- Break me off a piece of that apple sauce! (Andy)
- Phyllis is our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima. (Michael)
- When I tell people that I work at Dunder-Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers. Or muffins, or mittens... (Jim)
- I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. (Michael)
- I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. Five. Five years old. Couldn't even talk yet. (Michael)
- How about never-hundred hours, sir. (Michael)
- Ryan is being a little bitch again. (Michael)
- You are so much more creative than all of the other dry boring morons that you work with. (Michael)
- My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man. (Kevin)
- I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around. (Meredith)
- I hate being titillated. (Angela)
- What's rap? (Darryl)
- Pam, please clear my phone lines. (Michael)
- It's gotta rhyme with "piece"... Fancy Feast! Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! (Andy)
2007-10-28
10/25/07: Great moments in Office episodes
2007-10-24
Oct. 18, 2007 (2.4, aka #27): Ugly Willie
Betty's new writing instructor is a Pulitzer prize-winning author who is strangely bitter and hates every "most defining moment of your life" essay his students have read him so far. Betty applauds one of the stories, which earns her some extra contempt and a nickname of "Clappy" from the professor. Intimidated by this and the fact that Daniel was underwhelmed by the piece she wrote about spending prom night alone, she gets cold feet and decides not to submit that one. (Betty knows Daniel didn't like it because he gave her a thumbs-up and broad grin - a sure sign that he's fibbing.) Instead, she uses a story that someone else sent to Mode about being attacked by a bear while pregnant. (The class is called "Finding Your Voice.") Although the instructor seems impressed, Betty is tormented by guilt over her plagiarism, and her stuffed animals taunt and threaten her with glowing eyes in her dreams.
The professor says he loved the bear story so much, he submitted it to a magazine for publication. Betty tries very hard to back out gracefully and says they can't publish it because she works for Mode. The magazine editor is very pushy about it and tells Betty he can tell the baby she's expecting is a boy.
Soon the story's original author is waiting at Betty's desk. Daniel saves the day by telling the author that the mixup was his fault, and he's going to publish the story and pay her double for it. The author then happily plans a trip to Australia in hopes of being attacked by a shark.
Betty tries to explain herself to Daniel. (He is worried when he realizes that everyone knows his thumbs-up and big smile signals that he's lying.) He tells Betty he's not smart enough to have a worthwhile opinion, and it doesn't matter what he, or her professor, or anyone else thinks of her story, as long as she likes it and can learn from her mistakes.
Meanwhile, Justin has become surly around the house and is failing Algebra. Henry (whose nosy cubicle neighbor, Kenny, tells Betty he doesn't know the paternity test results yet) offers to tutor him, but the fashion-oriented lesson doesn't interest Justin.
Afterwards, Henry asks Ignacio about Betty, and Ignacio tells him to stick with the math. Later, Henry tells Betty what a disaster the tutoring was - he even referred to 9 as a prime number! But he's regrouped with a new lesson and wants to try again. When he gets to the house, though, he finds Justin making out with some neighborhood girl on the couch, drinking beer and listening to obnoxious loud music. When Henry protests, Justin yells "You're not my father!" and runs off. (The girl gives Henry a creepy smile.)
Henry tells Betty. He is panicked that he didn't know how to control the situation. He feels that he should instinctively know, because he's going to become a father. He's known for several days that the baby's his, but didn't want to tell Betty and crush all hope of a future with her. Betty sends him away.
Betty goes back to her writing class and tells them it's no good to pretend that things are different than they really are. She apologizes for lying about the bear story. Then she reads her original story about staying home on prom night. Her classmates giggle appreciatively; the instructor frowns slightly. The kid whose story Betty applauded smiles at her encouragingly.
Fido, Amanda, and Halston spoon on the bed in the Dungeon. (They make a cute picture!) Amanda says she's read Fey's diaries and still has no idea who her father is. Fido comes up with the clever idea to look through old Mode issues for photos of Fey with men from around the time Amanda was born. They don't find any men, but Halston whines and barks at one particular article. Inside, Amanda finds a picture of Fey with her homely assistant, Wanda.
Inspired, Amanda does a little image-manipulation on the picture and realizes that Wanda got a nose job and a makeover... she's Wilhelmina! (Halston squeaks his approval.) And Wil knows that Amanda knows because she was watching over Amanda's shoulder. She threatens to throw Amanda out the window.
Amanda explains that she's trying to find out who her father was. Wil replies, "Even if I wanted to express sympathy, I physically can't." However, she tells Amanda that Fey got together with somebody one night at Studio 54. Wil didn't get a good look, but she knows the man had a Tweetie Bird tattoo on his butt. Fey needed Wanda to keep the pregnancy secret, so she paid for her plastic surgery, and the supermodel Wilhelmina was born. Amanda thanks Wil and promises to keep her secret.
Later, Wil gives Amanda a copy of the guest list from that night's event. The list includes Ted Kennedy, Warren Beatty, and Ricardo Montalban... none of whom, I'm betting, have a Tweetie on their butts. But who knows.
Alexis is out of the hospital and having a hard time adapting to her born-again womanhood. Her initial clothing and makeup effort on her first day back in the office doesn't go well. She looks like a clown who doesn't know how buttons work. She also has trouble with the shoes. Amanda takes her to the restroom for a make-over (or in this case, a make-under). Then Daniel takes her to a staff meeting. Daniel has to remind Wil to move over and let Alexis sit down at the big table as co-editor.
Wil reminds them that she'll soon be leaving Mode to help run Meade Publications. She has named Sheila (the suck-uppy underling) as new creative director. When discussing possible choices for the next issue's cover, Alexis makes a fool of herself by recommending Anna Nicole Smith. "BAM!" she shouts triumphantly, holding up her hand for a high-five from Daniel. Humiliated, she runs to the mens' room to cry (with mascara running down her face).
Wil goes to see Brad, who is playing putt-putt in his office. He is surprised to hear that she was expecting a promotion. (She gets a hole in one, knocking his golf ball out of the way in the process.) He tells her she can have creative control over any magazine she likes... except for Mode. She has 22 other choices.
The next day, she and Fido (they jokingly call each other "William" and "Marcy") meet with each magazine's senior staffers to give them a chance to suck up and describe their publication to Wil. There's one for extreme sports, another one for fattening recipes, a girlie mag... we don't get to see the rest, but it's clear that Wil doesn't like any of them. She laments that she soon will have no place in the Meade publishing empire. Fido writhes on the floor and cries that they are doomed.
One of Mode's advertisers threatens to pull his 10 pages of advertising if Daniel doesn't fire the "man in a skirt." (He assures Daniel that everyone in their business has to make big sacrifices - he had to give up cocaine!) Alexis is horrified when she finds out, and storms out in a huff.
Wil decides to let the mag tank so that Brad will let her start her own fashion magazine. (She's got it all planned: It'll be called Slater. She's already created a mockup, with Wilhelmina on the cover.) Therefore, she encourages Daniel to tell this deep-pocketed sponsor to take a hike, which he gladly does. As a result, multiple other valuable sponsors threaten to pull out as well, fearing that Mode is in trouble.
Daniel finally admits to Alexis that his intoxication was the reason for their accident. Alexis forgives him and gives him a hug.
Next week
The professor says he loved the bear story so much, he submitted it to a magazine for publication. Betty tries very hard to back out gracefully and says they can't publish it because she works for Mode. The magazine editor is very pushy about it and tells Betty he can tell the baby she's expecting is a boy.
Soon the story's original author is waiting at Betty's desk. Daniel saves the day by telling the author that the mixup was his fault, and he's going to publish the story and pay her double for it. The author then happily plans a trip to Australia in hopes of being attacked by a shark.
