Betty welcomes Daniel back from Mexico with a magic rock, which will either help him with enlightenment or cramps (Betty's not sure, her Spanish still being a bit shaky). Don't worry, she's also brought back a big tacky souvenir sombrero for Henry. She notices that Daniel's got a black eye. Thinking quickly but not cleverly, Daniel explains that he saved the life of a kid who fell in the lake. In Central Park. She was a Girl Scout. (He's a lousy liar, so he keeps making up more details, each crazier than the one before it.) Betty is impressed with his story, however, so she gives Daniel the sombrero too.
Alexis calls the hit man and asks him to hurry up with the hit on her dad. He gives her some attitude, but says it'll happen and not to call him again. Betty bursts in with the exciting news - Alexis answers, "Is it my father? What happened?" (Come on, the hit man's not that fast!) Betty tells Alexis all about Daniel's heroic deed. Alexis is amused and suggests that they do something to recognize his heroism. Betty suggests cakes. Alexis wants to call a press conference! Betty happily runs off to set it up. Confidentially, Alexis complains to her dumb assistant that Daniel stole her story... it's the one she used to use to impress people.
Betty surprises Daniel with a room full of Girl Scouts and a TV crew. She tells him he needs the good press. As Daniel holds up a plaque and the cameras snap away, Alexis shows up in a stunning green dress and encourages him to give all the details of the rescue. Suddenly, however, he's short on details, so Alexis tries to pry some out of him, only to blow holes into each one. She asks the Girl Scouts if it's okay to lie. "No," they chorus, as the cameras snap some more. Daniel admits to Betty later that a drug dealer gave him the black eye - also took his money and an expensive watch. Betty doesn't approve of his "medicine," but he says at least he's not still having sex. As the Girl Scouts march out of the office waving goodbye, Betty tells Daniel she's very disappointed and storms out.
Bradford presents Wil with an engagement ring. It's in the shape of a large flower, covered with very small sparkly stones (there is no big rock in the center). Wil exclaims, "oh my," in a tone that clearly says "I hate it." Brad doesn't notice the tone (he's probably used to it) and proudly says he designed it himself. "It represents how our love has bloomed." It's a done deal now - they're engaged for real. Wil says it's like she's in a fairy tale. As he holds her close, she shoots him an irritated glance out of the corner of her eye.
She tries to get St. Paddy's cathedral for a June 16 wedding. (There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to begin.) There's a conflict, however - Wil's fashion-world rival, Mode's biggest advertiser, the great Fabia, has actually booked the church for the same day. They meet. Wil congratulates Fabia on her "nuptials." (Misunderstanding, Fabia pats her big breasts and says she got them done for her wedding.) Fabia agrees to let Wil have "St. Patrick's Day Cathedral" that day in exchange for... *gulp*... Fido! ("I want that girl!" Fabia demands, pointing at Fido.)
Wil agrees and they make the switch. However, Fabia doesn't treat Fido well. She makes him a part of her entourage, makes him pick up after her dog, dresses him in black instead of letting him wear bright colors, makes him smoke cigarettes and eat pasta, tests cosmetics on his face instead of on animals, etc. Wil experiences a moody montage (to the tune of "Memories" as sung by Vanessa Williams!) of tender moments between herself and her assistant (Fido gives Wil Botox shots... Fido dresses as Betty for Halloween... Wil punches Fido in the stairwell...) and repents. She trades the church date so she can get Fido back. Her new wedding date is now sometime in November. To Fido's face, she denies making the trade, but he hugs her anyway and she smiles warmly for a moment. Then: "You did not just hug me." "Of course I didn't," the professional brown-noser agrees.
Meanwhile, in prison, Claire is furious about the divorce papers, and suspects Wil is behind it. She, Yoga, a tough-looking bald woman named Chartreuse, and diabetic "Sugar-Free Shirley" plan a jailbreak. As Shirley does some serious abdominal exercises across the other side of the room, Yoga ominously tells the rest of the team that Shirley will be the key to their plan. They give Shirley a candy bar, and Claire promises $50,000 in Shirley's bank account for the cooperation. ("Good job, Bitch," Yoga tells Claire. After two weeks in the slammer, Claire has been promoted from Fish to Bitch.)
Justin, who's an understudy for his school's production of West Side Story, gives fate a helping hand by sneaking walnuts to the play's star, who has an allergy. Now Justin's going to be the star. Meanwhile, as Wil plans a painfully expensive wedding, Hilda plans her own. Santos is helping her, being supportive of Justin's thespian ambitions (he teaches the boy how to snap his fingers), and the whole family seems to be getting along harmoniously. They eagerly plan to witness Justin's great showbiz debut.
Betty leaves an awkward message for Henry, wanting to talk. When Henry shows up, Betty asks Daniel for one of his "mints" - those pills he's still popping. Daniel lies and says her breath is fine, and sends her out to talk to her "little friend." Henry is very happy to see her, and they go into the copy room to speak privately.
Betty tells Henry she'll fight for him. He says that he and Charlie have broken up. He is about to kiss her when Fluffy interrupts and announces to everyone that Betty's in heat. As a curious crowd gathers, Betty and Henry agree to have dinner at her place the next night. Betty happily leans over the copier and hits the Copy button by mistake - it's the world's greatest copier! Apparently, it takes great photos, because a very flattering likeness of Betty slides into the output tray!
Next day, Betty goes to her new dentist/orthodontist for a cleaning. The ortho-dentist is excited to hear about Betty's date and reveals herself to be a very enthusiastic fan of chick flicks. Her assistant/accountant, a sour-faced woman named Angelica, complains about Betty's insurance coverage and expresses annoyance that the ortho-dentist is blond and pretty. (That was the Mexican Betty, aka Lety, aka Angelica Vale.) Betty has a cavity and promises to return the next day to get it filled - she doesn't want her lips to be numb when she kisses Henry. The ortho-dentist is enchanted.
Betty prepares dinner that night, though she clearly has no aptitude for cooking. Ignacio tries to reassure her over the phone (he's still stuck in Mexico, but things are supposedly moving along) and reminds her that there are takeout menus on top of the fridge. Charlie shows up before Henry does (Charlie had called Henry at work, but "the receptionist" - aka Fluffy - told Charlie he was at Betty's), and tells Betty she's pregnant and leaving for Tucson tomorrow. Henry shows up and she gives him the blessed news as well. So much for Betty's hot date.
The next day, Betty tells Christina about it. "I can't eat," she complains, shoving chocolates into her mouth. Henry calls, and they meet to talk on some bridge that any New Yorker would know the name of, but I don't. Henry has decided to stand by Charlie and move back to AZ with her. He grew up without a father, and he can't do that to his own child. They're going to leave that very night. He wishes Betty a wonderful life, and they kiss. Not much - just enough to make the scene hurt ten times as much as it needed to.
Betty goes to her ortho-dentist for a filling and some therapy. (She eschews the nitrous, saying she wants to feel the pain - actually, nitrous doesn't do much for pain, it just makes you less concerned about it.) The ortho-dentist thinks Henry's girlfriend probably poked a hole in the condom, and she's intrigued that the woman's name is Charlie - because she saw Betty's old orthodontist at a party, and HE's been dating a Charlie! And they've been going for about two months! And she has red hair and makes jewelry out of trash!!
I remember when Charlie and Dr. Farkas first met. It was at Charlie's birthday party. Dr. Farkas was Betty's date, and he gave Charlie a tongue-scraper. "So many people neglect the tongue," Charlie said with gratitude.
