- A sleazy gossip journalist named Quincy Combs wants to write a book trashing the Meade family. When Alexis finds out, she's only too happy to feed him information, especially when she discovers that this guy has Fey's diaries. One problem: her final diary seems to be missing. Alexis wants to get her hands on this because it might contain information that would get her mother out of jail.
- Fluffy desperately wants to become Alexis's assistant, and begins a smear campaign against Alexis's current assistant, Nick (who won't sleep with either Fluffy or Fido). Meanwhile, Alexis hears of an alleged "love dungeon" or secret room somewhere around Mode where Fey and Bradford used to enjoy daily trysts. Alexis thinks Fey's last diary might be there. She searches for this "dungeon," but can't find it. Fluffy catches Alexis snooping around Daniel's office. She tells Alexis there's really no secret room - it's just something Fey referred to when she was hung over and wanted to go home. Alexis assures Fluffy that Fluffy will be next in line for the assistant job if "something" happens to Nick; and to keep her quiet, she tells Fluffy to pick out something she likes from the Closet.
- Fluffy goes to the Closet and sees the ultimate pair of shoes on a high shelf. In order to reach it, she hoists herself up by a clothing hook on the wall. She's so excited about the shoes, she doesn't notice that the hook, when pulled hard (i.e. harder than the weight of a few designer gowns), opens a secret door.
- Wil has been trying to seduce Brad, with little success. (Christina and Fido are in on this crazy plot.) When she finds out that Quincy Combs has Fey's diaries, she trades him some photos of Alexis's "transformation" in exchange for info that will help her get Brad's attention. Combs informs her that according to Fey's diaries, Brad is a foot man. Fey used to feed him cherries with her toes. Wil takes this advice to heart and plunges her feet into a bucket of flesh-eating guppies to make them nice and soft, and then shows up in his office picking up pencils with her toes. Sure enough, Brad is unable to resist her footy charms. In fact, he's so impressed that he spills scotch all over himself.
- Quincy Combs lets Alexis have a peek at one of the diaries - in which Fey was talking about Bradford being worried about Alex and Daniel. Alexis places a call to Bradford, but Wil sees her name on the caller ID and rejects the call.
- Christina and Betty go to a party at a swanky dance club - they got invited because of Christina's newfound fame as an up-and-coming designer. Betty's not supposed to talk about work, but she sees Daniel there, and she thinks she also sees the sleazy journalist. She tries to warn Daniel, but only succeeds in annoying him, especially when she's wrong about the journalist. He tells her to leave him alone. Betty and Christina leave the club, and Christina admits that she did bad things for Wil in order to get her fashions spotlighted in Mode. Betty is disappointed beyond words. Christina says that Betty would do the same thing if she had a chance to get ahead. Betty disagrees.
- Daniel's been in a downward spiral - drinking, hanging out with Becks, partying with women, etc. and not paying much attention to work. Meanwhile, Alexis is taking over Mode. Betty has been doing her best to cover for him and keep him in the loop, but he's often refusing to take her calls. He gets carried away and finds out, too late, that the model he's been partying with is only 16, and her hot "sister" is actually her mother. "You should have checked her ID," the mother scolds malevolently, and now she wants some quid pro quos. He calls Betty in a panic - but she's given up on him and is no longer taking his calls.
- Constance takes the monitor off of Ignacio's leg and invites him to her house to meet with his lawyer for dinner. Ignacio and Hilda are suspicious, but he has little choice but to go with her. At the house, Constance shows him a photo album of all the people (more than 200) she's helped to obtain legal residency and/or citizenship; he asks why she isn't in any of the photos. She sadly tells him that she was always the one holding the camera.
Meanwhile, back at the Suarez house, a real ICE case worker shows up. He clears up the confusion - Constance was fired two months ago, and Ignacio was never even in the system! Hilda calls Ignacio to warn him, "Bitch crazy!" Ignacio pretends there's a plumbing emergency at home and has to leave. Constance won't let him go - in fact, her house is locked from the outside so he can't get out without a key! She tells him that Jerry wasn't going to take his case anyway; it's a lost cause, there's no hope. Anyway, she has other plans: she's going to save him by marrying him! She has it all planned out and has even bought a gown for herself and a powder-blue tux and dress shoes for him! Yikes!!
He admits to her that he knows what's going on. He tells her she needs to move on with her life. Hilda shows up to "rescue" her father. Ignacio asks Hilda to take a picture of them, so that Constance will finally have one photo of herself with a person she tried to help. He doesn't press charges.
Next week:
Another Suarez gets engaged?
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