Nov. 1, 2007 (2.6, aka #29): Boyfriends

Nov. 1, 2007 (2.6, aka #29): Boyfriends

Ignacio catches Betty trying to sneak out on a date with Henry (or, as far as Ignacio knows, a lonely trip to the movies). He shows her into the kitchen, where he has planned a surprise to celebrate Hilda's first week of working at the beauty salon. She tries to get out of it, but he lures her in with the temptation of carne asada. They surprise Hilda with balloons and a feast when she gets back from work; she's wearing a bright orange tank top with "FRESHLY SQUEEZED" emblazoned across the front. Justin wants to hear all about this salon, which is sometimes frequented by celebrities.

When they hear that Betty's going to the movies, they all want to pack up the dinner and come with. Betty gives in and agrees to stay. She steps outside to give Henry the bad news. He laments that no one will let Betty be "alone" with the pain of their alleged breakup; first Daniel, then Christina, now her family. Betty doesn't want anyone to know the truth, because she and Henry are "doing something really stupid."

Hilda approaches (loudly) with the news that "Papi unscrewed the good wine." Betty gives Henry a shove to hide. He topples over, evidently squashing a cat on the way down. That's how their "date" ends.

Betty approaches Christina the next day with a tortured hypothetical question about booze, donuts, and temptation. Henry crosses their path, and Christina realizes from their flustered reactions that Henry is Betty's hypothetical donut. Christina's wise opinion is that it's either crazy or hot. But mostly hot. She agrees to be Betty's alibi for their next date, so they can finally get some time to get busy - or as Christina says, so that Betty can bite her donut, and dunk him in her coffee, and... and then they take off in search of booze and donuts.

Bradford is in the office, lecturing Daniel on what he should have done to appease the guy from Atlantic Attire. It's too late now. He puts Alexis in charge of trying to get some mileage out of their contacts at Ralph Lauren.

Betty is texting an apology to Henry when she walks smack into Gio, the hot sandwich boy. Or should I say the sandwich hot boy. Whatever he is, he gives Betty a status report on the pursuit of his dream - he's rented a kiosk in the lobby to sell sandwiches (now as a self-employed sandwich boy rather than an employee... actually, I suppose that makes him a sandwich man). Betty finds his promotional flyer to be very bland and informative; she offers some imaginative alternatives (including something about hero sandwiches - she makes a muscle to demonstrate), but he's already paid for 500 copies of the current version.

Daniel tells Betty about the meeting with his father - how Bradford immediately put Alexis back in charge. (With perfect timing, Bradford and Alexis pass through, chatting and laughing.) Daniel says he has a plan, though, to save the place on his own. Apparently the first step is to call the sales people and ask for their leads. (Wow! Creative!) He tries to swagger away, but stubs his toe on the carpet.

Fido is bustling nervously about Wil's office, lighting aromatherapy candles. He tells Amanda it's a Code Fuschia - Wil's daughter Nico called. She's not coming to the wedding! Amanda bravely promises to stand by Fido no matter what. They hug. Then Wil comes in, braying "Someone's getting fired today." Amanda excuses herself and runs off!

Wil has been fasting for ten days and is too skinny for her wedding gown. (I hate Wil. A lot.) Vera Wang, the designer, told her there's not enough time to alter the gown to fit, because of the boning. (Hehheh. She said boning.) Wil is angrily unwrapping something as she speaks. Fido is horrified to realize that it's a great big grinder (or as everyone else calls them, a hero, or a sub). Wil needs to gain six pounds by Saturday. She watches enviously as Betty walks buy with a sandwich in one hand and a soda in the other.

She pauses, sniffing the air. She smells something. It is the smell of fear! She asks Fido what he's done wrong. He says that Nico got bitten by her pet monkey and is in quarantine, and therefore can't go to the wedding. Wil pretends not to care, and asks Fido to fetch her two of whatever Betty's having for lunch.

Betty visits Henry in his cube and "drops" some paperwork to give both of them an excuse to get under his desk for a chat. She proposes that they have a real date tonight - see Wicked as they had originally planned last year, and then afterward, "the date could continue," she hints. In his gentlemanly excitement, Henry bumps his head on the desk. Then Daniel finds them, and Betty bumps her head too.

Betty tries to convince Daniel that they always sign his paperwork under Henry's desk, for privacy. For some reason, Daniel doesn't buy this explanation. He chews her out, remembering how heartbroken she was when he had to leave before. He says that if she is dating Henry, he'll consider firing him. He says Betty butts into his life all the time because she cares for him, and now he's doing the same for her.

Fido is warning Amanda that Wil is on a rampage and might try to eat Halston when Cliff shows up. Fido panics and throws something. Halston leaps out of Amanda's arms and runs down the hallway; Amanda chases after him. Fido casually addresses Cliff as "bud" and denies that the woman he was just talking to was his friend Amanda. As Fido frantically drags Cliff to the elevator for privacy, Cliff complains that they always eat at either his place or Fido's, but never in any of NY's many fine restaurants. Fido claims it's because of all the lights and people. Cliff asks if Fido's embarrassed to be seen with him. Fido denies this as he presses the elevator button for the umpteenth time. Cliff says good, then they're going to a restaurant at 8. He leans in for a kiss, but the elevator door opens and Fido pulls back, ostensibly to let someone off the elevator. He makes a dumb crack about the homophobic fashion world, shakes Cliff's hand, and takes off.