Betty realizes that the Charlie's baby might not even be Henry's. The ortho-dentist urges Betty to hurry up and meet him at the airport, just like a Reese Witherspoon or Drew Barrymore character would do. (She admits she might be watching too many movies.)
Fluffy accidentally, tipsily reveals the aptly-named, lushly decorated Love Dungeon to Christina. (The previous day, Fluffy had danced in, Yvonne-Craig-as-Batgirl-style, and Fido showed off Fey's collection of fetish stuff.) The door jams shut, and the two women are trapped inside what Fluffy now describes as "my special place." They pass the time by drinking the stash of champagne hidden there.
...A while later, Christina and Fluffy are sloshed. Fluffy tries multiple times, without success, to get Christina to kiss her (but she doesn't actually attempt to kiss Christina herself). They exchange secrets: Fluffy's been with Bill Cosby. Christina's got some idiot oaf of an insurance auditor husband back in Scotland. She left him just after making him breakfast, and he still doesn't know where she is. (Something tells me he'll find her in Season 2 - so the question is, who's a popular Scottish actor you'd like to see in the role? What, did someone say Ewan MacGregor? I'd like that!) Fluffy also reveals that she got her job through Fey - she was a friend of the family. Fluffy's father, the investment banker, used to handle Fey's money.
As they stagger around looking for more champagne, they find a safe. Recalling Fey's "real" measurements (which she doesn't real to us), Christina is able to crack the code and open the safe. Inside is Fey's last diary, which they carelessly toss aside (strange, since Fluffy's been looking for a way to impress Alexis - knowing about the room would be enough, but now she's got the diary too?). They also find a photo of Fluffy as a chubby toddler, and a birth certificate revealing that Fey is her mother. I can't read Fluffy's reaction.
Meanwhile, Claire and her pals are being transferred from one facility to another. Shirley is going into hypoglycemic shock (I guess that's why they gave her the candy bar, so she could get out of it quickly). The driver pulls over and comes back there with a medical kit, and Yoga grabs him by the neck with the chain from her handcuffs. Claire takes his gun. The escape is in progress! (Later, we see Claire and Yoga shuffling down the road, their legs still chained together. Where are Chartreuse and Shirley?)
Back at Mode, Daniel has taken the news of his father's engagement poorly. He staggers into Alexis's office, angry about the press conference and a half-dozen other things; he's depressed, and totally gassed. He tells Alexis that when he thought she was dead, he used to visit her grave. Sometimes he still wants to, because he still misses the person she used to be.
He admits he's had a bunch of pills and washed them down with booze. Worried, Alexis speeds him to the hospital in the only car available - their father's. She regrets that they've come to this, hopes they can be there for each other again. Daniel dopily points out that they're going too fast. Alexis tries to slow down, and that's when she realizes that the brake line has been cut. Her plan to have Brad killed has backfired. They crash into a tree. They're unconscious (or perhaps dead) in the car.
It's opening night of West Side Story. Justin is breaking legs left and right. Santos stops at a convenience store to get a gift for Justin. He asks the clerk for some whitening strips (for Justin's teeth). The clerk is behaving strangely. The convenience store is being held up by a very nervous gunman. Santos sees an opportunity to disarm the man, but he miscalculates and gets shot.
At that moment, Justin is shot too - or, more correctly, Tony is shot by Chino in the play. Hilda watches, looking bothered. It's hard to see her face well in the dark, but maybe she senses that something is wrong, or maybe she's upset see to see her son fall to the stage. Maybe she's annoyed that Santos and Betty haven't shown up yet.
Betty is on the phone at home, trying to get flight information from the airport. Two cops come to the door. They seem to tower over her as they ask for Hilda.
Betty hurries to fetch Hilda, who is annoyed to be called away from Justin's spectacular death scene. Her annoyance is replaced with fear when she sees the look on Betty's face. Up on the stage, Maria finishes "Somewhere" over Tony's dead body, while Hilda howls with real shock and grief in the hallway outside the auditorium.
Next season on Ugly Betty
We're to assume that Santos is dead... I'd like to hope otherwise, but if he'd only been injured, would Betty and Hilda still be hanging around in the hallway?
Are Alexis and Daniel dead?
Will Claire's jailbreak get spun off into an all-girl version of Fox's "Prison Break," or will Claire will rescue Daniel and Alexis?
Is Fluffy the love child of Fey and Bradford... making her a Meade and therefore a possible Mode owner?
2007-05-17
5/17/07: Great moments in Office episodes
Pam is taller. - Kevin
It was pathetic, though. No offense. -Kelly
I opened a Word document on his computer and put a web address at the top. - Ryan
I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated. - Michael
I don't care if that's how they consolidated power in ancient Rome. - Angela
Check-in time is now, check-out time is never... and the sheets are made of fire... I'm the co-owner, with Satan... and I haven't told you my salary yet - $80,000 a year. - Dwight
I didn't get both of your messages. - Michael
In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front. - Meredith
Swing low, sweet chariots. - Creed
It is not because of the boob job. Excuse me - boob enhancement. - Michael
Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger. - Michael
Karen: There's one too many people there.
Jim: You mean Kevin?
That is Beardy. That's not his real name - that's just what I call him. - Michael
Just tell her I want to squeeze them. It's code. She'll know what it means. - Michael
This is a Schrute-buck. - Dwight
It is always a pleasure when our paths cross. - Michael
Anybody who comes in here is going to have to take me seriously. - Dwight
So long, assholes. - Jan
That was some serious, hardcore self-destruction. - Karen
Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. - Pam
You and I are done. - Ryan
Are you free for dinner tonight? - Jim
It was pathetic, though. No offense. -Kelly
I opened a Word document on his computer and put a web address at the top. - Ryan
I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated. - Michael
I don't care if that's how they consolidated power in ancient Rome. - Angela
Check-in time is now, check-out time is never... and the sheets are made of fire... I'm the co-owner, with Satan... and I haven't told you my salary yet - $80,000 a year. - Dwight
I didn't get both of your messages. - Michael
In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front. - Meredith
Swing low, sweet chariots. - Creed
It is not because of the boob job. Excuse me - boob enhancement. - Michael
Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger. - Michael
Karen: There's one too many people there.
Jim: You mean Kevin?
That is Beardy. That's not his real name - that's just what I call him. - Michael
Just tell her I want to squeeze them. It's code. She'll know what it means. - Michael
This is a Schrute-buck. - Dwight
It is always a pleasure when our paths cross. - Michael
Anybody who comes in here is going to have to take me seriously. - Dwight
So long, assholes. - Jan
That was some serious, hardcore self-destruction. - Karen
Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. - Pam
You and I are done. - Ryan
Are you free for dinner tonight? - Jim
2007-05-10
May 10, 2007 (#22): A tree grows in Guadalajara*
*I'm going with the official title for a change, because a) I know what it is this time and b) it's way too clever to pass up!
Mode stuff
Wilhelmina meets with Tavares, disses all of his samples (especially a jacket with coconut-shell buttons), but in fact she is so taken with his work that she decides to debut him tomorrow night. Fluffy wants to celebrate by making out with Tavares in the ladies' room, but Tavares reminds her that he's pretending to be gay in order to have professional credibility. He promises to make it up to her later.
Fido is hurt when Fluffy tries to get out of their plans for the evening. Instead, she invites him to Tavares's party. Fido is jealous that Tavares now appears to be Fluffy's favorite gay guy. He says that Christina is his new hag. Christina scornfully disagrees by knocking him over.
Meanwhile, Bradford has chickened out of divorcing Claire. He also whines about feeling like he's over the hill. He misses his younger self. Wil offers to help him find it. She has Christina give him a makeover for the Tavares party.