Betty tries to explain herself to Daniel. (He is worried when he realizes that everyone knows his thumbs-up and big smile signals that he's lying.) He tells Betty he's not smart enough to have a worthwhile opinion, and it doesn't matter what he, or her professor, or anyone else thinks of her story, as long as she likes it and can learn from her mistakes.
Meanwhile, Justin has become surly around the house and is failing Algebra. Henry (whose nosy cubicle neighbor, Kenny, tells Betty he doesn't know the paternity test results yet) offers to tutor him, but the fashion-oriented lesson doesn't interest Justin.
Afterwards, Henry asks Ignacio about Betty, and Ignacio tells him to stick with the math. Later, Henry tells Betty what a disaster the tutoring was - he even referred to 9 as a prime number! But he's regrouped with a new lesson and wants to try again. When he gets to the house, though, he finds Justin making out with some neighborhood girl on the couch, drinking beer and listening to obnoxious loud music. When Henry protests, Justin yells "You're not my father!" and runs off. (The girl gives Henry a creepy smile.)
Henry tells Betty. He is panicked that he didn't know how to control the situation. He feels that he should instinctively know, because he's going to become a father. He's known for several days that the baby's his, but didn't want to tell Betty and crush all hope of a future with her. Betty sends him away.
Betty goes back to her writing class and tells them it's no good to pretend that things are different than they really are. She apologizes for lying about the bear story. Then she reads her original story about staying home on prom night. Her classmates giggle appreciatively; the instructor frowns slightly. The kid whose story Betty applauded smiles at her encouragingly.
Fido, Amanda, and Halston spoon on the bed in the Dungeon. (They make a cute picture!) Amanda says she's read Fey's diaries and still has no idea who her father is. Fido comes up with the clever idea to look through old Mode issues for photos of Fey with men from around the time Amanda was born. They don't find any men, but Halston whines and barks at one particular article. Inside, Amanda finds a picture of Fey with her homely assistant, Wanda.
Inspired, Amanda does a little image-manipulation on the picture and realizes that Wanda got a nose job and a makeover... she's Wilhelmina! (Halston squeaks his approval.) And Wil knows that Amanda knows because she was watching over Amanda's shoulder. She threatens to throw Amanda out the window.
Amanda explains that she's trying to find out who her father was. Wil replies, "Even if I wanted to express sympathy, I physically can't." However, she tells Amanda that Fey got together with somebody one night at Studio 54. Wil didn't get a good look, but she knows the man had a Tweetie Bird tattoo on his butt. Fey needed Wanda to keep the pregnancy secret, so she paid for her plastic surgery, and the supermodel Wilhelmina was born. Amanda thanks Wil and promises to keep her secret.
Later, Wil gives Amanda a copy of the guest list from that night's event. The list includes Ted Kennedy, Warren Beatty, and Ricardo Montalban... none of whom, I'm betting, have a Tweetie on their butts. But who knows.
Alexis is out of the hospital and having a hard time adapting to her born-again womanhood. Her initial clothing and makeup effort on her first day back in the office doesn't go well. She looks like a clown who doesn't know how buttons work. She also has trouble with the shoes. Amanda takes her to the restroom for a make-over (or in this case, a make-under). Then Daniel takes her to a staff meeting. Daniel has to remind Wil to move over and let Alexis sit down at the big table as co-editor.
Wil reminds them that she'll soon be leaving Mode to help run Meade Publications. She has named Sheila (the suck-uppy underling) as new creative director. When discussing possible choices for the next issue's cover, Alexis makes a fool of herself by recommending Anna Nicole Smith. "BAM!" she shouts triumphantly, holding up her hand for a high-five from Daniel. Humiliated, she runs to the mens' room to cry (with mascara running down her face).
Wil goes to see Brad, who is playing putt-putt in his office. He is surprised to hear that she was expecting a promotion. (She gets a hole in one, knocking his golf ball out of the way in the process.) He tells her she can have creative control over any magazine she likes... except for Mode. She has 22 other choices.
The next day, she and Fido (they jokingly call each other "William" and "Marcy") meet with each magazine's senior staffers to give them a chance to suck up and describe their publication to Wil. There's one for extreme sports, another one for fattening recipes, a girlie mag... we don't get to see the rest, but it's clear that Wil doesn't like any of them. She laments that she soon will have no place in the Meade publishing empire. Fido writhes on the floor and cries that they are doomed.
One of Mode's advertisers threatens to pull his 10 pages of advertising if Daniel doesn't fire the "man in a skirt." (He assures Daniel that everyone in their business has to make big sacrifices - he had to give up cocaine!) Alexis is horrified when she finds out, and storms out in a huff.
Wil decides to let the mag tank so that Brad will let her start her own fashion magazine. (She's got it all planned: It'll be called Slater. She's already created a mockup, with Wilhelmina on the cover.) Therefore, she encourages Daniel to tell this deep-pocketed sponsor to take a hike, which he gladly does. As a result, multiple other valuable sponsors threaten to pull out as well, fearing that Mode is in trouble.
Daniel finally admits to Alexis that his intoxication was the reason for their accident. Alexis forgives him and gives him a hug.
Next week
- Betty goes out on a date.
- Henry takes his shirt off. I frame-advanced through this three times just to make sure. Only not really, it turns out. It's Betty seeing Henry's head on another guy's body.
- Claire gets Wil in her crosshairs.
- Justin continues to follow in his father's footsteps.
- Henry won't give up on Betty.
2007-10-18
10/18/07: Great moments in Office episodes
Jan: Why don't you just pretend that you have a car?
Dwight: I was recently scrubbing my room of memories.
Pam: We only had tonight free, and we wanted to spend it with you.
Jim: We will be requiring a bedtime story.
Dwight: We are wireless.
Jim: Maybe a nice hotel, or a romantic dinner. Wine, but wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less.
Michael: Medical school must have cost, like, $40 or a donkey or something?
Michael: Up comes the toolbar. That's what she said.
Jim: Are you a cocktail waitress?
Creed: It's a made-up word to trick students.
Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.
Mr. Figaro: Don't forget to disinfect your headset.
Michael: The good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep and try it all again the next night.
Andy (taking a wide stance): I've moonwalked past Accounting like ten times.
Kelly: It's either your daughter or me.
Michael: Maybe I am having an affair with Suzanne Somers.
Darryl: You need to access your uncrazy side.
Michael: I've always wanted to be in the Witness Protection Program.
Jim: You will never want to leave your room.
Michael: I am blowin' Dodge.
Jim: That was something I would not wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
Dwight: I was recently scrubbing my room of memories.
Pam: We only had tonight free, and we wanted to spend it with you.
Jim: We will be requiring a bedtime story.
Dwight: We are wireless.
Jim: Maybe a nice hotel, or a romantic dinner. Wine, but wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less.
Michael: Medical school must have cost, like, $40 or a donkey or something?
Michael: Up comes the toolbar. That's what she said.
Jim: Are you a cocktail waitress?
Creed: It's a made-up word to trick students.
Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.
Mr. Figaro: Don't forget to disinfect your headset.
Michael: The good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep and try it all again the next night.
Andy (taking a wide stance): I've moonwalked past Accounting like ten times.
Kelly: It's either your daughter or me.
Michael: Maybe I am having an affair with Suzanne Somers.
Darryl: You need to access your uncrazy side.
Michael: I've always wanted to be in the Witness Protection Program.
Jim: You will never want to leave your room.
Michael: I am blowin' Dodge.
Jim: That was something I would not wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
2007-10-13
Oct. 11, 2007 (2.3, aka #26): Memories
Henry is drunk on melon and apricot wine coolers, not beer as I had previously asserted. Betty is horrified. He squashes Betty's face between his hands affectionately and admits that he also smoked a cigarette. (What, the whole thing??) He asks why didn't she tell him about Charlie and the dentist. Betty says she didn't want to break up a new family, or get her heart broken again. Henry is despondent. She tries to explain some more, that she's willing to wait to find out who the baby is, but she could have saved her breath, because Henry is passed out with his head in her lap.
