At a staff meeting, Wil is going on and on about some "Mode is a family" drivel she's planning to put in this month's Letter From the Editor. Betty noisily falls off her chair, sending bagels and pastry flying everywhere, but only Marc reacts - apparently, the staff there are used to such disruptions by now. Betty points out (after politely raising her hand) that Daniel is still the editor. Wil insists that Daniel should not be bothered with such tasks while he's still in the hospital.
Wil has a new bodyguard named Duane. (He's not Alexis's hit man - so much for my prediction.) He responds to commands like an obedient Rottweiler. He even grabs Betty, thinking she's a threat to Wil. Betty asks Wil for the Book (the final layout for the new issue) so Daniel can sign off on it, but Wil brushes her off (with some assistance from Duane). Marc won't give it up either - he tells Betty it's at Wil's place anyway. Betty finds Marc's copy of Wil's key in his desk drawer and swipes it!
Alexis can't remember anything from the last two years, but is happy with her "new" body. She can't stop squeezing her own boobs and giving Daniel a thumbs-up of approval. She's not so happy when she finds out from Fashion TV that her mother went to jail, broke out, and is now at large.
Dadford visits her in the hospital, vowing to Daniel that he'll tell her the truth about Claire and Wilhelmina. Instead, he makes nice with her and pretends to be happy about her sex change. He neglects to mention his engagement to Wil. Since she doesn't remember their feud, or the time Dadford had told Alex "if you get a sex change, you'll be dead to me," or any of the other bad stuff for that matter, she thinks they're okay. Daniel disapproves of the deception, but Dadford says he's grateful for this chance to correct his earlier mistakes. Daniel resolves to tell her the truth.
Henry shows up and tells Betty that even though he plans to go ahead with the whole fatherhood thing with Charlie in Tucson, he can't get a decent job there, so he's going to try to get his old job back so they'll have insurance. If that's okay with Betty, that is. Betty tries to play it cool and says sure, no problem. They can just be buddies. When she runs into him later, she yells, "Hey, Buddy!" and punches his arm so hard he nearly falls over.
Betty and Christina go to Wil's apartment (no burglar alarm) to steal the Book. Along the way, Betty complains loudly and bitterly about babies, offending passing mothers! She explains to Christina why she's not sure it's a good idea to tell Henry about Charlie and the dentist. She doesn't want to break up a family or add to the drama in her life.
At Wil's apartment, Christina wants to snoop and explore. She jokes about being in the vampire's lair and thinks they'll find a coat made out of Dalmation pelts. Betty quickly finds the Book, and then they hear Wil at the door - she's come home for an "afternoon delight" with Duane. (Betty is surprised to discover that that's what that song was about. So is Duane.) Christina and Betty hide under the bed through the entire ordeal. They escape as soon as Wil and Duane go into the shower (two hours later), but Betty leaves an ugly earring behind (she is always losing earrings), and Wil finds it.
Meanwhile, Justin is enjoying his first day as an official Mode intern. Marc begins his training by throwing a pencil and telling Justin to go get it. With this little game of fetch, I hereby reinstate Marc's nickname, "Fido." However, being somewhat attached to the boy (even if he is sorta mean to him), he gives Justin some decent tasks - like updating Wil's PDA and preparing for a photo shoot with Shakira. Justin throws himself into the job with so much enthusiasm, Fido begins feeling competitive.
It soon becomes obvious that Justin is the only competent intern. For example, one of the other interns brought straight drinking straws instead of the bendy ones Shakira's people had requested; Fido angrily demonstrates why this Just Won't Do. He says only one intern got his list of Shakira stuff right - Justin. He puts Justin in charge of the rest of the Shakira preparations.
Ignacio is going out of his mind with boredom in Mexico. Hilda tells him that she's been sorting through all of the things from Santos's apartment. She seems to love every last ugly, tacky item. Ignacio strongly discourages her from keeping everything because it won't make her feel any better. (Hilda eventually settles on a lamp that has a bowling pin for a base.) Realizing that the family is suffering as much as he is, and that a visa won't be coming soon, Ignacio gets desperate to take matters into his own hands. His sister reluctantly admits that she knows someone who might be able to help.
Amanda (who is already back to her regular weight, and awaiting the Dadford DNA test results) gets a visit from Fey's lawyer. Most of Fey's stuff was already sold, and the proceeds donated to charity. There's just one thing left - a hairless dog named Halston. Amanda balks, until the lawyer informs her that Halston's caretaker will get $1000 per week for the rest of that poor dog's life. Then she takes more of an interest. Later, Wil's assistant Nick comes by to tease Amanda. With his usual sparkling wit, he observes that the dog "smells like ass." The dog keels over. She takes him to the vet and finds out that it's very sickly and needs a lot of care - pills, ointments and the like.