Tavares and his fashions are a big hit, but not with Fido. Fido seethes as Tavares proceeds to impress all of the buyers by treating Fluffy like a contemptible gofer.
Finally, Bradford shows up at the party. He has given himself a makeover of his own, with a pierced ear, tiger-striped silk shirt, and shiny copper jacket with alligator trim. Wil pretends to like it.
Fido catches Fluffy and Tavares making out in a closet. He is enraged that Tavares is faking being gay for personal gain, and even more enraged that Fluffy is getting into another secret relationship that relegates her to closet status or worse. He urges her to "come out of the closet" and have the kind of relationship she deserves.
At Wil's request, Fido flirts with the back of Brad's head in order to convince the old dude that he's hot. Brad basks in the glow of the compliment for about thirty seconds, until a much hotter woman warns him that his ear is "oozing." He leaves, embarrassed and depressed.
Fluffy tells Tavares she has to leave. He openly disrespects her. As she gathers her things, Tavares says even nastier things about her to Wilhelmina and the other guests. Fido overhears and goes into dark side of the force rage. He "ins" Tavares to the crowd of fashionistas. To his chagrin, nobody cares. In fact, they are all very supportive of Tavares's nonconformist lifestyle, and congratulate themselves and their industry for being tolerant. With a wicked grin, Fluffy then triumphantly shows off some of Tavares's prized creations - all featuring large coconut-shell buttons. Wil struggles with nausea as the crowd murmurs in dismay.
After the party, Wil meets with Brad, who is still stewing in his dismay. She tells him that she didn't like young "Brad." She likes grownup "Bradford." She says he's ruined all other men for her. Apparently, this is all it takes to get him to sign the divorce papers. Frankly this seems highly implausible to me; I bet these papers are fake. If he would stick with Claire through the Fey thing, I bet he'd stick with her now, too. But we'll see. (Alas, it appears I was wrong.)
Later that night, Fido and Fluffy help themselves to some gifts from the Closet. They figure it's the least they deserve for what they've been through tonight. Fido hoists himself up to the top shelf to reach some peep-toe shoes for Fluffy, flipping the secret hook switch in the process. Fluffy stares in awe as the Love Dungeon is revealed.
Daniel
Daniel is bouncing off the walls - babbling and rambling not-very-good ideas and climbing on the furniture and arguing with Alexis - at the morning meeting. Wilhelmina tells him she's already worked something out with some famous adventure chick named Jordan Dunn who, it turns out, is Alexis's ex back from when she was Alex. Alexis is upset to hear that Jordan will be coming, and leaves. Daniel is excited and demands high fives from Fido and Wil.
Daniel is in his office and is about to pop another pill when Betty calls from the plane to thank him again for the tickets. He complains about the elderly, unappealing temp who is filling in for Betty and tells Betty that airplane phone calls are about ten bucks a minute. Betty hangs up without saying another word! Daniel takes that pill.
Alexis meets with Jordan (Rebecca Gayheart). They haven't spoken since the breakup. They have an awkward, mildly sarcastic conversation. Jordan complements Alexis's boobs. Alexis says they're Jordan's - she brought the surgeons a photo and told them she wanted boobs like hers.
Next, Jordan meets with Daniel. He agrees to go bungee-jumping with her. They have a good time and afterwards, he puts the moves on her.
Alexis pays a man on the elevator (apparently the same guy who Claire paid to cut Fey's brakes) to make Bradford disappear. She doesn't want to know any details. When the elevator door opens, she catches her brother smooching with Jordan in the hallway.
Later, she confronts Daniel, who isn't sorry. He gloats about "winning." Then she confronts Jordan, who isn't sorry either. Alexis warns Jordan that Daniel will hurt her; it's really all about Alexis. Jordan bitterly answers "Of course it's about you. It has always been about you." She says that being with Daniel is as close as she'll get to being with Alex again. She dares Alexis to give her a proper goodbye. Alexis kisses her. Jordan responds. Daniel sees them and discovers he's out of pills.
A man comes to the loft that night with more pills. While Daniel gets some cash to pay him, the delivery man and a pal come in and beat him up.
Mexico
Betty and her family are preparing to meet the cab to take them to the airport. Justin is worried about his school's production of West Side Story, while Hilda frets about Santos not doing his share of wedding-planning tasks (it's actually only one task). Hilda is also flipping out over being unable to find the right wedding dress.
Henry calls. Betty stands there and listens to his sweet message. She tells Hilda that she can't have him in her life. After he hangs up, she deletes the message.
Betty and her family enjoy first-class amenities on the plane. Betty reviews the family tree, observing that her mother's side is blank. Ignacio tells her that her mother's mother is dead, and quickly changes the subject, but Hilda reminds them of the murder: Ignacio was a lowly cook who killed his boss - an abusive husband - and married the boss's wife. Only his sister Mirta - the person they're visiting in Guadalajara - knows about all of this.
Ignacio notices that Betty's "Días" (mate to "Buenos") earring is missing. She moans that it's what she gets for wearing her good jewelry.
Eventually they get to Guadalajara, where the family holds a party in their honor. Betty's Spanish is pretty bad, and she manages, among other things, to tell the family she's very pregnant (embarazada) when she's only embarrassed. She likes being in Mexico, where people keep telling her she's skinny.
An old woman - a curandera (healer) - at the party tells Betty that she'll be unhappy forever... unless she looks back, and searches for a big tree with missing branches. Her happiness will be behind that tree.
Hilda advises Betty to ignore the crazy old lady. The woman then tells Betty that the other earring isn't on the plane - it's on her sleeve. Betty checks - yep, there it is.
Betty realizes that the tree in question is the family tree, and the missing branches are on her mother's side. She tries to get her aunt Mirta (Rita Moreno) to talk, but the aunt claims to know nothing. Meanwhile, Hilda is trying to be polite as their cousin-in-law urges her to try on some very ugly dresses for her wedding.
Betty loosens up her aunt with some sophisticated adult beverages, and auntie lets slip that her former SIL's mother is still alive. Caught, Ignacio says that his MIL disowned Betty's mother Rosa for running off with a man of the wrong social class.
Hilda doesn't think Granny will be glad to see Betty. Betty thinks otherwise, and tricks Hilda to go with her by saying that they're going to an outlet mall to look for dresses. They take a long bus ride out of town. Hilda realizes, too late, that there isn't any mall. Betty admits that they are going to look for a vaguely described small blue house.
In the middle of nowhere, Betty sees a man who looks just like Henry on a moded. Betty is convinced that it's him and gets off the bus to investigate. Hilda follows. The man gets away, and so does the bus, leaving Betty and Hilda alone on a desert road. They hike back to the nearest town. Hilda flirts with a waiter while Betty asks around after Granny or a blue house. She catches sight of "Henry" again and follows him far into a field, until he is out of view. There, she spies an exotic hawk in a tree with missing branches, behind which is a small blue house.
The door is open. Betty knocks and enters. Her grandmother, Yolanda Salazar, is senile and in poor health. A nurse advises Betty that the old woman doesn't speak. Betty comes closer to apologize and say goodbye. However, granny gets a better look at Betty and recognizes her... as her own daughter. For her, time stopped the night that Rosa left; she thinks it's the next day and gets up to fetch some dresses that Rosa left behind. She tells "Rosa" that she was wrong about Ignacio; that Rosa should do whatever she has to do to be with him, even if it means going away from her own family. Just then, Ignacio arrives. Granny tells Betty to fight for the man she loves.