The next day, Henry has a terrible hangover. Hilda gives him a revolting remedy featuring tomato juice, raw eggs, and bacon grease - the thought of which makes me feel a little queasy, but then I'm not coming off a wine cooler bender. Henry tries to compare his anger about Charlie to the mating habits of a female orangutan in heat. Hilda isn't impressed. She offers him a soft fried egg with oozing yolk, which sends him over the edge of nausea.
At Mode, Amanda sits down with Daniel (still in his wheelchair) to look at the DNA test results. They are unnerved by the prospect that they might be half-siblings; on the other hand, that would mean that it's only half as gross as if they were full siblings. (They try to work this out mathematically and are even more unnerved by how alike they are.) But the test was negative! They're about to celebrate the good news in a perfectly legal and non-incestuous way when Amanda realizes that she still has unresolved issues with the way Daniel treated her before, so she gets off his lap and leaves. She is disappointed with Bradford not being her Dadford, but Fido thinks it would be a good idea for Amanda to leverage Fey's fame - starting with tonight's Black & White Ball.
Meanwhile, in Guadalajara, Ignacio talks to Hilda on the phone with a gun to his head, while Hilda half-listens to him, distracted by a telenovela in which a man has a gun to his head. "I just wanted to call and say I love you all," Ignacio says. Hilda, who has apparently never learned how to use a VCR, hurriedly says goodbye so that she can continue watching her soap.
"I'm not such a monster - I let you say goodbye," says the real gunman to Ignacio. It turns out that he is Hector, the son of Ramiro Vasquez - Ignacio's old boss, his wife's first husband whom Ignacio thought he had beaten to death. (If that doesn't have "telenovela" written over it, I don't know what does.)
Ramiro laughs and gloats cheesily. He has been living for revenge... and flan. Seriously. Sometimes he misses Ignacio's flan more than he misses their wife, Rosa. He tells Ignacio to cook him some flan. If it's good enough, maybe he won't kill Ignacio.
Ramiro loves the flan, but says "Kill him anyway." For some reason, he leaves them alone for a moment. Ignacio tries to appeal to Hector's humanity - doesn't he remember how Ramiro used to beat Rosa? (He claims not to.) How, when he was 5, Rosa would hide him in the kitchen when Ramiro was drunk so he wouldn't hit him? How she loved him as if he were her own? They left him with his mother because they thought he would be safe, but it seems he wasn't.
Hector hesitates and lowers the gun.
Ramiro comes back from the bathroom, or wherever, and tells Hector to hurry up and kill Ignacio. "You're such a disappointment as a son." (I don't know why they are having all of these conversations in English.)
Suddenly, we are looking at the outside of Ignacio's sister's house. There's a gunshot.
Back at Mode, Betty and Christina talk about the upcoming Black & White Ball - a charity event with masks. It supposedly happens every year but wasn't mentioned last year. (Let's just pretend that's because of Fey's death and not because someone just now made it up.) Then Betty hears the sandwich guy's bell and runs to greet him. It's a new guy, Gio. He's cute, and they chat in a friendly way.
Daniel wants a special motorized wheelchair. Betty doesn't understand why he wants something that will make him more dependent when he should be trying to walk again. She asks if his pain might not be more emotional than physical, but Daniel dismisses this. He also puts her in charge of getting the giant check to present at the ball. He asks that it not be so large as to dwarf his head, or in a color that doesn't flatter him.
Betty brings her sandwich back to Gio, complaining that there aren't enough sundried tomatoes in it. He is offended that she wants to ruin his masterpiece of a sandwich. "It would be wrong." Betty insists, but he calls her a spoiled Mode girl and doesn't give in. Hurt, Betty goes venting about it to Daniel.
Betty is walking and talking on the phone, trying to get the wheelchair delivered. She runs smack into Gio, who tells her he just got fired. He angrily informs the entire office that there's no such thing as fat-free mayonnaise; there's 125 calories of fat per tablespoon, and he put two tablespoons in every sandwich. (Everyone gasps in horror, and there's a lot of spitting and gagging.) He calls Betty a "Mode girl" again. She is horrified that someone was fired because of her. Fido and Amanda applaud proudly. "You're finally one of us!" Amanda shrieks in temporary admiration.
Betty gets Gio's job back, but he doesn't want it. He tells her the firing has motivated him to pursue his five-year plan of creating a very specific kind of sandwich restaurant. For the time being, however, he needs work; and Betty needs a ride to New Jersey to pick up Daniel's hi-tech wheelchair.
Wil watches Fashion TV, where the reporter is reminding us that Claire is still on the lam and the wedding is postponed. Wil is almost upset enough to throw in the towel, but Fido urges her not to quit "just because some old man you're scamming has suddenly gone all soft for his tramnesiac daughter." At some point during his lecture, Wil gets an idea. She asks Fido if he's any good with Photoshop.
Meanwhile, Claire schemes with Yoga for another chance to get Bradford back - she's going to disguise herself and go to the ball.
At the hospital, Wil and her staff teach Alexis how to do girl stuff (makeup, etc.). She assures her that they used to be best friends. Alexis does not remember this, so Wil shows her a photo album of happy times they've shared together. They're Photoshopped very badly, with heads out of proportion to bodies, etc.... there are photos of them square-dancing, and marching in a gay rights parade.
Wil hints around that Brad has been having health problems and has been devastated ever since he had to postpone his wedding... to WIL. Alexis is impactada. Wil's got a whole cockamamie story about how broken up he was about Claire leaving him (how long does she think it will take Alexis to find out what really happened?), and how Brad and Wil reached out to one another... I'm starting to feel the way Henry felt when he saw those runny eggs. She pours the guilt on liberally, making Alexis feel as if it's all her fault that Bradford is sick with worry over how she will react to the engagement. "I just hope his heart can take it."
Henry is still frustrated. Even looking at Betty's favorite adorable-duckie website doesn't cheer him up. Fido and Amanda torment him for their paychecks and tease him about his last name (Grubstick). He angrily informs them that it's Dutch and refers to a guy who offers the best price on bricks. His anger arouses them, and inspires him to finally leave a phone message for Charlie.
Justin shows up in Daniel's office with his father's basketball, looking lost. He asks Daniel to teach him how to play. Daniel tells Justin his name was "Dr. Swish" in college. ("It's just a basketball term," he explains.)
Dan and Justin go to an outdoor basketball court. At first, Justin seems almost afraid of the ball, and Daniel is limited by his clunky old wheelchair. Finally, in frustration, Daniel gets up to show Justin how to do it. ("It's a basketball miracle," he explains to Justin's shocked face.) He swears Justin to secrecy and admits that he's only been pretending that his injury's still bothering him, because he likes his physical therapist. "You're kind of a dog," Justin says. He reminds him of Santos.
Gio is singing in his van. He's awful. Betty tries to sing along. He complains, although in my opinion she isn't any worse a singer than he is. They talk about their aspirations. Betty says she wants to have her own magazine someday, and wants to write for a magazine. Gio is not impressed by the fact that Betty has barely written a word since she graduated. (If anyone's wondering, she says she's 23.) She protests that she's got plenty of ideas. He tells her that ideas and waiting will not get her any closer to her goal.
Later, the rental guy in Jersey tells Betty to bring back the wheelchair in pristine condition. Betty notices that it is not the one she asked for. Gio encourages Betty to demand the one that she requested and paid for. He tells her to make something up. "My boss works for the CIA," Betty tells the wheelchair guy. It works. Gio congratulates her and says she's a real writer after all.
