May 22, 2008 (2.18, aka #41): Two Paths Diverge in Queens*

*See The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

Flashback to 1999. Kimberly (Lindsay Lohan) picks Betty to be on her dodgeball team in gym class. Betty tries to beg off, but Kimberly insists. When the game begins and the other team begins throwing balls at them, Betty's teammates hide behind her to use her as a human shield. (Adding insult to injury, the girl Kimberly didn't choose is actually bigger than Betty!)

Betty is describing this memory to Gio over breakfast at Mode to explaining why she doesn't want to be on the company softball team for the charity game. Gio says the team is hard-up for players - Daniel actually went to Gio's sandwich shop to recruit him. Gio wants to do this as a "couple." Betty is hesitant.

I'm not so much hating the possibility of Lindsay Lohan having a story arc if she comes back as Betty's former classmate. (I don't care who's in the role, I just think it's a great story idea - I had thought that the plan was to have Lindsay Lohan guest-star as herself.)

Gio, who supposedly doesn't want to be Rebound Guy, hounds her for a date. He's going to Italy soon for a month. It's supposedly part of his five-year plan. Betty isn't paying much attention - she's just noticed someone with a stack of advance copies of Hot Flash. Betty grabs one to look for her article. She and Gio thumb eagerly through the magazine.

Eventually they find it... about ten pages from the back of the magazine. It's totally rewritten and contains the word "natch," which is not used by anyone under age 70. When Betty asks Claire about this, Claire tells Betty that the article was too "safe." She asks Betty what she wants to be when she grows up. Betty says she wants to be like Claire and run her own magazine. She loves magazines and wants to speak to people and touch their lives. Claire says that won't happen until Betty starts taking real risks - not just with work, but with her life.

At lunch at the Suarez house, Hilda tells Tony about her love of tater-tots. He has brought fruited jello from school. (She prefers to call him "Coach.") He says she's a rock, she says she's a gem, he says it takes a lot of heat to make a gem. They arrange a date for Saturday.

Alexis is checking out the Mode softball uniforms, which are mostly orange. She suggests a a high-heeled cleat. Daniel is not paying much attention to her - he is busy preparing a presentation for some clients. He is working extra-hard to keep as much work out of Wil's hands as possible. Alexis complains that he doesn't trust her either.

Fido complains to Amanda that the softball uniform does nothing for his bustline. Betty doesn't want to be on the softball team, so she asks Amanda if she can be a cheerleader. Amanda says she'll have to try out. Fido throws some red-and-blue pompoms at Betty which totally don't match the uniforms, and Amanda makes her jump. (Fido takes a picture.) When Betty's done, Amanda says they have no cheerleading uniforms in Betty's size. Betty leaves.

A young French boy approaches to reception desk and asks for Daniel. Amanda doesn't understand him, but offers to put makeup on him.

Daniel's presentation is not going well; the client is confused. Wil openly criticizes Daniel's efforts and offers to donate the proceeds from the softball charity game to the client's favorite charity. Wil says she cares about poor children. (Betty rolls her eyes.) She also cuts a deal with the client.

Daniel vents about this to Betty, who suggests that he work with Wil instead of against her. From across the room, they actually see Wil telling the clients that Daniel doesn't know how to do his job. To lighten the mood (for himself), Daniel makes fun of the "natch" in Betty's article.

At lunch with Gio, Betty vents about the article. (Two meals in a row with a guy she's not sure she wants to be her boyfriend? Hmmmm...) He jokes that she's in a difficult "sitch." He wants to give her a batting lesson. She resists and says she'd rather be the team mascot. He teases her for playing it safe - these are the magic words that change her mind.

Soon Betty is delighted to realize that she really can hit the ball. Gio invites her to go to Rome with him. (He knocks her down to prevent her from getting hit by a ball she hit the wrong way.) He says it would be most romantic first date ever. Betty agrees. He kisses her.

The French boy, who evidently took Amanda up on her offer to put makeup on him, finds Daniel. Daniel speaks no French. Boy speaks no English. Daniel asks if anyone speaks French. The boy sheepishly volunteers. (Little joker!) Eventually, a translator explains that the boy's mom was a model who met Daniel in Paris some years ago, and died recently.

Daniel says her death is a "bummer." (The guy offers to translate this into French, but Daniel declines.) The boy, who is also named Daniel, is in NY on a school trip and wanted to meet his father. Daniel is slow to understand that he is the father.