Meanwhile, the waiter (Antonio) is massaging Hilda's feet. She confesses that she is stressed out over the wedding; nothing is going well. The waiter says that the signs are telling her not to get married. The reason she can't find the right dress and got stuck out here is so that she can be with him. Just then, Betty comes running up with Mom's old wedding dress. Hilda excitedly rushes off to look for matching shoes.
So much for Antonio.
Ignacio introduces himself to the waiter. The waiter subtly reacts to Ignacio's name, and introduces himself as Antonio Barreiro. After Ignacio leaves, Antonio whips out a phone and tells someone that Ignacio is back in Mexico, and they'll finally have their revenge.
Later, Betty and her father watch another hawk fly around a shrine. Betty tells Ignacio she'll fight for Henry, or regret it for the rest of her life. She can't wait to go home.
Ignacio tells her that he won't be able to go with her. The consulate denied his visa, so he'll have to stay. Betty says they'll all stay; she won't go home without him. He says no, she has to; he left his family once too. They hug and she cries.
¡Última semana!
Betty fights for her little dweeb. Fluffy and Christina share some quality time in the Love Dungeon. Claire and her friends break out of prison. Fabia returns. Betty's new orthodontist has an ugly assistant.
Mode stuff
Wilhelmina meets with Tavares, disses all of his samples (especially a jacket with coconut-shell buttons), but in fact she is so taken with his work that she decides to debut him tomorrow night. Fluffy wants to celebrate by making out with Tavares in the ladies' room, but Tavares reminds her that he's pretending to be gay in order to have professional credibility. He promises to make it up to her later.
Fido is hurt when Fluffy tries to get out of their plans for the evening. Instead, she invites him to Tavares's party. Fido is jealous that Tavares now appears to be Fluffy's favorite gay guy. He says that Christina is his new hag. Christina scornfully disagrees by knocking him over.
Meanwhile, Bradford has chickened out of divorcing Claire. He also whines about feeling like he's over the hill. He misses his younger self. Wil offers to help him find it. She has Christina give him a makeover for the Tavares party.
Tavares and his fashions are a big hit, but not with Fido. Fido seethes as Tavares proceeds to impress all of the buyers by treating Fluffy like a contemptible gofer.
Finally, Bradford shows up at the party. He has given himself a makeover of his own, with a pierced ear, tiger-striped silk shirt, and shiny copper jacket with alligator trim. Wil pretends to like it.
Fido catches Fluffy and Tavares making out in a closet. He is enraged that Tavares is faking being gay for personal gain, and even more enraged that Fluffy is getting into another secret relationship that relegates her to closet status or worse. He urges her to "come out of the closet" and have the kind of relationship she deserves.
At Wil's request, Fido flirts with the back of Brad's head in order to convince the old dude that he's hot. Brad basks in the glow of the compliment for about thirty seconds, until a much hotter woman warns him that his ear is "oozing." He leaves, embarrassed and depressed.
Fluffy tells Tavares she has to leave. He openly disrespects her. As she gathers her things, Tavares says even nastier things about her to Wilhelmina and the other guests. Fido overhears and goes into dark side of the force rage. He "ins" Tavares to the crowd of fashionistas. To his chagrin, nobody cares. In fact, they are all very supportive of Tavares's nonconformist lifestyle, and congratulate themselves and their industry for being tolerant. With a wicked grin, Fluffy then triumphantly shows off some of Tavares's prized creations - all featuring large coconut-shell buttons. Wil struggles with nausea as the crowd murmurs in dismay.
After the party, Wil meets with Brad, who is still stewing in his dismay. She tells him that she didn't like young "Brad." She likes grownup "Bradford." She says he's ruined all other men for her. Apparently, this is all it takes to get him to sign the divorce papers. Frankly this seems highly implausible to me; I bet these papers are fake. If he would stick with Claire through the Fey thing, I bet he'd stick with her now, too. But we'll see. (Alas, it appears I was wrong.)
Later that night, Fido and Fluffy help themselves to some gifts from the Closet. They figure it's the least they deserve for what they've been through tonight. Fido hoists himself up to the top shelf to reach some peep-toe shoes for Fluffy, flipping the secret hook switch in the process. Fluffy stares in awe as the Love Dungeon is revealed.
Daniel
Daniel is bouncing off the walls - babbling and rambling not-very-good ideas and climbing on the furniture and arguing with Alexis - at the morning meeting. Wilhelmina tells him she's already worked something out with some famous adventure chick named Jordan Dunn who, it turns out, is Alexis's ex back from when she was Alex. Alexis is upset to hear that Jordan will be coming, and leaves. Daniel is excited and demands high fives from Fido and Wil.
Daniel is in his office and is about to pop another pill when Betty calls from the plane to thank him again for the tickets. He complains about the elderly, unappealing temp who is filling in for Betty and tells Betty that airplane phone calls are about ten bucks a minute. Betty hangs up without saying another word! Daniel takes that pill.
Alexis meets with Jordan (Rebecca Gayheart). They haven't spoken since the breakup. They have an awkward, mildly sarcastic conversation. Jordan complements Alexis's boobs. Alexis says they're Jordan's - she brought the surgeons a photo and told them she wanted boobs like hers.
Next, Jordan meets with Daniel. He agrees to go bungee-jumping with her. They have a good time and afterwards, he puts the moves on her.
Alexis pays a man on the elevator (apparently the same guy who Claire paid to cut Fey's brakes) to make Bradford disappear. She doesn't want to know any details. When the elevator door opens, she catches her brother smooching with Jordan in the hallway.
Later, she confronts Daniel, who isn't sorry. He gloats about "winning." Then she confronts Jordan, who isn't sorry either. Alexis warns Jordan that Daniel will hurt her; it's really all about Alexis. Jordan bitterly answers "Of course it's about you. It has always been about you." She says that being with Daniel is as close as she'll get to being with Alex again. She dares Alexis to give her a proper goodbye. Alexis kisses her. Jordan responds. Daniel sees them and discovers he's out of pills.
A man comes to the loft that night with more pills. While Daniel gets some cash to pay him, the delivery man and a pal come in and beat him up.
Mexico
Betty and her family are preparing to meet the cab to take them to the airport. Justin is worried about his school's production of West Side Story, while Hilda frets about Santos not doing his share of wedding-planning tasks (it's actually only one task). Hilda is also flipping out over being unable to find the right wedding dress.
Henry calls. Betty stands there and listens to his sweet message. She tells Hilda that she can't have him in her life. After he hangs up, she deletes the message.
Betty and her family enjoy first-class amenities on the plane. Betty reviews the family tree, observing that her mother's side is blank. Ignacio tells her that her mother's mother is dead, and quickly changes the subject, but Hilda reminds them of the murder: Ignacio was a lowly cook who killed his boss - an abusive husband - and married the boss's wife. Only his sister Mirta - the person they're visiting in Guadalajara - knows about all of this.
Ignacio notices that Betty's "Días" (mate to "Buenos") earring is missing. She moans that it's what she gets for wearing her good jewelry.
Eventually they get to Guadalajara, where the family holds a party in their honor. Betty's Spanish is pretty bad, and she manages, among other things, to tell the family she's very pregnant (embarazada) when she's only embarrassed. She likes being in Mexico, where people keep telling her she's skinny.
An old woman - a curandera (healer) - at the party tells Betty that she'll be unhappy forever... unless she looks back, and searches for a big tree with missing branches. Her happiness will be behind that tree.
Hilda advises Betty to ignore the crazy old lady. The woman then tells Betty that the other earring isn't on the plane - it's on her sleeve. Betty checks - yep, there it is.