Wil is preparing for the ball. The sash on her dress is supposedly made out of the pelt of some endangered species. She tells Christina she also owns a hat made out of bald eagle. Fido comes in with a message that Alexis is giving her blessing for the wedding. Wil gloats, then slaps Fido with her gloves for the square-dancing photo.
At home, Justin shows Hilda some photos he took on his phone. One of them is of Daniel doing a slam-dunk.
Gio and Betty are setting up Daniel's new wheelchair. Gio tells her that she doesn't have time to write because she's always tending to her boss's dumb errands. Gio begins replying to her excuses with "Quack." He tells her she needs to come up with a plan. Betty begins replying with "Woof." Soon, the entire conversation has devolved into "Quack" and "Woof." (These two should really date.) Fortunately, Betty's phone rings. It's Hilda, calling with the news of Daniel's miraculous recovery. Betty is steamed!
She brings the robo-wheelchair to Daniel. As he plays with its controls, Betty hints around about the basketball game and his inability to walk. Daniel loses control of the chair and it plows into a table. Daniel jumps out of the way. As Betty glares at him, he replies, "I forgot - the doctor called. I can walk!" Betty is furious. She tells Daniel that she could have been writing something instead of spending all that time getting his stupid chair.
It's time for the Black & White Ball, and the Fashion TV guy is doing his red-carpet thing. Fido jumps in front of the camera to introduce Amanda. Per Fey's yearly tradition, she shows up in a long red dress and blonde Fey wig, with Halston in her arms. "'Black and white' ball? I guess I didn't get the memo," she laughs - Fey's famous opening line at the ball each year. No one pays her much attention, although some people recognize the dog. She and Fido brainstorm. Fido tells Amanda some celebrity is here, and as Amanda goes running to greet him, Fido steps on the hem of her gown, tearing the entire dress off of her.
Cameras flash.
At the ball, Brad tells Wil about Alexis's quick acceptance of his engagement to Wil. He seems somewhat suspicious, since Alexis was always so close to Claire.
Claire and Yoga are at the ball wearing black and white, respectively, along with masks. (Seriously, I'm wondering what's in all of this for Yoga?) As Kenneth Cole approaches the stage to introduce the kid who will accept the giant novelty check for the children's hospital, the two escapees approach Brad. Claire asks if he's been taking his heart medicine. (This is the second time tonight someone has mentioned his heart... I don't recall this subject coming up before.) Yoga teases him that she and Claire have a "life" now. "I'ts not what you think. Well... almost once," Claire clarifies. She pulls Bradford aside and tries to convince him to disappear with her; they have lots of money stashed away - they could begin a new life together. She takes her mask off to give Bradford a better look at her pleading eyes. She says he owes this to her after cheating on her with Fey for 20 years.
Wil and Fido see all of this from a distance. Wil feels that simply calling the police will only put Claire back in jail, at best; she wants to really hurt her instead. As Sheldon, the kid from the hospital, is about to take the microphone, Wil interrupts to announce that the wedding is on. At the same time, Bradford rejects Claire ("your life is over") because she had Fey murdered. Claire leaves, dejected.
The next day, Daniel gives Betty a slightly used bagel to apologize. She forgives him and acknowledges that he's her boss and it's her job to do his errands and she's grateful for the opportunity, but she's going to enroll in a writing class on her lunch hour. (Didn't she take writing classes in college?) Daniel says okay, but doesn't seem to grasp how important it is to her. He takes back the bagel.
Amanda is feeling triumphant about her success at the ball last night, but still miserable about feeling like an orphan. She decides that she needs to find her father so that she can know who she is.
Gio leaves Betty her usual sandwich, with extra sundried tomatoes. There's a note saying he tried it that way, and it's "not terrible."
Henry apologizes to Betty for coming to her house drunk and passing out. Charlie admitted to fooling around with the dentist and has agreed to take a paternity test, but they have to wait till her 14th week. (No clue how far along she is by now.) He asks Betty if she wants to go to lunch, but she says she'd like to but can't. She'll explain later. Henry notices that her sandwich is tied with a ribbon. She denies that it's a gift.
At home that night, Hilda enthusiastically supports Betty's plan to become a writer. (This is a far cry from the jealous, sullen Hilda last year who resented every moment that Betty spent at Mode!)
The door opens. Ignacio is home - earlier than expected. Not to mention, alive. And probably in even more trouble than he was a year ago, but I guess we'll see.
Next week
Alexis makes her second grand return to Mode.
Justin kisses a girl?
Fido in bed with Amanda??
The next day, Henry has a terrible hangover. Hilda gives him a revolting remedy featuring tomato juice, raw eggs, and bacon grease - the thought of which makes me feel a little queasy, but then I'm not coming off a wine cooler bender. Henry tries to compare his anger about Charlie to the mating habits of a female orangutan in heat. Hilda isn't impressed. She offers him a soft fried egg with oozing yolk, which sends him over the edge of nausea.
At Mode, Amanda sits down with Daniel (still in his wheelchair) to look at the DNA test results. They are unnerved by the prospect that they might be half-siblings; on the other hand, that would mean that it's only half as gross as if they were full siblings. (They try to work this out mathematically and are even more unnerved by how alike they are.) But the test was negative! They're about to celebrate the good news in a perfectly legal and non-incestuous way when Amanda realizes that she still has unresolved issues with the way Daniel treated her before, so she gets off his lap and leaves. She is disappointed with Bradford not being her Dadford, but Fido thinks it would be a good idea for Amanda to leverage Fey's fame - starting with tonight's Black & White Ball.
Meanwhile, in Guadalajara, Ignacio talks to Hilda on the phone with a gun to his head, while Hilda half-listens to him, distracted by a telenovela in which a man has a gun to his head. "I just wanted to call and say I love you all," Ignacio says. Hilda, who has apparently never learned how to use a VCR, hurriedly says goodbye so that she can continue watching her soap.
"I'm not such a monster - I let you say goodbye," says the real gunman to Ignacio. It turns out that he is Hector, the son of Ramiro Vasquez - Ignacio's old boss, his wife's first husband whom Ignacio thought he had beaten to death. (If that doesn't have "telenovela" written over it, I don't know what does.)
Ramiro laughs and gloats cheesily. He has been living for revenge... and flan. Seriously. Sometimes he misses Ignacio's flan more than he misses their wife, Rosa. He tells Ignacio to cook him some flan. If it's good enough, maybe he won't kill Ignacio.
Ramiro loves the flan, but says "Kill him anyway." For some reason, he leaves them alone for a moment. Ignacio tries to appeal to Hector's humanity - doesn't he remember how Ramiro used to beat Rosa? (He claims not to.) How, when he was 5, Rosa would hide him in the kitchen when Ramiro was drunk so he wouldn't hit him? How she loved him as if he were her own? They left him with his mother because they thought he would be safe, but it seems he wasn't.
Hector hesitates and lowers the gun.
Ramiro comes back from the bathroom, or wherever, and tells Hector to hurry up and kill Ignacio. "You're such a disappointment as a son." (I don't know why they are having all of these conversations in English.)
Suddenly, we are looking at the outside of Ignacio's sister's house. There's a gunshot.
Back at Mode, Betty and Christina talk about the upcoming Black & White Ball - a charity event with masks. It supposedly happens every year but wasn't mentioned last year. (Let's just pretend that's because of Fey's death and not because someone just now made it up.) Then Betty hears the sandwich guy's bell and runs to greet him. It's a new guy, Gio. He's cute, and they chat in a friendly way.
Daniel wants a special motorized wheelchair. Betty doesn't understand why he wants something that will make him more dependent when he should be trying to walk again. She asks if his pain might not be more emotional than physical, but Daniel dismisses this. He also puts her in charge of getting the giant check to present at the ball. He asks that it not be so large as to dwarf his head, or in a color that doesn't flatter him.
