May 8, 2008 (2.16, aka #39): Baby Bust

Betty is enjoying a candlelit dinner at Henry's when Charlie comes home early. She explains that she can't wear a watch because her arms are too fat from being pregnant with Henry's child. She then claims that her blood sugar is low, so she begins eating Henry's dinner.

Betty complains to Christina the next day about how Charlie finds a way to interrupt every date. Christina suggests that Betty and Henry see each other at lunch instead. Betty loves the idea - Christina has yoga class, so she won't be able to butt in.

At Mode, the photographer has canceled because Daniel slept with her and then didn't call her. Claire and Alex want him to get counseling to deal with his grief and his self-destructive behavior. Betty renegotiates with the photographer, but she also suggests therapy to Daniel. She tells him that the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing and expecting it to turn out differently. Therefore, if he keeps saying no to therapy, the non-crazy thing to do would be to say yes to therapy. Betty has already made an appointment for him with a Dr. Wallace.

Meanwhile, at Casa Suarez, Ignacio is cleaning some beans and watching a telenovela with some actors who look familiar, but I'm not sure. He has taken a phone message for Hilda, who can't read his handwriting. Justin's gym teacher called - Justin is flunking gym. Hilda is outraged and wants to confront him, because she doesn't feel that Justin should have to take gym class.

Henry cancels their lunch date because Charlie's yoga partner supposedly canceled and she expects Henry to fill in. Henry admits that he knows she did it on purpose, but he thinks Charlie and Betty should be friends. Betty starts to lose her temper but then decides to do something different (and presumably non-insane). Soo... she volunteers to be Charlie's yoga buddy instead. Charlie is very hostile. When a partner exercise begins, Charlie doesn't let Betty touch her, so the teacher kicks them out. Charlie gripes that she was supposed to be having a baby shower in Tucson this weekend. Betty offers to give her a shower instead, the next day.

Hilda and Coach Diaz. He's hot. Um... oh right, I was doing a recap. He thinks his class is as important as English or Math, and no one should be excused. Hilda scoffs. The coach says all the kid has to do is participate. He also says she could benefit from some exercise. She is enraged, but still enjoys the view as he walks away.

Daniel goes to his appointment. It turns out that Dr. Wallace is a beautiful woman. He tries to flirt with her, so she kicks him out.

Christina also has an appointment, with Wil, Fido, and the obstetrician. The doctor says she and the baby are doing well, and Christina can go back to work. What Wil really wants to know is whether or not she can start telling people about the baby. The doctor offers them a DVD of the sonogram, but she's not interested.

When Christina is alone with the doctor, she sees the name Meade on the DVD case and asks the doctor about it. He says it must be weird carrying a dead man's baby. Christina is impactada.

Betty tells Henry she's doing Charlie's shower. Charlie has requested some specific tamales from a place in Tucson that doesn't ship them overnight, so Betty is going to buy them a first-class airplane ticket. (This is the same Betty who couldn't afford even one coach class ticket to Guadalajara last season during her father's deportation crisis.) Amanda inquires about the party menu (which will include Ignacio's empanadas) and invites herself to the party.

Daniel's back at the doctor. She makes him think about why he flirts - he says he needs to feel wanted. He mentions a disappointing relationship. She asks to hear more of the story.

Wil and Fido get tired of waiting for Christina. They go back to the exam room, but she's already gone. Wil sees the patient record showing the name "Meade," and realizes that Christina knows whose baby she's carrying.

Christina tells Stuart (her supposedly sickly husband who needs $100,000 for an operation) what she's discovered. He thinks they should use the baby as leverage to get more out of Wil.

It looks like Hilda's visit to Coach Diaz backfired - Justin has received "gym detention." Hilda decides to try a new approach - she invites Diaz, whose hair is already perfect, over for a free haircut. She has put on a sexier top for his appointment. He apologizes for saying that she needed a gym class, and says she has a great body. She flirts with him and gets flustered. Diaz promises not to do anything to embarrass Justin in class. (I wish any of my gym teachers had been that nice!) She drools in the mirror at him for a few moments, until he reminds her about the haircut. She picks up the scissors and accidentally nicks his ear. She offers him some alcohol, but picks up the nail polish remover by mistake. Diaz flees in terror.

Daniel's visit to Dr. Wallace has also backfired. Apparently, they had sex during the commercial break. She freaks out and says now she needs to call her shrink. She can't work with Daniel any more.

Betty is having some trouble with the shower plans. The plates she ordered were supposed to have a baby on them, and instead they sent her plates with Old Man Time. She bumps into Claire, who drops her purse. To make Betty feel better, Claire admits she once dropped Daniel on his head into a bucket of ice in Nantucket. Betty says she sent him to a therapist. Claire appreciates the help, but thinks Betty is putting herself through too much.

Betty explains to Claire about the baby shower. Claire gives her a big nasty pinch on the arm and says Betty needs to forget about this soon-to-be-dead relationship and get on with her own life.

The next day, Betty gives Hilda a hard time for going back to see the coach again. Hilda insists that she has to apologize for cutting his ear. Betty tells her to find out his first name. Hilda admits that for the first time since Santos died, she "felt something" when she was talking to Diaz.