Betty realizes that the tree in question is the family tree, and the missing branches are on her mother's side. She tries to get her aunt Mirta (Rita Moreno) to talk, but the aunt claims to know nothing. Meanwhile, Hilda is trying to be polite as their cousin-in-law urges her to try on some very ugly dresses for her wedding.
Betty loosens up her aunt with some sophisticated adult beverages, and auntie lets slip that her former SIL's mother is still alive. Caught, Ignacio says that his MIL disowned Betty's mother Rosa for running off with a man of the wrong social class.
Hilda doesn't think Granny will be glad to see Betty. Betty thinks otherwise, and tricks Hilda to go with her by saying that they're going to an outlet mall to look for dresses. They take a long bus ride out of town. Hilda realizes, too late, that there isn't any mall. Betty admits that they are going to look for a vaguely described small blue house.
In the middle of nowhere, Betty sees a man who looks just like Henry on a moded. Betty is convinced that it's him and gets off the bus to investigate. Hilda follows. The man gets away, and so does the bus, leaving Betty and Hilda alone on a desert road. They hike back to the nearest town. Hilda flirts with a waiter while Betty asks around after Granny or a blue house. She catches sight of "Henry" again and follows him far into a field, until he is out of view. There, she spies an exotic hawk in a tree with missing branches, behind which is a small blue house.
The door is open. Betty knocks and enters. Her grandmother, Yolanda Salazar, is senile and in poor health. A nurse advises Betty that the old woman doesn't speak. Betty comes closer to apologize and say goodbye. However, granny gets a better look at Betty and recognizes her... as her own daughter. For her, time stopped the night that Rosa left; she thinks it's the next day and gets up to fetch some dresses that Rosa left behind. She tells "Rosa" that she was wrong about Ignacio; that Rosa should do whatever she has to do to be with him, even if it means going away from her own family. Just then, Ignacio arrives. Granny tells Betty to fight for the man she loves.
Meanwhile, the waiter (Antonio) is massaging Hilda's feet. She confesses that she is stressed out over the wedding; nothing is going well. The waiter says that the signs are telling her not to get married. The reason she can't find the right dress and got stuck out here is so that she can be with him. Just then, Betty comes running up with Mom's old wedding dress. Hilda excitedly rushes off to look for matching shoes.
So much for Antonio.
Ignacio introduces himself to the waiter. The waiter subtly reacts to Ignacio's name, and introduces himself as Antonio Barreiro. After Ignacio leaves, Antonio whips out a phone and tells someone that Ignacio is back in Mexico, and they'll finally have their revenge.
Later, Betty and her father watch another hawk fly around a shrine. Betty tells Ignacio she'll fight for Henry, or regret it for the rest of her life. She can't wait to go home.
Ignacio tells her that he won't be able to go with her. The consulate denied his visa, so he'll have to stay. Betty says they'll all stay; she won't go home without him. He says no, she has to; he left his family once too. They hug and she cries.
¡Última semana!
Betty fights for her little dweeb. Fluffy and Christina share some quality time in the Love Dungeon. Claire and her friends break out of prison. Fabia returns. Betty's new orthodontist has an ugly assistant.
5/10/07: Great moments in Office episodes
I hope there will be management parables. - Dwight
We will be Voldemort. - Jim
Turkey is a healthy meat. - Oscar (Meyer?)
You can't say it, or you can't pronounce it? - Jim
It's all about taking points away from Dwight. - Stanley
Look at what I'm doing, and go tell somebody it. - Andy
I'm not going to walk in a fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. - Angela
Who's Bob Hope? - Kelly
Just you, not everyone in the circle. - Pam
The extra-special wisdom of Michael Scott
I don't have eggs.
It dies... unless you find a new head.
We are all participating in mandatory fun activities... funtivities.
Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.
Bonus Great Moment from Scrubs
I think there might be something in my uterus.
We will be Voldemort. - Jim
Turkey is a healthy meat. - Oscar (Meyer?)
You can't say it, or you can't pronounce it? - Jim
It's all about taking points away from Dwight. - Stanley
Look at what I'm doing, and go tell somebody it. - Andy
I'm not going to walk in a fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. - Angela
Who's Bob Hope? - Kelly
Just you, not everyone in the circle. - Pam
The extra-special wisdom of Michael Scott
I don't have eggs.
It dies... unless you find a new head.
We are all participating in mandatory fun activities... funtivities.
Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.
Bonus Great Moment from Scrubs
I think there might be something in my uterus.
Enjoy some Greek Betty here!
Here's Megachannel's website for the Greek version of Ugly Betty. It includes video previews for the upcoming episode. Enjoy!
2007-05-07
May 3, 2007 (#21): Middle Ages for Young Professionals
Daniel's "Problem"
It's Administrative Professionals' Day, but everyone keeps calling it Secretaries' Day, which offends Betty. Betty has planned an outing for Mode's administrative staff at a themed restaurant called The Middle Ages.
Daniel shows up late to work as usual and gives Betty a trophy. Betty peels off a piece of masking tape to see that it's actually a "World's Greatest Notary" trophy. He admits he forgot to go shopping sooner. Betty suspects he's been partying instead of going to meetings for his "Problem." Daniel asks her to summon some models for a photo shoot; he says he's in the mood for redheads.
Betty locates an "expert" on sex addiction - a writer named Tyler, from Psychology Now, another fine publication of the Meade empire. Now Daniel doesn't have to go to any meetings - a helpful person will meet with him, instead. But Daniel still doesn't want to meet with Tyler - he'd rather go scope out the models at the photo shoot. Betty gives him a piece of her mind, telling Daniel about the problems that her family is having at home (Ignacio's preparing to be deported). Daniel appears not to be listening; in the background, we can see Tyler sticking his arm through a donut-shaped sculpture. I'm sure that wasn't meant to be Freudian at all. ;-)
Daniel eventually meets with Tyler, but is horrified when Tyler suggests that Daniel try to go on a no-sex date.
Nevertheless, he gives it a shot. He goes out with a hot-to-trot model who won't take no for an answer. He puts up a weak fight, trying to tempt the model with free movies on cable, but eventually gives in. Later, he confesses to Tyler that not only did he fail to abstain, he actually had sex in front of "Hotel Rwanda."
Tyler says that in fact, he too was once a sex addict. He claims that he solved the problem by replacing one habit with another. He whips out a bottle of pills that he said he discovered while overseas, and gives them to Daniel.
Oh, Daniel, don't do it!
The Quest
The deal is that Ignacio can travel to Guadalajara, get a US visa there, and then re-enter the US legally. Maybe. If he doesn't, he'll probably be deported, and not be allowed to come back. Betty is trying to get him a ticket, but the going fare is $1200, which is more than they have, and this needs to happen by Friday. The travel agent keeps trying to sell her a ticket to Acapulco (approx. 336 miles from Guadalajara) instead.
Betty goes to work and receives an angry rebuke from Nick, Alexis's idiot assistant. (I can't believe Fluffy lost out to this guy!) Nick's mad because Betty is eating his yogurt. (Supposedly, this is because Betty didn't realize it was his, and figured it was up for grabs. This seems ridiculous to me - I can't believe Betty would eat anything she found in the fridge unless she brought it in herself. Oh well. It's a plot point, so I guess we gotta just live with it.) Betty apologizes, but Nick vows revenge.
Betty and Christina discuss ways Betty can raise money for Ignacio's plane ticket. Betty discovers that there's a $1000 prize if she can stay on a mechanical horse for 15 seconds at The Middle Ages. She explains to Christina that she developed thighs of steel as a child by hugging a tree to avoid doctors' appointments. (In passing, Fluffy says "Hi, Grandma!")