Betty brings her sandwich back to Gio, complaining that there aren't enough sundried tomatoes in it. He is offended that she wants to ruin his masterpiece of a sandwich. "It would be wrong." Betty insists, but he calls her a spoiled Mode girl and doesn't give in. Hurt, Betty goes venting about it to Daniel.
Betty is walking and talking on the phone, trying to get the wheelchair delivered. She runs smack into Gio, who tells her he just got fired. He angrily informs the entire office that there's no such thing as fat-free mayonnaise; there's 125 calories of fat per tablespoon, and he put two tablespoons in every sandwich. (Everyone gasps in horror, and there's a lot of spitting and gagging.) He calls Betty a "Mode girl" again. She is horrified that someone was fired because of her. Fido and Amanda applaud proudly. "You're finally one of us!" Amanda shrieks in temporary admiration.
Betty gets Gio's job back, but he doesn't want it. He tells her the firing has motivated him to pursue his five-year plan of creating a very specific kind of sandwich restaurant. For the time being, however, he needs work; and Betty needs a ride to New Jersey to pick up Daniel's hi-tech wheelchair.
Wil watches Fashion TV, where the reporter is reminding us that Claire is still on the lam and the wedding is postponed. Wil is almost upset enough to throw in the towel, but Fido urges her not to quit "just because some old man you're scamming has suddenly gone all soft for his tramnesiac daughter." At some point during his lecture, Wil gets an idea. She asks Fido if he's any good with Photoshop.
Meanwhile, Claire schemes with Yoga for another chance to get Bradford back - she's going to disguise herself and go to the ball.
At the hospital, Wil and her staff teach Alexis how to do girl stuff (makeup, etc.). She assures her that they used to be best friends. Alexis does not remember this, so Wil shows her a photo album of happy times they've shared together. They're Photoshopped very badly, with heads out of proportion to bodies, etc.... there are photos of them square-dancing, and marching in a gay rights parade.
Wil hints around that Brad has been having health problems and has been devastated ever since he had to postpone his wedding... to WIL. Alexis is impactada. Wil's got a whole cockamamie story about how broken up he was about Claire leaving him (how long does she think it will take Alexis to find out what really happened?), and how Brad and Wil reached out to one another... I'm starting to feel the way Henry felt when he saw those runny eggs. She pours the guilt on liberally, making Alexis feel as if it's all her fault that Bradford is sick with worry over how she will react to the engagement. "I just hope his heart can take it."
Henry is still frustrated. Even looking at Betty's favorite adorable-duckie website doesn't cheer him up. Fido and Amanda torment him for their paychecks and tease him about his last name (Grubstick). He angrily informs them that it's Dutch and refers to a guy who offers the best price on bricks. His anger arouses them, and inspires him to finally leave a phone message for Charlie.
Justin shows up in Daniel's office with his father's basketball, looking lost. He asks Daniel to teach him how to play. Daniel tells Justin his name was "Dr. Swish" in college. ("It's just a basketball term," he explains.)
Dan and Justin go to an outdoor basketball court. At first, Justin seems almost afraid of the ball, and Daniel is limited by his clunky old wheelchair. Finally, in frustration, Daniel gets up to show Justin how to do it. ("It's a basketball miracle," he explains to Justin's shocked face.) He swears Justin to secrecy and admits that he's only been pretending that his injury's still bothering him, because he likes his physical therapist. "You're kind of a dog," Justin says. He reminds him of Santos.
Gio is singing in his van. He's awful. Betty tries to sing along. He complains, although in my opinion she isn't any worse a singer than he is. They talk about their aspirations. Betty says she wants to have her own magazine someday, and wants to write for a magazine. Gio is not impressed by the fact that Betty has barely written a word since she graduated. (If anyone's wondering, she says she's 23.) She protests that she's got plenty of ideas. He tells her that ideas and waiting will not get her any closer to her goal.
Later, the rental guy in Jersey tells Betty to bring back the wheelchair in pristine condition. Betty notices that it is not the one she asked for. Gio encourages Betty to demand the one that she requested and paid for. He tells her to make something up. "My boss works for the CIA," Betty tells the wheelchair guy. It works. Gio congratulates her and says she's a real writer after all.
Wil is preparing for the ball. The sash on her dress is supposedly made out of the pelt of some endangered species. She tells Christina she also owns a hat made out of bald eagle. Fido comes in with a message that Alexis is giving her blessing for the wedding. Wil gloats, then slaps Fido with her gloves for the square-dancing photo.
At home, Justin shows Hilda some photos he took on his phone. One of them is of Daniel doing a slam-dunk.
Gio and Betty are setting up Daniel's new wheelchair. Gio tells her that she doesn't have time to write because she's always tending to her boss's dumb errands. Gio begins replying to her excuses with "Quack." He tells her she needs to come up with a plan. Betty begins replying with "Woof." Soon, the entire conversation has devolved into "Quack" and "Woof." (These two should really date.) Fortunately, Betty's phone rings. It's Hilda, calling with the news of Daniel's miraculous recovery. Betty is steamed!
She brings the robo-wheelchair to Daniel. As he plays with its controls, Betty hints around about the basketball game and his inability to walk. Daniel loses control of the chair and it plows into a table. Daniel jumps out of the way. As Betty glares at him, he replies, "I forgot - the doctor called. I can walk!" Betty is furious. She tells Daniel that she could have been writing something instead of spending all that time getting his stupid chair.
It's time for the Black & White Ball, and the Fashion TV guy is doing his red-carpet thing. Fido jumps in front of the camera to introduce Amanda. Per Fey's yearly tradition, she shows up in a long red dress and blonde Fey wig, with Halston in her arms. "'Black and white' ball? I guess I didn't get the memo," she laughs - Fey's famous opening line at the ball each year. No one pays her much attention, although some people recognize the dog. She and Fido brainstorm. Fido tells Amanda some celebrity is here, and as Amanda goes running to greet him, Fido steps on the hem of her gown, tearing the entire dress off of her.
Cameras flash.
At the ball, Brad tells Wil about Alexis's quick acceptance of his engagement to Wil. He seems somewhat suspicious, since Alexis was always so close to Claire.
Claire and Yoga are at the ball wearing black and white, respectively, along with masks. (Seriously, I'm wondering what's in all of this for Yoga?) As Kenneth Cole approaches the stage to introduce the kid who will accept the giant novelty check for the children's hospital, the two escapees approach Brad. Claire asks if he's been taking his heart medicine. (This is the second time tonight someone has mentioned his heart... I don't recall this subject coming up before.) Yoga teases him that she and Claire have a "life" now. "I'ts not what you think. Well... almost once," Claire clarifies. She pulls Bradford aside and tries to convince him to disappear with her; they have lots of money stashed away - they could begin a new life together. She takes her mask off to give Bradford a better look at her pleading eyes. She says he owes this to her after cheating on her with Fey for 20 years.
Wil and Fido see all of this from a distance. Wil feels that simply calling the police will only put Claire back in jail, at best; she wants to really hurt her instead. As Sheldon, the kid from the hospital, is about to take the microphone, Wil interrupts to announce that the wedding is on. At the same time, Bradford rejects Claire ("your life is over") because she had Fey murdered. Claire leaves, dejected.
The next day, Daniel gives Betty a slightly used bagel to apologize. She forgives him and acknowledges that he's her boss and it's her job to do his errands and she's grateful for the opportunity, but she's going to enroll in a writing class on her lunch hour. (Didn't she take writing classes in college?) Daniel says okay, but doesn't seem to grasp how important it is to her. He takes back the bagel.
Amanda is feeling triumphant about her success at the ball last night, but still miserable about feeling like an orphan. She decides that she needs to find her father so that she can know who she is.
Gio leaves Betty her usual sandwich, with extra sundried tomatoes. There's a note saying he tried it that way, and it's "not terrible."
