. She nearly crushes him in a hug of gratitude, saying that she's usually treated like a "glorified meter-maid." Then she tells him that she hopes to be "seeing a lot" of him!

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Will's new ice age

At Wil's place, Wil and Ted (from Beau-Mart) share some pillow talk and discuss her recent visit to his home in Texas. Armadillos and roadrunners are mentioned. Wil's phone is ringing and ringing. She keeps muting it.

When she gets to the office, Fido is surprised to find Wil in a very good, very relaxed mood; in fact, she is wearing casual clothes, including jeans that she bought at an outlet mall. ("I shopped next to fat people," she brags.) She greets an employee, who reminds her that she fired him and he's just packing his things; she un-fires him.

Fido tells Wil that someone named Steve left some messages: he says he has "information" about Brad. Wil doesn't seem interested. She also isn't excited about a meeting with Vera Wang. And she's not curious about the contents of a big gift box that Fido is unwrapping for her... until she realizes that it's a stuffed armadillo. She is charmed, though Fido doesn't want to touch it with his bare hands.

Her phone rings again. This time it's Fey.

She goes home for lunch with Ted. In their conversation, she reveals that hemlines and heels seem pointless to her lately, compared to the fun of being with him. Ted says he has a lot of baggage; three-going-on-four ex-wives; lots of kids. Wil says she's willing to give it a shot if he is.

Later, Wil shows some photos from her Texas vacation to Fey. Fey is not interested, but Wil thinks their plot has failed and become moot. Brad is convinced that Fey is dead, and they've not been able to prove that he's responsible for her attempted murder. Fey, however, is determined to take over the magazine; she warns that if Wil won't be her ally, she'll be her enemy. Wil carelessly replies, "Just let the chips fall where they may."

She gets opera tickets for herself and Ted, but when she goes to tell him, she finds him packing his bags. He reveals that he and his wife are reconciling for the sake of their child and his other children. He is apologetic and she graciously tries to conceal her disappointment.

Wil goes back to work in a terrible mood, dressed head to toe in her regular ice-queen whites. She re-fires the man she re-hired yesterday.

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Hunter and the hunted

Daniel treats Sofia to breakfast in bead, which includes a nice parfait with a "surprise" at the bottom. Sofia is annoyed to discover that the "surprise" is pieces of papaya, and not a diamond ring. Daniel reminds her of the "steps of love" she outlined in one of her own books - meeting each others' parents, etc. Sofia says that stuff was a bunch of baloney to make the book more interesting; someone's going to make it into a movie, and she hears Penelope Cruz is dying to play her. (Ha!) Besides, she was drunk when she wrote that. She really wants to get married; he says he wants to savor their time.

Betty arrives at MYW for her first day of work. Yes, somehow New York Woman has the initials MYW; at least, that's what the big sign on the wall says. (Mia informs me that it's Modern Young Woman. Dunno where I got that it was New York Woman.) The first person to speak to Betty yells, "You are NOT wearing that sweater vest." Betty's face falls in dread. "You don't like it?"

"No I don't like it - I love it!" squeals Betty's new co-worker, who is wearing similarly frumpy clothes and big glasses. She looks like Bea from Yo Soy Bea (the Spanish version of Yo Soy Betty, La Fea), though her voice sounds suspiciously like Fluffy's! They talk about how great Sofia is and what a wonderful place MYW is to work.

However, Sofia is in a bad mood at the staff meeting. She doesn't mention her failure to get engaged to Daniel, but there are some problems getting their next issue done. They don't have a cover yet, and their "fish-out-of-water" article has fallen through.

Betty shows up late to the meeting and remarks on how different the place is from Mode. Sofia immediately decides that Betty will have to write the fish-out-of-water story; what it was like for her to work at a fashion magazine. Betty is not comfortable with the assignment, but Sofia thinks it will be part of the healing process for her. She clumsily segues this into a complaint about Betty's former boss - Daniel. She falls crying on Betty's neck, sobbing that Daniel is about to dump her, just like all of Daniel Meade's other "girls," and she's even more depressed because she sent her old boyfriend Hunter packing and now he won't speak to her anymore.

Betty agrees to do the article. As soon as she leaves Sofia's office, Sofia abruptly stops crying, checks her reflection in the mirror, and fixes her makeup.

Betty starts by interviewing Fido, who is nervously preparing for Wil's return from Texas. Betty asks what was his first impression of her. He merely screams in horror. Asked to elaborate, he says he was thrilled to have someone new to make fun of, and shows her his screen saver - a slide show of all Betty's crazy outfits (the makeover, the butterfly, etc.). She tells him they're not as good as the photos she found of him online. He immediately agrees to delete his screen saver in exchange for her silence about those photos!

Next, Betty interviews Fluffy, who is putting on makeup at her new (Betty's old) desk. Fluffy says that her first impression of Betty was to hate her, since Betty had taken the job Fluffy wanted. Betty thanks Fluffy for confirming the thrust of Betty's story. Fluffy says that in a way, she was envious of Betty for being so unafraid to go out in public looking like a flea market. She adds that she still doesn't like Betty.