Betty comes in and babbles to Daniel how she joined the softball team and is going to Rome with Gio ("pickle-napkin Gio," she specifies, in case Daniel is thinking of another Gio). It takes a while for her to notice Daniel's shell-shocked look. Finally, she sees the boy and asks why he's wearing eyeshadow. Daniel explains who the boy is. Daniel doubts that he's really the boy's father; he says people used to do this to his own father all the time, trying to scam for money. He assumes that Wil has put the boy up to this.

Wil scoffs at this elaborate alleged plan. Daniel doesn't believe her and says "you have no moves in this chess game." Wil says that she plays chess, while he only plays checkers. Flustered, Daniel says she still has no moves.

Alone with Fido, Wil admits that she is stunned by this development. She feels that it's a gift from God. "Check and mate," she says. "Queen me," Fido replies.

Daniel and the boy have blood tests. The school will pick up the boy. Betty is concerned that Daniel is so unconcerned about him. Daniel has important plans - a date with three hot models tonight. He's not concerned about the boy, sure that he is definitely not his son. Offended, and clearly understanding more English than Daniel had thought, the boy stomps out of Daniel's office, where he is intercepted by Wil and Fido. Wil is sympathetic to him and invites him to dinner.

At home, Justin is criticizing Hilda for being a tease with Tony, but Ignacio thinks it's good that she's playing it safe because they know so little about the coach. Justin notes that he doesn't sweat. They ask Betty to weigh in on this when she comes home, but she blurts that she's going to Rome with Gio. Ignacio wants to know about sleeping arrangements. Betty doesn't know yet. Hilda points out that, being 24, Betty can't still be a virgin. Ignacio is very displeased!

Justin answers the door. It's Henry. He gets on one knee, presents a ring, and asks Betty to marry him! After sending her nosy family out of the foyer, Betty angrily tells him that she's just starting to get over him. He begs her not to, saying he's in love with her. He wants her to move to Tucson. He's even gotten her a high-paying writing job at a magazine there. He is puzzled by her reticence. He's going back on Monday, and hopes she will come with him. He leaves.

Now Ignacio is trying to talk Betty into going to Rome because it's less scary to him than having her get married and move away. Hilda defends her, but Ignacio angrily says this is not comparable to when he got married and moved away, even though he was younger than Betty and traveled much farther. Come to think of it, he doesn't want her going to Rome either. Betty says she wants advice, not approval. He offers neither.

Daniel Junior has made the news on Fashion TV. They report that his mother was a hand model. (I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to be the one to make it!) There's a scene of Daniel Senior guzzling from a bottle with a model on his arm, while a suspiciously dirt-smudged Daniel Jr. eats out of a Dumpster in an alley. (Claire immediately sees a family resemblance.) Daniel Sr.'s main annoyance is that the school didn't pick the boy up as promised.

Alexis announces that the moody client wants to pull out of her sponsorship because of the bad publicity about Daniel Junior (doesn't look good for a woman involved with a children's charity). Alexis tells Daniel she's going to say he's taking a leave of absence in hopes that it will assuage the client. Daniel reminds her of how he stood up for her when a client wanted to pull out because of her sex-change, even though it almost cost them the magazine. Unmoved, Alexis says she's learning from his mistakes.

Ignacio is ironing angrily at home. Hilda tries to reason with him. She says Betty must seize the opportunity for love, or else boom, it's gone, and she will have nothing. (Remembering Santos.) She goes off to seize Tony.

Betty asks Daniel about the leave of absence. He says it's just for a few weeks. He tells Betty to take a vacation. He says he knows he's the boy's father. He reads the letter that the boy's mother wrote, explaining who his father is and telling the boy to go find him if anything happened to her. Betty reminds him of how bad his relationship with his own father was, and says the boy needs him.

Daniel gives Betty first class tickets for her and Gio's trip to Rome. Betty tells him Henry's marriage proposal. Daniel is not sure how to react at first, but says she should go to Rome because he wants to keep her at Mode. (My opinion, Betty should take the offer that made her happy when she got it, and not the one that upset her. Henry shows up at her door and expects her drop everything, take a job she didn't ask for and move to Tucson to make a lifelong commitment, all within a few days. Despite his insistence, she shouldn't decide that fast.)

Wil, the human gloating machine, gloats to Alexis that the client agreed to stay since Daniel is out of the picture. Alexis thanks her. Wil says she's having to do everything now that Daniel is dealing with his "little bastard." She says it's actually a lot easier to do things by herself. She reminds Alexis of their original plan (last year) to take over Mode together. She says that now that Alexis is in charge, she should do what's best for the company - to give Wil Daniel's job. For Mode's sake.

