Oct. 18, 2007 (2.4, aka #27): Ugly Willie

Betty's new writing instructor is a Pulitzer prize-winning author who is strangely bitter and hates every "most defining moment of your life" essay his students have read him so far. Betty applauds one of the stories, which earns her some extra contempt and a nickname of "Clappy" from the professor. Intimidated by this and the fact that Daniel was underwhelmed by the piece she wrote about spending prom night alone, she gets cold feet and decides not to submit that one. (Betty knows Daniel didn't like it because he gave her a thumbs-up and broad grin - a sure sign that he's fibbing.) Instead, she uses a story that someone else sent to Mode about being attacked by a bear while pregnant. (The class is called "Finding Your Voice.") Although the instructor seems impressed, Betty is tormented by guilt over her plagiarism, and her stuffed animals taunt and threaten her with glowing eyes in her dreams.

The professor says he loved the bear story so much, he submitted it to a magazine for publication. Betty tries very hard to back out gracefully and says they can't publish it because she works for Mode. The magazine editor is very pushy about it and tells Betty he can tell the baby she's expecting is a boy.

Soon the story's original author is waiting at Betty's desk. Daniel saves the day by telling the author that the mixup was his fault, and he's going to publish the story and pay her double for it. The author then happily plans a trip to Australia in hopes of being attacked by a shark.

Betty tries to explain herself to Daniel. (He is worried when he realizes that everyone knows his thumbs-up and big smile signals that he's lying.) He tells Betty he's not smart enough to have a worthwhile opinion, and it doesn't matter what he, or her professor, or anyone else thinks of her story, as long as she likes it and can learn from her mistakes.

Meanwhile, Justin has become surly around the house and is failing Algebra. Henry (whose nosy cubicle neighbor, Kenny, tells Betty he doesn't know the paternity test results yet) offers to tutor him, but the fashion-oriented lesson doesn't interest Justin.

Afterwards, Henry asks Ignacio about Betty, and Ignacio tells him to stick with the math. Later, Henry tells Betty what a disaster the tutoring was - he even referred to 9 as a prime number! But he's regrouped with a new lesson and wants to try again. When he gets to the house, though, he finds Justin making out with some neighborhood girl on the couch, drinking beer and listening to obnoxious loud music. When Henry protests, Justin yells "You're not my father!" and runs off. (The girl gives Henry a creepy smile.)

Henry tells Betty. He is panicked that he didn't know how to control the situation. He feels that he should instinctively know, because he's going to become a father. He's known for several days that the baby's his, but didn't want to tell Betty and crush all hope of a future with her. Betty sends him away.

Betty goes back to her writing class and tells them it's no good to pretend that things are different than they really are. She apologizes for lying about the bear story. Then she reads her original story about staying home on prom night. Her classmates giggle appreciatively; the instructor frowns slightly. The kid whose story Betty applauded smiles at her encouragingly.

Fido, Amanda, and Halston spoon on the bed in the Dungeon. (They make a cute picture!) Amanda says she's read Fey's diaries and still has no idea who her father is. Fido comes up with the clever idea to look through old Mode issues for photos of Fey with men from around the time Amanda was born. They don't find any men, but Halston whines and barks at one particular article. Inside, Amanda finds a picture of Fey with her homely assistant, Wanda.

Inspired, Amanda does a little image-manipulation on the picture and realizes that Wanda got a nose job and a makeover... she's Wilhelmina! (Halston squeaks his approval.) And Wil knows that Amanda knows because she was watching over Amanda's shoulder. She threatens to throw Amanda out the window.

Amanda explains that she's trying to find out who her father was. Wil replies, "Even if I wanted to express sympathy, I physically can't." However, she tells Amanda that Fey got together with somebody one night at Studio 54. Wil didn't get a good look, but she knows the man had a Tweetie Bird tattoo on his butt. Fey needed Wanda to keep the pregnancy secret, so she paid for her plastic surgery, and the supermodel Wilhelmina was born. Amanda thanks Wil and promises to keep her secret.

Later, Wil gives Amanda a copy of the guest list from that night's event. The list includes Ted Kennedy, Warren Beatty, and Ricardo Montalban... none of whom, I'm betting, have a Tweetie on their butts. But who knows.

Alexis is out of the hospital and having a hard time adapting to her born-again womanhood. Her initial clothing and makeup effort on her first day back in the office doesn't go well. She looks like a clown who doesn't know how buttons work. She also has trouble with the shoes. Amanda takes her to the restroom for a make-over (or in this case, a make-under). Then Daniel takes her to a staff meeting. Daniel has to remind Wil to move over and let Alexis sit down at the big table as co-editor.

Wil reminds them that she'll soon be leaving Mode to help run Meade Publications. She has named Sheila (the suck-uppy underling) as new creative director. When discussing possible choices for the next issue's cover, Alexis makes a fool of herself by recommending Anna Nicole Smith. "BAM!" she shouts triumphantly, holding up her hand for a high-five from Daniel. Humiliated, she runs to the mens' room to cry (with mascara running down her face).

Wil goes to see Brad, who is playing putt-putt in his office. He is surprised to hear that she was expecting a promotion. (She gets a hole in one, knocking his golf ball out of the way in the process.) He tells her she can have creative control over any magazine she likes... except for Mode. She has 22 other choices.

The next day, she and Fido (they jokingly call each other "William" and "Marcy") meet with each magazine's senior staffers to give them a chance to suck up and describe their publication to Wil. There's one for extreme sports, another one for fattening recipes, a girlie mag... we don't get to see the rest, but it's clear that Wil doesn't like any of them. She laments that she soon will have no place in the Meade publishing empire. Fido writhes on the floor and cries that they are doomed.

One of Mode's advertisers threatens to pull his 10 pages of advertising if Daniel doesn't fire the "man in a skirt." (He assures Daniel that everyone in their business has to make big sacrifices - he had to give up cocaine!) Alexis is horrified when she finds out, and storms out in a huff.

Wil decides to let the mag tank so that Brad will let her start her own fashion magazine. (She's got it all planned: It'll be called Slater. She's already created a mockup, with Wilhelmina on the cover.) Therefore, she encourages Daniel to tell this deep-pocketed sponsor to take a hike, which he gladly does. As a result, multiple other valuable sponsors threaten to pull out as well, fearing that Mode is in trouble.

Daniel finally admits to Alexis that his intoxication was the reason for their accident. Alexis forgives him and gives him a hug.

Next week

• Betty goes out on a date.
• Henry takes his shirt off. I frame-advanced through this three times just to make sure. Only not really, it turns out. It's Betty seeing Henry's head on another guy's body.
  
• Claire gets Wil in her crosshairs.
• Justin continues to follow in his father's footsteps.
• Henry won't give up on Betty.