Daniel tells Betty that she wasn't the kind of "girl" he was used to, but as he got to know her, he liked her and she helped him grow as a person. (He wants to make sure she's writing all of this down.) He says she also had a big part in getting him together with Sofia. Betty tells him that Sofia is worried about their relationship, and if he doesn't do something soon, he may lose her.

Betty gets lunch from a street vendor. Across the street, she sees Sofia and Hunter together in a neighborhood where you wouldn't expect to see a wealthy couple. She watches from a discreet distance as Sofia stuffs a thick wad of bills into the pocket of Hunter's jacket. Hunter then ducks into a strip club called Boylesque, which caters exclusively to women.

Betty tells Christina about what she saw. Christina is familiar with Boylesque and feels that only one explanation is possible... and to find out what that is, they need to go there and see for themselves!

That evening, Daniel takes Sofia to dinner at his parents' house. (Sometimes I watch this show with the Second Audio Program to hear it dubbed in Spanish. I'm not an expert on accents, but most of the dubbed voices sound Latin American; the woman who does Claire's voice sounds like she's from Spain, which strikes me as sort of a neat choice for her.) Sofia knows Brad as her boss, of course, but is meeting Claire for the first time. Claire does her best to embarrass Daniel, identifying herself as Daniel's alcoholic mother and offering to show off Daniel's baby pictures. Over dinner, Claire tells Sofia about the time Daniel's brother dressed him up in her clothes. Sofia is surprised to hear that Daniel had a brother; Brad tells her he died, but remarks that with Sofia's arrival, it seems that the family's luck is changing.

Claire thinks that Sofia is related to a very wealthy family she once visited in Mexico; Sofia sets her straight and talks about her working-class upbringing. Brad says he admires people who have worked for a living and suggests that Daniel could learn from her. Daniel is as gracious as he can be, considering that he's still obviously competing with his brother's memory.

Sofia asks the Meades how long they've been together. Brad says it's been 38 years. Sucking up, Sofia tells Daniel "they make it look so easy." Claire regales her with an anecdote about nearly shooting Brad when she was drunk. She lists some of Brad's old lovers, including Fey. She warns the young lovers that marriage can be difficult, but they can find ways to stay together. Leaning forward, she tells Sofia, in a meaningful tone of voice, that if something really terrible happens - like the loss of one of your children - the only way you can survive it is with the help of your husband.

Daniel looks uncomfortable. Brad asks Claire to dance and discreetly asks her if she's been drinking. (Duh!) She says it was just a little cough syrup. Ugh.

Daniel tells Sofia he won't blame her if she takes off running, but she gets up and dances with him. She says she'd love to have what his parents have, but without the cheating. If Daniel cheats on her, she warns, she'll cut his cojones off.

Claire asks if they have a child, will he have a "Spanish" name like Paco. (Oh, I got it - Brad married a Fluffy!) She tells Brad that she likes Sofia, but senses that she's hiding something.

"If you want, we can have what they have," Daniel tells Sofia.

Meanwhile, Betty and Christina go to Boylesque. They ask a stripper-pirate for Hunter. He tells them they have lots of Hunters; which one do they want? They describe him as tall, blond, and Nordic. The pirate tells them that's the very popular Hunter #9; he points to where Hunter is dancing in a very tiny police uniform. Betty nervously averts her eyes. Christina remarks that they're going to need a lot of singles, because he's entertaining a well-funded bachelorette party.

Betty contributes her lunch money for the week - $20. He offers to let them "cop a feel" as long as management doesn't see. Betty asks if he has a girlfriend. He says he has girlfriends, boyfriends - all sorts of friends. "You're bisexual??" naive Betty exclaims. Hunter says yep - you buy, he's sexual! He attempts to do some business with them - what sort of dance would they like?

Just then, the blushing bride waves more money at him, and he wanders towards it. Christina feels they've got all the info they need - Hunter's a ho. But Betty has more questions. She goes to the ATM for more cash. Christina pulls a bride off of Hunter and Betty waves the money at him and sticks it in his little pants without hesitation - all business. She comes right out and asks if women ever hire him to pretend to be their boyfriends. He says yes - all the time, to make their other boyfriends jealous. Betty then asks if Sofia Reyes was one of them. Christina looks worried about Betty's directness, but Hunter expresses delight that Sofia is already giving him recommendations.

Betty's mouth hangs open. She calls Daniel immediately - and he gives her the good news that he just proposed. He and Sofia thank Betty for prodding him to make a move. Flustered, Betty congratulates them and hangs up.

The next day at MYW, Sofia confronts Betty: Hunter told her all about the bushy-browed Latina with braces who grilled him last night at the strip club. She tells Betty that she paid Hunter to pose as her boyfriend because she needed a way to distinguish herself from all the other single women competing for Daniel's attention. She tells Betty that she's on her way to a morning TV show with Daniel now to publicly announce their engagement to the world.