Wil calls Fido and tells him to dig up some dirt on Betty. With Justin so eager to please, this takes so little time we don't even get to see it, but apparently he talks about his father's trouble getting out of Mexico. Later, Fido rewards Justin for his hard work (and also, secretly, for his help with the dirt) by giving him a pass to the Shakira photo shoot. Justin looks happy for a moment, then depressed. Fido encourages Justin to allow himself to feel happy. Later, Fido congratulates himself on doing a good deed - clearly he feels that he's a good mentor for Justin.
Wil summons Betty to the roof. I honestly don't know why Betty goes up there, given that Wil's not her boss and isn't trustworthy, but some people will do anything to recover an ugly earring. Up she goes to the roof, which for some reason is littered with mannequins wrapped in plastic. Despite the glaring sunshine, thunder roars ominously in the distance... no, it's Fido, shaking a piece of sheet metal.
Wil congratulates Betty on her resourcefulness. Betty reminds Wil that she's engaged to Bradford; Wil reminds Betty that her father is a US Senator who has the power to get visas for people who need them. If Betty keeps quiet, the Senator will pull some strings... but Betty has to decide by the end of the day.
Amanda and Fido conspire to get rid of the feeble dog. (Fie, Amanda! I now re-dub you "Fluffy.") Fido and Fluffy take Halston to the pound. Evidently, they don't know what happens to unwanted dogs there. Then Fluffy takes a long look into the dog's eyes and changes her mind... Halston knew Fey. He's all she has left of her mother. (Fine - she's Amanda again, but this is her last chance! Next time she's Fluffy, she stays Fluffy!)
Betty is exhausted. She dozes off in her chair and sees her father cooking at a stove in front of her desk. He's very unhappy with her for not taking Wil up on her offer. He plays the guilt card (I'm your father, look out for your family), curses himself for raising Betty right, and waves a plate of enchiladas at her. She reaches for them, and he mocks her.
Henry asks Christina if Betty is upset with him. Christina reminds him of all the different ways he's let Betty down, and says someone needs to tell him the truth about Charlie's baby.
Daniel brings a burger to Alexis, who is glad to be rid of the feeding tube. He wants to tell her about the stuff about Dadford and Alex, and Dadford and Claire, and Dadford and Wil, but Alexis interrupts to tell him how happy she is that Dadford accepts her as Alexis. And she still has questions about the accident. How did it happen? Was she was drunk? He tells her that a deer jumped out in front of them, and she swerved. She's thrilled to have saved a deer's life. Dadford shows up for unknown reasons and Alexis tells them both how lucky she feels to have them as her family.
On a quest for some special rice cakes for Shakira, Justin ducks into a convenience store, not realizing it's where Santos was killed. The owner tells Justin how brave Santos was, saving his life. "Your father was a hero." He raves, "I bet you're just like him." Justin sadly denies this.
Daniel is back at Mode. Betty wants to tell him about Wil and Duane so that he can get his father to dump Wil (or at least blackmail her into respecting his authority as editor-in-chief), but her phone rings. Ignacio tells her he's coming home. Betty warns him he could die in one of those trucks packed full of people. She begs him not to go. Betty says she'll talk to the lawyer again. Instead, she goes to Wil, who gloats that it's 4:58 - Betty was cutting it close.
At home, Hilda has Justin go through Santos's things. He picks out a basketball (I wish it had been a football instead, like what he didn't want to play with Santos last year when Daniel came over to decorate the Christmas tree) and goes outside to play with it. (I suppose it is easier to play alone with a basketball than with a football.)
Daniel confronts Wil about the discrepancies between what's in the Book and what he requested. She immediately agrees to fix it. On her way out, Wil casually mentions that Betty's father is coming home "on Thursday." Daniel thanks Betty for getting him the Book and tells her she's the only person around there he can trust. (Ow!)
Bradford is looking at some old family photos. He hides them when Wil shows up. She tells him that some big name is going to design his tuxedo for the wedding. He's not sure he wants such a big to-do with Alexis still in the hospital. Wil offers to scale the wedding back, but he wants to postpone it. Brad is worried about how Alexis will take the news about him marrying Wil. Wil is visibly perturbed that he and Alexis are on good terms again, and that Alexis is getting in the way. He notices that she seems touchy, but she insists that she's fine. The she goes up onto the roof and beheads some mannequins.
Now it's thundering in Queens for real. Hilda greets Betty at home with the exciting news about Ignacio getting his visa. She wants to plan a party - preferably with Ignacio as the cook!
Back in Guadalajara, there's a knock on the door. When Ignacio answers, a man comes in with a gun and backs him up against the wall.
In Queens, there's a knock on the door. (Betty brandishes Santos's bowling pin lamp.) It's Henry, distraught. Christina told him all about Charlie's skanky ways. He's now drinking straight out of a beer bottle that appears to contain mostly backwash, but he assures Betty that he drank some milk first to protect his stomach. (I don't think this works.) He says Charlie was the only reason he and Betty couldn't be together, and she's not a reason any more. He wants to be with Betty.
More thunder.
Next week: Paternity tests for everyone!
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