Betty tries to get tickets to the show, but it's sold out. She tries to appeal to the ticket seller's sense of romance; Daniel overhears her and is suspicious. Betty blurts out that she's not dating Henry, she's dating "that guy." She points, and I'm not sure if she realizes right away that she's pointing at Gio, because his back's turned. But then he sees her and makes a muscle at her. She makes a muscle back at him.

Now Wil is upset about the party favors for the reception. The chocolate hearts were supposed to be packed one dark chocolate and one white chocolate per box; some idiot has boxed two of a kind in each box, segregating them. She wants to take the rest of the planning into her own hands. Fido eagerly offers to stay and help her this evening. She rewards him by throwing one of the chocolates at him; he catches it in his mouth. Then he calls Cliff to cancel their plans because his mean chocolate-pushing boss is making him work late.

Daniel brings Betty a sandwich and demands that she inspect it for flaws. Amazingly, she refuses, but offers to get him another one. Impatiently, he takes the bun off the sandwich, and underneath is a promotional card for Wicked. It turns out that Mode can get house seats to just about any show; Amanda can hook them up. To complicate matters, however, he's given the tickets to Gio.

Gio teases her mercilessly about what a gentle lover he is, and how disappointed that she's two-timing him with Henry, aka "Egg Salad on White." He gives her one ticket in exchange for a lot of information about their relationship; he agrees with Daniel, that she's being stupid. He keeps the other ticket, supposedly in case Daniel checks, but mostly just to mess with Betty. "I'm not gonna go with YOU," she whines loudly. She gives him her ticket and tells him his happy-face pickle flyer is "bad." He mocks her choice of words (as well he should, since "sad" would have been much better), and she tells him to suck it.

Betty is then forced to turn to Amanda for another pair of tickets. She starts by telling Amanda her sweater is nice. Amanda makes as if to reciprocate, but gives up after giving Betty a critical up-and-down look. She lets Betty have the tickets, in exchange for which Betty will walk Halston every day for a month, possibly in her bathing suit.

Daniel meets with some Prada people to sell them some ads. We don't see how it goes, but he tells his photographer friend Becks (where the hell has he been for all these weeks?) that he blew it. Becks reviews the list of sales leads and picks one out - Sandra Winthrop (Marlo Thomas!!), who owns a jewelry company. He tells Daniel she's over 50, but foxy. He'll have to seduce her to get her to advertise with Mode.

Justin and some drama club friends are looking at his collection of vintage playbills. (Yes, Justin's back to normal - no more leather jacket, no more surly attitude.) One of the friends says that his father saw Hilda at her job. At a beauty parlor? Nope - at a place called Headlights. "It's like Hooters, but not as classy," the other friend explains. The first friend shows Justin the video he took on his phone. Justin and the other friend are horrified.

Justin waits for his mother to get home. He tells her he heard that Madonna went to Hilda's salon today. Hilda casually agrees, saying yeah, she wouldn't shut up about Kabbalah stuff. Having caught her in a lie, Justin confronts her with the evidence on his friend's phone. She admits that she offered some "constructive suggestions" to one of the more experienced stylists, which got her fired. She's been lying about it because the family supported her and put up balloons. She needed the money more than she needed to follow her dreams.

Betty and Henry show up for "Wicked" and their very first date. So do Gio and his preteen sister Antonella, who maks snotty comments about Betty's braces and Henry's egg salad habit. They sort out their tickets, but then Daniel shows up with Sandra Winthrop, who openly gloats about being wooed by Daniel. Great news - they have adjacent seats! Henry and Gio are forced to switch "dates" so that Daniel won't fire Henry. Henry and Antonella end up sitting a little further away.

The show begins. I've read the novel, but the musical isn't much like the book, which was very dark and serious. Betty and Henry text one another and signal to each other with coughs and sneezes, until Gio threatens to gag. (For what it costs to go to one of these things, I think someone ought to confiscate their phones, because even a vibrating phone is pretty loud in a theater, and the bright display is distracting.) Gio catches Daniel putting the moves on Sandra, and brings it to Betty's attention. Betty scolds him for it. (Gio shushes her loudly.) Daniel replies that the only thing he's good at selling is himself. (I hope I NEVER have to sit near any of these gabby, phone-buzzy people in a theater!) Gio complains that he missed the song.

Just to make trouble, Gio puts some moves on Betty too. Betty doesn't like it, but when Daniel glances at them, she pretends to enjoy it. Gio teases her about giving mixed signals. Bratty Antonella tattles to Henry, who whips out his phone to text a demand to meet in the lobby.

Meanwhile, Fido is briefing Wil on her wedding day schedule while Wil walks around with a large chicken (or small turkey) drumstick in her hand. (Or, knowing Wil, it really could be a Halston leg, I suppose.) Cliff shows up with "steak for two" from a restaurant. Wil, who doesn't recognize Cliff as one of Mode's own photographers, tells Fido to tip him $5 because he needs a haircut. She takes off with the food. Fido tells Cliff that Wil doesn't give dinner breaks to white people because she's still upset about slavery.