Henry apologizes to Betty for coming to her house drunk and passing out. Charlie admitted to fooling around with the dentist and has agreed to take a paternity test, but they have to wait till her 14th week. (No clue how far along she is by now.) He asks Betty if she wants to go to lunch, but she says she'd like to but can't. She'll explain later. Henry notices that her sandwich is tied with a ribbon. She denies that it's a gift.
At home that night, Hilda enthusiastically supports Betty's plan to become a writer. (This is a far cry from the jealous, sullen Hilda last year who resented every moment that Betty spent at Mode!)
The door opens. Ignacio is home - earlier than expected. Not to mention, alive. And probably in even more trouble than he was a year ago, but I guess we'll see.
Next week
Alexis makes her second grand return to Mode.
Justin kisses a girl?
Fido in bed with Amanda??
2007-10-12
10/11/07: Great moments in Office episodes
Jim: Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room.
Meredith: I'll read this when I get home.
Michael: It is my brain-grandchild.
Dwight: I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Michael: What's that, pipsqueak?
Ryan: Buying paper just became fun [for Kelly].
Andy: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
DunMiff/sys: Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Michael: I'll find somebody that I haven't slept with.
Michael: They have their own little language now.
DunMiff/sys: While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. And sold more paper.
Darryl: Start selling multiple reams, like a man.
Michael: It's a club called Chat Room, and there's a password.
Angela: What if the recipient is your notary?
Kevin: It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.
Phyllis: That seemed to shut her up.
Michael: It's about to get all stupid up in here!
Michael: I'm an adult. I don't have to think or do anything.
Dwight (as Ryan): I started a fire!
Michael (as Ryan): Now I got a beard!
Meredith: I'll read this when I get home.
Michael: It is my brain-grandchild.
Dwight: I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Michael: What's that, pipsqueak?
Ryan: Buying paper just became fun [for Kelly].
Andy: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
DunMiff/sys: Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Michael: I'll find somebody that I haven't slept with.
Michael: They have their own little language now.
DunMiff/sys: While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. And sold more paper.
Darryl: Start selling multiple reams, like a man.
Michael: It's a club called Chat Room, and there's a password.
Angela: What if the recipient is your notary?
Kevin: It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.
Phyllis: That seemed to shut her up.
Michael: It's about to get all stupid up in here!
Michael: I'm an adult. I don't have to think or do anything.
Dwight (as Ryan): I started a fire!
Michael (as Ryan): Now I got a beard!
2007-10-04
Oct. 4, 2007 (2.2, aka #25): Personal effects
At a staff meeting, Wil is going on and on about some "Mode is a family" drivel she's planning to put in this month's Letter From the Editor. Betty noisily falls off her chair, sending bagels and pastry flying everywhere, but only Marc reacts - apparently, the staff there are used to such disruptions by now. Betty points out (after politely raising her hand) that Daniel is still the editor. Wil insists that Daniel should not be bothered with such tasks while he's still in the hospital.
Wil has a new bodyguard named Duane. (He's not Alexis's hit man - so much for my prediction.) He responds to commands like an obedient Rottweiler. He even grabs Betty, thinking she's a threat to Wil. Betty asks Wil for the Book (the final layout for the new issue) so Daniel can sign off on it, but Wil brushes her off (with some assistance from Duane). Marc won't give it up either - he tells Betty it's at Wil's place anyway. Betty finds Marc's copy of Wil's key in his desk drawer and swipes it!
Alexis can't remember anything from the last two years, but is happy with her "new" body. She can't stop squeezing her own boobs and giving Daniel a thumbs-up of approval. She's not so happy when she finds out from Fashion TV that her mother went to jail, broke out, and is now at large.
Dadford visits her in the hospital, vowing to Daniel that he'll tell her the truth about Claire and Wilhelmina. Instead, he makes nice with her and pretends to be happy about her sex change. He neglects to mention his engagement to Wil. Since she doesn't remember their feud, or the time Dadford had told Alex "if you get a sex change, you'll be dead to me," or any of the other bad stuff for that matter, she thinks they're okay. Daniel disapproves of the deception, but Dadford says he's grateful for this chance to correct his earlier mistakes. Daniel resolves to tell her the truth.
Henry shows up and tells Betty that even though he plans to go ahead with the whole fatherhood thing with Charlie in Tucson, he can't get a decent job there, so he's going to try to get his old job back so they'll have insurance. If that's okay with Betty, that is. Betty tries to play it cool and says sure, no problem. They can just be buddies. When she runs into him later, she yells, "Hey, Buddy!" and punches his arm so hard he nearly falls over.
Betty and Christina go to Wil's apartment (no burglar alarm) to steal the Book. Along the way, Betty complains loudly and bitterly about babies, offending passing mothers! She explains to Christina why she's not sure it's a good idea to tell Henry about Charlie and the dentist. She doesn't want to break up a family or add to the drama in her life.
At Wil's apartment, Christina wants to snoop and explore. She jokes about being in the vampire's lair and thinks they'll find a coat made out of Dalmation pelts. Betty quickly finds the Book, and then they hear Wil at the door - she's come home for an "afternoon delight" with Duane. (Betty is surprised to discover that that's what that song was about. So is Duane.) Christina and Betty hide under the bed through the entire ordeal. They escape as soon as Wil and Duane go into the shower (two hours later), but Betty leaves an ugly earring behind (she is always losing earrings), and Wil finds it.
Meanwhile, Justin is enjoying his first day as an official Mode intern. Marc begins his training by throwing a pencil and telling Justin to go get it. With this little game of fetch, I hereby reinstate Marc's nickname, "Fido." However, being somewhat attached to the boy (even if he is sorta mean to him), he gives Justin some decent tasks - like updating Wil's PDA and preparing for a photo shoot with Shakira. Justin throws himself into the job with so much enthusiasm, Fido begins feeling competitive.
It soon becomes obvious that Justin is the only competent intern. For example, one of the other interns brought straight drinking straws instead of the bendy ones Shakira's people had requested; Fido angrily demonstrates why this Just Won't Do. He says only one intern got his list of Shakira stuff right - Justin. He puts Justin in charge of the rest of the Shakira preparations.
Ignacio is going out of his mind with boredom in Mexico. Hilda tells him that she's been sorting through all of the things from Santos's apartment. She seems to love every last ugly, tacky item. Ignacio strongly discourages her from keeping everything because it won't make her feel any better. (Hilda eventually settles on a lamp that has a bowling pin for a base.) Realizing that the family is suffering as much as he is, and that a visa won't be coming soon, Ignacio gets desperate to take matters into his own hands. His sister reluctantly admits that she knows someone who might be able to help.
Amanda (who is already back to her regular weight, and awaiting the Dadford DNA test results) gets a visit from Fey's lawyer. Most of Fey's stuff was already sold, and the proceeds donated to charity. There's just one thing left - a hairless dog named Halston. Amanda balks, until the lawyer informs her that Halston's caretaker will get $1000 per week for the rest of that poor dog's life. Then she takes more of an interest. Later, Wil's assistant Nick comes by to tease Amanda. With his usual sparkling wit, he observes that the dog "smells like ass." The dog keels over. She takes him to the vet and finds out that it's very sickly and needs a lot of care - pills, ointments and the like.
Wil calls Fido and tells him to dig up some dirt on Betty. With Justin so eager to please, this takes so little time we don't even get to see it, but apparently he talks about his father's trouble getting out of Mexico. Later, Fido rewards Justin for his hard work (and also, secretly, for his help with the dirt) by giving him a pass to the Shakira photo shoot. Justin looks happy for a moment, then depressed. Fido encourages Justin to allow himself to feel happy. Later, Fido congratulates himself on doing a good deed - clearly he feels that he's a good mentor for Justin.