A man from Junior's school gives the boy's paperwork and passport to Daniel. Daniel shows Junior a telescope and tries to show him all the landmarks in NY, then sees something naughty in a window and stops with the telescope. The conversation is awkward, so Daniel asks the boy if he likes movies. This works a little better - Junior likes Johnny Depp films - but it turns out that he's more interested in actresses who Daniel thinks are hot. They also talk about sports - Junior likes baseball, but not soccer.

Ignacio comes to Mode to talk to Betty. He brings a photo album with pictures from her childhood. They remember the day she wanted to jump off high board at the pool. Ignacio didn't want her to, but she got mad and did it anyway. Betty remembers she was scared. This time, however, she is not sure what she wants. He says he loves her and will support her either way, but only she can decide. She'll have to take a deep breath and jump.

Tony gives Hilda a big amber pendant. ("A fine gem for another fine gem," he says.) He wants to talk. She nervously cuts him off, wanting to get physical. He backs off and tells her that he's not exactly single. He is in a turbulent marriage with intermittent separations. Hilda angrily gets out of the car. He tells Hilda he thinks he's falling for her.

Now it's the Mode vs. Elle charity softball game. Amanda mugs for the Fashion TV camera and tells her alleged fans that she'll soon have a record, or a TV show, or a sex tape, or something.

Junior is excited about seeing Naomi Campbell. Daniel is surprised when the boy also recognizes Fido and says he's droll. The tiny wheels in Daniel's head finally complete their rotation, and only then does Daniel figure out how Fashion TV got its information about Junior.

Gio shows up to play for the Mode team. Betty tries to avoid him, but Fido and Amanda draw his attention when they try to jump on Betty. (She tells them they're rude.) Gio asks if she's avoiding him and asks if she wants to go to Rome.

Now Henry is here in a Mode uniform too (supposedly the team was shorthanded.) Gio tells Henry about Rome. Henry tells Gio about the proposal. Time almost stops.

The game begins. Betty runs away from both of them. The Fashion TV reporter calls the game. Daniel is supposed to bitch, but he's confronting Wil about having his son pick through the garbage. Wil smugly tells Daniel that she's now editor-in-chief.

Then she goes back to the game and offers to pitch. Joe Zee (creative director at Elle is the first at bat. When Wil pitches him out, he tells her he was distracted by how fat she looks in white.

Now Daniel is confronting Alexis. Claire gives her a dirty look. Daniel sees Junior leaning against a tree and they go off together.

Will proceeds to pitch out another Elle person. Naomi Campbell is next at bat. She takes a cell phone call at the batter's box. (Everyone cowers in terror, fearing she'll throw it.) Naomi casually tells Bono that she's busy playing cricket. Wil kisses the ball and throws it to Naomi. Naomi bats it into the outfield. Betty and the two other outfielders - Gio and Henry - all run for it. They collide, and we black out for a commercial!

Betty wakes to breakfast in bed. Henry calls her Mrs. Grubstick. She says she had a dream about the softball game - the day when she made this great choice. He has already made weekend plans for them with his son (Nate) to see the Coolidge Dam. Worried, Betty says she has an article due, but she offers to finish it immediately so that she can go with them.

She goes into the bathroom, which turns out to be a hotel room in Italy. Gio is sitting near the balcony, enjoying music. She tells him she just had a dream that she moved to Tucson. Gio laughs and shows her their itinerary for the day, which he has already drawn up. She asks for an adjustment in the plans, which he happily agrees to.

Betty sits on Gio's lap to snuggle. Henry walks in on them and asks what they're doing. Gio wants to know the same thing. They both tell her to make a choice. She climbs onto the balcony and jumps. She wakes on the softball field, with both teams peering down at her.

Betty says she knows what to do.

Montage:

Hilda looks at the amber pendant.

The Mode staff celebrates their victory in the office, cheering Wil with a big trophy. Alexis is clapping, but looks guilty when she sees Claire giving her a sour look.

Daniel packs up his desk. Junior looks happy just to be with his dad.

Betty is packing a suitcase at home.

Tony is playing basketball alone. Hilda finds him and kisses him.

Now Wil is giving Daniel a smug look.

Betty is going to the door with her luggage.
Hugging Daddy, who gives her a bag lunch.
Hugging Justin.
Out the door, standing on her doorstep.

Now what?

That's it for Season Two of Ugly Betty! Have a great summer, everyone!

My mission for next season will be to learn some synonyms for "gloat," because Wil's never going to stop doing it and I can't keep repeating myself!