Betty runs into Henry, who asks for an invite to the party. He says he likes medieval stuff, having been a D&D geek, etc. Sadly, his girlfriend Charlie is busy and won't be able to go. Betty signs him up.
At The Middle Ages, Betty is intimidated when she sees the mechanical horse. Christina offers to try to win a drinking contest. Betty almost explains her "thighs of steel" to Henry, but stifles herself. Henry offers to do the mechanical horse thing for her instead - it's his way of being a gallant knight. His grandparents used to raise horses, and as for Henry... he used to watch them from his window.
Just then, Charlie calls. She is questioning Henry about Betty. To Charlie, Henry says, "We are not having this conversation," but he walks away to continue it. (He advises Betty, "Charlie says 'hi'!")
In passing, Fido calls Betty Grandma.
It's Henry's turn to ride the mechanical horse. Alas, he's still on the phone with Charlie, accusing her of being jealous, so Betty steps up.
Betty manages to stay on the horse for five seconds when Nick throws something at her. She hangs on for dear life for about nine of the remaining ten seconds; centrifugal force and a final buck from the horse knock her off at the last moment. Henry rushes to her; he is almost on top of her. Nick laughs and says it's revenge for the yogurt. He and his friends laugh and cheer like drunken fratboys. Henry and Nick get into a shoving-match.
An employee says that for liquor license reason, they need to settle their differences on "the log." They dress up in knightly outfits - Nick in black, Henry in silver. They are handed pugil sticks. The crowd cheers. Betty offers Henry a chance to back down, but he really wants to do the knight thing. He hands her a paper crown. Christina approves.
("The log" looks something like the Duel event from American Gladiators, but with a medieval theme, and both contestants stand on a beam rather than two pedestals.)
Henry lands the first blow. Betty daydreams that she's wearing her prom dress, and knights in shining armor battle with swords. Henry, still wearing his glasses, runs Nick through. Nick screams, "I am unmanned!" Henry and Betty kiss.
Betty snaps back to reality. The fight has taken a turn; Henry is knocked off the log. Nick the sore winner jumps down and continues hitting Henry for no reason. Betty runs to Henry's side to give him his glasses. He asks her if he won. He says "I love you" to Betty, and passes out!
She slaps him awake. Charlie shows up, displeased. She informs Betty that fairy tales don't have two princesses. She takes Betty's place at Henry's side.
Eventually, Henry and Charlie leave. Betty tells Christina that Henry said he loved her. Christina opines that he's just staying with Charlie because he's nice - which is why Betty likes him anyway. Betty admits that she enjoyed him rescuing her, but Christina says Betty can rescue herself.
Nick and his pals are still drinking and being loud. Nick yells something about "Secretaries' Day," infuriating Betty. She corrects him, reminding him that it's "Administrative Professionals' Day." Nick taunts her about Sir Dorko, and his dumb friends laugh. Betty walks right up to him, grabs the pugil stick, and swats him with it. The crowd cheers. Betty and Christina leave.
Beauty school dropout
Hilda is having trouble with her beauty school instructor, who seems to hate her. Personally, I think the bimbo's just jealous. She tells Hilda to lose the engagement ring and cut her nails. Hilda mopes about this at home, but Justin urges Hilda to keep her nails just the way they are and quit school. Justin's youthful enthusiasm resonates with Hilda, and she decides to take his advice.
The travel agent keeps pushing Acapulco. Hilda yells at him (over the phone and calls him "Hijo de gran... perra." (That's "son of a big bitch," which isn't as bad as what she was probably going to say, "son of a great whore.") Ignacio is depressed and says to forget it, he's not going. He's not even sure if it will work. They'll have to deport him. He's not leaving voluntarily until he knows that Hilda can take care of the family. She's the oldest, but she has yet to step up. She won't even finish beauty school?? How can he possibly leave her in charge?
Hilda thinks it over and begins cutting her nails.
Ouchies
Wilhelmina and Bradford are listening to jazz in her bed. Well, she's listening, and he's just suffering - he hates jazz. Wil is suffering in her own way, too - it's obvious that she can't stand Brad and is eager to get on with the wedding.
Wil says he doesn't like jazz because he's white. He'll feel differently when he hears it the way it was meant to be performed - live. She got them tickets at the Blue Note. Brad nixes this plan - he doesn't want people to "talk" while Claire's in jail.
Meanwhile, Alexis is in bed with Rodrigo The Secret Whore. Alexis tells him she's not sure yet about going to Brazil.
Alexis goes to visit Claire in prison. Claire is sporting a big bruise on her face, which she blames on a "yoga accident." She assures Alexis that prison life isn't so awful - at least she has access to toilet wine.
Alexis tells her mother about Rodrigo. The only thing keeping her from going to Brazil is concern for Claire, but Claire encourages her.
Alexis leaves. Claire is then approached by "Yoga," a threatening fellow inmate.
Alexis gives the good news to Rodrigo: she'll go to Brazil with him. Rodrigo goes to run a bath. Alexis picks up the phone to call someone, but Rodrigo's already using it in the other room: Alexis overhears him promising Brad that she'll go to Brazil and won't want to come back. Alexis confronts Rodrigo. He doesn't have an adequate explanation for what she just heard; she leaves in tears.
Back at jail, Claire's next visitor is Wil. Claire sees Wil's soft feet and openly laughs at her for thinking that Brad will divorce Claire just to be with Wil. Wil taunts her, and Claire responds with screaming and threats. She is dragged away by the prison guards.
Will rushes off to Fido and asks him to hit her. He hesitates, so she hits him first to motivate him. Then she taunts him until he hits back. She asks for another punch, but Fido is squeamish and she hits him again. He warms up with some light slapping, then gives her the pimp-slap of all pimp-slaps.
So, to summarize... Wil has sex with Brad to advance her own agenda. Meanwhile, Brad pays Rodrigo to have sex with Alexis in order to advance HIS agenda. Meanwhile, Daniel has sex with bimbos because he's addicted.
Jeez. Doesn't anybody just have sex for fun anymore?
Fluffy kills time between plot points
Fluffy starts off the day in a bad mood. It's Administrative Professionals' Day, but she is feeling neglected as receptionist. She spitefully decapitates a commemorative teddy bear in the paper-cutter.
Fido admires Fluffy's vest. Fluffy says it was a gift from Tavares. She hurriedly explains that they're definitely not having a thing, because Tavares is gay, but I'm not sure if Fido believes her.
Fluffy doesn't want to go to The Middle Ages. Before her brilliant career as a receptionist, Fluffy was an aspiring actress. One of her few "roles" was as a serving-wench in an ad for The Middle Ages, and they still replay it in a constant loop by the door at the restaurant. Fluffy fears that her coworkers will see and mock. Fido cheers her up and convinces her to go.
When they get there, Fluffy is muy impactada to see that her video has been replaced. It's similar to the original, but with a younger, sassier blonde. Fluffy begins stuffing her face and feeling sorry for herself. She thinks she's over the hill - her acting career was a failure and her receptionist career is a failure and now even as a wench, she's "old wrinkly candy covered in lint." (Hey Fluffy, join the club.)
Some time later, she is still slurping turkey legs, beer, and whatever else she can find when she is approached by Replacement Serving Wench. RSW introduces herself with abject reverence, claiming that Fluffy was her hero and her inspiration, and that her own performance - given reluctantly - was meant as an homage to Fluffy's.