Wil summons Betty to the roof. I honestly don't know why Betty goes up there, given that Wil's not her boss and isn't trustworthy, but some people will do anything to recover an ugly earring. Up she goes to the roof, which for some reason is littered with mannequins wrapped in plastic. Despite the glaring sunshine, thunder roars ominously in the distance... no, it's Fido, shaking a piece of sheet metal.
Wil congratulates Betty on her resourcefulness. Betty reminds Wil that she's engaged to Bradford; Wil reminds Betty that her father is a US Senator who has the power to get visas for people who need them. If Betty keeps quiet, the Senator will pull some strings... but Betty has to decide by the end of the day.
Amanda and Fido conspire to get rid of the feeble dog. (Fie, Amanda! I now re-dub you "Fluffy.") Fido and Fluffy take Halston to the pound. Evidently, they don't know what happens to unwanted dogs there. Then Fluffy takes a long look into the dog's eyes and changes her mind... Halston knew Fey. He's all she has left of her mother. (Fine - she's Amanda again, but this is her last chance! Next time she's Fluffy, she stays Fluffy!)
Betty is exhausted. She dozes off in her chair and sees her father cooking at a stove in front of her desk. He's very unhappy with her for not taking Wil up on her offer. He plays the guilt card (I'm your father, look out for your family), curses himself for raising Betty right, and waves a plate of enchiladas at her. She reaches for them, and he mocks her.
Henry asks Christina if Betty is upset with him. Christina reminds him of all the different ways he's let Betty down, and says someone needs to tell him the truth about Charlie's baby.
Daniel brings a burger to Alexis, who is glad to be rid of the feeding tube. He wants to tell her about the stuff about Dadford and Alex, and Dadford and Claire, and Dadford and Wil, but Alexis interrupts to tell him how happy she is that Dadford accepts her as Alexis. And she still has questions about the accident. How did it happen? Was she was drunk? He tells her that a deer jumped out in front of them, and she swerved. She's thrilled to have saved a deer's life. Dadford shows up for unknown reasons and Alexis tells them both how lucky she feels to have them as her family.
On a quest for some special rice cakes for Shakira, Justin ducks into a convenience store, not realizing it's where Santos was killed. The owner tells Justin how brave Santos was, saving his life. "Your father was a hero." He raves, "I bet you're just like him." Justin sadly denies this.
Daniel is back at Mode. Betty wants to tell him about Wil and Duane so that he can get his father to dump Wil (or at least blackmail her into respecting his authority as editor-in-chief), but her phone rings. Ignacio tells her he's coming home. Betty warns him he could die in one of those trucks packed full of people. She begs him not to go. Betty says she'll talk to the lawyer again. Instead, she goes to Wil, who gloats that it's 4:58 - Betty was cutting it close.
At home, Hilda has Justin go through Santos's things. He picks out a basketball (I wish it had been a football instead, like what he didn't want to play with Santos last year when Daniel came over to decorate the Christmas tree) and goes outside to play with it. (I suppose it is easier to play alone with a basketball than with a football.)
Daniel confronts Wil about the discrepancies between what's in the Book and what he requested. She immediately agrees to fix it. On her way out, Wil casually mentions that Betty's father is coming home "on Thursday." Daniel thanks Betty for getting him the Book and tells her she's the only person around there he can trust. (Ow!)
Bradford is looking at some old family photos. He hides them when Wil shows up. She tells him that some big name is going to design his tuxedo for the wedding. He's not sure he wants such a big to-do with Alexis still in the hospital. Wil offers to scale the wedding back, but he wants to postpone it. Brad is worried about how Alexis will take the news about him marrying Wil. Wil is visibly perturbed that he and Alexis are on good terms again, and that Alexis is getting in the way. He notices that she seems touchy, but she insists that she's fine. The she goes up onto the roof and beheads some mannequins.
Now it's thundering in Queens for real. Hilda greets Betty at home with the exciting news about Ignacio getting his visa. She wants to plan a party - preferably with Ignacio as the cook!
Back in Guadalajara, there's a knock on the door. When Ignacio answers, a man comes in with a gun and backs him up against the wall.
In Queens, there's a knock on the door. (Betty brandishes Santos's bowling pin lamp.) It's Henry, distraught. Christina told him all about Charlie's skanky ways. He's now drinking straight out of a beer bottle that appears to contain mostly backwash, but he assures Betty that he drank some milk first to protect his stomach. (I don't think this works.) He says Charlie was the only reason he and Betty couldn't be together, and she's not a reason any more. He wants to be with Betty.
More thunder.
Next week: Paternity tests for everyone!
Wil has a new bodyguard named Duane. (He's not Alexis's hit man - so much for my prediction.) He responds to commands like an obedient Rottweiler. He even grabs Betty, thinking she's a threat to Wil. Betty asks Wil for the Book (the final layout for the new issue) so Daniel can sign off on it, but Wil brushes her off (with some assistance from Duane). Marc won't give it up either - he tells Betty it's at Wil's place anyway. Betty finds Marc's copy of Wil's key in his desk drawer and swipes it!
Alexis can't remember anything from the last two years, but is happy with her "new" body. She can't stop squeezing her own boobs and giving Daniel a thumbs-up of approval. She's not so happy when she finds out from Fashion TV that her mother went to jail, broke out, and is now at large.
Dadford visits her in the hospital, vowing to Daniel that he'll tell her the truth about Claire and Wilhelmina. Instead, he makes nice with her and pretends to be happy about her sex change. He neglects to mention his engagement to Wil. Since she doesn't remember their feud, or the time Dadford had told Alex "if you get a sex change, you'll be dead to me," or any of the other bad stuff for that matter, she thinks they're okay. Daniel disapproves of the deception, but Dadford says he's grateful for this chance to correct his earlier mistakes. Daniel resolves to tell her the truth.
Henry shows up and tells Betty that even though he plans to go ahead with the whole fatherhood thing with Charlie in Tucson, he can't get a decent job there, so he's going to try to get his old job back so they'll have insurance. If that's okay with Betty, that is. Betty tries to play it cool and says sure, no problem. They can just be buddies. When she runs into him later, she yells, "Hey, Buddy!" and punches his arm so hard he nearly falls over.
Betty and Christina go to Wil's apartment (no burglar alarm) to steal the Book. Along the way, Betty complains loudly and bitterly about babies, offending passing mothers! She explains to Christina why she's not sure it's a good idea to tell Henry about Charlie and the dentist. She doesn't want to break up a family or add to the drama in her life.
At Wil's apartment, Christina wants to snoop and explore. She jokes about being in the vampire's lair and thinks they'll find a coat made out of Dalmation pelts. Betty quickly finds the Book, and then they hear Wil at the door - she's come home for an "afternoon delight" with Duane. (Betty is surprised to discover that that's what that song was about. So is Duane.) Christina and Betty hide under the bed through the entire ordeal. They escape as soon as Wil and Duane go into the shower (two hours later), but Betty leaves an ugly earring behind (she is always losing earrings), and Wil finds it.
Meanwhile, Justin is enjoying his first day as an official Mode intern. Marc begins his training by throwing a pencil and telling Justin to go get it. With this little game of fetch, I hereby reinstate Marc's nickname, "Fido." However, being somewhat attached to the boy (even if he is sorta mean to him), he gives Justin some decent tasks - like updating Wil's PDA and preparing for a photo shoot with Shakira. Justin throws himself into the job with so much enthusiasm, Fido begins feeling competitive.
It soon becomes obvious that Justin is the only competent intern. For example, one of the other interns brought straight drinking straws instead of the bendy ones Shakira's people had requested; Fido angrily demonstrates why this Just Won't Do. He says only one intern got his list of Shakira stuff right - Justin. He puts Justin in charge of the rest of the Shakira preparations.