Amanda shows up, moaning over some Kate Moss pictures and claiming she'd do her. Cliff says he took those pictures, and if he were a girl he'd do Kate Moss too. He insists that Fido introduce them. Fido does so very reluctantly... as his "friend." Cliff gets offended. ("I don't think he's your friend," Amanda whispers to Fido.) Cliff explains that he WAS Fido's boyfriend... but he has self respect. And Fido's pathetic. Cliff dumps him and leaves.

Amazed, Amanda drags Fido into the bathroom and asks about Cliff. "He looks like he ate your type," she says. Fido says Cliff is sweet, and he wrote Fido a poem, and got some hot celebrity to call him up, and makes a puppet named Mr. Gutley out of his belly-button.

Amanda is weirded-out by this side of Fido. So is Fido. He says he doesn't want to "end up sad and alone like Wilhelmina." He scoffs at Nico's monkey-bite excuse and how Wil's marrying for money. A toilet flushes, Wil comes out of a stall, and walkis past them to wash her hands. She says nothing. Fido tries to ply her with pork rinds, but she refuses them. She admits that she was hoping Nico would change her mind about being maid of honor, but it's not true that she's alone, citing "hundreds of backstabbing, two-faced, superficial friends" of whom any would gladly be her MOH. She starts dialing. She also asks Fido to bring a date so that he doesn't "end up sad and alone." Fido calls Cliff and admits he screwed up.

Betty and Henry argue in the lobby. She again throws Charlie's pregnancy in his face. Henry points out that she's not the only one who will have a broken heart when he goes back to Arizona. He stalks off and goes back to the show. And now, as Elphaba sings a song of unrequited love, insecurity, and crushed dreams, a montage:

Betty wanders around the empty lobby, looking around at nothing, just being sad.
Henry keeps looking behind him to see if she's coming back.
Daniel looks at Betty's empty seat, then at Sandra.
Gio looks at Elphaba. Go figure.
Wil looks at steak or chocolate souffle, but doesn't eat it. Then she looks at her engagement photo with Bradford.
Hilda puts on a jacket over her truly appalling Headlights shirt.

As the song ends, Henry comes back to Betty in the lobby. They are about to make up when Daniel and Sandra pass through; Henry and Betty look for a place to smooch in private.

Daniel and Sandra search for something similar. They end up in a coatroom. Daniel just happens to see Betty's coat; when he points it out, Sandra tells him to give her a raise. Daniel's mood changes, and he says he can't seduce her just to get her to advertise. She says she wants him to seduce her because he has a nice ass. He tries to close the deal without sex. He explains that she can gain back some of the revenue she's been missing lately by advertising to a younger audience. She says she'll have her ad man call him tomorrow. He suggests that they go out and "celebrate." She turns him down, because she's turned off by smart guys. (Smart? Hah. If only she knew.) They go back to the show.

In their quest for a private smooching spot, Betty and Henry end up backstage and can't find their way out. They don't realize that the platform they're standing on (and making out on) is meant to be hoisted out over the stage until it's too late. As soap bubbles float all around them, everyone in the theater sees them together, including the actors on the stage - and Daniel.

They get thrown out of backstage. Betty needs to go back for her things; she runs into Daniel. He gives her hell for lying to him and seeing Henry. She insists that it's her heart to break if she wants to. Daniel tells her she's being stupid. (Two words, Daniel: Salma Hayek.) She finds Henry outside and tells him, yet again, "I don't think I can do this." At least not tonight.

She talks things over with Hilda, who tells Betty that if the most happiness they're going to have together is five months, then what's stupid is spending time with Hilda instead of with Henry. If she could have one more minute with Santos, she wouldn't turn that down just because she knew it would hurt when it was over. (They agree not to tell Ignacio.)

Justin and Ignacio call Hilda into the kitchen for a talk. She is not happy that Justin told their father about her job at Headlights. Instead of giving her a lecture, however, they give her a professional-style bonnet hair dryer. Ignacio contributed money from some unknown source, and Justin sold his playbills. (And yet, they couldn't raise any money for a lawyer last year? Interesting...) They want her to open a salon called "The Sweet Hair-After" (Betty came up with the name) on their porch, and Ignacio is going to serve coffee cakes. (I don't see how this can possibly work out, what with zoning laws and such. Not to mention winter.) They say she should try being her own boss; if worst comes to worst, she can fire herself. (Come to think of it, she did pretty well for herself selling Herbalux.)

Betty hurries to Henry's place. He is glad to see her. She takes his hand, and they kiss, and then they go into his apartment and close the door.

---

Next time:
The wedding, with special guest Victoria Beckham. Betty objects. Daniel's still mad.

The Writers Guild of America has voted to go on strike. It's much too early to predict what effect, if any, this will have on Ugly Betty. They should have at least a few episodes in the can, but if the strike drags out, we might be watching reruns for a while after the new episodes run out.