In short, RSW sucks up and shows respect. Fluffy feels better, and thus ends another useless storyline that is redeemed only by Becki Newton's ability to steal even the dumbest and most pointless scenes.
Next day
Hilda goes to beauty school for her final exam. She gives a flawless perm, but the instructor ridicules her for failing to give the model a manicure. Hilda triumphantly shows off the manicure she gave herself the night before. Everyone admires her exquisite handiwork. The instructor grudgingly passes her. (I am at a loss as to how they know Hilda did it herself, as opposed to having a professional do it; and as to why she was allowed to take this part of the test at home instead of doing it to the model as she was supposed to.) Yay, Hilda's now a certified beautician. Now the money's just going to come pouring in.
Wil shows Bradford the mess that is now her face, and tells him that she was jumped by three thugs in an alley on Claire's orders. Bradford rejects multiple phone calls from Claire and expresses surprise that she would "have this done" to Wil. "She's not the woman I thought she was," he says, and firmly states that he will begin the divorce process tomorrow. (Something tells me he doesn't believe Wil for a second, but is playing along for his own reasons.)
Wil sends him out of the room to get her some water for her pain pills. When the phone rings again, she answers and laughs in Claire's ear. Stunned and defeated, Claire hangs up.
Meanwhile, Alexis calls a "Mr. Wolf" to ask him to eliminate a problem. She hangs up and looks at an old photo of her pre-op self with Bradford. She grimly tears the photo in two and throws away the Bradford half.
Betty's arrival is met with compliments on her "good arm." Nick sees her and scurries away in fear. Daniel finds her and offers contrite apologies. He gives her a folder of tickets to Mexico - enough for the whole family. "All they had was first class," he says. She tries to reject the tickets, because she's a dingaling, but he insists.
Daniel goes to his desk and tries to work. He catches a glimpse of a pretty model and self-consciously pops a pill.
Time speeds up...
¡Últimas semanas!
It's Administrative Professionals' Day, but everyone keeps calling it Secretaries' Day, which offends Betty. Betty has planned an outing for Mode's administrative staff at a themed restaurant called The Middle Ages.
Daniel shows up late to work as usual and gives Betty a trophy. Betty peels off a piece of masking tape to see that it's actually a "World's Greatest Notary" trophy. He admits he forgot to go shopping sooner. Betty suspects he's been partying instead of going to meetings for his "Problem." Daniel asks her to summon some models for a photo shoot; he says he's in the mood for redheads.
Betty locates an "expert" on sex addiction - a writer named Tyler, from Psychology Now, another fine publication of the Meade empire. Now Daniel doesn't have to go to any meetings - a helpful person will meet with him, instead. But Daniel still doesn't want to meet with Tyler - he'd rather go scope out the models at the photo shoot. Betty gives him a piece of her mind, telling Daniel about the problems that her family is having at home (Ignacio's preparing to be deported). Daniel appears not to be listening; in the background, we can see Tyler sticking his arm through a donut-shaped sculpture. I'm sure that wasn't meant to be Freudian at all. ;-)
Daniel eventually meets with Tyler, but is horrified when Tyler suggests that Daniel try to go on a no-sex date.
Nevertheless, he gives it a shot. He goes out with a hot-to-trot model who won't take no for an answer. He puts up a weak fight, trying to tempt the model with free movies on cable, but eventually gives in. Later, he confesses to Tyler that not only did he fail to abstain, he actually had sex in front of "Hotel Rwanda."
Tyler says that in fact, he too was once a sex addict. He claims that he solved the problem by replacing one habit with another. He whips out a bottle of pills that he said he discovered while overseas, and gives them to Daniel.
Oh, Daniel, don't do it!
The Quest
The deal is that Ignacio can travel to Guadalajara, get a US visa there, and then re-enter the US legally. Maybe. If he doesn't, he'll probably be deported, and not be allowed to come back. Betty is trying to get him a ticket, but the going fare is $1200, which is more than they have, and this needs to happen by Friday. The travel agent keeps trying to sell her a ticket to Acapulco (approx. 336 miles from Guadalajara) instead.
Betty goes to work and receives an angry rebuke from Nick, Alexis's idiot assistant. (I can't believe Fluffy lost out to this guy!) Nick's mad because Betty is eating his yogurt. (Supposedly, this is because Betty didn't realize it was his, and figured it was up for grabs. This seems ridiculous to me - I can't believe Betty would eat anything she found in the fridge unless she brought it in herself. Oh well. It's a plot point, so I guess we gotta just live with it.) Betty apologizes, but Nick vows revenge.
Betty and Christina discuss ways Betty can raise money for Ignacio's plane ticket. Betty discovers that there's a $1000 prize if she can stay on a mechanical horse for 15 seconds at The Middle Ages. She explains to Christina that she developed thighs of steel as a child by hugging a tree to avoid doctors' appointments. (In passing, Fluffy says "Hi, Grandma!")
Betty runs into Henry, who asks for an invite to the party. He says he likes medieval stuff, having been a D&D geek, etc. Sadly, his girlfriend Charlie is busy and won't be able to go. Betty signs him up.
At The Middle Ages, Betty is intimidated when she sees the mechanical horse. Christina offers to try to win a drinking contest. Betty almost explains her "thighs of steel" to Henry, but stifles herself. Henry offers to do the mechanical horse thing for her instead - it's his way of being a gallant knight. His grandparents used to raise horses, and as for Henry... he used to watch them from his window.
Just then, Charlie calls. She is questioning Henry about Betty. To Charlie, Henry says, "We are not having this conversation," but he walks away to continue it. (He advises Betty, "Charlie says 'hi'!")
In passing, Fido calls Betty Grandma.
It's Henry's turn to ride the mechanical horse. Alas, he's still on the phone with Charlie, accusing her of being jealous, so Betty steps up.
Betty manages to stay on the horse for five seconds when Nick throws something at her. She hangs on for dear life for about nine of the remaining ten seconds; centrifugal force and a final buck from the horse knock her off at the last moment. Henry rushes to her; he is almost on top of her. Nick laughs and says it's revenge for the yogurt. He and his friends laugh and cheer like drunken fratboys. Henry and Nick get into a shoving-match.
An employee says that for liquor license reason, they need to settle their differences on "the log." They dress up in knightly outfits - Nick in black, Henry in silver. They are handed pugil sticks. The crowd cheers. Betty offers Henry a chance to back down, but he really wants to do the knight thing. He hands her a paper crown. Christina approves.
("The log" looks something like the Duel event from American Gladiators, but with a medieval theme, and both contestants stand on a beam rather than two pedestals.)
Henry lands the first blow. Betty daydreams that she's wearing her prom dress, and knights in shining armor battle with swords. Henry, still wearing his glasses, runs Nick through. Nick screams, "I am unmanned!" Henry and Betty kiss.
Betty snaps back to reality. The fight has taken a turn; Henry is knocked off the log. Nick the sore winner jumps down and continues hitting Henry for no reason. Betty runs to Henry's side to give him his glasses. He asks her if he won. He says "I love you" to Betty, and passes out!
She slaps him awake. Charlie shows up, displeased. She informs Betty that fairy tales don't have two princesses. She takes Betty's place at Henry's side.
Eventually, Henry and Charlie leave. Betty tells Christina that Henry said he loved her. Christina opines that he's just staying with Charlie because he's nice - which is why Betty likes him anyway. Betty admits that she enjoyed him rescuing her, but Christina says Betty can rescue herself.