Ignacio is going out of his mind with boredom in Mexico. Hilda tells him that she's been sorting through all of the things from Santos's apartment. She seems to love every last ugly, tacky item. Ignacio strongly discourages her from keeping everything because it won't make her feel any better. (Hilda eventually settles on a lamp that has a bowling pin for a base.) Realizing that the family is suffering as much as he is, and that a visa won't be coming soon, Ignacio gets desperate to take matters into his own hands. His sister reluctantly admits that she knows someone who might be able to help.
Amanda (who is already back to her regular weight, and awaiting the Dadford DNA test results) gets a visit from Fey's lawyer. Most of Fey's stuff was already sold, and the proceeds donated to charity. There's just one thing left - a hairless dog named Halston. Amanda balks, until the lawyer informs her that Halston's caretaker will get $1000 per week for the rest of that poor dog's life. Then she takes more of an interest. Later, Wil's assistant Nick comes by to tease Amanda. With his usual sparkling wit, he observes that the dog "smells like ass." The dog keels over. She takes him to the vet and finds out that it's very sickly and needs a lot of care - pills, ointments and the like.
Wil calls Fido and tells him to dig up some dirt on Betty. With Justin so eager to please, this takes so little time we don't even get to see it, but apparently he talks about his father's trouble getting out of Mexico. Later, Fido rewards Justin for his hard work (and also, secretly, for his help with the dirt) by giving him a pass to the Shakira photo shoot. Justin looks happy for a moment, then depressed. Fido encourages Justin to allow himself to feel happy. Later, Fido congratulates himself on doing a good deed - clearly he feels that he's a good mentor for Justin.
Wil summons Betty to the roof. I honestly don't know why Betty goes up there, given that Wil's not her boss and isn't trustworthy, but some people will do anything to recover an ugly earring. Up she goes to the roof, which for some reason is littered with mannequins wrapped in plastic. Despite the glaring sunshine, thunder roars ominously in the distance... no, it's Fido, shaking a piece of sheet metal.
Wil congratulates Betty on her resourcefulness. Betty reminds Wil that she's engaged to Bradford; Wil reminds Betty that her father is a US Senator who has the power to get visas for people who need them. If Betty keeps quiet, the Senator will pull some strings... but Betty has to decide by the end of the day.
Amanda and Fido conspire to get rid of the feeble dog. (Fie, Amanda! I now re-dub you "Fluffy.") Fido and Fluffy take Halston to the pound. Evidently, they don't know what happens to unwanted dogs there. Then Fluffy takes a long look into the dog's eyes and changes her mind... Halston knew Fey. He's all she has left of her mother. (Fine - she's Amanda again, but this is her last chance! Next time she's Fluffy, she stays Fluffy!)
Betty is exhausted. She dozes off in her chair and sees her father cooking at a stove in front of her desk. He's very unhappy with her for not taking Wil up on her offer. He plays the guilt card (I'm your father, look out for your family), curses himself for raising Betty right, and waves a plate of enchiladas at her. She reaches for them, and he mocks her.
Henry asks Christina if Betty is upset with him. Christina reminds him of all the different ways he's let Betty down, and says someone needs to tell him the truth about Charlie's baby.
Daniel brings a burger to Alexis, who is glad to be rid of the feeding tube. He wants to tell her about the stuff about Dadford and Alex, and Dadford and Claire, and Dadford and Wil, but Alexis interrupts to tell him how happy she is that Dadford accepts her as Alexis. And she still has questions about the accident. How did it happen? Was she was drunk? He tells her that a deer jumped out in front of them, and she swerved. She's thrilled to have saved a deer's life. Dadford shows up for unknown reasons and Alexis tells them both how lucky she feels to have them as her family.
On a quest for some special rice cakes for Shakira, Justin ducks into a convenience store, not realizing it's where Santos was killed. The owner tells Justin how brave Santos was, saving his life. "Your father was a hero." He raves, "I bet you're just like him." Justin sadly denies this.
Daniel is back at Mode. Betty wants to tell him about Wil and Duane so that he can get his father to dump Wil (or at least blackmail her into respecting his authority as editor-in-chief), but her phone rings. Ignacio tells her he's coming home. Betty warns him he could die in one of those trucks packed full of people. She begs him not to go. Betty says she'll talk to the lawyer again. Instead, she goes to Wil, who gloats that it's 4:58 - Betty was cutting it close.
At home, Hilda has Justin go through Santos's things. He picks out a basketball (I wish it had been a football instead, like what he didn't want to play with Santos last year when Daniel came over to decorate the Christmas tree) and goes outside to play with it. (I suppose it is easier to play alone with a basketball than with a football.)
Daniel confronts Wil about the discrepancies between what's in the Book and what he requested. She immediately agrees to fix it. On her way out, Wil casually mentions that Betty's father is coming home "on Thursday." Daniel thanks Betty for getting him the Book and tells her she's the only person around there he can trust. (Ow!)
Bradford is looking at some old family photos. He hides them when Wil shows up. She tells him that some big name is going to design his tuxedo for the wedding. He's not sure he wants such a big to-do with Alexis still in the hospital. Wil offers to scale the wedding back, but he wants to postpone it. Brad is worried about how Alexis will take the news about him marrying Wil. Wil is visibly perturbed that he and Alexis are on good terms again, and that Alexis is getting in the way. He notices that she seems touchy, but she insists that she's fine. The she goes up onto the roof and beheads some mannequins.
Now it's thundering in Queens for real. Hilda greets Betty at home with the exciting news about Ignacio getting his visa. She wants to plan a party - preferably with Ignacio as the cook!
Back in Guadalajara, there's a knock on the door. When Ignacio answers, a man comes in with a gun and backs him up against the wall.
In Queens, there's a knock on the door. (Betty brandishes Santos's bowling pin lamp.) It's Henry, distraught. Christina told him all about Charlie's skanky ways. He's now drinking straight out of a beer bottle that appears to contain mostly backwash, but he assures Betty that he drank some milk first to protect his stomach. (I don't think this works.) He says Charlie was the only reason he and Betty couldn't be together, and she's not a reason any more. He wants to be with Betty.
More thunder.
Next week: Paternity tests for everyone!
10/4/07: Great moments in Office episodes
Man, these hour-long shows are killing me! The sad thing is that I wish I had time to do Mad Men too!
- This is the day that will live in infamy... my heart soars with the eagle's nest. (Michael)
- Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us? (Pam)
- Pam is the office mattress. (Angela)
- His name is Garbage. (Dwight)
- Hello, Mr. Sonny Crockett. I'm Tubbs... You're a little man-boy. (Michael)
- You should call it Dunder-Mifflinfinity. (Andy)
- You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week. (Phyllis)
- That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans. (Michael)
- I am dating a lot of guys. Black guys, mostly. (Kelly)
- What is the actual deal with these things, in terms of testicles? (Michael)
- In November I'll be 30. (Creed)
- New ideas are fine, but they are also illegal. (Michael)
- Of course, he killed himself later, but I knew Mifflin through the Rotary club. (Dunder)
- Don't look in my eyes. Look right here - it's an old sales trick. (Dwight)
- It's funny you bring that up, because yes... I now find you repulsive. (Pam)
- FYI, I eventually aced second grade. (Michael)
- Gift baskets are the essence of class and fanciness. (Michael)
- He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like. (Andy)
- I'm gonna do some mockups, and then turn those into thumbnails. Maybe do some flash-frames. (Pam)
- I have a few of my own that I want someday. (Michael)
- Make a U-turn, if possible. (KITT v.2007)
- I guess he can't get any girl he wants. (Jim)
- A machine told me to drive into a lake, and I did it. (Michael)
- If they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. (Julie says: True, Ryan. They'd be giving you a swirlie, a purple nurple, and an atomic wedgie all at once... I would, anyway. No time for a noogie.)
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