Henry shows up before the baby shower. Betty thinks he wants to break up, but instead he wants to stay together forever. This will consist of him using his cousin's airline discount to come out and see her every other weekend. (Like I'm sure Charlie and/or the baby won't have some kind of major crisis every other weekend, too.) Or she can visit him. Or, she suggests, they can meet in the middle, which he has coincidentally already considered, researched, and identified as Springfield, MO. He says she's the most important thing in his life. They kiss.

Charlie shows up for her shower and is displeased to see them together. Henry excuses himself. Charlie complains that Betty's directions to the house were "messed up." She also complains that Betty's house is small and that the food smells "funny."

Christina wakes up from a nap and finds Wil, Fido, and Stu waiting for her. Stu turned her in! Wil offers her whatever she wants. Christina says she doesn't want anything, and leaves. Wil says Christina will be back; she has nowhere else to go.

Amanda arrives for the baby shower (without a gift) and says she can stay only five minutes. She seats herself in front of the food and prepares to eat all of it. On seeing other pregnant women at the shower, she asks why everyone at this party is so fat.

Charlie complains to Betty that the piñata is lined with plastic that will kill the birds at the landfill. (Maybe she should make some jewelry out of it.) Also, the vegetables were not cut recently enough for her liking. Betty offers to cut some more vegetables. Dad notes that Betty's not having any fun. He doesn't think the long-distance thing with Henry will work, either. Once Henry's a parent, things will change. Of course, Betty thinks he's wrong.

Daniel shows up, wanting to borrow money. After a busy night on the town, he has lost his wallet. Then Christina shows up, wanting to talk. Charlie demands soy milk and complains about the plates with the old man on them. Dad agrees to walk with Daniel to get the soy milk while Betty talks to Christina.

Christina is upset about Wil, but she's much more upset about the baby. Betty reassures her. Then Charlie calls up the stairs, demanding her precious tamales.

Amanda worries to the other partygoers that she could become too beautiful if she were to become pregnant. Like, dangerously beautiful. Betty interrupts to serve the special special tamales from Tucson. Charlie barely cracks a smile as Betty gives her the first one. She takes a bite, spits it back into the plate, and says they're soggy.

Betty says she flew the tamales first-class and has knocked herself out to give her this party. Charlie says Betty just wants people to think that, and the party is not what she wanted. Betty calls her a jerk (that's the best she can do?) and explains that she and Henry will be together after Charlie and Henry go back to Tuscon, whether she likes it or not. Charlie is momentarily speechless, but only because her water just broke. (If I didn't know better, I'd say she broke it with sheer willpower, just to be spiteful.)

Amanda, who doesn't seem to know much about pregnancy, says her water broke once too, when she was drinking too much one New Year's Eve.

Hilda visits the coach at school. He suggests that Justin choreograph the cheerleaders for the rest of the year instead of having gym class. He and Hilda exchange first names (he's Tony) and she walks out of the gym with a big goofy grin on her face.

During their walk to the store, Ignacio tells Daniel that he didn't meet someone special until he was feeling good about himself. He talks about how he started adding molasses to his mole recipe, and the boss loved it. Cooking became his passion, and it made him feel better about himself. (Of course, the woman he fell in love with was the boss's wife....) Ignacio tells Daniel to find his own passion.

Christina goes to Wil's place and makes Wil watch the DVD of the baby's heart beating. She demands that Wil think of another life besides her own for a change, and that she love it and give it everything it needs.

Now Charlie is complaining about her labor pains. Amanda comforts her with remembrances of some painful surgery on her nose which, she says, was definitely not a nose job. Charlie looks at Amanda's juice and says she's thirsty. This reminds Amanda that she's still hungry, so she gets up (with her glass) to find more food.

Betty wants to take Charlie to the hospital. There's a taxi waiting. Charlie whines that she wants to go to the birthing center instead and have a natural childbirth, with no drugs. Then she stands up and decides she needs drugs and an ambulance.

When Charlie assumes the position, Amanda finally realizes that there's a baby coming, and she panics and flees. Charlie demands that Betty hold her hand. (Mostly so she can smush it.) She asks why Betty threw her the shower. Betty says she was hoping that if they became friendlier, Charlie would stop coming between her and Henry so often. Charlie apologizes and says it was hard to watch Henry fall in love with someone else - that's why she dated someone else.

The paramedics arrive. The paramedics say she's too dilated too move, and it's too late for drugs, so she's going to have her baby the old-fashioned way. Betty tries to cheer her up by saying this is what she wanted in the first place.

Henry shows up. Betty wants to leave. They ask her to stay, but she doesn't want to.

Back at Mode, Claire and Alexis look at the photos from the last shoot and are not impressed. Daniel comes in, takes one look, and starts finding ways to make them better. He realizes that he doesn't need to keep looking for meaning in his life, because he loves his job already.

The Meades share a toast, but are halted when Wil puts up the sonogram video on a giant display on the wall. She gloats and says she wants to protect the baby and give it "every thing it deserves," namely, 1/3 of the Meade empire. Claire chugs the rest of her drink.

Betty, Hilda, and Ignacio wait in the kitchen until they hear crying. Henry comes in and reports that it's a boy. They hug him and he returns to the living room, where he and Charlie bond with their remarkably clean child.

As Henry beams at his baby, Betty watches her boyfriend transform into her future ex right in front of her eyes. Ignacio holds her to comfort her.

Next week: Gio's still available, and he's got sandwiches. Lots and lots of sandwiches, baby!