Nick and his pals are still drinking and being loud. Nick yells something about "Secretaries' Day," infuriating Betty. She corrects him, reminding him that it's "Administrative Professionals' Day." Nick taunts her about Sir Dorko, and his dumb friends laugh. Betty walks right up to him, grabs the pugil stick, and swats him with it. The crowd cheers. Betty and Christina leave.
Beauty school dropout
Hilda is having trouble with her beauty school instructor, who seems to hate her. Personally, I think the bimbo's just jealous. She tells Hilda to lose the engagement ring and cut her nails. Hilda mopes about this at home, but Justin urges Hilda to keep her nails just the way they are and quit school. Justin's youthful enthusiasm resonates with Hilda, and she decides to take his advice.
The travel agent keeps pushing Acapulco. Hilda yells at him (over the phone and calls him "Hijo de gran... perra." (That's "son of a big bitch," which isn't as bad as what she was probably going to say, "son of a great whore.") Ignacio is depressed and says to forget it, he's not going. He's not even sure if it will work. They'll have to deport him. He's not leaving voluntarily until he knows that Hilda can take care of the family. She's the oldest, but she has yet to step up. She won't even finish beauty school?? How can he possibly leave her in charge?
Hilda thinks it over and begins cutting her nails.
Ouchies
Wilhelmina and Bradford are listening to jazz in her bed. Well, she's listening, and he's just suffering - he hates jazz. Wil is suffering in her own way, too - it's obvious that she can't stand Brad and is eager to get on with the wedding.
Wil says he doesn't like jazz because he's white. He'll feel differently when he hears it the way it was meant to be performed - live. She got them tickets at the Blue Note. Brad nixes this plan - he doesn't want people to "talk" while Claire's in jail.
Meanwhile, Alexis is in bed with Rodrigo The Secret Whore. Alexis tells him she's not sure yet about going to Brazil.
Alexis goes to visit Claire in prison. Claire is sporting a big bruise on her face, which she blames on a "yoga accident." She assures Alexis that prison life isn't so awful - at least she has access to toilet wine.
Alexis tells her mother about Rodrigo. The only thing keeping her from going to Brazil is concern for Claire, but Claire encourages her.
Alexis leaves. Claire is then approached by "Yoga," a threatening fellow inmate.
Alexis gives the good news to Rodrigo: she'll go to Brazil with him. Rodrigo goes to run a bath. Alexis picks up the phone to call someone, but Rodrigo's already using it in the other room: Alexis overhears him promising Brad that she'll go to Brazil and won't want to come back. Alexis confronts Rodrigo. He doesn't have an adequate explanation for what she just heard; she leaves in tears.
Back at jail, Claire's next visitor is Wil. Claire sees Wil's soft feet and openly laughs at her for thinking that Brad will divorce Claire just to be with Wil. Wil taunts her, and Claire responds with screaming and threats. She is dragged away by the prison guards.
Will rushes off to Fido and asks him to hit her. He hesitates, so she hits him first to motivate him. Then she taunts him until he hits back. She asks for another punch, but Fido is squeamish and she hits him again. He warms up with some light slapping, then gives her the pimp-slap of all pimp-slaps.
So, to summarize... Wil has sex with Brad to advance her own agenda. Meanwhile, Brad pays Rodrigo to have sex with Alexis in order to advance HIS agenda. Meanwhile, Daniel has sex with bimbos because he's addicted.
Jeez. Doesn't anybody just have sex for fun anymore?
Fluffy kills time between plot points
Fluffy starts off the day in a bad mood. It's Administrative Professionals' Day, but she is feeling neglected as receptionist. She spitefully decapitates a commemorative teddy bear in the paper-cutter.
Fido admires Fluffy's vest. Fluffy says it was a gift from Tavares. She hurriedly explains that they're definitely not having a thing, because Tavares is gay, but I'm not sure if Fido believes her.
Fluffy doesn't want to go to The Middle Ages. Before her brilliant career as a receptionist, Fluffy was an aspiring actress. One of her few "roles" was as a serving-wench in an ad for The Middle Ages, and they still replay it in a constant loop by the door at the restaurant. Fluffy fears that her coworkers will see and mock. Fido cheers her up and convinces her to go.
When they get there, Fluffy is muy impactada to see that her video has been replaced. It's similar to the original, but with a younger, sassier blonde. Fluffy begins stuffing her face and feeling sorry for herself. She thinks she's over the hill - her acting career was a failure and her receptionist career is a failure and now even as a wench, she's "old wrinkly candy covered in lint." (Hey Fluffy, join the club.)
Some time later, she is still slurping turkey legs, beer, and whatever else she can find when she is approached by Replacement Serving Wench. RSW introduces herself with abject reverence, claiming that Fluffy was her hero and her inspiration, and that her own performance - given reluctantly - was meant as an homage to Fluffy's.
In short, RSW sucks up and shows respect. Fluffy feels better, and thus ends another useless storyline that is redeemed only by Becki Newton's ability to steal even the dumbest and most pointless scenes.
Next day
Hilda goes to beauty school for her final exam. She gives a flawless perm, but the instructor ridicules her for failing to give the model a manicure. Hilda triumphantly shows off the manicure she gave herself the night before. Everyone admires her exquisite handiwork. The instructor grudgingly passes her. (I am at a loss as to how they know Hilda did it herself, as opposed to having a professional do it; and as to why she was allowed to take this part of the test at home instead of doing it to the model as she was supposed to.) Yay, Hilda's now a certified beautician. Now the money's just going to come pouring in.
Wil shows Bradford the mess that is now her face, and tells him that she was jumped by three thugs in an alley on Claire's orders. Bradford rejects multiple phone calls from Claire and expresses surprise that she would "have this done" to Wil. "She's not the woman I thought she was," he says, and firmly states that he will begin the divorce process tomorrow. (Something tells me he doesn't believe Wil for a second, but is playing along for his own reasons.)
Wil sends him out of the room to get her some water for her pain pills. When the phone rings again, she answers and laughs in Claire's ear. Stunned and defeated, Claire hangs up.
Meanwhile, Alexis calls a "Mr. Wolf" to ask him to eliminate a problem. She hangs up and looks at an old photo of her pre-op self with Bradford. She grimly tears the photo in two and throws away the Bradford half.
Betty's arrival is met with compliments on her "good arm." Nick sees her and scurries away in fear. Daniel finds her and offers contrite apologies. He gives her a folder of tickets to Mexico - enough for the whole family. "All they had was first class," he says. She tries to reject the tickets, because she's a dingaling, but he insists.
Daniel goes to his desk and tries to work. He catches a glimpse of a pretty model and self-consciously pops a pill.
Time speeds up...
¡Últimas semanas!
- Next week: The Suarezes go to Guadalajara; back at Mode, the Love Dungeon is revealed. (There was a rumor that Betty somehow meets Lety, but I don't think it's true.)
- May 17: Our Betty goes to a new orthodontist, whose assistant might look familiar to keen-eyed (and possibly keener-eared) fans of La Fea Más Bella.
2007-05-04
5/3/07: Great moments in Office episodes
Random nuggets
- You will receive a full disadulation. (Jim)
- Phyllis, you're a married woman! (Angela)
- I am saying a lot of things. (Pam)
- Wanna go in the womens' bathroom? (Kevin)
- I do one weird thing. (Creed)
- I figure I can cut up this robe. (Pam)
- A penis. I think you know what I'm referring to.
- I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
- I wish I could "minstrate."
- As that was coming out of my mouth, I knew it was wrong.
- Dwight, are those your pants?
- I know the crap out of women.
- I feel uncomfortable in the dress.
- Do you have a crescent? An Allen crescent?
- I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain.
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