Betty is aghast that Sofia, the accomplished feminist, would feel the need to resort to such tricks in order to secure Daniel's affection. Since Sofia is about to leave, Betty says she will hurry and get her things. Sofia tells her beloved assistant to stay behind and finish her work... and she'd better be done by the time Sofia gets back! And with that, Sofia leaves!

Betty's new coworkers chat excitedly about the new cover (Daniel with Sofia) and the article that Sofia stayed up all night writing. The issue has already gone to press. They tell Betty that Sofia doesn't want her to read it just yet. Betty grabs it and runs! They chase her; she throws a beanbag chair at them and runs for the elevator, dodging a confused, recently fired Mode employee. She just barely makes it. As the elevators close in front of her, Betty sees the title of Sofia's article:

The Rules of Getting Any Guy to Propose to You in 60 Days or Less

1. Pique his interest. (Flashback to Sofia taking off her blouse in the elevator)
2. Stay in close proximity. (Flashback to Sofia commandeering Mode's boardroom)
3. Give him a taste. (Flashback to Sofia seducing him at the bar)
4. Make yourself unavailable. (Flashback to Sofia dancing with Hunter)
5. Give him a ticking clock. (Flashback to her ultimatum in the limo)

Betty makes a beeline for Christina and shows her the article.

Now we're back to the beginning of the article. Betty dashes past the studio's security, screaming for Daniel. They are being introduced on the morning show. Sofia says her magazine is about empowering women; the show's host says she uses herself in some of the articles. Sofia agrees, saying that she's the cover story for the first issue. She says that, statistically speaking, it's crazy that she's even there, with a new magazine and new engagement to the city's most infamous playboy. She adds that she got Daniel to propose in 60 days.

"60 days - that's like two months," the show's host wittily remarks. Surprised, Daniel admits that it was 60 days, exactly. Sofia then whips out her magazine's first issue - "From Fling to Ring in 60 Days," she announces, holding it up for the camera. If her techniques worked on someone like Daniel, she says proudly, they'll work on anyone.

Daniel is taken aback and shifts uncomfortably, but keeps his composure. The idiot show host asks Daniel if he knew she was "getting" him to propose. Daniel says no, it wasn't like that - they met and fell in love.

Pulling away from Daniel and turning to face him, Sofia says "no, you fell in love." She tells him he's a nice guy, but she just wants to focus on her career. She thanks him for being a "good sport" and gives his ring back.

The talk show hosts are speechless. Watching at home, Brad turns to Claire, stunned; Claire drinks wine straight out of the bottle. Hilda and Ignacio exchange startled looks. Fluffy gapes. Daniel's humiliated face looms sadly from the Jumbotron over Times Square.

Fido comments sympathetically. "Guess it's impossible for any of us to have it all," Wil says, "but no reason why we can't keep trying." She drops the armadillo into the wastebasket.

Fido tells her that Steve called again about Bradford. Wil tells him to start dialing.

Betty watches from the engineers' room as the morning show segment wraps. Daniel asks Sofia how could she use him for a publicity stunt, when he loved her. Sofia asks him how many times has he used dozens of women for the same thing.

(Well, kudos to you, Sofia. You've just proven that you can be just as much of a pathetic dirtbag as any rich boy. Clap, clap, clap.)

In his defense, Daniel says that he never did it on national TV. She says she's sorry, and invites him to call her a bitch. (In my opinion, he could call her much worse.) In her defense, she does what she does because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life as a cleaning lady in Mexico with her mother. She adds that he did exceed her expectations, and she's sorry. (She doesn't say it as coldly as that, but I'm not really groovin' on Sofia right now.)

Betty tries to convey her disappointment to Daniel as he makes the long journey to the exit, but he doesn't hear her.

Later, Bradford offers to fire Sofia. Daniel says he should give her a promotion; her stunt could make him a fortune. Brad says no no no, she hurt him. Daniel says, "It's just business, Dad."

In the elevator, his finger pauses over the button for MYW's floor, but he changes his mind. Meanwhile, Sofia makes her triumphant return to the applause of all of her employees, except Betty. Betty is furious about the way Sofia used her. Sofia says she sees a lot of herself in Betty. Offended, Betty says she doesn't see any of herself in Sofia. She shows Sofia the article she wrote about working at Mode. She says the people at Mode may be shallow, but they know it. They don't kid themselves that they're anything they're not. In some ways, Betty says, she fit in better at Mode than at MYW.

Hmm - interesting thought.

And with that, she quits. She runs into Mode looking for Daniel. Fido reveals that Daniel went to JFK Airport and... nobody knows what next.

Epilogue

The elevator stops at Sofia's floor. Fluffy is waiting inside. She grins and says "Hello" as she recognizes Sofia. Then, just before the doors close, we see Fluffy's arm swing upwards and she clubs Sofia with her handbag.

The sounds of tearing fabric and Sofia's muffled cries are heard all they way down the elevator shaft.

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Next week
Fey's bandages come off.
Mode's staff prepare for disaster.